rufuswhitman

I am not surprised to hear about that study. With each generation, our expectations rise. This is not (by itself) good or bad. A car with air conditioning used to be a luxury. A house with indoor plumbing used to be a luxury. Nowadays, such things are so commonplace as to be considered "standard", so then the next level of necessities come in. This has its perks and drawbacks, but I for one am happy to regularly have clean clothes, no serious illnesses, transportation, good food, etc., without having to spend the majority of the day providing them. RW

You don't think there would be any mothers anywhere in the world that would feel slighted if missionaries could call home only on Fathers' Day? I have doubts about that. Either way, just something to consider. To be absolutely fair and avoid even the impression of preferential treatment, the calls could simply be on a random day approximately six months away from Christmas. My original thought was motivated by a mild insensitivity in the Church towards men/fathers and an elevated sensitivity towards women/mothers. Example: want to be treated like a princess? Be pregnant in Provo. RW

At what point is a person evil vs. righteous? Each of us is imperfect, and therefore we have some good and some bad. We may be surprised to know how few righteous there are in the church and few evil there are in the world (and also how many). RW

Is there any difference between otoplasty for the ears, a tummy tuck, or getting braces on the teeth? Most people who get braces do so to improve their looks. Same with people dying their hair. The motivation behind them is the same. The only difference is one of degree. RW

... enough to lose a copyright dispute, that's for sure.

I appreciate what you are saying here. I would like to point out that when I was struggling, I experienced the exact same thing coming from fellow members. I, at that time, came away disappointed from the well-intentioned but ill-informed advice. RW

How much controversy do you think there would be if they had the calls take place only on Christmas and Fathers' Day? Just a thought... RW

To the OP: Skip the Herbal Magic Program or any other program that sells you anything. You can do everything you need for free. If you want to lose weight, you need to do the following: a) eat less. To make this easier, do this: b) keep track of everything you eat and record the calories c) improve the quality of your foods d) keep track of your weight e) realize your weight will fluctuate day to day f) over time, adjust what you eat for the desired rate of loss. g) be more active. This is recreation, which includes all aerobics, running, and sports. This is optional, but will speed up fat loss. h) exercise. This is just hard work intended to specifically make you stronger. This is optional also, but will speed up fat loss. You should be able to tell exactly how many calories you have eaten on a given day, or a weekly average, or a monthly average. Go as far down the list as you want to. You will lose simply from following "a" alone, but b-h will make it happen faster. The tips beyond h make only very minor differences. There are very many excellent books on this subject. Among the best are those that promote healthy eating of normal foods and contain a strength-oriented exercise component. Darden's books are a fine place to start. RW

Yes it can be said too often. Usually when it is said too often it is a sign of insecurity on the part of the speaker. Its use is a way of being needy. When said too often, its value gets watered down. It can become annoying as well, once the recipient realizes that the words are hollow wound licking for another person's instability. It is a symptom to a greater ill. Once the speaker is no longer saying it purely for the recipient's benefit is when the "too often" train starts. Unfortunately for them, most of the speakers who do it are not attempting to be self-aware enough to recognize their own motives. RW

I appreciate the point you are making here. I also want to point that marriage is often described as exactly that... the only way to be happy, and that if we are not married then we will never be happy, etc. The Provo Girls youtube video about how desperate Provo girls are to marry is a stereotype but is based on some truth. The reason for that feeling has to do with how marriage is described. To the OP, I wish I had any encouragement for you. You face a lifetime of people privately wondering what's the matter with you. I wish it were not so. Many will try to get to know you just well enough to decide what that flaw is, whether or not they are accurate. It is one of the least welcoming and least Christ-like behaviors I can think of, and yet it is everywhere. By recognizing you will face this, you can take steps to not letting their behavior affect you. RW

Simplest advice: Dump her. If the situation were reversed, where he decided immediately after marriage that he was never going to have a job, how long would she last? In such a case, we would all be disappointed that he would claim to care for her needs and then utterly neglect them. He is well within his rights to pursue a relationship that is uplifting and positive (just as she would be). If she does not want to be a part of that, then I would not encourage him to stay with her out of blind duty to a sinking ship. I don't know the situation well enough to say he ought to do this (or anything else)... only that it is an option, and why I think so. RW

Realize that he may seem like a baby because you don't feel what he does. Realize that when you are sick or emotional or upset, he may have to be a lot more tolerant than you have noticed, because at that moment he doesn't feel what you do. Pretty much universal truth is that one of the worst things for a marriage is when either spouse stops being on the other spouse's team... so remember that if he is sick you (as a couple) are sick. This could sound preachier than I intended it, which was just to be in the abstract. Be strong, patient, and tolerant, and you may find that he is all the more so next time you need it. RW

The longest lasting way to have a positive relationship with her: stop expecting her to measure up to anything. Always be on her team, never on anyone else's team against her. Accept her as-is. Be supportive of her finding peace in her own way and in her own time. I don't know which of these would be changes for you, as I don't know your behavior. However, the principles still apply. More so-called mixed marriages fall apart because of one spouse claiming right over the other spouse's feelings or actions than of mixed marriages where they will always be a team, no matter what. RW

To the OP, I would recommend changing your perspective on one point. You said "we just allowed Satan to tempt us." Your situation will likely be improved if you think of it as "he and I made a decision that we later regretted." It's much harder to block metaphorical temptation from an invisible enemy than it is to take responsibility for your own physical, tangible, real behavior. I believe it will benefit you to think of it this way instead. Nothing that you have said had is relevant to whether or not he or you should continue dating. Reread that sentence if necessary. Hope this helps RW

Not supposed to pair off ever? What authority is that claim based on? In addition, what sense does it make?