Daughter questioning her faith

[Guest tomk]

Not to give you a swelled head or anything, but I really have to echo the chorus of others, I think you are doing the right thing. You are also setting a great example not only for your daughter but all who post here.

Its great that you have such a relationship with your daughter that she can speak to you about this. Sadly, some parents don't have that.

Its also remarkable that you were receptive to her coming to you. This is the place where most well intentioned people lose it. They don't want to hear their child may not choose to stay with the gospel. They come down so hard they actually push a person farthur away from the gospel.

I pray that you might continue to have the strength to support her and handle any outcome. Continue to support, love, and pray for her. (You don't seem like the kind of person who will stop). She may really test your resolve if she chooses not to stick it out and starts making some bad choices. Stay as strong, loving and faithful as you already are.

One of my favorite stories is the story in the B.O.M. . The angel of the Lord appears to the sons of because of the prayers of their father. They are converted and the rest is history.

WOW. I wish I had the kind of faith to ask for something like that. The scriptures follow a pattern, and perhaps the pattern of Alma the Older praying for Alma the Younger is a pattern for me to follow.

[Hemidakota]

Tom, I was very impress on your father's spirituality as I do with yours.

Remember the story of Enos when he was hunting? How old do you think Enos was at that point of his life? Remember who surrounded him as individuals - meaning family members - and hearing the great tales of crossing the great deep and the forefathers.

Enos did receive that type spiritual understanding, when he was ready, and when the FATHER's will was in force for the Savior to speak to him. When it did come, it came as a full force that changed his life. Notices the following story he began to ask about his enemies and so forth.

I am for one, know, you are great man, a great father, and a steadfast member of the church, do note your deep desire to do the Father's will, as you serve the Savior - our Redeemer - Jesus the Christ. I suspect, with the spirit behind you and GOD's is no respector of persons, will come to your aid in time when she is ready.

[Guest tomk]

Tom, I was very impress on your father's spirituality as I do with yours.

Remember the story of Enos when he was hunting? How old do you think Enos was at that point of his life? Remember who surrounded him as individuals - meaning family members - and hearing the great tales of crossing the great deep and the forefathers.

Enos did receive that type spiritual understanding, when he was ready, and when the FATHER's will was in force for the Savior to speak to him. When it did come, it came as a full force that changed his life. Notices the following story he began to ask about his enemies and so forth.

I am for one, know, you are great man, a great father, and a steadfast member of the church, do note your deep desire to do the Father's will, as you serve the Savior - our Redeemer - Jesus the Christ. I suspect, with the spirit behind you and GOD's is no respector of persons, will come to your aid in time she is ready.

:)

Thank you.

I love the story of Enos. "And my soul hungered..." "And the words which my father had spoken sunk deep into my soul..." The authors of the Book of Mormon can be very intimate.

I notice the progressions ... Enos ... Friends and Family ... Community ... then Enemies, as our circle of influence expands, as the grace of the Lord expands in its influence.

[Misshalfway]

I am not sure HF isn't behind all of her questions. Sometimes he gives us the questions before he gives the answers!

I think sometimes in order to decide for ourselves about what we believe, we do need to experiment with different ideas.....like trying on lots of hats to see how they feel. Well, what does it feel like not to believe in God? Does that feel true or right? I think there are lots of pengilum (sp? too lazy to look it up) swings in there too as she grows up and moves thru the process of discovering herself. She may sound extreme one day....but I doubt she will land there. Perfection is in the process. ..... And there is lots of perfection in God's processes. Not to underplay the difficulty we sometimes have with trusting that process. :)

I think there is a lot of power and wisdom as parents understand these processes of growing up and gaining testimony. Not all of us are born with unquestioning spirits. Some of us ask lots of questions and need the process of investigation to find rest to our minds and souls. I think the worst thing would be for a parent to react in fear or shame, etc.

[ruthiechan]

WOW. I wish I had the kind of faith to ask for something like that. The scriptures follow a pattern, and perhaps the pattern of Alma the Older praying for Alma the Younger is a pattern for me to follow.

Sometimes I don't think I have enough faith either.

But when I really need it, and I don't think I have enough, I pray for it. It works.

Heavenly Father will give you the faith you need. All you have to do is ask.

[DigitalShadow]

The fact that she felt good enough to come to you with these concerns speaks volumes to your parenting skills. I don't have kids, but I know many a parent who would punish their kids just for expressing such thoughts and that drives them away faster than anything.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. Regardless of what she ends up believing, I respect and admire your approach.

[Guest tomk]

I am not sure HF isn't behind all of her questions. Sometimes he gives us the questions before he gives the answers!

I think sometimes in order to decide for ourselves about what we believe, we do need to experiment with different ideas.....like trying on lots of hats to see how they feel. Well, what does it feel like not to believe in God? Does that feel true or right? I think there are lots of pengilum (sp? too lazy to look it up) swings in there too as she grows up and moves thru the process of discovering herself. She may sound extreme one day....but I doubt she will land there. Perfection is in the process. ..... And there is lots of perfection in God's processes. Not to underplay the difficulty we sometimes have with trusting that process. :)

I think there is a lot of power and wisdom as parents understand these processes of growing up and gaining testimony. Not all of us are born with unquestioning spirits. Some of us ask lots of questions and need the process of investigation to find rest to our minds and souls. I think the worst thing would be for a parent to react in fear or shame, etc.

I tend to agree. That was my knee-jerk reaction - to be upset about her questioning things.

Thankfully, I resisted that path. I have been doing my best to be supportive of her questions. They ARE her questions. She must be the one to get an answer that she feels good about. Just as Heavenly Father honors my agency -- I must honor hers.

We're just at the beginning of this. She had the courage to initiate it with her mother and I. So we should support her in it.

[ruthiechan]

Do you have the Church handbook called Strengthening Families?

It's quite good and is free to members. Ask your leaders about obtaining one.

[skalenfehl]

I went through the same thing when I adopted my boys. Now mind you they came from the streets and it took a lot of time and patience and love to help them understand that there is a Father in Heaven who loves them and has a plan for them. My first son that I adopted eventually became baptized and was sealed to us in the temple. He's off the path right now involved with some drugs, alcohol, etc, but I know in my heart that I did everything I could to provide another option in life and he understands the gospel very clearly after many family home evenings.

My other son, who is older eventually became baptized and has also cleaned up, though the still enjoys his cigarettes and occasional alcohol. He told me last night that he wants to quit and become sealed to my wife and me. I guess when someone's seen enough of the hard life and tasted something better, they eventually may gravitate to being happier.

The best you can do is raise your children with love, kindness, and LOTS and LOTS of patience because you will eventually have to let go and let them govern themselves. When they venture away from their foundation and the storms hit, they'll take enough beatings to remember the foundation of their faith and can make the decision to return where it's safe.

[Guest tomk]

The fact that she felt good enough to come to you with these concerns speaks volumes to your parenting skills. I don't have kids, but I know many a parent who would punish their kids just for expressing such thoughts and that drives them away faster than anything.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. Regardless of what she ends up believing, I respect and admire your approach.

Thanks, DS.

[Guest tomk]

Do you have the Church handbook called Strengthening Families?

It's quite good and is free to members. Ask your leaders about obtaining one.

I'll have to hunt it down. Thank you for mentioning this handbook.

Tom

[Guest tomk]

I went through the same thing when I adopted my boys. Now mind you they came from the streets and it took a lot of time and patience and love to help them understand that there is a Father in Heaven who loves them and has a plan for them. My first son that I adopted eventually became baptized and was sealed to us in the temple. He's off the path right now involved with some drugs, alcohol, etc, but I know in my heart that I did everything I could to provide another option in life and he understands the gospel very clearly after many family home evenings.

My other son, who is older eventually became baptized and has also cleaned up, though the still enjoys his cigarettes and occasional alcohol. He told me last night that he wants to quit and become sealed to my wife and me. I guess when someone's seen enough of the hard life and tasted something better, they eventually may gravitate to being happier.

The best you can do is raise your children with love, kindness, and LOTS and LOTS of patience because you will eventually have to let go and let them govern themselves. When they venture away from their foundation and the storms hit, they'll take enough beatings to remember the foundation of their faith and can make the decision to return where it's safe.

You know what, Skale? You bring up a very important point.

I myself went through a period of inactivity. What brought me back was LOVE. The Savior's love and patience with me. His eagerness to respond to my prayers.

We should never give-up on ourselves, or on others.

I can't think of a more obvious reason to lean upon the Lord. We really do need His guidance, don't we?

[Hemidakota]

I went through the same thing when I adopted my boys. Now mind you they came from the streets and it took a lot of time and patience and love to help them understand that there is a Father in Heaven who loves them and has a plan for them. My first son that I adopted eventually became baptized and was sealed to us in the temple. He's off the path right now involved with some drugs, alcohol, etc, but I know in my heart that I did everything I could to provide another option in life and he understands the gospel very clearly after many family home evenings.

My other son, who is older eventually became baptized and has also cleaned up, though the still enjoys his cigarettes and occasional alcohol. He told me last night that he wants to quit and become sealed to my wife and me. I guess when someone's seen enough of the hard life and tasted something better, they eventually may gravitate to being happier.

The best you can do is raise your children with love, kindness, and LOTS and LOTS of patience because you will eventually have to let go and let them govern themselves. When they venture away from their foundation and the storms hit, they'll take enough beatings to remember the foundation of their faith and can make the decision to return where it's safe.

A beginning journey for a “Melchezdek.”

[Misshalfway]

I went through the same thing when I adopted my boys. Now mind you they came from the streets and it took a lot of time and patience and love to help them understand that there is a Father in Heaven who loves them and has a plan for them. My first son that I adopted eventually became baptized and was sealed to us in the temple. He's off the path right now involved with some drugs, alcohol, etc, but I know in my heart that I did everything I could to provide another option in life and he understands the gospel very clearly after many family home evenings.

My other son, who is older eventually became baptized and has also cleaned up, though the still enjoys his cigarettes and occasional alcohol. He told me last night that he wants to quit and become sealed to my wife and me. I guess when someone's seen enough of the hard life and tasted something better, they eventually may gravitate to being happier.

The best you can do is raise your children with love, kindness, and LOTS and LOTS of patience because you will eventually have to let go and let them govern themselves. When they venture away from their foundation and the storms hit, they'll take enough beatings to remember the foundation of their faith and can make the decision to return where it's safe.

I was so very touched by this! So important for a child to know that questioning or even making mistakes doesn't change their worth in the sight of parents. And I love that the desire for righteousness is there in your boys underneath all the rest.

My husbands blessing refers to our kids making interesting choices and perhaps leaving the foundations of faith as you so eloquently put it. I suppose I am a little nervous for the future. Right now, my kids are young and our trials are about dirty rooms and leaving half-eaten gogurts behind the TV. I hope I will train them up sufficiently.

[Guest tomk]

I was so very touched by this! So important for a child to know that questioning or even making mistakes doesn't change their worth in the sight of parents. And I love that the desire for righteousness is there in your boys underneath all the rest.

My husbands blessing refers to our kids making interesting choices and perhaps leaving the foundations of faith as you so eloquently put it. I suppose I am a little nervous for the future. Right now, my kids are young and our trials are about dirty rooms and leaving half-eaten gogurts behind the TV. I hope I will train them up sufficiently.

Ours eat gogurts too. I even eat them.

Funny how similar families are.

[Redbeard]

Hey Tom,

I realize that this is an older thread, but I just wanted to give you an e-pat-on-the-back for the way you handled her telling you her feelings. My own "coming out" to my parents did not go so well, and neither did most friends that have chosen the same path. Anyway, great parenting skills! And that is all... lol

[Guest tomk]

Hey Tom,

I realize that this is an older thread, but I just wanted to give you an e-pat-on-the-back for the way you handled her telling you her feelings. My own "coming out" to my parents did not go so well, and neither did most friends that have chosen the same path. Anyway, great parenting skills! And that is all... lol

Thank you.

Where would we be without God to guide and help us deal with these scenarios?

[WillowTheWhisp]

At the moment my youngest daughter is feeling that she doesn't want to go to church again following recent events where she was injured last week at a Youth Activity and sent home this week because due to the injury she could not join in the football game.

I do not feel that I can push her into doing something she no longer wants to do.

[Hemidakota]

Just be her mother and close friend. I know you have great faith, noting your postings, it will work out ok.

[WillowTheWhisp]

There is some very petty ego massaging going on between certain leaders and my children are being used as pawns. It's hard not to feel hurt by it myself.

[Hemidakota]

Remember Willow, it is the Lord's church.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I know that, but sometimes it's difficult when those in positions of authority make it difficult for others to even be there.

[Kristyc71]

I am glad I found this thread-I just found this forum. I have been a lifelong member of the church-up until a few years ago I highly relied on other people's testimonies but realized a few years ago that I did not really have my own. I have been searching and searching and cannot find it. I have talked to a couple of my bishops about it, have done what they have said, and still nothing. I am still active, I mainly go because my husband goes-he has a position in the bishopric . I also have a calling and I don't want to bail on people, its just not me. But I SO don't want to be there. I don't feel any spirit at all, and I feel its useless to go.

My ward is strange-there are alot of bad feelings there, and quite a few cliques and alot of gossip. I know that we are just supposed to go for ourselves, but I am already questioning things and all that other stuff just adds to it. Also I have a daughter who is special needs (but looks completely normal-you would not know it) and there are some playgroups and they never do include us, and that hurts.

I am at my wits end. I have prayed and read scriptures, etc........done everything I have been told, and nothing.

[Guest tomk]

I am glad I found this thread-I just found this forum. I have been a lifelong member of the church-up until a few years ago I highly relied on other people's testimonies but realized a few years ago that I did not really have my own. I have been searching and searching and cannot find it. I have talked to a couple of my bishops about it, have done what they have said, and still nothing. I am still active, I mainly go because my husband goes-he has a position in the bishopric . I also have a calling and I don't want to bail on people, its just not me. But I SO don't want to be there. I don't feel any spirit at all, and I feel its useless to go.

My ward is strange-there are alot of bad feelings there, and quite a few cliques and alot of gossip. I know that we are just supposed to go for ourselves, but I am already questioning things and all that other stuff just adds to it. Also I have a daughter who is special needs (but looks completely normal-you would not know it) and there are some playgroups and they never do include us, and that hurts.

I am at my wits end. I have prayed and read scriptures, etc........done everything I have been told, and nothing.

It does hurt to be snubbed and mistreated.

That is normal, and quite natural, to feelt that way.

Don't suppress it. Instead, share it. Not just with us, but with your Father in Heaven. Our hurt feelings are opportunities to go to God.

"Father, the 'other kids' aren't being nice, and it hurts."

"There there, little child. I love them, too. Just as much as you. If I don't spare them, will I be able to spare you?"

Think about that.

A few books I might recommend, that I have personally read through several times, that deal with forgiveness and tolerance are:

The Peacegiver

The Holy Secret

Good luck :)

Tom

[daenvgiell]

Ok so this is going to be hard, I am going through this stage myself, I am a little embarrassed and ashamed to actually bring it up.

I am having so much trouble and I go through changing opinions all the time, one minute I believe it completely and then I get doubts, it keeps changing all the time and I really want to know the truth like others say they have, I was born into the church so it's pretty much tradition, and my goal is to get married in the temple, but sometimes I just don't know why. This is really hard for me and I say my prayers every morning and night and I try to do my own scripture study every morning, although that hasn't happened the last 2 weeks. I really really really want to know without a doubt of those things, but I just change my thoughts on it so often, I really need some help. I know I could probably talk to my family, but I feel so ashamed that I don't want to bring it up with them, also the fact that I live on the other side of the country by myself compared to them.

Please help me. You all seem to have really good advice.