TalkativeIntrovert

Perhaps he was "psyching" you out, challenging your beliefs or looking for some other kind of reaction that will be dealt with later?

I remember going to one as a kid, but they have all closed down. We now go to "unimovies", the university sets up a movie theatre in the main hall and charges only $5 a ticket ($4 if you pre purchase). Compared to a minimum of $13 elsewhere it is a bargain. It means the movies have become affordable again as a family night out. They are not the latest movies, but usually only a few weeks old (ie not on dvd yet). It is interesting that crowd behaviour is back to what it was years ago - applauding, cheering, etc. I love the atmosphere :)

Alma 32:21 and 28 (though the whole chapter really)

I agree with Pam. My husband thinks it amusing to answer questions cryptically, all it does is annoy people (including me). To me, it seems that you have something to hide or are embarrassed about revealing your religion. I have to admit though, I have answered with "Not applicable" on a form before - because it was totally irrelevant to the situation, as was my occupation.

I normally say LDS, though the look of "What the ... ?" usually means I have to explain myself, and I do so by saying Mormon

Everyone has their own experiences and different outcomes. When I was dating I was not a member. I found that any time I was the one doing the asking out it ended badly. It seemed they either thought less of me (desperate) and treated it like they were "in" or felt threatened. I think the "threatened" part came about because I am incredibly shy/introverted so it would have come across very strongly due to me overcompensating. It probably didn't help that I had a successful career early and was in a high management position. I also have the belief that whoever does the asking does the paying (though the other person should offer). I wonder if it was emasculating that I paid first date? The whole dating scene is too complicated!!

Do you know why they are not fans of the church? Is it due to beliefs or something else? I can understand them getting mad about strangers knocking on the door - I am not happy about that myself, I even have a "Do not knock" sticker in my door. But that is not about what they are selling or promoting - it is about keeping my home a haven. It is important to know why they would stop you from being baptised.

He feels bad about not having family time and having the kids cry - but not bad enough to change things. He understands that you're unhappy and get no time to yourself - but does nothing to help you. He continues to play basketball and hang with the band. If your sister or best friend told you these things - what would you say to them? You are not being selfish by wanting a family life. That is the goal of the church - an eternal family. Here's what worked for us. I said I may as well be single as I am already doing it all on my own. If that is the case, I will plan my life as if I am single. Every 2nd week will be mine with the kids, every other week will be his. We are both working equal hours so everything will be shared equally. The first weekend I left him at home with the children and went to visit my mum and sister. The next weekend I had I stayed home but went for walks along the beach, to the park and to the art gallery. On my weekends with the kids I took them out on picnics/beach/walks as well and of course my husband was invited if he chose to come along - and he did. The difference it made was phenomenal! We stopped the week on/off thing fairly quickly as it was unnecessary. Think about how you feel now, and how you will feel in 5 years time if nothing has changed. If that thought makes you unhappy, you need to make changes now.

Hi GrayBeard and welcome. I too am returning to being active and looking to reinforce my testimony through reading and chatting in a non threatening environment (ie I can switch off whenever I want :) ).

Welcome Isaac - great name - it is my son's name and chosen because of the meaning as you mention :) Your family history is amazing!

Perhaps it was a guilt trip, though he still played at the expense of the family (3 children under 5yrs old, wife working full time, no extended family support). If he felt guilt, it was because he knew I wasn't coping yet he choose to take the only "free" day to himself and play golf, and he knew that was wrong. Though it seems in the case of the OP that neither of them are getting "me" time, they are having very little family time and LillyBelle feels that her husband is out enjoying himself in his calling.

I wish the missionaries would show a dvd like this to prospective converts! We had 2 baptisms this month, which is great. The first Sunday afterwards, when they were receiving the gift of the holy ghost, the male turned up in a suit, the young lady turned up in stuff I wear to the gym - black 3/4 length tights and a T-shirt (which did not cover her bottom). I have no issue with what people wear, I just hope she was informed about what is "normal" and made her own decision to dress like that, rather than not being informed and feeling bad. I saw 1 fellow turn up at church in New Zealand in a Bintang (beer) singlet, stubby shorts and thongs (on his feet). He had a long beard and tattoos. He was welcomed as much as if he were wearing a suit :)

Does your husband see this as an issue? Your exact scenario almost tore our family apart many years ago. My husband was Elders Quorum President. It impacted every part of our lives, his work suffered, he ended up in hospital which I believe was a lot to do with stress from both his job and his calling and the pressure from me to spend time with the family. Though he did choose to play golf on Saturdays as well, which I considered to be beyond selfish! I ended up saying that he had to work out what his priorities are - church, family, work, self. He needed to put them in order and them act on then, they weren't something you just say, they are something you must do. He asked to be released from his calling. He wasn't released a week when he was called into another calling, which he refused and we became inactive as we felt we weren't being heard or supported through a really tough patch, they were actually making things worse for us. My husband has remained inactive and cannot be encouraged back. He has even said that part of the reason is he can't handle another bad experience like that. He has told the visiting teachers and members of the bishopric about it, they say they understand but he still wont return. It is really important that you discuss all this with your husband, let him know the impact on you and your family. I don't want to see you end up where we did.

Lakumi, here's how it was explained to me recently: - a calling is required to be fulfilled - the relevant priesthood holders pray individually about it and come together and discuss who they were inspired to recommend - they discuss and pray as a group. Sometimes the answer is very evidently yes, othertimes no, and sometimes to pray some more. - if the answer is yes, the person is offered the position In my case, call it blasphemous, but I don't think it was an inspired calling. I think it was an "easy" calling they could give me due to my disability. It was also one that it didn't matter too much if I was unable to attend. I can see the goal of the priesthood is to get my family more active and a good way to do that is with callings. My son has now been offered the Deacon's Quorum President calling, which I think it great and he will do really well. He is a born leader, outgoing, organised and willing. I told him to not accept on the spot and ask if he could go and pray on it - that was after some feedback on this site and I am really glad that I found it was an option, rather than accepting on the spot because you feel you have to. He will now go into the role knowing he is part of the decision making process and received his own confirmation through prayer.

Eternum - I actually have my voice message stating that they should send a quick text and I will respond as soon as I can :) I rarely answer the phone as I get so flustered that all sensible thought leaves me. My name here says it all - I am happy to be talkative online, under controlled conditions, when I am comfortable. I can also do that in some social situations eg 1:1 and when I know the person well.

I get a headache every Sunday after church. I try and rush between classes so I am not caught in the hallway having to hug people and create social chit chat. I was given a calling of musical director and, putting aside having no musical talent at all, standing in front of the group conducting was so painful I would be in tears. I ended up asking to be released - and was. The stress was unbearable. So no, you are not alone. How I deal with it? Sometimes I just go to sacrament then go home. A few times I have become overwhelmed and gone and sat in the car, where, interestingly, I notice others doing the same. Obviously I don't know their reasonings. I have also spoken to the Sunday School teacher and asked not to be called upon for answers, she was great, she now asks the group for an answer and people raise their hands. Relief society is the worst, we now sit in a circle facing each other, there is no hiding. I have only been once since this new arrangement. It is getting harder as an introvert as I get older as a lot more seems to be expected of me. Maybe that is just in my head. You are right, the church doesn't work well for introverts, but it is not about socialising, it is about the spiritual, so I keep trying.

Not quite sure how to respond to all this! My current position has come about over 16 years. It is not a knee jerk reaction to a single mistake. Any decision I make will not be made lightly. Divorce is not an easy fix. It is heartbreaking and difficult. It is certainly not the first option. PB - if you had offered your advice 16 years ago I would agree with you (after much humble/humbling consideration no doubt :) ). We have been through prayer, counselling, bishop advice, setting up weekly financial reviews, weekly couples discussion on where we are and where we are going. The accounts have been set in a way that he has no access to cash, other than a very generous weekly "pocket money". He gained access to the cash through theft. To give an idea of the extent of the problem, we are in a huge amount of debt. I shop frugally for the family including 2nd hand shops for clothing, end of day bargains on food. I gave up things like hairdresser, beautician, makeup, etc - no big deal but an indication of the changes. Of course alcohol, smoking, drugs are out (he does drink though). Before giving up work I was earning $140,000+ a year, he was earning $80,000+ By any standards - we should be incredibly well off. Fact is that my husband has made choices that are well outside the covenants and promises we made together. I was going to list them, but wont, as it is nitpicking. My decision will be made on self preservation and more importantly preservation of our children - they come first. I would give up my eternal salvation for the sake of theirs. In regards to tithing, I don't have a strong enough testimony of it to pay it rather than pay the bills and have the family go hungry and homeless (tithing on our income is substantial) . I came from a poorer family where I had to work to pay for my own school books and uniforms - the parents income went on alcohol and gambling. I feel like I have married my family problems And no - there was no indication of this when we met. To be honest, I don't want to spend eternity with a person that puts selfish wants above the needs and welfare of loved ones. Perhaps I fit into the above statement as well - I am putting my selfish wants (secure financial position)above his (gambling). So be it. Just thought dumping here. I appreciate everyone commenting here. It makes me feel less alone. Everyone's opinions and experiences are valuable and I thank you all.

I get really cranky when people accuse others of receiving false revelation. We have been told that we can all receive personal revelation and to discredit yours means that they discredit everyone's including the prophet. They are putting their needs above yours to start with! Anyway, off my soapbox. Not everyone will agree with what you do, whether you go or not. So you need to stand true to yourself and true to the revelations you have received. Hopefully, when the naysayers see how committed you are to following the path you have been shown, they will admire you for your strength, even if they still disagree! I am not one for quoting scriptures, but if you think to the life of Jesus, he had a lot of people in opposition to what he knew he had to do. It is a tough situation you are in as your opponents are those you love and respect (family and bishop). I wish you well, whichever way you go.

Babysitting, ironing, cleaning, leaflet delivery, lawn mowing/gardening, car washing, dog walking

Thanks for that! I think I am past that point unfortunately. Last time I consulted a divorce lawyer, and it was only after his intense promises to overcome the addiction and change that I relented. One of the conditions from that last time was that if he ever did it again, he was out. We even drew up an agreement between us. That was 4 years ago. I have sent him an email that we will talk tonight, no excuses. I will give him an opportunity to talk/explain. Though I can't imagine anything that he could say that would excuse his behaviour, or any promises he could make that he hasn't already made and broken.

Eowyn, could you please explain your last comment? I don't understand what that means.

Loudmouth-Mormon - you have stated how I feel - no win situation, damned if I stay, damned if I go. bytor2112, we have an unusual financial situation. I have an independent income due to being insured when I was struck down with disability. I earn more than he does as I was in a very highly paid job when I had to stop work. So when I say we (children and I) are better off financially without him, we are, as the expenditure for all 4 of us is much less than his expenditure. We will not miss his income as he spends it all on himself anyway. As to his family, his gambling/money problem came out when his father was in financial difficulties and the family asked for contributions to help him. We were unable to do so as my husband had gambled/spent away everything we had at the time. So the family saw him with new things, yet we couldn't contribute to a serious family problem. They have chosen to put their head in the sand about it, and he has chosen to avoid maintaining contact with them. Perhaps so he isn't answerable to them? I don't know. One of the big issues is that I have been unable to pay tithing as I feel I just don't have it to give due to the situation I am in. So of course I am unable to get a temple recommend. The other issue is I still have this small niggling thought that he is the head of the household and I shouldn't be dictating to him what to do. I know that thought is unreasonable under the circumstances as he has forfeited his right to that position through his actions, but it is still there. I don't want to be the one telling him what to do. I want him to be doing the right thing, because it is right. He is not all bad, he has a lot of good traits. But this bad trait has now overridden all of those and I am having trouble seeing the good in him.

My husband was talking with a female co-worker who also happens to be a church member. Both of them are New Zealand Maori living in Australia. The conversation they had was that she would not allow her children to date/marry anyone that was not Maori and a non member. He reminded her that he married me - an Australian non-member, and that I am now an active member and he isn't! She did not back down from her position. Is that discriminatory thinking?

Actually disappointed doesn't begin to describe how I feel. My husband has certain issues that I cannot being to fathom. He grew up in a strong Mormon family. They are loving kind and supportive. He always says he knows exactly what is right. Early in our marriage, we had a joint account and he emptied the funds - gambling. We had nothing to pay for rent or food. It was a heartbreaking moment in my life as I couldn't understand how anyone could be so selfish. At the time I knew nothing about addiction and gambling. We overcame that incident and he promised never to gamble again. Of course, it happened again and again and I came to the point of wanting out of the marriage, unfortunately by then we had children and it wasn't so easy. I spoke to bishop at the time and he suggested counselling and for me to forgive him. I asked bishop how many times am I supposed to forgive him and how could I jeopardise my children's future for a selfish man. He quoted the scripture about forgiving 70 x 7. We stayed together. He did counselling, we did counselling together, the counsellor had me at the point where I should actually leave as he has no remorse for what he has done and would continue to do so as he was only seeing her because he had to. Out of stupidity or love I stayed. I implemented some safety measures to protect the family though - he has no access to the bank accounts for cash being one. All had been reasonably well for the past few years. This week, I couldn't understand why the bank balance was so low. He has stolen my access card, gone to the hotel and gambled away thousands of dollars. I asked to speak to him about something very serious. He wanted to talk in front of the kids, I don't think he realised I had picked up on it so quickly as the statement had not come in yet . I suggested that is not a good idea and he has avoided me ever since - going to work early, coming home late, making sure we are only together when the children are around. That kind of behaviour. When I saw the money gone I physically threw up. I haven't been able to eat or sleep or I binge eat and sleep all day. I feel I cannot live with someone I can't trust. My love has been eroded, bit by bit over the years. I find it hard to be happy when I am constantly looking over my shoulder for the axe to fall - for him to destroy us financially again - and now it has fallen. Even without the gambling, he spends more than he earns. He plays golf and I find new golf clubs, worth thousands of dollars hidden in his car. He goes away each year on golf trips. A night out after work costs hundreds because he eats and drinks (expensive) then can't drive home so catches a taxi (really expensive). He is eating himself into an early grave - we can't go out for a meal as a family as he orders entrée, main and dessert and usually the most expensive dishes on the menu. We can't afford to spend $200 on a meal out. I have tried talking through this with him and it was a big thing during counselling. Nothing changes. Not looking for advice really, I know what I need to do for the sake of our financial future. I don't want to, but I can't go on living like this. Financially, we are better off without him. I really just need to get this out there, I have no one I can talk to about it. I feel that if I talk to Bishop I will get the same response again - to forgive him and keep the marriage together. To me, that defies all logic when I see us homeless and unable to look after the children.

My 15yr old girls and 13yr old son do not want to go to church. They have no issues like your daughter. They simply do not want to go. No amount of discussion can get them to tell me why. I went through the same, at much the same age. Prior to high school I would organise lifts for myself to go to church, I rarely missed a meeting, then I suddenly decided to stop. I can tell you my reasons - high school is hard work. There is a huge amount of schoolwork to do, plus pressure to succeed academically, in sports and be popular as well. I was coming to a realisation that my parents are human and made a lot of bad decisions - and I had to wear the fallout from those. I was working a part time job as I needed the money (long story about my parents that I wont go into) To me, church was an added thing to have to do and added pressure to conform. It was another place to be judged by people, and to be judged by a totally different set of standards to everywhere else I was being judged. (Remember this is a young teen mind thinking these things - it was how I saw it) Something had to give, and to succeed in life, I knew I needed a good education - so church it was. Not saying what I did was right, but it was definitely right for me at the time. Your daughter probably has a lot of the same pressures I felt - as well as all the ones you mentioned(which are a lot bigger than mine were). I feel for her, the pressure must be so intense I don't know anything about mental illness so my opinion means very little, however I will give it! Sounds like she needs a release of pressure. Maybe some time out? I know that forcing doesn't work - I am forcing mine to go at the moment and all that happens is a lot of resentment towards the church, disruption in their classes, bad attitude towards everyone. I don't feel it is fair to ruin other people's experience at church because of their bad behaviour. We are yet to decide our next step with this. I like your comment that you are focussing on uplifting and loving her, that is so important. She knows she has a soft place to fall no matter what. In regards to "church rules", they are not specifically church rules - they are life rules. Perhaps you need to enforce with her that regardless of whether she attends church or not, your parental rules still apply until she has left home. If my children do stop going to church, it will not change our family values. This is a really hard time for you and your family and I don't think there is a 1 size fits all solution, just keep on loving each other and doing what you think is best.