Bini
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Posts posted by Bini
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I am so flustered right now. It doesn't help that I'm about to pop and have my baby, either, it's just adding additional stress. Short version. I ordered something handmade and personalised from a lady that seemed reputable. Initially, she was, and I received 2 items from her - no problems. Then a few weeks later, I decided to order a third and decided to go ahead and pay in advance, only I've realised that I did so as "friends/family transaction" and not a "services transaction" via PayPal, which just means if crap hits the fan, I don't get reimbursed. Between the first of October up to now, which, is Oct 3, I've had zero contact with this individual. I cannot reach her via her FB page, she is not responding to messages, and I don't have a physical address or phone number. Oddly, her FB is public and I've been following her wall, and she is actively posting on it! We're not struggling where $20 is going to put us in the poor house, that's not where my frustration stems from, it stems from the lack of courtesy and professionalism. I do have her full name, not sure how far I can go with that, though... I do have the text messages I sent her and receipt of payment to her. I feel like I should be taking some sort of action here, as I don't feel "just letting it go" is the right move, I should be proactive the best that I can be. Then where things fall, they fall.
Any advice in what I should do at this point?
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You both have good points, but what alarms me about the article is the following quote
"Jordan said her reading teacher said both her answers were wrong and that she had to admit God wasn't real."
Now, this could be a 7th grader jumping to conclusions, a badly written article, or a combination of both.
But no way should a teacher be telling a student to admit God wasn't real.
Hopefully that's not what happened.
My doubts rest on the 7th grader. I would agree with others, seems this situation has been blown out of proportion, in the end this exercise was not well thought out...perhaps.
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I read the reviews online for Steve Jobs and I was quite surprised relatively few people watched it. Some of the reviews stated that Fassbender didn't have the "star quality pull" of DiCaprio and Christian Bale. Fassbender is an amazing actor. I like him much better than DiCaprio and could go toe-to-toe with Bale. I am amazed at how he was able to change his voice and accent to match that of Jobs. The movie, although quirky with the way the script was focused - started with the Mac and ended with the iMac - solidly captures the essence of Jobs and Fassbender's acting power has a lot to do with it.
I'm not terribly interested in Steve Jobs's biography but I am a big fan of Michael Fassbender! He has amazing talent and I think more so than Christian Bale or Leonardo DiCaprio (though both actors are undoubtedly talented in their own right). Anyway, I'll see it just because of Fassy...
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I am not a parent, but what kind of parent lets their teenage child play such a vile game?
It's all over Facebook that a 15 (!) year old "convinced" his father to let him buy this. I can't imagine letting a 15 year old play this!
I'm a video game junkie, but this is absurd. Thoughts would be welcome.
My husband and I have played one of the series. We weren't impressed, not our style, pretty raw in all and every aspect. I would not want my son to play such a game if I have any say in it. Thankfully, I'll have a say for awhile, and then he'll be his own man.
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Oh and Backroads... When are you due? Don't mean to pry...I just remember that we are close!
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The other day one of my students asked "Mrs. Backroads, are you married?" even though I'm MRS. Backroads and am extremely pregnant. I responded "yes". "Then why don't you wear your wedding ring?"
Frankly, I hate wearing jewelry when I sleep and don't always remember to put it back on in the morning. My husband's ring sits in a box. We're both perfectly fine.
How many of you married folk don't always wear your rings?
Is this something married people should do?
I feel naked without mine on. And so does my husband. We both literally feel off the whole day if we've left the house and forgot to put it on. That's us, that's how we roll. I don't think there's a "rule" but I think the visual reminder is nice.
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Faramir and I are flawed in our own ways and strong in our own ways. We challenge and complement each other. We have times of bliss, times of monotony, and rare times of conflict and struggle. We make mistakes, but I think each of us works toward what is best for our marriage and family, and then toward each others' happiness.
Each of our children is so very different from the next. There are things we adore and things we struggle with with each of them. I hope none of them ever feels like we have favorites.
I need to brush up on my LOTRs... I was thrown by Faramir for a second but only for a second.
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As far as estimation of importance to each other in our eternal progression, yes.
As far as doing things, no. We each have our strengths and weaknesses. Through the years we've learned to both play to our strengths as well as help one another out.
I absolutely do. I cannot tell you how much my wife has inspired me over the years. I really would be a worthless man without her. Many people may pay me some compliments. But virtually every compliment I've ever heard would not have been received if I did not have my wife. She makes me better. I know it sounds cliche'd, but it is absolutely true. I have no problem literally calling her my better half.To quote Pres. Packer "I have a duty...to tell the truth. She's perfect."They're all fairly treated in that they receive the same punishments for the same crimes and the same rewards for the same good work they've done.But I certainly have a favorite, and everyone knows it. My oldest daughter is everyone's favorite. She truly is an angel. She's the one to whom people rarely show anger. She's the one that everyone feels happy around. She's the one that always gets her chores and homework done. She's the one who always says positive things."Isn't required to do much for your affection?" Not really agreeing/disagreeing. The fact is that she just is different than any other child I've ever known. It is because she's different consistently that I feel this way about her.Just as our Father has a favorite (Jesus) mortal parents will tend to have a favorite too. I do not believe it is a mistranslation that Jacob "Loved Joseph more than his other sons." I find it difficult to believe that the vast majority of parents "have no favorites". It's natural. It's human. I think a lot of parents lie to themselves if they say otherwise.But I believe it to be bad parenting if that favoritism causes you to change the punishment/reward system for any one child.Anatess, of course gave the only correct answer: The Lord has to be the most important. (I kinda get jealous sometimes when she so quickly hits the nail on the head when it takes me some time to come up with an answer.)But assuming you're asking only about our earthly family, it has to be my wife. Currently, I cannot think of any situation that would change that. You really have to understand the level of unconditional love she has shown me for 20 years to truly understand that. I could never say enough good things about my wife. And frankly I find it difficult to tell people about my feelings for her without watering my eyes at least a bit. <wipe,wipe>.Another good post. There's a lot in here I actually agree with, alike, Vort's comments. I would say, I feel about my husband, as you both do about your wives. Thanks for sharing.
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Nope: My husband and I are not equal in all things. I'm much better at doing laundry, but he can vacuum without spilling the bag all over the place. I know how to call insurance and navigate their red-tape, but he knows how to not loose the card.
We are partners, complimentary, each bringing out our own strengths to the table.
This is similar to Anatess's explanation, literal, and in that sense I agree. Thanks for sharing.
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Sure, I apologize upfront for not being clear.
In my view only, (and I would NEVER speak for her) we both place a super high value on freedom and individuality. We are together because we choose to be. If I call her my "better half" it implies she is a part of me, and I think that's the "obligation" part. I think it takes away her choice. I choose to stay with her-not because we are married (we are) not because we are sealed (we are) but because I love her for who she is.
Again, just to be clear, it's how we live our lives. It is NOT an insult to peoples whose marriages are different. I am NOT saying our love is better/more intense or more moral than anyone elses.
Personally, I hope everyone has a truly wonderful marriage and I feel terrible for those who don't.
And Bini-you were right. My OP was confusing. I'm can be as dense as....something really dense. I did not mean to offend anyone. Hope I didn't.
Thanks for adding more to your explanation! I personally didn't find your post offensive, at all, I was just curious about your definitions. They make sense. Thanks again for sharing.
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How do you view your relationship with your spouse and your kids?
I view my relationship with my spouse and kids as the same as God's relationship with our Heavenly Mother and Christ. Yes, we couldn't quite make a smidgen alike as God, but that's what we consider as where we need to be headed towards.
Do you see your spouse as an equal to you in all things? Or, do you see your spouse as your better half? Maybe you see it the other way around?
This "equal" question always confuses me. My husband is 6'2", I'm 5'0" - we're not equal... so I concede that he is better at grabbing things on the top shelves. If being equally capable of doing things is what it means to be equal, then we're not equal. And that's perfectly fine with the both of us. On the same token, he's not my better half either. He may be better at grabbing things on the top shelves but I'm better at doing laundry. So we both acknowledge there things he's better at, there are things I'm better at, there are things we're both good at, and there are things we both suck at. That's just the way it is and we're perfectly okay with it.
Are all your children equally loved and fairly treated? Or, do you have a favourite child that is easier to love and isn't required to do much for your affection? If this is the case, is it obvious to the rest of the family, or is it something you keep to yourself?
There's only one way to love in my house. And that is Christ's love. No conditions. There's no such thing as easier to love and affection is not really love. We can be at each other's throats and it doesn't affect our love for each other. We love despite each other's imperfections. My kids grew up learning this. So, my younger son likes making me breakfast and serving it to me in bed. I told him He's my Favorite Son when he did this. My older son knows with a surety it doesn't mean I love my younger son more. I caught him telling his brother once - Don't do that. You need to live up to your role as the Favorite Son.
Lastly, who comes first above all else? Your spouse or your children? And why? Could there ever be a scenario that changes this order of importance?
God comes first. The marriage covenant that is the foundation of our eternal family is our promise to God. My spouse and I made that covenant. My children are born into it. Therefore, my spouse and children contribute to that marriage covenant. In the marital covenant, neither spouses nor children are above anybody else. The marital covenant is above everybody else. So, as it is my spouse and I that made the covenant, we are both responsible in keeping it. Whoever is messing up the covenant needs to be brought back into the covenant by either of us.
Anatess, I love your explanation of "better half". It's a very literal interpretation and does make sense to me. It's not how I actually use the term but how you explained it, I would agree, hubby and I are different and unequal in many ways - and that's okay.
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I am fine with the term "better half", as long as it's spoken tongue-in-cheek, or at least not used as a supposedly true description for one sex above the other (females over males, in pretty much every case).
That said...I believe my wife is a more virtuous person than I am in most of the important ways. I do have my strengths, and I add to our dynamic. But if we were to die today, I suspect her interview with our Creator would perhaps go a bit more smoothly than my own. But I am not qualified to judge either her or myself; these are just my impressions. The fact is that neither of us is alone before the Lord. We require each other.
As for children, I love all my children, and I absolutely do not have favorites. I do have some children that seem more similar to me than others, and in various activities or interests, some of my children respond more naturally to me than others. But I do not have favorites or least-favorites, absolutely not.
My spouse comes first, my children second. [EDIT: I agree with anatess that God comes first, as he must. But my response is the relative position of duty toward wife vs. toward children.] This is necessary, because the foundation of our family is the marriage between my wife and myself. I don't know if I can honestly say that I love my wife more than my children; somehow the idea of ranking my love for spouse vs. children seems perverse. I have told my each of my children that there is no one I love more than him or her, but I have also made it clear to them that Daddy and Mama are each other's #1. We always sit next to each other at Church and in other places, never with a child between us. It has been this way since our first child. This is intended as a token of our esteem for each other, a reminder both to our children and also to ourselves.
I relate to this post. Thank you for sharing, Vort.
I very much feel the same way when it comes to my spouse. I have used the term "my better half" in describing my husband but to really breakdown what the means to someone outside of our marriage, is difficult, and could easily be interpreted wrongly. I don't see myself lesser to him, or he being of more value than myself, but I do see him as a wonderful example. While he'll disagree because of his modest nature, I would even say that there are many virtues he has that I tend to feel I lack, or need much work on in comparison. He definitely gives me inspiration and motivation.
As of now, I only have one child, technically, or at least in the flesh. I am still anxiously awaiting to see how life will be with two children as opposed to just one. For the last four years I have invested all my heart and soul into my daughter, it's been hard to comprehend how my heart would grow in accepting a second child, but I shall soon find out. I don't fear having favourites, as I know each child is their own person and will have their own strengths and weaknesses, and I will love both of them no matter what. (Not sure how to make this last paragraph less corny.)
As for god. I see how my father looks to his creator first, followed by his wife, and then his children. While I see things differently, I can affirm that our family - though not perfect - was a loving one with a strong homestead. I'm proud to have a father that has a strong belief, even if I disagree, and continues to be a wonderful parent and grandpa in so many many ways. I think without his faith, he would be a very different man, not necessarily a lost man but not the man he is.
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In our opinion only, we view each other as separate beings choosing to be together. We both think "In order to say I love you, one must first say I" We think that people who are together out of force or obligation cheapen love in a way.
I find your latter statement interesting and was wondering if you'd expand on it some more. Would you give an example of a couple 'forced' or 'obligated' in being together that fit your definition of cheapened love? Would I be wrong to assume something along the lines of an arranged marriage, or perhaps, a couple remaining married for their kids but that's it? Just for the record, I have mixed thoughts on this, and am not entirely in agreement or disagreement. Thanks for sharing :)
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Kind of for fun and kind of for thoughtful discussion, too. How do you view your relationship with your spouse and your kids? Do you see your spouse as an equal to you in all things? Or, do you see your spouse as your better half? Maybe you see it the other way around? Are all your children equally loved and fairly treated? Or, do you have a favourite child that is easier to love and isn't required to do much for your affection? If this is the case, is it obvious to the rest of the family, or is it something you keep to yourself? Lastly, who comes first above all else? Your spouse or your children? And why? Could there ever be a scenario that changes this order of importance?
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If you're there the whole time, there would be little things that would grate on me as a parent. You would just sit there or wander around when we're saying a prayer. Some of the little kids would get distracted and that would effect how those parents want to raise their kids.
Whenever anyone else wanted to share a faith-building story or bear testimony or talk about Jesus... you'd be sitting there as the elephant in the room. It wouldn't matter if you were a stranger. But when they are people who love you, it is VERY awkward.
I could list more issues. But you get the point.
I understand what you've written.
That said, my parents have had family friends from overseas visit during the holidays that are not even Christian, and they did not participate in prayers or scriptures after dinner. I don't see how it'd be any different for me being there as their daughter! And even though I don't believe in god, I'm not so rude to walk around or talk during a moment of prayer, I can sit quietly - and if that's not good enough for someone, gees... What's an acceptable amount of tolerance towards a non-Christian that is having dinner at your table and does not participate in prayer?
As another day has passed, and I've got excellent feedback from this thread and from just talking it out with my husband, I am feeling okay about visiting just New Years. I think celebrating Christmas at home and doing the Santa thing for my daughter will be nice, we actually haven't had a "just us" Christmas in our new home yet, we've lived here going on three years and the first two years we had family stay. So maybe this is a good thing after all.
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So 9 of the 10 kids fit in this house (must be a palace)? is this true Bini? You are the only one excluded?
Their home is big but not all the kids will be there. I pointed out "ten kids" and our backgrounds to give an idea of why we're not all chummy. The age differences play a big part in that. (Some of the siblings are grandparents...) I consider about four of them actual siblings and the others more like very extended and distant relatives. But for those four siblings, yes, they'll be there.
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If this happened to any one of my siblings there would be a declaration of family war on my mom's feet. My mom would be in so much trouble... My siblings would lit up on her for not giving them a chance to see the new baby and singling me out of the family. My mom is also OCD and so yeah, I understand the need for "presentation" and "proper hostess" but my mom wouldn't go so far as keeping siblings apart from each other... She'd rather we all rent a house where we all fit (which we have done - we actually rented an entire island!). But yea, my family is like that - we have no problem warring with each other when we see somebody do something stupid. It eventually gets resolved and it's like nothing happened.
I'm kinda weirded out that none of your siblings are complaining though...
And yea, if things are just gonna be worse if you file a complaint, better just make the most of it, I guess.
I should clarify that my family is massive. There are 10 kids, some of us are biological, some of us are blended, some of us are adopted, and our ages range from 29 to 50. I only grew up with my youngest sister and the brother just older than me. I am not close to the others but we are civil with each other. I get along well with my sister but we've butt heads a few times this year, mainly, regarding parenting topics. (She is dealing with infertility issues and a few months ago I said some things that really ticked her off.) My brother, I don't see him often at all, he lives in California and is 7 years older than me, so we're not super close or anything. I guess what I'm getting at is that we're not particularly a tightly knit bunch.
The only other thing I can think of, is that my family is nervous about having a newly subscribed atheist/agnostic at the Christmas dinner table, haha. I admit, I have been very vocal with them about not wanting to discuss religion, especially in MY home. I don't care what they do in theirs, and being a guest in theirs, I'm fine with prayers or whatever else they wish to do - I just want participate. I think because my family, overall, is conservative LDS, they're all a bit iffy having me there. Possibly. I mean, aside from my mum's need to keep her house insanely perfect, that's the only other thing I would guess.
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In addition, I don't like the attitude that IF you can't afford it, why would you plan for it? I can afford to take all my friends out to dinner and to the movies. But if one of them says they're coming and then don't, it's agreed upon that I'll be reimbursed for buying their plate and movie ticket ahead of time. My "billing", or reminder, would be a PayPal Request to them. I think it's fair.
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What would be the purpose for billing them? If you couldn't afford the reserved seat, you wouldn't have invited them. So, the only purpose I could discern is either to punish a no show or to exact revenge. Both of which are bad actions as a response to somebody who is close enough to you to invite to your wedding.
Especially as most people who RSVPs to a wedding but don't show up are not usually doing it because they couldn't care less... For someone to be close enough to a person to be invited to a wedding and thought of highly enough to have accepted... It is more than likely that a no-show is because of circumstances beyond anyone's control.
Caterers know this and normally are prepared to adjust the guest list + or - a certain number of seats for contingencies.
Just how I feel about it. Simple as that.
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I recently found out my husband has been contacting the LGBT community about his feelings toward being transgender. He went as far as going to the doctor for a "wellness visit" where he was given Hormone Replacement Therapy to become physically more like a woman. This was all done without my knowledge. I found the drugs under the bed while I was cleaning the floor. I feel so betrayed by his actions, and don't know how to handle the situation. I have gone to a counselor a couple of times, but the counselor is very liberal in his beliefs. Does anyone know where the church stands on this topic? I just don't feel like it is right? Does anyone know where I can go to get some advice and support?
These topics really hit close to home for me and not because I'm "liberal" but because I do have people IN my life that live with the challenges of being LGBT. For an individual who has postponed seeking information or help regarding suppressed feelings, such as same-sex sexuality or gender identification, it's a super scary situation and likely not one they're openly going to discuss right off the bat. Even with close friends, family, and yes, even spouses. I understand your feelings of betrayal and frustration, but I'd urge you to continue being loving and listen to whatever your husband needs to say, when he is ready. I'm certain he's not feeling all that fantastic, either, not with how LGBT's are viewed by outsiders.
I agree with others, find a support system, and start having those tough discussions about living with a loved one who is homosexual or transgender. I should add, transgender is the transition from one sex to the other, but is not limited to one sexual preference. There are transgender gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and heterosexuals. It's a lot to comprehend and gather but if you're wanting to at least learn what your husband might be dealing with, there are plenty of resources for family members to read up on, groups to join, where you can find that helpful information. You don't have to agree with it, it's just info in explaining a little bit in what LGBT folks are going through.
Good luck. Be a friend, be a lover, and be patient.
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Disney's Tomorrowland
I wasn't excited to see this because I knew ahead of time that it was reviewed as 'mediocre' to outright bad. The beginning was thrilling enough. I was actually interested to see where things we're going. But it didn't take long for it to drag and reach a point of sci-fi that I didn't appreciate much. The concept is a bit challenging to gather, I thought, especially for a family movie. My 4-year old surprisingly made it through and didn't seem to loose focus but overall it just wasn't a fluid movie. I wouldn't watch it again and I wouldn't recommend it, either.
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Bini, I do sympathize.
What if... Maybe we could look at this as a positive.
What if this just means she feels comfortable enough with you that she's just telling you what she wants? She's not going to accept your offer, then mutter under her breath about those reasons she gave you? She just flat out told you.
Do you know how easy it would be for a family member to just lie to you and then hold a grudge? Instead she used the honest method. That's a good sign, don't ya think?
We don't believe she is being forthcoming. She claims that we wouldn't be comfortable on her living room floor and that's why we can't visit during Christmas. My husband and I think the truth is a combination of two things; (1) her tick to have her house presented a certain way, and (2) the idea of guests sleeping on the floor means that she has failed as a host in not successfully accommodating everyone. I believe these are the real reasons and feel that they're a bit selfish.
That said, though the whole thing grates on me, I will come to terms with whatever the outcome is and if New Years is our only time to visit - so be it. My parents are older, in their 70's and I don't want to waste any opportunities for them to see their grand kids.
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Yes, we could get a hotel room for x amount of days but my husband and I are likely to just visit for New Years. It's not ideal, for us, but at least the grandparents will get to visit with our kiddos even if siblings won't get that chance. After I wrote my initial post last night, I talked it over with hubby some more, and he was able to get me settled down a bit. I never realised how my family functions so differently from others, until being married to my husband, whose family is very close-knit and will cram everyone in one room just so they can all be together. My family is loving but not in that way.
Paid for, never got!
in Advice Board
Posted
***Oct. 30 not Oct. 3!