lost87

funkytown...that was basically hilarious. thanks for making me laugh!

wow...i thought i felt terrible about the mistakes I've made before, but this pretty much sealed the deal. I was so terrified that i'd never be worthy of someone in the church again because of what i've done but my bishop promised that wasn't the case and that the atonement could fix everything....I was very hisitant to believe that, though I desperately wanted to, and now I know why...its simply not true.

I'm sorry then for my frustration. It was definately an over generalization and none of you deserved the biting comment....im sorry.

the only thing I hate about the church is how one sided the people seem to be when it comes to politics...it really does make me sick

Alana i wish I could push the thanks button a million times....thank you so much! and everyone else who commented as well. I thought about it a lot and just finished a letter to my bishop that i dropped in the mail box. I basically said that if he thinks that is necessary, i think it could be very helpful and believe that the answers are coming from the Lord through him.....I hope i don't regret that letter in the future, but I don't think that i will. Thanks again.

Hi Vanessa! that is so wonderful that you have a temple so close! I am so glad the church is so strong there in Nigeria, and you are completely right, it is the same everywhere! I've been to LDS meetings in several different countries and no matter what language is being spoken the spirit is still strong!

I live in the bible belt south so I get that question all the time...its usually the first thing that people say when they find out I am LDS. It used to bother me, but i've realized that in the long run, their opinions of me don't really mean much. I know that doesn't help, because it still hurts to be accused of not following Christ when thats what you've always tried to do...but decide for yourself what being "christian" really means....I mean in the bible we constantly read of how christians were discriminated against and had to endure many trials...perhaps that is what we are called on to do now. Perhaps that being Christian means standing for Christ and His gospel even if everyone is throwing stones of doubt our way? Just a thought...but usually just explaining that we are indeed followers of Christ is enough to answer the "are you christian" questions. I hope that you find the answers you are looking for...and if you feel the church is true, I promise that though it might get difficult at times, the Lord will constantly bless you for being baptized.

ryanmercer....I imagine that were one of those bodies carelessly thrown into a mass grave your son, or brother, or even friend you would have a very different opinion of the subject. It's really easy to defend war and justify murder when its on the other side of the world and you can sit peacefully in your living room, isn't it.

blusun7....i really don't appreciate your post...believe it or not some of us LDS people actually support the president of our country and are appalled by attitudes like yours....where do you get the authority to compare President Obama with "elite people...that he felt and awful spirit with them and didn't want even to shake their hand"? Perhaps you ought to take President Monson's example and show a little respect as well rather than the "holier than thou" attitude? I'm sorry for the harsh words, but I am sick of mormons who suggest that our church is wholly against the president, because I am mormon and I'm not.

hmm...ok...well back to the question of if you go to hell for looking at porn... I don't think an addiction to pornography merits exhile to "outer darkness" which I understand to be the fire and brimstone sort of hellish existance that other christian faiths believe in. I think that is reserved for satan and his 1/3 of fallen angels...though I could be wrong. I think though that having an addiction like that will keep us from the celestial kingdom, and in my mind, anywhere but the highest degree of that kingdom would be a sort of Hell because we can not progress or move forward. We would literally be stuck there. To me, being stuck is the worst sort of hell. I am struggling with similar things as you soldier, and maybe it won't cause us to eternally burn, but I can tell you that not being free of that addiction creates a hellish life now too. I don't know if you've come to that point, but without repentance I can almost bet that you will. Where it feels like the life you are living now is very close to hell. The beauty of it is, i am told, that we aren't stuck here...if we choose to change then the Lord will help us do that and we will be free. I strongly encourage you to set up an appointment with your bishop...i've talked to mine and they are there only to help us get better and I promise it helps tremendously to have someone like that on our side. I hope you find the way to overcome this.

I met with my bishop yesterday which was a very big blessing, we talked for a long time and I feel a lot better about things now. I told him how I feel like I've hit a wall, and that everytime i try to repent I hit this same wall and can't find the strength to get over it and end up just going to back to sin. He asked me what I thought about a disciplinary council...he said he never asks people their feelings on it or opinion so he wasn't sure why he was asking mine, but he wants to know. I told him that I wish he could just decide if it was necessary, and he said "oh, I can, and I usually do, but I'd like to know what you think about it". Im not sure what to think. It absolutely terrifies me, but at the same time i think it would be really helpful to me. Anyhow....I was wondering if you guys knew anything about a discplinary council...any information would be great so I can try to figure out what my opinion is...at the moment I am kinda just wanting to tell him that I believe he has the authority to know what will help most and that I'll trust whatever he decides...but i'm not sure thats what he wants to hear. Thanks

I spoke with my bishop today at church and completely misinterpreted his tone over the phone...I feel bad now for ever questioning his desire to help me.

are you a member of the church soldier?

changed...thanks for that story....I so wish i had access to those groups, but where I live the closest meeting place is 400 miles away...I've worked through the program and workbook but am still stuck and that made me feel even worse because that program was supposed to help me feel better and I just got worse.

thanks palerider...i hadn't thought about those possibilities...they do make sense though. i have no idea what i am going to do,

i meant SHOULDN'T not should....oops

k, thanks everyone. i'll just handle it on my own. I should expect him to give me more of his time. Thanks.

I know I start way too many threads and ask way too many questions, but you guys have been really helpful over the past couple weeks and I really appreciate it....I called my bishop this afternoon to ask about setting up a time to meet with him and maybe see if it was possible to meet with him regularly (i really think that would help). When he called back though he seemed annoyed and frustrated. before I talked to him I was worried that I was wasting his time, and now i feel that even more after talking to him. Should I just do it on my own and not ask for his help? I feel really bad for taking so much of his time, and I feel like he doesn't know what to do to help anymore because he has tried everything and I just keep failing anyways...it is all my fault and I know I am choosing to fail so i feel bad conttinuing to ask for his help, at the same time though It is start to get really hard to keep from doing things that I was doing before, and I still can't feel ANYTHING spirit wise, no matter how much time i'm on my knees or in the scriptures or crying...there just isn't anything. I've come close to giving up a few times in the past several days but i really don't want to do that. What should I do with the whole bishop situation? Thanks so much for everyon'e continued support. You all have NO idea how much that helps!

im not married.

but i mean...is there any way to estimate literally how long it will take to be able to feel the spirit and take the sacrament and go to the temple, and all of those things that I can't do right now?

I am growing frustrated because no matter how much time I put into prayer and studying the scriptures, I still feel empty and entirely void of the spirit. Is there any estimate as to how long it will take before I am worthy to feel that again? Any estimate to how long until I can be fully active in the church again and enjoy all the blessings of being a member? I know that I should just trust in the Lord and His time, but what I am doing now isn't working, so either I am doing it wrong, or it will just take a while. Thanks!

Alrighty, I went on the date and had a rather good time...even if it doesn't result in a second date (though I would be very pleased indeed if it did) then it was good because it helped me realize that that really is the kind of person that I want to be with. It will take ALOT of work to become that kind of person myself, but even just being with him made me want to be better...the way his apartment was decorated (pictures of Christ just about on every wall) and just his whole demeanor and the way he carried himself....i should like to have an eternity with someone of that nature.

carl62....a good guy who honors the priesthood IS what I want, very much. I just don't feel worthy of that anymore.

I've been stuck in the same place for a while LostSheep, and it really is terrible. I completely understand what is going through your head, the things that you think you are feeling in your heart, and the frustration of what seems to be a forever long struggle. One thing that has REALLY been helping me lately, the elders in our ward apparently noticed that I seemed "down" at church and called to ask a few days later if all was well...I let them know it wasn't, and they have been coming over every few days since. The first time they came over they gave me a blessing, and we had a wonderful, tearful conversation. It has been wonderful because while they do not know the nature of my struggles, they know they are there and can relate so well (both being missionaries that started their mission at 21 rather than 19 to allow for some repentance time). Their testimonies are so helpful...I encourage you to find someone like that....or several someones like that...I've not done so yet, but they have told me to call even if it is 2:00 in the morning if I ever need anything. (though things are slightly complicated as I myself am a young single lady, but we work around that while staying within their rules). Seek a priesthood blessing...I found it odd that they used oil for the blessing, but you and I are both afflicted, and that is what the oil is for...healing the "sick and afflicted" I felt a lot of strength from the words that were said. One thing that was mentioned was D&C 121:7-8. Read it real quick..... K now that you've read it....if not do so now :)....when he first referenced this scripture it answered so many things for me....and i think it can for you....will this last forever? NO! it will be "but a small moment", despite our difficulties in the sin, can we still be exalted? (this is a question I really struggled with) YES! through christ, all answers to any problem or difficulty can be found. I got a wonderful talk from another thread on this site...I really think it would be great for you to listen to....its called "Faith, an anchor for the soul" by bradley wilcox....its a little long, but listen to the WHOLE thing, the end is the best for you and I. I find myself slipping back into those sins most when I allow myself to believe what Satan is trying to tell us....that we are stuck, that its something our heart needs...not really a sin, that we can't repent of it or ever change, that we'll fight it forever and never win.....it is so much better to simply trust in the promises of the savior....that our trials will be but a small moment, that even if we make mistakes He will still be there, that we can obtain all that He has, and that He loves us no matter what. When I hold on to hope, and refuse to let go regardless of how loud Satan is screaming in my head, I have the tool to stop it. This is a forever long comment....but one other thing....for about a month I kept a little calendar in my pocket, and everyday I read and prayed both morning and night I would mark it down, but also everytime I gave into temptation, I marked it down....it wasn't surprising that most times that I gave into temptation there wasn't another mark for scripture study and prayer. I am learning now that the Lord can really only give us the strength to overcome if we ask for it, and the best way to ask is to prove that we are willing to read and pray EVERY day, and not just pray, but sincerely cry to the Lord. Neither of us can expect to overcome the sickness if we don't take the daily medicine. I am still very much struggling with all of this, but I am starting to feel an overwhelming sense of hope that through the Lord, that struggle will become easier to bear. Sorry this was so long....but I hope you'll cast out the doubts and fear that Satan would have us believe, and hold fast to the faith and hope (or even just hope if thats all you have at the time...I know how that goes too) that Christ is pleading with us to find.

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?