Nelly

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Everything posted by Nelly

  1. Sure, Sure . Excuses, excuses. He already beat you to it .
  2. Did not only the Roses and Violets poem just remind me of this.. but also did Beefche's picture... my fiance once told me this.. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, me without you is like a cow that cannot moo"
  3. I'm not the one complaining, as Dravin said.. I just thought it was interesting and shared it. Also, I think he's more complaining about the people who are enforcing the honor code more than they use to. The students there seem to have more of a issue with the two employees than the honor code itself.
  4. Yes Dravin, I asked the original person if I could share it :). I wouldn't want to be that silly to post something without permission that someone else wrote . I
  5. As in posting this? Yes, I asked before I did.
  6. I have a friend that attends BYU-Hawaii and she posted this on her facebook from a friend of hers M.F. He wrote about the Honor Code office and how it became an issue with two people. I thought it was pretty interesting and thought I would share it with others and your opinions on it. Sent to the local BYUH magazine and the Honor Code office. One of the greatest truths ever uttered is the line “The good don’t know how close to evil they really are.” It’s a truth, albeit a difficult one to accept, that more fully embraces a much older saying most are familiar with: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The truth in these statements is well evidenced in history. The Pharisees for example were not always a diabolically stubborn and arrogant group that resisted the savior, they started off as the priests waiting for his coming. But over time as they took more and more measures to ‘enforce good’, they began to believe more and more in forcing people to be righteous. Once that system was in place, abuse quickly avalanched, and a once righteous group of people ended up being the fiercest to oppose Christ’s coming. They knew better, they were the right ones, and nothing could dissuade them. BYUH is, like all the BYU schools, a firm believer in what they refer to as an “Honor Code”, a set of rules and moral values that students are encouraged to adhere to. Usually, this isn’t a bad thing. Much like members of the church are encouraged to live certain values, each of the BYU schools encourages its students to stand for something honorable and right. The problem is that BYUH has of today crossed the line. The honor code as I witnessed it being used today is not a standard of good, but a tool for personal power. Many students have voiced concerns over the recent lockdown of many vague and unexplained areas of the honor code, areas vague enough they are left open to abuse by those who enforce it. For those of you who have not yet had the misfortune of running into the new Honor Code Gestapo, I would like to relate two stories that have both occurred in the last week. I’m an off-campus student who lives like many students in Hauula due to BYUH’s housing shortages. This puts me several miles from campus, and I walk or bike these miles every day. In order to keep from being a disgusting sticky mess when I arrive on campus, I wear carefully selected athletic shorts. They’re modest, below the knees, plainly colored, and I have worn them both while here and the entirety of my three and a half years spent at BYU Provo, which has no problem with athletic shorts as long as they are modest. Last week I had the unfortunate experience of being told I was no longer welcome to eat at the school cafeteria because I was wearing these shorts. I was upset. Why had I never been turned away before? They were modest shorts. My garments were covered. They weren’t extravagant or “extreme”. Any attempts to get an explanation were thrown back at my face with a simple phrase: That’s the rule. You can’t eat here. So I went to the honor code office to voice my displeasure and found myself talking to a senior couple, the McWells. In trying to explain my case (which had to be forced over the McWells constant lack of interest) I reached the point of explaining how I biked from Hauula, Sister McWell interrupted me to loudly exclaim “Well then you can just bike to another university!” and turned up her nose at me. This was when I decided that the BYUH honor code as it stands now needs to be changed. But what I saw today drove home another fact. That we need to change how it is enforced. Today, once church let out I decided to see what the cafeteria was serving for lunch. Turns out it was snideness, with a side order of derision. Brother and Sister McWell had parked themselves outside of the front door to the cafeteria and were busily turning away what seemed to be about three out of every four who came to eat. But they weren’t just turning them away, they were acting in what I believe to be the most arrogant and insulting manner I have ever seen in a BYU employee at any school. I witnessed a group of people walk up fresh from church and almost pass until Sister McWell held out her hand and informed one member of the group that he wasn’t allowed to eat there because he hadn’t shaved. Now, it was clear to see that this clean, well dressed young student had in fact, shaved that morning. There wasn’t even a five o’ clock shadow on his face, just the few whiskers that normally pop up after a few hours. But that wasn’t the clincher. No the clincher was when she looked right at him and told him in the same manner as you would a two year old barely old enough to understand, “You see, we have standards at this school. And you’re not following those standards. You’re not welcome here.” Have you ever seen the fifth Harry Potter movie? The one with Dolores Umbridge, the absolutely vile self-assured woman who acts like everyone is a small child that needs to be told what to think and plainly abuses what power she has in every way? The situation here reminds me a lot of that. Is this what the honor code is supposed to represent? If the honor code is to be enforced, there is a right way to do it and there is a wrong way to do it. This is the wrong way. This is in fact one of the worst ways that the “honor” code could be enforced. And yes, I surround it with quotes because as it is being enforced now, there is nothing honorable about it. It’s a sham. For the “honor” code to be honorable, it would be left to the decision of the student, not enforced by an all-to-eager couple hunting for infractions. Part of the current problem with the “honor” code stems from what I said earlier about it. The “honor” code is very vague in several areas. No athletic shorts is a prime example. What’s wrong with athletic shorts? Nothing is said. I can see a clear problem if someone arrives at the cafeteria with a pair of shorts covering about as much as a speedo, or a bit more, but when someone shows up wearing a pair of below-the-knee plain black shorts, what is the problem? What determines whether shorts are indeed athletic? I’ve seen several pairs of shorts that are ‘approved’ that don’t look very different from the shorts I’m wearing. Is there a list of brands I should be avoiding? Has BYUH decided that Adidas are permissible but Nike shorts are not? Seems to me that shorts make much more sense than a pair of business slacks, one is cool and refreshing, the other is hot, muggy and leaves you sweaty. Also, lets ignore the argument that one is “unprofessional” is worthless. My field won’t hire people wearing ties because of bad experiences with so-called professionals. I happen to own my own development studio. The “unprofessional” argument is just a way of justifying enforcement of a personal opinion. There are other grey areas as well. The honor code states that all men must have a “Clean-shaven appearance.” Who defines what is and isn’t clean shaven? The young man I saw turned away from the cafeteria had plainly shaved several hours earlier, is BYUH going to put in a series of “shave-rooms” so that every man on BYU campus can shave every five hours in order to be “clean shaven” enough to eat? Currently these vague areas are where the advantage is being taken by those who have been given the capacity to enforce them. The grayest area by far that deserves mention is BYUH’s supposed use of facebook. Now I will state right up front that the BYUH honor code office in the same sentence will both deny ever using facebook and say “but it’s public information anyway”, which casts a lot of doubt on the first half of the statement. I’ll simply add that while it may be public information, the law is saying otherwise to those who assume it can be used, having decreed facebook as “protected content”. A word to the wise BYUH, if a student caught you snooping on their facebook page as many have voiced concerns over, you could be facing serious legal problems. Now a word about enforcement. Clearly there is something wrong with BYUH’s “honor” code if it is enforced through belittlement, insults and threats. First of all, if the majority of your student body is actively breaking a rule which you set in place, the issue probably isn’t that the students are being unreasonable, it is far more likely that you are. Secondly, if the reaction to the active breaking of the rule is to enforce a form of tyranny, to take away the students choice in the matter, to belittle them, to insult them in order to bend them to your will, then you may as well drop the pretense of the “honor” code altogether. We should already know by now that forcing someone to do right is the wrong way to do things. Then there is the irony of people wearing the “respectable” clothing being the ones acting in a derogatory manner, which I’ll leave at that. To summarize, BYUH has overstepped its own bounds in enforcing a document which is at odds with the students. Rather than admit the possibility of change or engage in one-to-one discussion, BYUH’s honor code office has gone on the attack. BYUH claims to be working towards “…moral, ethical, and spiritual enrichment…” but I fail to see how it lives up to that standard when it verbally attacks and insults students for disobeying loosely defined “honor” values the school itself claims to live by. BYUH needs a change now, both in the “Honor” code an in its own structure. Change is in no way unheard of. BYU Provo has made many changes over the years. Until the 80s, women were not even allowed to wear pants on BYU campus, until enough women revolted that BYU Provo realized that it in fact had to change and in the end nothing was wrong with pants. I call for a change. BYUH’s “honor” code is anything but in the manner it is currently being enforced, and areas of the “honor” code itself are up to myriad interpretations. The honor code needs to be approved by the students, not used as a tool against them. One last word in this regard, I find it not at all in balance that the standards of BYUH’s “honor” code are higher than those required to hold my temple recommend. If the standards are so high that one can enter the temple but not BYUH something needs to change.
  7. Nelly

    Cruise

    Florida!
  8. Obviously, the boy doesn't know what he wants, and he's both going to play you two hard if you keep letting him. Also, if he has a girlfriend and he keeps choosing her over you, you're always going to come second. It's not nice hearing that, but it's what happens when someone else comes along in a couple's relationship. He also seems like he doesn't know what he wants in life, and he feels like you can be a back up plan if things don't happen with him and his girlfriend. He doesn't deserve your or the girl if he is doing this. It's going to take time to move on as loudmouth_Mormon says. You need a guy who will actually love you and not treat you the way this guy is.
  9. Mahone likes Macs.. he spends a lot of time with them at work!
  10. Beefche, If you're gonna make your own invitations, or want to put them together, a really great idea is to go to a printer press where they can do the lettering and wording printing for you.. and you can get the paper and card stock from Card Stock, Vellum Paper, Envelopes, Metallic Cardstock, Invitation Cards Specialty Wedding Stationery - Paperandmore.com It's a lot cheaper and it looks way nice. I've decided to do this since I like doing crafty stuff, and it will save money :).
  11. Well you need to replace my driver . This one works better, but it has the tendency of disconnecting, and connecting itself at random times :).
  12. Well, you broke my internet.. and you still haven't fixed it..
  13. Beefche, What is your budget? I wasn't given one, which I think he'll regret :).
  14. Yeah.. after someone made you!
  15. Yes it is the IT guy's job to fix things, but the ones who break the stuff blame that it's the IT tech's fault because it's his subject of area. People don't know how to take responsibility anymore.
  16. Just blame Mahone for everything, that's what the IT guy is for. Just to blame everything on :)
  17. What about Macs?
  18. Lol.. I have mention many times to him that I would seriously elope.. Just think of all the money you can save... and a lot of Mormons say that is the best idea and to have a wedding reception later on, because really you don't know what kind of wedding you want until probably 10 years later.
  19. This lady that I would babysit for, she told me that you go for what you want to spend the most money on. Like if it was your dress, photography, flowers, or whatever.. and then simplify the rest to make it decent and affordable. I've been planning since I've gotten engaged around Christmas time, and I love theknot.com. It gives you a lot of things to work with! Such as a budget planner, a notebook to keep pictures, vendors, etc,etc together. I also have many blogs I like to look at such as polkadotbride.com, and marryyoume.com. If you don't want to get married in the Church's gym, which I can understand I really don't want to either, I found a place that I can rent for $100 an hour.. which is a really nice place. But I live in Florida, so find a place that you might like to have it at and if you can have the ring ceremony there as well. To really find out a budget you need to make a guest list and who's all contributing so you can really plan on how much you want to spend on everything. Then work from there. Smaller weddings you're more likely to be able to make it look nicer without breaking the bank. I have a lot of problems with planning since me and my fiance live like 5000 miles away. So he doesn't have to deal with much of the stress. Lucky him! Find people around your ward that's really good at photography, and might get you a great deal, or someone that decorates cakes for a living or something.. It's good to have connections within a work to make things better and easier. All the best, and congrats :) xxx
  20. That I would agree with as well.. All you need for the girl is a pretty dress and a bouquet. And two witnesses for the temple ceremony :)
  21. Well, maybe if you didn't sound like a workaholic, you would have left work 5 hours ago.. and wouldn't have this problem would you?
  22. Guys are like the weekend, they come real fast and we don't hear from them for a week
  23. I'm going to be 20 in a few months, but my fiance is a few years older. I think you're all right.. Gwen, Wingnut, and Loudmouth_mormon. I am old enough to make my own decisions, I think my Dad doesn't want me to grow up, or he's trying to hold on to me longer.Many people believe that I need to move on, and it's time for me. All my other sisters left at 18-19..why is it different for me? He says it's 'getting a degree' he's more concerned about, but me and my fiance already talked about me finishing school since I'll be done with my two year degree by the end of this year. We both know it's important to me, and he respects that's what I want as well, and he will make sure I get it. I think a lot of it too as Wingnut says, is the frustration of him always being with his Mom, he seems to be doing a lot better since he's not sitting at the hospital everyday since she's passed away.. but still I'm getting blamed for most any problem at this point at home if something is not done. I've tried talking more to him about it Gwen, but it seems like he doesn't want to talk about it or tell me why he doesn't want to. There's nothing wrong with the guy, he's amazing and gets along very well with my family. Also my dad is kind of the controlling type of person, if I keep letting him hold me back, when will he ever let me go? I really appreciate all your advice and thoughts towards this!
  24. I have recently became engaged on Christmas day. I told my mom and she was really happy,and so were others..My dad wasn't there because he was taking care of his mother because she was ill. He was out of town. My dad finally came home about two weeks ago, and ever since he's been back he hasn't been so nice to me. He says some really harsh things, always is yelling, and always blames that I never do anything, and I'm wrong, and thinks of the worse scenarios to happen to me. I tried to talk to him about getting married in June.. that wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't accept the fact that I want to get married. I am in school, and will be finishing school. That's what me and fiance plan to happen anyways because he knows how important it is to me. I don't understand why he doesn't want me to get married, he's taking everything out on me like it was my fault, because I wanted to be happy. My dad isn't the happiest guy in the world, and my parents don't have much of a relationship..don't ask me why they're still together. My sisters says the only reason why he is acting this way is because I'm his favorite, I'm the youngest of the 7 of us girls, but I feel like it isn't true by the way he keeps treating me. Me and my fiance decided to get married in December by this year, I haven't told him that yet, because I'm too scared of his reaction. I really need advice really on how to handle this. I am an adult now, I do pay for bills, and my insurance, and other stuff.. I just feel like he doesn't want me to leave because I contribute so much to my family because he doesn't work and my Mother only has ever since I was little. Should I go on with the marriage, or let him make me wait? I feel like it's my choice ultimately what I want, and he is going to have to accept it sooner or later.. any thoughts? Thanks :).
  25. I was kind of mad that they change it my last year of high school! Because then I was more rushed into finishing the last value! . I love the new books they came up with, especially the binders, it's definitely more updated! I received the new one, but for as a gift for Christmas, (total sentimental gift.) My Grandmother who just passed away a week after, had given me her Young Women's medallion. She knew how much it meant to me to finish, and she always wanted a part of her to always be with me. The gold one with the girl. So I like either one, depending on what meaning you give to it :).