BadWolf

Here in divorce-land... Money has been pretty tight. I'm FINE, or will be eventually... So this isn't something I want to bring up with people IRL. I cook for my DS10, but only eat, myself/usually, once a day. It saves me a couple hundred dollars a month, which lets me keep my son in sports (about the only 'normal' he has in his life right now) and do a few small things that keeps him from knowing how bad off things really are. (We're talking $20 a month 'it's the little things'. Buying a book. Getting taffy with his mates. Renting a movie. Cooking for 6 one night to have friends over. That type.) So you can see why I don't want people IRL to know I'm not eating, when its a CHOICE on my part. But I don't know how to handle prayer at meals. When I'm not eating them / I'm doing my best to make sure my son doesn't notice. School weeks are easy. Weekends and holidays I'll clean the kitchen while he sits at the bbar and we chat and he eats, or we'll curl up with a movie or book as a 'treat', or I'll have his dinner for him in the car after sports. But to keep him from noticing, involves not doing sit down prayers at the table, kind of thing. Praying at mealtimes is fairly new to him, so its not something he catches until one of his friends, or the elders, or scout leader, etc. brings it up. But that's becoming a more and more often thing. So I'm just really not sure how to handle prayers before meals. Suggestions?

Also exMilitary... I've always taught my son: When is it okay to hit/kick/bite/etc., aka attack someone, aka when is violence okay? - When you're defending yourself - Defending someone else - Learning how to fight ((Also... That rudeness is attacking someone without touching them, and the same rules apply.)) ______ I find there to be a ginormous difference, as well... Between cruelty / pleasure in hurting others/ exerting power or subjugating the weak, and mutually agreed upon contact. Like sex vs rape. A punch in the shoulder can be 'Love you, man!' Or 'Fear me.' A martial arts match can be two athletes striving for excellence, while showing each other respect, etc. or it can be about hatred and disrespect. Words, as well, can be violent. The exact same phrase, with 2 entirely different meanings. Levels. Intent. Application. KWIM?

Allons-y! Also always just sort of been impressed by BigBadWolf. Not only doing what wolfs do best, but so dedicated as to actually learn another language, combat physics, and when all else fails, cross dress. Not a lot of common sense, perhaps. But a whole lot of chutzpah! Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. BW

So..... I was going to simply lurk, but don't have the worlds best impulse control. Meaning I figured after posting twice already... I might want to say 'allo. Statistically relevant info? So new I'm still wet behind the ears. Reeling JUST a bit from culture shock. Smidge. Little bit. 30 mumble. Single mom of an utterly fantastic now (gulp!) 10yo (where did the time go?!?). Ex-many things. On-hold many things. Excited about sooooo many things. Currently in school (sigh. possibly forever), and wading through the D&C. Possibly 'askin for it', if anyone has favorite sections D&C or elsewhere, Id love to have avenues to explore I might not otherwise find for awhile. All my best to you and yours! And, Hullo! Heya. Hello. Hi's. Ciao! BadWolf

This may or may not be helpful... Depends on if you can see the parallel. Instead of telling you what you should do (but do, please go back and read, you've gotten some SOLID instruction to seriously consider), I'm goi g to tell you about what I AM doing. And why. See if it helps. I made a promise to myself not to date for at least 2 years, and preferably 5, following my divorce. Why? Because my husband was abusive, and I was a SAHM for 10 years... - Statistically, it takes women coming out of an abusive marriage 5 years to not just repeat the same mistake (subconsciously going for exactly the same TYPE of man they just left. 2nd verse, same as the first. - Because statistically it takes longterm SAHMs 5 years to 'get back on their feet' after rejoining the workforce to a level COMPARABLE to where they were in their marriage. - After having been married to my ex for 11 years, I cannot adequately describe how low my standards are. The bar is low. Very. Very. Loooooooow. (Which is a good thing. If it wasn't as low as it is, I might think it was 'normal'.) - As a newly divorced single mom... I'm a target. For every creep looking for someone desperate or damaged. - As a newly divorced single mom, I'm a target for every single pedophile who is looking for easy access to a kid, who can use the desperate and damaged aspect to win mom's heart and blind her to what's happening to her kid. In other words "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me for a member!" So... Chafe! Chafe! Chafe!.... I'm spending the next few years getting solidly on my own 2 feet again. Doing what I need to do, not for anyone else, but for me. Is it what I WANT to be doing? Bwahahahaha! Nope. No. Not at all. Let me repeat, no. But it's what I need to do. To be a good mom. To maybe be a good wife to a good man again someday. Its not what I want. It's head meet drywall hard. It's irritating, vexing, frustrating, annoying. But those 5 years are going to pass no matter what. At the end of them, who will I be? The woman I am now? Or one I want to be? So I grit my teeth, and do what I need to, instead of what I want to. <grin> And try and have as much fun doing it as possible!!! When all else fails... Eyes crossed in frustration are actually kinda funny. If I can just manage to laugh at myself. Sounds like you have some things you need to do, too. S'allright. But get ON that, yah? Take care of business. Time is going to pass no matter what. How you choose to spend it, and who you are at the end is on you. Just my .02 (Standard please pardon my phone's autocorrect, I can barely see 9 words at a time, so editing is unlikely.)

1) Those 4 years of street drugs may be a blessing in disguise. SOMETHING worked. And worked well enough to keep him alive for four whole years. His doctors as a teenager didn't, for whatever reason, stumble across 'it' or the right combo to make 'it' for his specific neurochemistry. 2) Every street drug has its medical counterpart. 3) Using this 4 years as a guide, a GOOD neurologist will be able to track the chemicals involved, along with neuro pathways (uptake, reuptake, inhibitors, etc.) and work out the specific mode of action needed IF there isn't a direct parallel (like alcohol or heroin to opioid receptors) Your son would hand to be completely honest about both the drugs used when he felt BEST as well as other behaviors he may not want to admit to (sex releases both hormones and neurotransmitters, risky behaviors release adrenaline and other chemicals, etc.). Whatever your son was doing that was WORKING on his depression a good neurologist can come up with a short list of variables to put together a treatment plan where he has the RIGHT meds, at the RIGHT dosage (that always takes tweaking) so that he's himself (instead of high), not struggling with addictions, and not having to be in a dark world trying to self medicate himself. If your son's been suicidal for 10 years.... He's HUGELY strong, and even though he wants to due, is fighting to live. If a neurologist is able to use those 4 years to put together the right meds so he can live with HIMSELF, be himself, and be the man he wants to be? It may not make those years worth it, but it would make the following years worth it, mas oui? 4) After 6 years of doctors and meds that didn't work, your son has learned to have faith that they will NOT work. That there is no option outside of the illegal drug world. It will take even more strength on his part to be willing to TRY, even though the first few attempts may fail again, while trying to get the right combo. On average, it takes about a year. But that year is going to pass no matter what. At the end of that year, he has a chance to be himself again, or be the same & or gone. HONEWORK ASSIGNMENT: Have your son start researching the drugs he used, and their mode of action (hormonal, dopamine reuptake inhibitor, etc. there are dozens), so that when he meets with the neurologist he can be an ACTIVE participant. He's already spent 4 years as a lab rat, so he knows on a personal level what these drugs do. Studying will give him the language. He's not a kid, anymore. That year will pass. How he chooses to spend it will NOT be as a child, but hopefully as an active participant... Who... Due to his trials is PARTICULARLY capable and knowledgeable about how he's affected. He's not a powerless kid. TELL him that. Have him turn ghjbgs on their head and look at how different (knowledge & capability) he is NOW from when he was 'new'. Former addicts make the BEST students of neurology. If he chooses to, he will be able to accomplish amazing things using that HARD won skillset. Hope some/any of this MIGHT help. All my best.