ryanh

Woah! Glad I've never lived in a ward like that! Sounds like a lot more than LDS culture or church teachings going on in those people's minds. Makes me wonder what backwoods area you moved into. I don't want to live there! lol

Rachel, you are in a pretty unique spot with your situation. What a load all at once to deal with. I like Alana's advice to not worry about the woman. It is not our part to judge, and we can be assured that no one will escape dealing with their sins. She's not going to be getting away with anything. Seems to me that his continued effective treatment has to first and foremost for things to work. If I were in your position, I'd want to be ensuring I was protected from a repeat of what happened in May. You don't want him forgetting who he is again. Perhaps you are already comfortable regarding treatment? Just take it slow and try to be patient. Not all the details have to be worked out right now. You two can come to a decision where he feels that your participation in his personal life is not oppressive, but is enough for you to feel comfortable in knowing what is going on. I'm wondering though, did you know he was coming back, or did he just "show up" and tell you he was being treated and wanted to get back together? Just wondering if he might be in a mania phase and giving you a story re counseling and treatment.

Criticism - Elder Oaks

Precisely. Utah has a number of billboards running ads lately saying "You'd never hear, 'Snap out of it, it's just diabetes'" run by depressionisreal.org It makes the point clear. We so easily accept the chemical imbalances of diabetes as needing medical treatment, but too many in society don't understand that clinical depression is also a chemical imbalance (fortunately, awarness is increasing).

Jbosyk, it can take some time to find the right medication for your body's particular chemistry. Some meds can take a couple weeks to reach therapeutic doses in the body while others are quicker. You really need to speak with your Dr about your experiences, and if the current prescription is not working, it may be time to try one of the other meds. Seriously, one med may do nothing for person A while the same med allows person B to again choose whether to be sad or move on. Then, the next med does absolutely nothing for person B, but is the key for person A. If things aren't working, don't be afraid to talk with the Dr about adjusting the dose or trying a different med. Re the ladies. Good luck on that one! Even us married guys can't figure out why our wives will ignore us at times!!! lol Besides, lots of good guys don't have a girlfriend. Are you planning on a mission? No need to get too serious until after that anyway. One of the paradoxes of life is that the more we seek relationships for the purposes of filling our own voids or solving our own problems, the less successful we are at those relationships. The trick is to solve our own problems first, and success at relationships will easily follow. Just try to be patient and recognize you don't need a girlfriend to feel of worth or be a success.

Bigguy, it sounds like you’ve already recognized and implemented some of the changes you need to make in order for the relationship to work. I take it that means you might already be aware of some of your culpability in the situation. So, I don’t know that we need to belabor that point other than to encourage you to keep making those changes! I don’t agree with the idea that once a cheater always a cheater any more than you believe that once a workaholic always a workaholic. Some people are predisposed (either through mental illness or personality traits), but I think that most people do what they do because of circumstances. You made changes, right? Give those changes some time to work. From your writing, I presume that they are still being implemented. Plus, it will take time for her to feel that your changes are permanent enough that she can feel secure her needs will be met by you. You want to know when to drop her, but yet you say you want her back. Which is it? Or have you not yet sorted out this in your heart and mind? I would highly suggest marital counseling (even if you go by yourself). Lots of reasons why you should do so. Process your feelings and find out if you want to repair or move on, sounds like you two could use some enhancement of communication, and the right professional could screen out any possibility of mental illness or dysfunctional patterns that are mucking up both of your efforts. If you want to read a book that will help you feel that it is possible to turn this ship around, and tells you how to do it, I’d suggest The Five Love Languages. You’ll probably recognize you and your wife’s situation and cycles in that book.

I am not aware of any position the Church has taken regarding a situation like yours, and having to make a decision one way or another. IMO, the relationship decision is entirely yours, and you should choose what is best for you. You do not have an obligation to stay with him. In fact, I could imagine moving on and trying to leave that chapter behind could be beneficial for you. You might check out the thread Openness in a Marriage Relationship. Some of the recent posts share opinions re telling others about your past. If the relationship is taking you nowhere, that is you signal that it is not a relationship worth pursuing further.

The book is Passionate Marriage. I think I might have suggested it to you before, but I forget if I did or not. If not, sorry. The author is CLEARLY not LDS, and there is less than desirable stuff to wade through in the book, but there are certianly plenty of enlightening ideas such as the above. It's been helpful to me too.

Although somewhat tangential to the topic in the OP, I thought this passage from a book might be thought provoking on motivations for sharing or not sharing all within a marriage. Background – the context of speaking of “intimacy” in this passage the author is talking about self-disclosure, not physical intimacy. Other-Validated and Self-Validated Intimacy Joan and Bill displayed the irony in marital gridlock: Bill was the one with "the problem and more control of their relationship. Joan’s dependence on his acceptance allowed Bill to run the show. He determined whether Joan was "intimate" or not simply by what he did in response. Not only could he control her behavior, he controlled its meaning: If he made a reciprocal response, they were "intimate." If he didn't, then they weren't. Don't mistake this for paradox, however. It’s simply differentiation surfacing where it is least expected: the person with the least desire for intimacy always controls intimacy in the relationship as long as partners are dependent on validation from each other. Bill and Joan's relationship might sound uncomfortably familiar - or perfectly normal - and that's the problem. Twenty years ago, sociologists Gail and Snell Putney wrote a wonderful book about what they called the normal neurosis, the price of being "well adjusted" in contemporary society. They said our normal neurosis is our need to get indirect self-acceptance by appeasing others. It's what triggers the common post-sex quiz, "Was it good for you, dear?"-code for "Tell me I was good!" This widespread need for a reflected sense of self has distorted our understanding of what intimacy is and how, we're supposed to get it. Enshrined in the popular view is the assumption that intimacy involves acceptance and/or reciprocal disclosure from your partner. We tell ourselves that intimacy (and marriage) takes two people who are willing to work at it-but, unfortunately, we rarely have the slightest inkling of our "job" assignments in this project. Intimacy is the two-prong process of confronting yourself and self-disclosing to your partner. It isn't merely self-disclosure. Disclosing familiar and comfortable parts of yourself doesn't evoke the electricity of self-confrontation and personal growth common to intimate experiences. Intimacy also differs from meditation or solitary self-reflection. The interpersonal dimension - particularly the response you anticipate and receive from your partner - is as critical to the process as your feelings about what you're about to disclose. How do icy, silent couples ever break through gridlock and discuss topics only one of them (or neither one) wants to face? To answer this question we need to look first at the two "types" of intimacy: • Other-validated intimacy involves the expectation of acceptance, empathy, validation, or reciprocal disclosure from one's partner. As noted in Chapter 1, this is what is often mistaken for intimacy per se. Bill and Joan's emotional honeymoon and gridlock were predictable outgrowths of other-validated intimacy. • Self-validated intimacy relies on a person's maintaining his or her own sense of identity and self-worth when disclosing, with no expectation of acceptance or reciprocity fr6m the partner. One's capacity for self-validated intimacy is directly related to one's level of differentiation; that is, one's ability to maintain a clear sense of oneself when loved ones are pressuring for conforming and sameness. Self-validated intimacy is the tangible product of one's "relationship with oneself." Self-validated intimacy is a totally foreign concept to "normally neurotic" people-including therapists. Convinced that intimacy involves reciprocity, therapists who write on this topic have broken it down into two different types: "symmetrical" reciprocity wherein both partners disclose in equal measure, and "asymmetrical" reciprocity wherein one partner discloses and the other offers empathy, acceptance, and validation. The possibility that intimacy can occur without some facilitative response was never mentioned in the exhaustive literature review I conducted. In this omission, the type of intimacy most important to troubled marriages is overlooked. How can you tell the difference between these two types of intimacy? Other-validated intimacy "sounds" like this: ''I'll tell you about myself, but only if you then tell me about yourself. If you don't, I won't either. But I want to, so you have to. I'll go first and then you'll be obligated to disclose-it's only fair. And if I go first, you have to make me feel secure. I need to be able to trust you!" Self-validated intimacy in long-term relationships sounds quite different: I don't expect you to agree with me; you weren't put on the face of the earth to validate and reinforce me. But I want you to love me-and you can't really do that if you don't know me. I don't want your rejection-but I must face that possibility if I'm ever to feel accepted or secure with you. It's time to show myself to you and confront my separateness and mortality. One day when we are no longer together on this earth, I want to know you knew me. " How much can you self-disclose without the guarantee of acceptance and validation from your partner? When you've achieved a high level of differentiation, revealing yourself is less dependent on your partner's moods or life's minor ups and downs. You're more capable of expressing who you are in the face of neutral or even negative responses from your partner. You can unilaterally push the boundaries of your relationship, and you feel less threatened when your partner starts (or refuses) to grow. Self-validated intimacy involves providing support for yourself while letting yourself be known. Previously, I stated that differentiation is your ability to maintain your sense of self while in close contact with people who may pressure you to conform. That's why differentiation is the foundation of long-term marital intimacy. When you and your spouse try to mold each other to reduce your respective anxieties and keep your identities stable-which normally happens because of our natural tendency to reduce our anxiety through emotional connection - intimacy becomes the living embodiment of "holding onto yourself." If you are willing and able to show yourself "as you are" and call things as you see them – unilaterally - your partner is less likely to silence you because you're not asking for anything in return-only the chance to say what you feel. Such a relationship can remain intimate even in times of conflict-like when one of you wants less intimacy than the other. Partners who aren't dependent on each other's validation to feel okay about themselves fuel their marriage with their unique strengths, rather than their mutual weaknesses. Other-validated intimacy is the expected currency in many marriages, but self-validated intimacy is the life jacket for partners in a troubled relationship. Emotional Siamese Twins Fusion fantasies and indirect self-acceptance make intimacy - meaning other-validated Intimacy - the contemporary Holy Grail. In truth, we've embraced a Siamese twin model of intimacy. The image of two people fused at the hip captures the essence of emotional fusion, as well as our common approach to intimacy. Think about how you would have to treat a Siamese twin. Every single movement would require consensus. If you didn't have your twin's validation and acceptance, you'd be in deep ... well, let's just say you wouldn't want to frighten or anger your twin. Reciprocity would be the Golden Rule. Empathy wouldn't be a choice. You'd be constantly aware of the tremendous impact your partner could have on you, even by doing self-destructive things. The image of emotional Siamese twins also conveys how your partner's personal growth might affect you: the more your spouse becomes his/her own person, the more you would feel dominated, controlled, and perhaps torn apart. That's what we saw Bill and Joan exhibit in their use of borrowed functioning so that only one or them could be strong at one time. In an emotionally fused relationship ,when one partner starts to hold onto him or herself, the other partner feels controlled! Expecting trust, validation, and shared reality only encourages fights about "what really happened." If you and your partner are constantly fighting about "reality," you're probably dependent on other-validated intimacy and you're really arguing about whose reality will become the dominant reality and whose anxieties will prevail. As we saw with Joan the "pro-intimacy" partner is not necessarily the more differentiated of the two. More often than not, the partner pushing for more other-validated intimacy is trying to reduce her anxiety and get a reflected sense of self. It shows up as never being able to let go of an argument, either continuing to press one's point of view or demanding an immediate apology or reconciliation. Remember, we pick partners at the same level of differentiation as ourselves. The same emotional fusion that underlies our Siamese twin model of intimacy shows up in the familiar "we're in the same boat" notion of marriage. This idea gives a false sense of security because once you believe you're in the same boat, the next question is who's going to steer?! When you think you're cast adrift with a lunatic - because your partner sees things differently than you - you're likely to try pummeling him/her into steering in the direction you want to go. But when you realize spouses are always in two separate boats - and could sail in opposite directions (unless one grabs all the "supplies") - you're more likely to be kind and friendly to your fellow captain. Other-validated intimacy occurs spontaneously in long-term intimate relationships between highly differentiated people. The difference is differentiated partners are not dependent on it. Other-validated intimacy is nice when you can get it, particularly when you don't need it - and, paradoxically, that's when you're most likely to get it! When therapists prescribe other-validated intimacy for poorly differentiated people, they are confusing the destination with the process of how you get there. It's easy to think a little reciprocal support might get "communication" rolling when your relationship is the pits, but unfortunately, it's not that simple. Other-validated intimacy can artificially improve your functioning and make you feel better when it works, but it has many long-term drawbacks. Let me point out four: 1. Each partner becomes more dependent on the other's whims and less capable of true intimacy in times of stress. Reinforcing each other with other-validated intimacy becomes a constant but less viable preoccupation with the passage of time. No couple can maintain the continual other-validation ("support," "mirroring") poorly differentiated people require. Your partner and shifting circumstances can pull the support out from under you at any point. All that's required is a serious illness, a catastrophic event, or even a run-of-the-mill argument. We usually don't feel like exchanging praise when we're embittered or bruised, even when it promises to make things better. At those times, your level of functioning will depend on your capacity for self-validated intimacy, which means deteriorated functioning if you are accustomed to other validated intimacy. To see how intimacy and differentiation work together as a system in marriage, think back to the point we discussed in Chapter 2 about borrowed functioning. For poorly differentiated people, other-validated intimacy is a form of borrowed functioning. Their level of functioning deteriorates from the level of their pseudo self down to the level of their solid differentiation when not supported by their partner or circumstance: 2. Other-validated intimacy leads you to hope your partner has his/her act together-at the same time it leads you to hope that he/she doesn't. Sharing our inner experience satisfies our basic urge for togetherness, but that's not the only reason we push for reciprocal disclosure. Another reason is that we want "ammunition" to use on our partner if he/she should use our disclosures against us. It makes us feel less bad about ourselves knowing our partner isn't perfect - that's what a reflected sense of self is all about. The problem is, it secretly makes us hope the people we love have things they are as insecure about as we are. Without realizing it, we slip into subtle competition. 3. Other-validated intimacy is inherently limiting because it leads to self presentation rather than self-disclosure. When you need a reflected sense of yourself and acceptance/validation from your partner, your most important priority becomes getting the response you want. To accomplish this less than virtuous goal, you start misrepresenting, omitting, and shading information about who you really are (self-presentation), rather than disclosing the full range of yourself (intimacy). Self-presentation is the opposite of intimacy; it is a charade rather than an unmasking. Self-presentation is one way we adapt to our partner's differences in order to reduce our anxiety. Unfortunately, it, never provides the security and acceptance we crave, because we know our partner never really knows us. Attempts to cajole someone into making us feel secure only make us insecure, the same way trying to protect ourselves through other-validated intimacy offers no real protection at all. Self presentation creates an inherent paradox that sets the typical marital squirrel cage spinning. And as you'll see in a few minutes, self presentation brings us one step closer to emotional gridlock. 4. Other-validated intimacy allows one partner- to manipulate the other's reality. Earlier we looked at how intimacy ebbed and flowed in Bill and Joan's relationship. Another look at their past dependence on other validated intimacy reveals how it allows one partner to manipulate the other's experience. This long-remembered painful event occurred the day after their first child, Jena, was born. From her bed in the maternity ward, Joan reminisced with Bill about the moments after the delivery. "Wasn't that the most intimate thing we’ve ever shared? Joan asked dreamily. Actually, Bill had been queasy about the blood and mucous on the baby. He also wasn't feeling as bonded to the infant as he thought he should. Trying to mask his true reactions, his response was a flat, “yeah, sure.” Joan immediately felt devastated. She was confused and humiliated to think she could be so mistaken about what she'd felt. I thought we shared this experience! she protested inwardly. If it wasn’t intimate for Bill, how could it have been intimate for me? Intimacy takes two people, doesn't it? Her conclusion: Bill had wrecked her experience - a first experience never to be replaced, now a wound never to be healed! She threw this at him in their worst fights. "I'll never get over it! You can’t change history!” Joan asserted in one of our first sessions.

Great and fine if that is your opinion, but state it as that. Enough of the claiming "the Prophets" said this or that and stating your opinion as if supported fact. It's your intrepretation, and not more than that. Not too different from misunderstanding the guidance of the Spirit because we are too wrapped up in or own unresolved issues and hurts.

"Classic Abuser"??? You really know that much about the guy? You're ready to start throwing stones? That is a Gross and inaccurate spin. President Hinkley stated: “In instances of abuse, the first responsibility of the Church is to help those who have been abused and to protect those who may be vulnerable to future abuse” (emphasis added). The Church has three missions, and last I knew, none of them were “protect those who have been abused”.Furthermore, the context of his comments were after describing the abuse he was addressing as “who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her”; “who cuff their wives about, both verbally and physically”; “the sordid and evil abuse of children by adults”; “who abused a child sexually or physically”; “These acts are often criminal in their nature. They are punishable under the law.” How is that all applicable to this thread?

Continuing the turn this thread has taken before posting something related to the OP: Bingo! I think of Korihor's admission at the end of his life. I have a hard time accepting that the men referenced wern't in some capacity aware.

I can understand someone in Stake leadership positions seeing many instances of misunderstanding the Spirit leading to sin. I can comprehend that Area Presidencies and above might have had opportunity to see “countless”. But aside from that, it’s hard to fathom any of having access to enough personal lives and intimate details to know of “countless” false revelations. Not sure I buy scratch having free access to the House of the Lord either. What on earth are you referring to amidst all those generalities and obtuseifiscations? Divorce? Adultery? Must not be adultery as it is a little below common sense, or a need to check it against references to know that is not acceptable. Therefore, I would assume you are talking about divorce since you refer to “marriage covenants”. “the Prophets warn us to never” get a divorce? Show me where, and I’ll link to more than one general conference talk that indicate it IS justified by prophets and apostles for at least some circumstances.

You’re a good man redtide. Wish I had some of your qualities. Oh do I understand that! When the counselor sessions are private, the fate of the marriage may lie in the hands of one fallible individual. Been there, done that, felt the effects. Almost been divorced on several occasions because of it. I’m going to take some exception to the way that is worded. What is there better to rely on than the Spirit? The arm of flesh? I fully understand what you are saying about not asking the right question or interpreting the answer wrongly (had I been able to understand the answers I received, I fully trust I wouldn’t have married my wife). I think where I choke is the wording “being led astray”. Perhaps what you are saying is that we need to gain all understanding we can from all sources to have the best chance to understand what it is we are being told? Otherwise we risk leading ourselves astray thinking we understand what was revealed to us.Seems to me that you are both entering a new period of growth in the relationship, and things are changing for the both of you. All I can suggest is patience (like the kind I always find so hard to muster ). After all, you two likely have an eternity to learn about all the nuances of what is going on right now, and become more one.

Redtide, I think that the replies to date show that there is no singular 'right' answer, but that it is largely dependent upon the individuals' feelings. Some couples will be fine with letting bygones be bygones. Others not. And with other couples, there will be disparate expectations. I think we are more familiar with the situation when it relates to libido levels. Some couples are very active (5+ times per week). Others are fine with very little activity (as little as once annually or even less!). But, when there is a disparate level of desire between the two partners, that’s when it becomes pathological to the relationship. I wish I understood more about what your specific question is. I know your wife wanted to read through all the emails. So, it makes me think that she’s wanting to know everything you are discussing with a counselor. But then, I recognize that her admission recently (given in anger, right?) really gave you a sharp whack to the tenders. I could easily imagine that you are gun-shy and want to know what else she may be saying to the counselor. Care to share a little more about what is going on? Advice could then be specifically tailored instead of generalities that may or may not apply.

Yes, but lemonade can be made of those lemons. It serves a purpose for the admitter, and IF the couple can work through them, it can immensely strengthen their relationship IMO. So, the onerus is on the admittee to deal with it like an adult and get past it, right? Easier said than done.

{{{HUGS}}} So sorry you're dealing with the difficulties. I'll second James' thoughts that this is not punishment. I don't think HF would interfere with our free agency in such ways. He really needs to figure out his feelings, and what direction he is going. It's really not fair to you that he's bouncing around like this and dragging you along for the rollercoaster ride. Advice that I have read over and over from married people, and experienced in my own life is: if there is something that bothers you about a prospective spouse now, it will only get worse later when you are actually spouses. Try thinking ahead to being married and "committed", but having a spouse that was seemingly not committed. Getting married won't 'make' him committed. He is who he is, and while marriage can change a person for the better, it’s no guarantee that will happen. Being an example may not always be the way you are thinking it might be. You can also be "an example" to the younger girls by making hard choices, and getting married to the right person, for the right reasons, not because of social pressures. You're mom's advice is spot on IMO.

When my early-teen son recently had visited some inappropriate webpages, and we had a long talk about that, I told him something that has crossed my mind many a time before. When I meet HF, one of the first questions I want to ask is why was the drive for some of us men hard wired to be so strong? It wouldn't have taken 1/2 so much to drive for us to seek a mate and stay with her. LOL Yes, it is hard wired, and I trust it all fits nicely into HF's plan even if I can't understand it fully. Re the thought about a woman's responsibility: my thought is that when she is single she has greater responsibilities to herself to not attract the wrong type. I've seen friends end up in misery because of their beauty - they attracted the most aggressive guys, which weren't always the best for long-term relationships, nor did those guys have the eternities on their mind!

I’m not sure I follow the connection between the tile “nonconformity” and the body of the post. Is dress choice for you all about the issue of conformity vs nonconformity? Are there not other factors to consider when determining what dress is appropriate for onself? Or are you actually asking about modesty factors and what is appropriate? Yes, us pigs don’t need a dress, or adjustments of said dress to draw attention to “ya-ya’s”. It comes all too natural. Sad, but true.

Welcome. Taga saan ka?

Just ask your friends to contact the missionaries for you (they should be more than willing to do so). The missionaries are there to walk people through a basic understanding of the LDS faith, help you determine if it is right for you, and overall assist in the whole process. No, there is no additional materials you should be looking to obtain. That you went out and bought a triple combination is quite something! If you feel like reading in it, the Book of Mormon is the best place to start. Welcome!

You will have a chance to go to school after a mission. But, will you have a chance to go on a mission if you go to school first? (you just might meet "him" at school, then it will be very hard to choose to put off marriage and go on a mission)

Then I would suggest you read to understand how the condition affects you and your daily life. You have more than an addiction to fight against, and your addiction is strengthened by existing neurochemical imbalances. Sorry, but there really is a connection, and getting treated will make getting away from the porn a whole lot easier. I'll see if I can get a scan from one of the books on ADD that address the connection. But many of the books do touch upon it.For only about 30-40% (depending on the source) of those with ADD do the symptoms disappear by the late teens/adulthood. For the remaining 60-70%, symptoms persist, and unfortunately, current medical technology's only treatment is daily medication. If you haven't taken meds for years, then you will be surprised at the variety of meds available now.

Yep, I was pretty immature at 19, and still, I felt like one of the more mature ones! Isn't it marvelous, that even though the Lord has chosen dolts like I was, the stone cut without hands continues to roll forward and fill the earth? Despite all the lackings of missionaries, the Spirit is with (many) of them, and the LDS church continues to grow at astonishing rates. If this were not the restored church, I would expect that the missionary program sending out young missionaries would be its downfall, not one of its strengths. The thoughts that jumped into my mind were pre-conceived notions, self-fulfilling prophecies, etc. I had doors slammed in my face by many people that wouldn't even let me get a friendly "hello" completed. They didn't know me, they didn't know the love I felt for them, they didn't know how much I wanted to serve my Father and them, yet they left our short interaction with a bitter taste in their mouth. Their perceptions had little to do with me or previous missionaries, and a whole lot more to do with other influences. The missionary program of the Church is inspired of the Lord. No question about that in my mind. The missionaries are flawed humans, just like all of us are, but what perfect people are HF supposed to put out there? It's too bad the missionaries in your area aren't a little more sensitive to your feelings. They may need a little bit more of a blunt statement to 'help' them get it. If they were not anxious for your best interests, I doubt they would be seeking for you to get baptized. Yes, every missionary wants to be successful, but wants to be successful at helping people, not serving their own interests – were they only wanting their own interests, they CERTIANLY wouldn’t be on a mission!!!

No, I don't believe for a minute that you will have to put up with it for the long-term - at least not to the degree that is hurts now. But, it will be painful for a time. LS, you OBVIOUSLY do have a good heart - you want to quit. It's not your heart that's the problem, it is the successive layers of threads that have been wound around you to bind you down like chains. Like Just_A_Guy pointed out, this is more rooted in neurochemistry now - that's why it's an addiction. Before I joined the church when I as a typical teenager, I accessed a bit of porn (thank goodness the internet wasn't available then!!!!!!!! I don't know how kids these days will make it). When I gave that up, there were certainly cravings. It took months to subside, but they did go away. It took longer for the memories to fade, but they did fade. It took more than a decade to forget almost every single detail of the images I saw, but it does happen. Now, just shy of two decades later, it's not an issue for me anymore - I don't have obtrusive thoughts, don't recall the images, and don't have cravings. Be patient, stick with treatment, put controls in place like Just_A_Guy described, develop strong accountabilities like Misshalfway suggested, and hold fast to the Iron Rod. It WILL get better. But the only way out is THROUGH your issue. Giving in will only prolong the pain, and make getting out of it harder in the future. Have your considered, or been screened for conditions that predispose you to addictions of this type? ADD / ADHD is a VERY common driver of porn addictions. If you did have ADD, treating that would go a long way in helping you overcome the impulses driving you to porn.