Confessing to your Bishop

[miyone]

Hi all,

I just want to seek your advise for someone i know who wants to come back to Church and confess to our Bishop. I honestly don't know what was going on since he doesn't want to elaborate (and i don't think i want to hear much either), but i guess it's a grave sin, and i just dunno how to answer. So hopefully from the hints you can all give some sound advise.

Well, this person wants to confess to the Bishop about a serious sin he's committed in the past but afraid that his family, or even the whole ward, would know. He loves his family so much, but is not open at sharing them the burden. I deduced he doesn't want them to look at him differently after knowing. Also let me just add that he's a great force in the family to keep them semi-active.

He was inactive for a while now, and though he's attended church a few times eversince, he's never partaken of the sacrament (because he doesn't feel worthy). I guess knowing that already meant that he's already suffered much and repented much on his own.

So the questions are:

1. If he tells the Bishop, is it in strict confidentiality? Or will anybody else know?

2. Is there a chance that after telling the Bishop, the punishment will be excommunication? (Coz if that's the case, everyone will know for sure.)

That's it. Hope to hear from everyone, and help bring back one soul to the Lord. Thanks.

[checkerboy]

Yes it will always remain confidential. And even if he is excommunicated he never has to tell anyone what he was excommunicated for. The bishop will never tell his family or the ward. If excommunication is the result he will meet with the high council but they keep these things in strict confidence as well.

[Hemidakota]

Hi all,

I just want to seek your advise for someone i know who wants to come back to Church and confess to our Bishop. I honestly don't know what was going on since he doesn't want to elaborate (and i don't think i want to hear much either), but i guess it's a grave sin, and i just dunno how to answer. So hopefully from the hints you can all give some sound advice.

The guidance is not to ask or allow the individual to ‘cry on your shoulder’ on what transpired. There is reasoning behind this that when I can find time, to blog it or post it on the priesthood forum.

Well, this person wants to confess to the Bishop about a serious sin he's committed in the past but afraid that his family, or even the whole ward, would know. He loves his family so much, but is not open at sharing them the burden. I deduced he doesn't want them to look at him differently after knowing. Also let me just add that he's a great force in the family to keep them semi-active.

He was inactive for a while now, and though he's attended church a few times ever since, he's never partaken of the sacrament (because he doesn't feel worthy). I guess knowing that already meant that he's already suffered much and repented much on his own.

That is good to hear, his soul is ready. If this is his homeward then, he needs to make an appointment with the Bishop’s Secretary and tell him to mark it personal. If the Secretary again asks, just say ‘Personal’. There is no need for family members to know unless it is related to one of them. Then, that is different story. If he is underage, the parents will need to be informed.

So the questions are:

1. If he tells the Bishop, is it in strict confidentiality? Or will anybody else know?

2. Is there a chance that after telling the Bishop, the punishment will be excommunication? (Coz if that's the case, everyone will know for sure.)

That's it. Hope to hear from everyone, and help bring back one soul to the Lord. Thanks.

1] Absolutely held in confidence, unless one of the two conditions are met as I described above.

2] Depending on the situation and time span of what transpired. Most members really don’t comprehend excommunication fully. It really saddens me to see people go for years carry such a burden on their own shoulders. I would recommend for him to purchase the book, which President Spencer W. Kimball wrote years back called, ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness’.

Last, the process of confession is to help to release the burden off one shoulder and be a support for that individual; ensuring his or her success, back to the straight and narrow path that leads to the Tree of Life, as the Prophet Nephi witnessed.

We are here if he needs any help or support.

[Palerider]

Hi all,

I just want to seek your advise for someone i know who wants to come back to Church and confess to our Bishop. I honestly don't know what was going on since he doesn't want to elaborate (and i don't think i want to hear much either), but i guess it's a grave sin, and i just dunno how to answer. So hopefully from the hints you can all give some sound advise.

Well, this person wants to confess to the Bishop about a serious sin he's committed in the past but afraid that his family, or even the whole ward, would know. He loves his family so much, but is not open at sharing them the burden. I deduced he doesn't want them to look at him differently after knowing. Also let me just add that he's a great force in the family to keep them semi-active.

He was inactive for a while now, and though he's attended church a few times eversince, he's never partaken of the sacrament (because he doesn't feel worthy). I guess knowing that already meant that he's already suffered much and repented much on his own.

So the questions are:

1. If he tells the Bishop, is it in strict confidentiality? Or will anybody else know?

2. Is there a chance that after telling the Bishop, the punishment will be excommunication? (Coz if that's the case, everyone will know for sure.)

That's it. Hope to hear from everyone, and help bring back one soul to the Lord. Thanks.

the only way anyone would find out would be if he told someone other than his Bishop:D.....but....in order to fully repent he might have to ask for forgiveness if others are involved in this incident.

[MorningStar]

If he commited adultery, he would have to tell his wife, then he might run the risk of her telling people, but not the bishop. Excommunication is not announced.

[miyone]

hi all, thanks for the messages, it's enlightening... the confidentiality part would be assuring to him i'm sure.

Now there was a time when he was rationalizing the whole confession thing. well as conversational as possible, he tried asking if it's not enough to ask forgiveness from the Lord? Is it really necessary to seek the Bishop and tell him everything? When can one say that fasting, praying, and constantly asking the Lord is not enough?

Please help out. He's losing courage i believe, that's why as a man, he's starting to think that way.

Btw, he's single, so the worst i can assume the problem is pre-marital relationship... just curious, is that ground for excommunication?

[skalenfehl]

While he's struggling to decide whether or not to speak with the Bishop (bishops offer more than an ear of confession), the adversary will continue to lull him into a false sense of security. He should listen to his heart and do what is right. Speaking to the bishop can seem like breaking through barrier of hopelessness at times, but once broken down will bring the ultimate satisfaction of doing the right thing and a great sense of relief and forgiveness and love from the Lord.

[Hemidakota]

I wholeheartedly agree.

[Guest Lexish]

By the way, pre-marital "relationships" can be a grounds for excommunication. I remember my bishop telling me this after I did a few things "wrong", so to speak. I don't think it means he will be, but it's a possibility :\ Sorry I don't know more.

[Hemidakota]

Not always. It is done by the spirit and allowing such to make it known to the individual.

[comebackkid]

ok, my situation is ... crappy. I was excommunicated back in June because of an affair (physical and emotional). I am doing well. My wife on the other hand is very bitter and has "gotten back" at me and done the same (physical and emotional) and is continuing, though she said the phyiscal is only touching and kissing now. She knows what she is doing is wrong. She has gotten in deep faster than she thought or knew she would. She is fearful of the confession and very resistant. I have learned much from the Miracle of Forgiveness and have read to her from it. She understands everything she is doing and knows it is wrong, but likes the 'escape' from me and from life. My bishop has advised me to email this guy (I have his number and email) and tell him that she is still married. Other member friends have said to not do that. I am mixed on what to do with the whole situation, i know she has to make the choice but we have school age kids and I am very impatient with this decision of hers, but patient at the same time. When I get home from work, she leaves and is back by 10 or 11 after spending time with the guy. I am watching out for my kids. But where do I draw the line for her? I have prayed but I am getting mixed answers. We do not sleep in the same room. The Bishop also said don't kick her out. others have said for me to leave with the kids, but I have no where to go. She typically would go to her mom's with ANY problems but she does not ever want to tell them. help.

[Hemidakota]

How mch patience do you have? "Bitterness can be a bad pill to swallow for one who seeks revenge."

This may require a lengthy amount of time and action from the Godhood by fasting every week to softened her heart. Unless the spirit tells you otherwise, I would not break up the family.

Advise the other person that she is married. At this point, she needs to be with the family as a support for the children.

[comebackkid]

How mch patience do you have? "Bitterness can be a bad pill to swallow for one who seeks revenge."

This may require a lengthy amount of time and action from the Godhood by fasting every week to softened her heart. Unless the spirit tells you otherwise, I would not break up the family.

Advise the other person that she is married. At this point, she needs to be with the family as a support for the children.

My only hesitation is that she will resent me for calling him. Then I only foresee us getting a divroce because she will be bitter of that. But I think I see your point, it is my responsibility to take a stand as the husband and father of my kids to defend my family, right? And I was thinking of saying "this is her husband, she is married. She is confused and if you care for her and her wellbeing you would tell her to let go of you. She is not focusing on the matters which are truly important, which is her spiritual well being." -- good?? This guy is not an awful greedy guy, but he has be then victim of adultery too so he probably has no sympathy for me. They share the same ethnic culture so that is one of the things she likes about him.

[Hemidakota]

If you feel some hestitation in contacting the guy, then you need to consult with Deity and ask for a confirmation from the Holy Ghost. This way, there is no doubt to you on what you should do.

Be sincere and prepare yourself, with a answer or desire to know, prior to prayer when asking for help from God. The hard part will come, when you receive an answer that needs to be followed by action. It comes from surrendering your 'will' to HIM. Believe in yourself in receiving an answer. He does talk to men.

[comebackkid]

If you feel some hestitation in contacting the guy, then you need to consult with Deity and ask for a confirmation from the Holy Ghost. This way, there is no doubt to you on what you should do.

Be sincere and prepare yourself, with a answer or desire to know, prior to prayer when asking for help from God. The hard part will come, when you receive an answer that needs to be followed by action. It comes from surrendering your 'will' to HIM. Believe in yourself in receiving an answer. He does talk to men.

Well this was one of my impatient moments. I did pray, but I don't know. My thoughts are racing. I called the guy and he was very rude.. and said that I shouldn't have done what I did to get us in this place. Basically saying she is a big girl and she will do what she wants. He is not looking out for her. He is looking out for himself. He knows that it will be a matter of time. Oh I am just so worked up right now. I called her and told her that I called him to defend my family and she thought I was stupid and that I was only doing it for myself, am I? I worry for her. Patience at this point?

[MaidservantX]

You and your wife need to be able to talk about this together and pray and seek revelation together and make decisions together about the situation. Whatever the outcome. Ask her if she is willing to do this with you. Don't talk at her. Just ask her, and say you really, really mean it. If she says, no, that she doesn't want to communicate with you on the matter, then you are in a different place with that (and I give no advice at this point about that place). God bless.

[comebackkid]

You and your wife need to be able to talk about this together and pray and seek revelation together and make decisions together about the situation. Whatever the outcome. Ask her if she is willing to do this with you. Don't talk at her. Just ask her, and say you really, really mean it. If she says, no, that she doesn't want to communicate with you on the matter, then you are in a different place with that (and I give no advice at this point about that place). God bless.

Interesting. Thank you. I know none of you but trust what you say. :)

[Hemidakota]

Don't feel it was stupid. Stand up and be counted. We will have enemies in the church and outside the church. At this point, who cares. You did the right and that will be a blessing for you. Now have faith that GOD will in the end workout what is true path for both of you. I have seen Deity bring back torgether the worse marriages that even shrinks Bishops to be involve with.

Yes! Patienceness is hard for now but it will grow overtime as you draw closer to the Savior and have Him, part of your life. Closer we are to Him, the greater blessings will be poured out for you and her.

Now, take a close inspection of your daily habits. Work with one object that is not the 'WILL' of Deity. Change it and conform. It will eventually rub off on your children. As a standing patriarch, you need to be one in charge. So, be 'firm', be a 'righteous father and priesthood bearer', and never shrink to the levels of the thugs [devils]. You will win this battle.

[jgainer]

I returned to activity three years ago after 21 years of inactivity. I did not hold the Priesthood and was never active. I confessed MANY serious transgressions. Adultry,fornication,etc. I was not excommunicated or disfellowshipped. It was very private and between me and my Bishop initially. I eventually confessed to my SP. My confession came after 15 months of activity. I had vaguely admitted to not keeping law of chastity in an interview and thought that was all that was necessary. As I grew, I fely like that I should discuss my past- some of it 20 years old sins. My Bishop was great and so was my SP. Basically, my confession completed my repentance. So, it depends on many things. How long ago did the transgressions occur? Endowed? If the sin is sexual and he hasn't been to the Temple, then it will probably end with confession. If he is endowed, then could be a Court of Love. Either way, he will feel better and be blessed. I often feel like I should confess more, even though I have fully confessed because it is such a relief!!!!:)

[crytsprospect]

First calm down and breath this didn't happen over night but may I suggest you start with praying together or at least as a family nightly. A family is too precious to be lost and prayer can melt any hardened heart....

[Guest ThorWillKill1]

My bishop once told me that excommunication is only a disciplinary act on those who are unrepentant. So if he were to confess his sins I'm sure that would qualify as seeking repentance so I guess excommunication probably won't happen

[theone]

Hi, all, I have done something bad when I was a boy. I was not member of the church before. But I never confessed it. This is with the chastyti. I did it before to get baptized in the church of Jesus Christ LDS.

Now I'm thinking on it. I was like 11 - 13 years old. I want to confess it, but now I have 12 years as a member, I have been a missionary, but the sins is very bad for me. Because I knew that if you do so and you came to church to get baptized then the first persidency have to aprove the baptism. I mean homosexuality, I have never do that, I'm married now.

I don't like to do so. And never have done such things as a member of the church. I mean that as a member of the church now I don't like men, I never have desired to be with man. I like woman now, I don't really like man. I'm married and I love my wife. Please, can somebody tellme what can happen to me if I confess to the Bishop?

This happened but I don't know why I did it. I had tow types of sins. Women and men.

What will happen to me if I confess to the bishop that?

Thanks...

[bytor2112]

Hi, all, I have done something bad when I was a boy. I was not member of the church before. But I never confessed it. This is with the chastyti. I did it before to get baptized in the church of Jesus Christ LDS.

Now I'm thinking on it. I was like 11 - 13 years old. I want to confess it, but now I have 12 years as a member, I have been a missionary, but the sins is very bad for me. Because I knew that if you do so and you came to church to get baptized then the first persidency have to aprove the baptism. I mean homosexuality, I have never do that, I'm married now.

I don't like to do so. And never have done such things as a member of the church. I mean that as a member of the church now I don't like men, I never have desired to be with man. I like woman now, I don't really like man. I'm married and I love my wife. Please, can somebody tellme what can happen to me if I confess to the Bishop?

This happened but I don't know why I did it. I had tow types of sins. Women and men.

What will happen to me if I confess to the bishop that?

Thanks...

First, had you admitted to homosexual activity before your baptism, the First Presidency Would NOT have even known. You would have POSSIBLY met with the mission President.

My friend, you were a child and not a member. When you were baptized, the sins of the past were washed away. Cleansed, made spotless.....the only person that remembers them is you and the adversary...the Lord does not. Be at peace and move on with your life. Your Bishop would tell you the same.

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. "

[Vanhin]

miyone,

I like everyone's advice.

I just wanted to add that it is important that you try to avoid letting him elaborate on his sins to you before he has confessed to the bishop, so that he doesn't think that that counts as a "confession". Sometimes people rationalize that disclosing their sins to their friends counts as a confession for serious transgressions, and they put off actually going to the bishop.

If he does confess to you, then make sure you explain to him that he still needs to see the bishop. :)

Regards,

Vanhin

[theone]

First, had you admitted to homosexual activity before your baptism, the First Presidency Would NOT have even known. You would have POSSIBLY met with the mission President.

My friend, you were a child and not a member. When you were baptized, the sins of the past were washed away. Cleansed, made spotless.....the only person that remembers them is you and the adversary...the Lord does not. Be at peace and move on with your life. Your Bishop would tell you the same.

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. "

What I want to let you know is that I never admitted in the baptism interview. I baptized when I was 16. The things that happened to me was when I was like 12 - 13 yrs old. I had problems with chastity too. I mean with women. But homosexuality was something that it was when I was a child, 12 - 13 I think, I don't remember even what age I was but I guess it was in '90 or '92 and I was born in 1982. Now I'm thinking that I'm guilty in the sight of the Lord.

I never have committed it again. I mean, I never have done such things again, no chastity, no homosexuality I'm married now and sealed.

But what I remember is that when I was baptized I felt well, I felt like I was walking in the air. I felt very light and happy, but when I remember that I never confessed to any leader even to the missionary that interviwed me. I'm feeling bad in this latter days, more or less like a week.

But tomorow I'll talk to the bishop. But something that I want to know too is that if my wife need to know that, she doesn't know that, and you know this is dificult to tell and after 5 years of being married.

I'm feeling so bad.

I'll talk to my bishop tomorow....