digitalbath Posted February 10, 2008 Report Posted February 10, 2008 :zorro: hi peeps. digitalbath here. my friend Squezy from ldschat.com told me to come over here while they fix the chatroom over there. I am mormon, but have been inactive for about 13 years now...why inactive ???...well long story...do you have 4 days ??? lol..the short version ???...ok... i did not go on mission and got some much crap for not going and was treated like an outcast for not going on a mission has left me very bitter towards the members. i am still a very spiritual person. The lord knows why i have not been back to church. so if i am to judged by him then so be it. i am good person and i think i should be judged from what i do on this earth. I preffer seeing non-lds girls for a date. some how it is just easier for me. the reason for this is that most mormon girls are preprogrammed to marry a return misionary and because of me not going on mission just pretty much narrows my mormon woman marrying kind to almost nothing. i know this sounds worse than it is , but it is the truth. some will say that there are many that don't care if a guy goes on a mission or not but I know for a fact this is not true from my own experiences in the church. having said all this i hope to have not upset anyone in this message board. You must see where i am coming from on my side of all this. anyhow...thanks for your time. for a good laugh I am always asking members if i can be married in the afterlife ??? still asking because I have a very bad feeling i will not be married or find the right girl for me. feeling so helpless it's almost sickenning. later bye, poof... Quote
SmilingRedhead Posted February 10, 2008 Report Posted February 10, 2008 Hi there! :) Good to hear your story and welcome. Although I married a RM, my sister didn't and my brother is not a RM but they are both married. :) And anyways, just because you go on a mission it doesn't mean that you are more special or more spiritual than people who haven't been on a mission. I know and have heard of plenty of guys who went on missions without being truly worthy to go and whilst they were on their mission they were not 'good boys' either. And then you have guys who haven't been on missions who are very strong in the church and they hold very high standards and marry in the temple... So the 'RM label' is not a guarantee for 'quality'. What matters is what kind of person you are now, how you are developing, whether you are keeping the Lord's commandments etc etc... Although I'm in no way advocating not to go on a mission (for some it was the best thing they ever did and we are urged to be missionaries) I am saying that just because you don't go on a mission it doesn't mean there is no hope for you to ever get married! There's always hope - perhaps you just need to look elsewhere... like a different country perhaps. (I'm from England and I know plenty of single girls here...lol) :) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this site as much as I do! :) Quote
digitalbath Posted February 10, 2008 Author Report Posted February 10, 2008 Hi Redhead. thank you for your response, but the title "RM" has many more advantages for getting married to a mormon girl. i would agree with you on certain RM's are better than others. I was not forced to go on a mission. my father and brother went on missions. my parents let me decide. i think they already knew i did not want to go and could not force me to go either. send me your single girls from England now lol. i have a sister in England now. we chat later I am off to a late dinner Ciao. Quote
Argentina84 Posted February 10, 2008 Report Posted February 10, 2008 One of my brothers didn't go on a mission, and he was also put aside but some members. Fortunately, that hasn't affected him. I hope you will get married some day if you want to. Wish you the best of lucks! Quote
WillowTheWhisp Posted February 10, 2008 Report Posted February 10, 2008 It's very sad that people should treat you that way because you didn't go on a mission. Your reasons for not doing so are between you and Heavenly Father and nothing to do with anyone else. Don't let people upset you and keep you away from the blessings you could enjoy in the church. I know loads of people who haven't married a RM. The best I pray for my daughters is that they marry an active priesthood holder. I've known some pretty unspiritual missionaries and one RM who is currently inactive so going on a mission doesn't automatically make someone a 'better catch'Anyway it's a bit sexist these days for a girl who hasn't served a mission to expect to marry a boy who has! Quote
platinum Posted February 10, 2008 Report Posted February 10, 2008 hi digitalbath, Redhead is right about the English women. We are not brought up to expect an RM as most of the males here are converts. Just being an RM is not necessarily a guarantee that he is a good guy. My daughter married a RM in Utah, he turned out not to be what she thought. So I would say that it's the people in your ward who need to repent if they have given you a hard time for not going on a mission. Jesus told us to love one another and you are right we will be judged for what we do here, so just do your best and find yourself a ward with good lds people who don't judge. Come to England I am sure you would be more than welcome, LOL. take care Quote
BenRaines Posted February 11, 2008 Report Posted February 11, 2008 I am the only one, of four sons, who went on a mission. Two of the other ones are active in the church. My one brother married when he was 19 and his wife 17. They have been married over 30 years, he has served in many different callings, he has three children, all married in the temple. We can always find a reason to not be able to do something. It is those who against all odds do what is right no matter what that I enjoy being around. :) Quote
Maya Posted February 12, 2008 Report Posted February 12, 2008 I can well understand your feelings...and the others too... Before it was like if you did not go there was something wrong with the person or the testimony of the person. Many felt dissapointed and ...let down asthey ahd buils their hopes on you ...BUT hey that is not the end of the world... nowadays NOT everyone is any more allowed to go on mission... so there will be MANY more that wont go. My best frend has 3 boys only one went... the oldest is a bit sorry he did not,but he was inactive at the time ... well he can do it later... the youngest... it was good for him to be home... it would have been a bit too much for him I am afraid. Anyway I hope you can forgive those that look down at you, it really isn THEIR problem NOT yours. I wish you strength so you can go to church and hols your head up high...and take a girl that is not LDS with you... Good looks in everyones heart, but then again you know where you should be... to serve Him best! Quote
digitalbath Posted February 14, 2008 Author Report Posted February 14, 2008 i still have that dilema still. A lot of people just say move on , but its just not that easy. i am 46 years old and have you seen the singles in my area ???? yikes.... Quote
Moksha Posted February 15, 2008 Report Posted February 15, 2008 Don't worry about that RM stuff, as women get older and wiser, I think they look for internal qualities that will make for a compatible marriage. Elphaba had a great list that maybe someone can provide a link to it... Either that or move to England. Quote
Maya Posted February 15, 2008 Report Posted February 15, 2008 Yikes.... I understand! It can be really... yikes.... Well the girls feel the same... You just might get lucky if you look a bit around. Visit an other country, an other over 40s get to gether. Unfortunately devorces accure all around now a days and leave your aged people dissapointed and alone looking for someone. I was there at the age of 38,with two kids .... boy did that look impossible to find someone.... met my husband in a scandinavian churchactivity, he was 47. To tell you the truth after my first marriage (which was more of curiosity and well everybody else is getting married type) I had no idea someone could EVER be somuch in love.... That is soon 20 years ago. And I still love him... He stil claims he loves me... yesterday I got a valentines flower from him... Yet I have reasonable doubts about our placements in the eternity.... My comfort in times is: Mosia 4:4 and Alma 34 What ever happens I am sure where ever we end up to it will be so good it is beyond our wildest imagination! Quote
digitalbath Posted February 15, 2008 Author Report Posted February 15, 2008 well i can understand your story. there might be hope after all. just have not been to a church activity in 13 years is all. not sure if i can handle it. Quote
digitalbath Posted February 15, 2008 Author Report Posted February 15, 2008 Moksha, I would like to move to England but having to pay for socialized medical treatments being 70% of your paycheck...no way. i am already sicking of paying the high taxes here. my tax refund check was pathetic and the processing fee arghhh way to high. i know I should have done it myself , but i want it done right lol...later poof... Quote
Maya Posted February 15, 2008 Report Posted February 15, 2008 It is worth to try!! My husband was dragged to THE activity by an oldlady...she insisted and he could not say no... she would not have take a no as an answer anyway... He was sure everything about love was over and done with.... until he saw moi... Quote
digitalbath Posted February 16, 2008 Author Report Posted February 16, 2008 Moksha- I hope you are right. just not sure if I am even ready to go back to church. The Lord knows why I have stayed away. To many holier than thou types in my ward. they have forgetten why we go to church. is the lowest kingdom telestial or terestrial ??? I will probably end up there and be ok with it. Quote
ztodd Posted February 17, 2008 Report Posted February 17, 2008 Hi digitalbath, welcome. I hope I don't drive you away with what I say, but I think leaving the church because you've felt left out, ostracized, or offended is not a good reason to have left, and is not a good reason to stay away. Too many do this and forget that the church is much more than just a social organization. How is your testimony? Do you realize how important your testimony is of the church's teachings? I've you've forgotten the teachings, I urge you to study and pray and remember. You know that at least Heavenly Father wants you back... and I'm sure there are others too. Quote
pushka Posted February 17, 2008 Report Posted February 17, 2008 Moksha, I would like to move to England but having to pay for socialized medical treatments being 70% of your paycheck...no way. i am already sicking of paying the high taxes here. my tax refund check was pathetic and the processing fee arghhh way to high. i know I should have done it myself , but i want it done right lol...later poof... Digi...I'm from the UK and that 70% figure does not ring true for how much of a person's wage is payable as National Insurance...please let me know where you got that figure from? I may be wrong, as I haven't worked for 15 years or so, but it does seem steeper than I'd imagine it would be...Any other UK posters here who could verify what the % of wages is payable as National Insurance these days?As far as dating's concerned, just stay cool and enjoy getting back into the swing of meeting other members, one day that right woman might just turn up when you least expect her to. I'm in my mid 40's and divorced too, and have just finally joined the church tonight, so I'm facing a similar dilemma..the Single Adult fireside I attended last Monday consisted of just 4 single women, lol!! :) Quote
WANDERER Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 · Hidden Hidden I've been reading about second-handedness: In essence, “second-handedness” is our tendency to judge what we say and do according to the standard of what we think other people will think. : )
digitalbath Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Posted February 18, 2008 I am embaressed to say that I just might have to go the interenet route to find at least a girlfriend. my thoughts on being inactive sickens me, but that feeling of being an outcast remains there. many tell me to pray about it. it seems the only time I really pray with deep intent is when it's a life or death situation or if I am in pain and not knowing what to do. I know that I still feel lost and very alone. feeling very vonerable now. I have alienated myself to seclusion. the only confort I get is in my love of artwork to keep me sane. many here will think I have gone of the deep end. they could be right ??? Quote
digitalbath Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Posted February 18, 2008 pushka-welcome. I was born into the church and have fallen away from not just feeling like an outcast for not going on a mission, but for many other reasons as well. from my past drug usage and of drinking alcohol. pleased to say i am drug free now of 13 years. back then about 20 years ago i hated my job, my boss, and had very low self esteem. that all changed when i moved away from california to utah to start all over again. what a story that is...do you have 4 days ??? lol anyhow...I am glad that you found your way into the mormon church. it can be a great church and can help you to become a better person. the standards are there for a reason. to learn how to become the best you can be for yourself and others. i hope you find what you are looking for. I am still searching. so many unanswered questions remain for me. as i get older hopefully i will have some of them answered. life is hard, but I love life. take care...later poof... Quote
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