Oy...

[EricM]

So, assuming you're in the correct forum, you should be a young single adult. And as a young single adult, you will/are have/having issues with dating. There's no dodging it. Thus, I figured I'd make a topic for bringing up minor issues and questions involving dating, as well as a place to vent about uncertainties/dilemmas/drama that goes on in the dating world.

Some questions to kick things off: What problems are you having or have you had while dating? What have you learned thus far about the dating scene? For the older audience: what advice do you offer to those who are still participating in the dating game?

[avatar4321]

getting the girl to agree to the date.

[CourtneyP]

Although I am now married, I can remember being in the single boat. And one of the problems I had was guys getting way too attached immediately. My first date with an LDS boy named Steven went very well. We went to a movie and then took a walk around the mall. No hand holding or kissing or hugging or anything physical. It was merely a movie and conversation getting to know one another. Well a few days later EVERYONE believed that we were an official couple. His grandmother even asked me about it one day. I mean holy moly, it was a one time date, not a marriage proposal!

[ztodd]

Have fun! That's all. Don't take yourself too seriously.

[avatar4321]

Although I am now married, I can remember being in the single boat. And one of the problems I had was guys getting way too attached immediately. My first date with an LDS boy named Steven went very well. We went to a movie and then took a walk around the mall. No hand holding or kissing or hugging or anything physical. It was merely a movie and conversation getting to know one another. Well a few days later EVERYONE believed that we were an official couple. His grandmother even asked me about it one day. I mean holy moly, it was a one time date, not a marriage proposal!

doesnt sound like it was the guy taking it seriously, just everyone else.

[CourtneyP]

doesnt sound like it was the guy taking it seriously, just everyone else.

Oh, I must have left out the fact that he had told everyone that we were official when we were not.

[emeliza]

Biggest problem....living in an area with not too many other LDS singles....in my age range. I am at the end of the YSA's so the younger SA's would be better.....but if there are any around, they aren't active or at least active in either YSA or SA stuff.

[cherisalorraine]

My problem is trying to get a divorce from my current husband. We were not sealed in the temple but I am still married. . I would like to get a move on with finding the right person for the rest of my life but I also go to a branch with very few men to choose from. The only single men in the branch are the missionaries.lol and they dont seem to be interested in a woman with 2 kids and that is 4 and 6 years older than the two of them. Oh well I guess being single can be good also! Maybe after I get baptized I will find the person Heavenly father has picked for me.

[emeliza]

The only single men in the branch are the missionaries.lol and they dont seem to be interested in a woman with 2 kids and that is 4 and 6 years older than the two of them.

Nor are they suppose to be since you know....they are forbidden from dating while on their mission.

[Guest AutumnBreez]

Oh well I guess being single can be good also! Maybe after I get baptized I will find the person Heavenly father has picked for me.

That sounds like the right idea and attitude....You waiting to be baptized and have the Spirit with you when you pick, this may ensure that you pick more wisely and have higher expectations of the next and last life partner.

Remember either way, single or married, to endure to the end!

[The Nehor]

Finding a girl I want to ask out.

[SMG]

My problem is two-fold:

1) Working up enough energy to even care about dating again.

2) To say that I am "extremely distrustful of men" is an understatement. I'm still hurting over a broken engagement (to a non-member, long story).

[Justlikeyou]

My problem is trying to get a divorce from my current husband. We were not sealed in the temple but I am still married. . I would like to get a move on with finding the right person for the rest of my life but I also go to a branch with very few men to choose from. The only single men in the branch are the missionaries.lol and they dont seem to be interested in a woman with 2 kids and that is 4 and 6 years older than the two of them. Oh well I guess being single can be good also! Maybe after I get baptized I will find the person Heavenly father has picked for me.

Hi, may I suggest that you find love at single activities, rather than your ward.

Even if you actual see someone you like. You migh have to date a few frogs before you meet your prince.

I wish you the best. Moms have special needs and the next man you meet must be emotionally mature enough to understand you..

[Justlikeyou]

Finding a girl I want to ask out.

There are plenty of girls, you just need courage and an ounce of confidence.

[Justlikeyou]

So, assuming you're in the correct forum, you should be a young single adult. And as a young single adult, you will/are have/having issues with dating. There's no dodging it. Thus, I figured I'd make a topic for bringing up minor issues and questions involving dating, as well as a place to vent about uncertainties/dilemmas/drama that goes on in the dating world.

Some questions to kick things off: What problems are you having or have you had while dating? What have you learned thus far about the dating scene? For the older audience: what advice do you offer to those who are still participating in the dating game?

I'm married already. And the most important is Chemistry.

I was engaged to a man that would have been the perfect LDS companion. Everything about him was perfect.

But no chemistry. I cried to think I would be married to someone I didn't feel like kissing.

Then, one day I saw my husband. He had just come out of the men's room and his zipper was open. No skin showing, okay.

I had to tell him. I felt no embarrasment, I felt I knew him... I knew he would be my husband. I just went up to him and said, " Hi, Honey, your fly is open"

He turned to me and gave me a smile that said, " Hi again" it was so right. The Chemistry. The love. It was

instant. We have been married for 15 yrs. And the Chemistry has kept us together through the tough times

all marriages go through. If you have nothing left, Chemistry will keep you together.

Hey, telling my story was fun...

[~Sarah~]

I just didn't like the YSA scene at all. Everybody is too concerned with marriage. Most of the guys there wanted to find someone to marry, none of them wanted to just wanted to hang out and be friends. Well the first one I found that did, I married

[Doctor Steuss]

The inevitable, "Where did you go on your mission" question followed by the long pause and discomfort of how to answer (especially when it's asked by their parents).

Option #1: Keep it simple ("I didn't go on one").

Option #2: Keep it simple, but give a reason why I didn't go ("The First Presidency sent a letter to my Stake President saying I wasn't to go").

Option #3: Go into detail and pretty much ruin any chance of a second date.

[SMG]

The inevitable, "Where did you go on your mission" question followed by the long pause and discomfort of how to answer (especially when it's asked by their parents).

Option #1: Keep it simple ("I didn't go on one").

Option #2: Keep it simple, but give a reason why I didn't go ("The First Presidency sent a letter to my Stake President saying I wasn't to go").

Option #3: Go into detail and pretty much ruin any chance of a second date.

Ouch! That's harsh! My brother didn't go on a mission either, due to health reasons. I get so ticked off at people who, knowingly or not, make some men feel as if they are second rate just because they didn't go on a mission. Because of that, my brother has only dated outside of the church since then because non-member women seem to be much, much more forgiving over not serving a mission!

[Doctor Steuss]

Ouch! That's harsh! My brother didn't go on a mission either, due to health reasons. I get so ticked off at people who, knowingly or not, make some men feel as if they are second rate just because they didn't go on a mission.

I especially notice it when I attend the singles ward. I know that it isn’t intentional, but when every single guy opens his testimony, or his sacrament talk with where he went on his mission, it can leave those of us who were denied due to reasons beyond our control feeling inferior. Tack on top of that the fact that when you say you didn’t go on a mission (or that you weren’t allowed to go) people tend to assume the reason had to be some hardcore sinning action.

I hope your brother is doing well in regards to his health.

Because of that, my brother has only dated outside of the church since then because non-member women seem to be much, much more forgiving over not serving a mission!

The few LDS women I’ve dated have been converts. For the most part I date non-LDS girls. I’m more-so to blame though, as I’m a bit rough around the edges.

-Stu

[Iggy]

Personally I don't feel that being a RM is a good recommendation for spouse material.

These are the attributes I looked for- (am married now, and they are still important in my husband)

• Being active in the Church - more than just going on Sunday
• Holding a valid Temple Recommend and USING IT frequently
• Not insecure in his own self and able to openly tear up and cry when so moved by the Spirit.
• Living so that the Holy Ghost is with him always
• Have a clean sense of humor
• Patience
• Children like him
• Animals like him
• Have table manners that I can live with
• Has morals and standards that are constant and in harmony with the teachings of the Church.
• When he says yes to something, he does it. When he says no, he doesn't falter and back away.
• Loves his parents
• Loves himself
• Loves the Lord and His gospel

Not necessarily in that order either, but has ALL of those attributes.

I have met too many RM's, both in person and on forums who were not worth spit. Way too many had left the Church, blaming the Church for their not having a testimony.

I have seen too many of these RM ruin others lives as a result of them leaving the Church. Because they were RM, so many others feel that what they say and do holds credence. Well it doesn't- so what if they are RM. It doesn't matter whether they returned honorably or not. It doesn't matter how many baptisms they did either on their mission. What matters is how many people they affect every day of their lives. Just the same as how many people WE are going to affect every day of our lives.

I have also met many more members who never went on a 'mission' who are true missionaries just by the way they live their lives, love the Lord and love others. They are truly Member Missionaries.

I am a Return Inactive member- do I get Brownie Points for that!!!

Just remember that WE are all Active Missionaries every hour of every day. Act accordingly.

[SMG]

AMEN, sister Iggy!!!!!!

[Taryn]

Well my recent problem was, i went out with a guy. He was nice and fun to be around, but I could tell that I didnt want things to get very serious between us and I didnt want our relationship to go any further than friendship. I worried for a while how I was gonna let him know that that was how i felt without making things akward between us. Well he showed no sign that he like me any more than a friend so i just enjoined the "date" thinking for sure that we were on the same page. This was confirmed in my mind when he never made any move to kiss me or hold my hand or anything like that the entire time, he wasnt even flirtatious. Turns out he REALLY liked me, I was so shocked and he felt bad. So i feel bad for making him feel bad, but i wasnt prepared had he let me know before hand i wouldnt have had a completely shocked and suprised look on my face and i could have let him down a little easier. So i would say to you guys out there if you like a girl at least let her know in some way. I am not saying you need to kiss her or anything but hint at it so she is prepared. That way when you decide to tell her a week later you dont knock her flat on the ground with surprise.

[Taryn]

Personally I don't feel that being a RM is a good recommendation for spouse material.

These are the attributes I looked for- (am married now, and they are still important in my husband)

• Being active in the Church - more than just going on Sunday
• Holding a valid Temple Recommend and USING IT frequently
• Not insecure in his own self and able to openly tear up and cry when so moved by the Spirit.
• Living so that the Holy Ghost is with him always
• Have a clean sense of humor
• Patience
• Children like him
• Animals like him
• Have table manners that I can live with
• Has morals and standards that are constant and in harmony with the teachings of the Church.
• When he says yes to something, he does it. When he says no, he doesn't falter and back away.
• Loves his parents
• Loves himself
• Loves the Lord and His gospel

Not necessarily in that order either, but has ALL of those attributes.

I have met too many RM's, both in person and on forums who were not worth spit. Way too many had left the Church, blaming the Church for their not having a testimony.

I have seen too many of these RM ruin others lives as a result of them leaving the Church. Because they were RM, so many others feel that what they say and do holds credence. Well it doesn't- so what if they are RM. It doesn't matter whether they returned honorably or not. It doesn't matter how many baptisms they did either on their mission. What matters is how many people they affect every day of their lives. Just the same as how many people WE are going to affect every day of our lives.

I have also met many more members who never went on a 'mission' who are true missionaries just by the way they live their lives, love the Lord and love others. They are truly Member Missionaries.

I am a Return Inactive member- do I get Brownie Points for that!!!

Just remember that WE are all Active Missionaries every hour of every day. Act accordingly.

For the most part i agree with you Iggy, but i do think it matters whether they return honorably or not. I think serving a good and honorable mission (which has nothing to do with the number of baptisms like you said) says alot about a person.

[P-Worm]

For me, the hardest part is meeting people. In my major at my school, I'm in a graduating class of about 120 students. 4 of them are women and they're attached. As for work, I have my own business doing wedding videos. I can't really hit on my clients unless I am willing not to work anymore!

Seriously, where am I supposed to meet people? I've actually talked about this with friends and family and no one seems to have a good answer.

Oh well, c'est la vie.

P-Worm

[MikeUpton]

I'm a young old man, so I guess I'm supposed to contribute to advice. My advice is,

Confidence:

Men, stop putting yourself down in front of women. And stop putting yourself down in front of yourself. Its good to be humble, but humility is not a lack of confidence. Be ready to laugh at your own stupid behavior. Seriously, girls are attracted to guys when they screw up, but handle it with dignity. Some people think if you screw up in front of somebody it blows your chances, but the opposite is true, at least in my experience. Its an opportunity for attraction.

Don't worship:

Love is good, but don't worship. Don't think your date or interest or significant other or is better than you in any way. Remember that behavior is actually inappropriate, we're all sons and daughters of the same almighty God. You are royalty. Love is not worship. Respect is not worship. Worship God and love your mate. Treat them as an equal, not an idol. Remember that song "She's So High" by LDS artist Tal Bachman? Its cute, but its BS.

Respect:

All of that is true but don't take it to mean you don't respect the people you date. Treat others with compassion. I hear so much stuff about how women go for "jerks", and yes a lot often do, but in reality this is an oversimplification. Its far more attractive (and spiritually healthy) to simply bring others up to your level instead of putting them down.

Just remain confident while you do it.

Love:

Don't fall in love with a person before you know them.

Worry:

Do your best to have fun and get to know them, but don't force the love part. Let it come naturally. Let it be a mutual thing. Don't worry about whether the other person is in love with you. Really, the less worrying the better. :) Don't worry about what they're thinking of you, don't worry about what they might think of you in the future, just plain stop trying to read their minds at all. Its pointless. You're not Ms. Cleo.

Know what you want:

Meet a lot of people. Do your best to see your likes and dislikes.

Follow the prophets. They know the way:

KEEP THE COMMANDMENTS! Also read what the prophets have said on the subject, they have loads of good advice.

LDS.org - Search

Now I need to start an "old single adults thread" where I can ask for advice!