Backroads

It all leaves me wondering what the big deal is about wehther or not he practiced polygamy. I personally have no problem with the idea that he did and that he even made it a tad sexul, though I like to assume it was at some degree of consenting.

"You people"?

Welcome!

Seriously, I went to a book signing and he immediately knew who I was.

"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten". --GK Chesteron. As an avid reader, I really despise it when people say fiction is bad.

I guess my opinion on that is that it doesn't matter what they do with it. If it's something you choose to do, it's good for your soul no matter what the receiver chooses to do. Charity is like forgiviness: it's more about you than the other person.

I used to stalk Chris Heimerdinger on his old website

Oh, I have no doubt the policy was abused! I also am well aware women did not necessarily like it. I have had relatives who have been in polygamous relationships who were downright miserable. Same way with LDS ancestors.

You have all given me a lot to consider here. As for observing the family... it's difificult to observe them. They live too far away to just "go visit" I'm afraid.

Huh. And I'm usually the chatter box when someone asks me about my emotions. Unless I am feeling bitter.

My emotional needs: communication, conversation, a worthy priesthood holder in the home, someone who will be good to kids, and someone who respects my need for occassional space without getting offended. He's great at all of those except the last one, but he says he wants to work at it. His emotional needs: Being appreciated, being "survived" (he needs people to be patient with him, which I'm good at.) These are the ones I've put into words. Frankly, I do feel I have looked at those issues. I honestly feel we would have a great practical marriage... it's the romance that's concerning me. Then again, I may not know what else to look for. As for his ex, I have met and am even Facebook friends with a mutual friend of both of them who is able to balance the friendships despite the divorce. My fiance has urged me to get his ex's side from his friend who knows both, which I have done. She says the ex was this young thing who wasn't ready to get married and really had no interest in marriage... and honestly was a little too wrapped up in herself. A great, great girl, but apparently not ready for that commitment. She also says the ex may have been urged into the marriage by my fiance, which is something he says may have been a problem. Which is maybe what is worrying me. Like I said, I'm independent. I never felt like my life would be over if I didn't marry in this life. It makes me wonder how interested I am in marriage. For his family... I chat with mom and his little brother. We spent Thanksgiving with them, so I got that time in. mormonmusic, may I say how good you are at picking my brain? I sure appreciate this.

Thanks, everyone! Honestly, I think my spirituality thing was a moment of temporary doubt. I'm feeling much better and closer to God. I like this place. It's good for my neurosis. I am rather neurotic.

Oh, I'm all about pre-marital counseling even when things are good. He's a little iffy, because he had counseling during his first marriage and it still ended in divorce. He... just started his military career. When we were dating, he thought my independent streak would make me a perfect military wife, and I still think it would. I do love this guy. I guess I feel paranoid and wonder what i should look for. Thank-you so much everyone.

Thanks, everyone. There's also this matter that we've only been dating since May. I've dated lots of guys before and never had the desire or interest to get involved with someone as deeply as I have here. And this morning I'm suddenly panicking if he is the right guy or not. Logically, everything about him is great. I've been examining some of my nitpicky issues with him over the past few weeks and have decided I'm good with those: He swears a little, but not every other word and the fact is he was raised on a ranch and is a military man. He's opinionated--again, he's a very politically conservative ranch boy and I'm very good at rolling my eyes and nodding at things if they aren't big deals. He's a little more churchy than I am, which I think will be great for me. I'm terrible with change, and I'm wondering/hoping if that's part of what I'm feeling today. So what are some bad/good signs I should be looking for? And please, feel free to treat me as naive as you would like. I need it.

Oh, I'm definitly for spending time with him, but with our schedules it's difficult, and he's bothered that it doesn't bug me as much as it bugs him.

So I am engaged to be married, have been so for a little over a month. We have been dating since May. He's a very good man, and has been married once before. We will be getting married in the temple. Now... this is pretty much since last night when we got into a fight. Now I'm having either the normal jitters and nerves, or serious doubt. The fight was over how much time we spent together and how I didn't seem especially affectionate last night. It leaves me wondering just how committed I am to this relationship. We've made up, but I'm still feeling very weird about the relationship. Some background: I suffer from mild social anxiety disorder. I'm an extremely independent person, and I can get on fine on my own--I don't need to be around people constantly and am perfectly happy being by myself. I also do have troubles expressing my feelings. So I do think a lot of it is me being terrified of marriage, wondering if this really is the right guy. Are there are warning signs I should look for? Any things I should notice as good?

Postponing the marriage could possibly be a good idea. There is nothing healthy about forcing a marriage that doesn't feel right.

Thanks for the reference. I guess that my grain of salt with church doctrine is big enough that I will only accept as core doctrine what has been defined as a prophetic revelation, not a prophet musing and coming up with ideas based on other comments. Not saying it's not true, I'm just saying the Gospel Doctrine book is not scripture and neither is everything a prophet says.

Congratulations for coming back! Take it slow as you need. Rushing a convert/returned member can do damage, and it's your spirituality and testimony, not the wards. Feel free to say no to things you feel you can't handle. And don't worry about the clothes. I think that anyone who gives you crap about clothing (unless you are purposely trying to shake things up with something scandelous ) has some issues they need to work out on their own. When I was working at Boy Scout camp, a large number of our staff were LDS and we would travel down to the closest LDS church in a little town in the middle of nowhere (and a lot of the non-LDS kids would come just because it was closer than the churches of their own faiths). It was not uncommon for our boys to wear their Venturing uniforms to church, and when we would have Woodbadge family camps over the weekend plenty of people showed up at the ward in whatever they had available. No one cared (then again, I think this was was used to it after four decades.)

Sad. I personally believe Switzerland is the most beautiful country on earth and that God made it last.

Very true. A happy and healthy divorced relationship is infinitely better than an unhappy, unhealthy marriage. Staying together for the kids is a bad idea. Kids can tell. It's best they know mommy and daddy both love them very much and separate so bad feelings aren't all over the place.

Now I think there is a difference between a parent giving insight and personal take on a relationship about whether they approve/disprove, but that doesn't mean an adult child has to obey. It's also not ideal to make her completely cut off any and all ties to her family if she is that close to him. But boundaries need to be made. I like the idea of moving further away, if possible.

I don't know if I consider that "explicit", at least on the "become gods" part. I believe we will be exalted. Does "become gods" mean we will be creating our own worlds? I don't recall seeing that in any gospel manual, those please correct me if I'm wrong.

The Lehi Tree. Cannot remeber the author.