mgridle

Google use it: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cad A rogue, or bounder. A cad is a man who is aware of the codes of conduct which seperate a gentleman from a ruffian, but finds himself unable to quite live up to them. Cads are quite capable of disguising themselves as good chaps for some time, only revealing their true nature in circumstances of particular stress or temptation. Others embrace their caddishness whole-heartedly and delight in behaving in a manner which is, to be quite frank, not cricket. They are certainly intelligent, educated, often cultured and frequently very witty, but, alas, are simply unreliable. http://www.dictionary.com/browse/cad an ill-bred man, especially one who behaves in a dishonorable or irresponsible way toward women. Lol . . . right protector of ALL women, yeah right. That's what cad's say, they feel it is their right to go into another man's house and proclaim THEY are the protector not the husband. She is a paramour (or at least you'd like to imagine she was yours, regardless of reality)-you don't want people to call your "friendship" that, then you need to learn to change your behavior.

That's exactly right, b/c as much as you say this "friend" relationship is simply platonic, it's not. You don't respect this husband b/c he's not physically protecting what is his-his wife. You'll whisper in her ear, look he's no good for you mamita, look mamita he won't buy you a plane ticket, look mamita he English he no understand you, look mamita he not man enough to protect you. Your attitude is trash, I know your kind. You're attitude is that of a slithering snake. You are fighting over this woman, just like a wolf fights over his pack, except you don't have the smarts to realize you lost, and you are the beta wolf trying to invade the alpha wolfs territory and until the alpha wolf smacks you down to size and puts you in your place you will continue to try to rip apart what is his. You don't respect his marriage and you won't respect your own.

Fascinating . . . you are so over-protective about your fiancee. You can say horrible things about your paramour's husband yet the minute someone says something about your marriage you are like an alpha wolf. You are a cad, I know your kind and if this woman "friend" of yours was my wife-buddy you'd be in for a lot of pain.

You know part of growing up and being an adult in life is recognizing that others have valid viewpoints. You may disagree with their viewpoint, even vehemently but just because you disagree doesn't mean they did something for "no reason" and they are "persecuting you". You can understand where someone is coming from even when you disagree with them. You continually claim that the Bishop (not you) ruined your wedding, this other man is the problem not you, this other woman should be the one to determine the extent of the relationship not you. Nowhere in this sorrid saga have you taken responsibility for your own actions and acknowledged that your own actions might have something to contribute to the situation you are in. Quite frankly, with this attitude you will not stay married long-regardless of your "friendship" to this other woman. Marriage can be awesome but it can also be very painful. And the one thing I have learned that makes marriage very painful is when one of the partners (or both) refuses to acknowledge the responsibility they have for their own actions. You are in for lots and lots of arguments in your marriage, unless you have a doormat for a partner. But my guess is if you have a doormat for a partner, she won't challenge you enough and you'll look elsewhere and eventually get divorced or commit adultery. And then when that does happen, you will blame her for the divorce or the adultery and you will be blameless. Good luck to you man. I sincerely hope you figure this stuff out before you cause real pain in your life, my guess is you won't, but you can't say people didn't try to warn you.

Ahh classic denial tactic. Let me rephrase: "Why do you want me to admit I am in love with my sister? It would be a lie for me to say that. And so what if I was? It is not a sin to love someone." People who are in platonic relationships do not say "And so what if I was? It is not a sin to love someone." Yeah, actually it is a sin to love another man's wife. "Why do you want me to admit I am in love." I don't want you to admit anything, I'm just telling you the way things are. I know this is the way things are by your actions. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Your words say you are not in love with her, but your actions say that you are very much in love with her. I understand this is probably hard, but the reason why you don't want to admit what your actions are saying is b/c when you do admit to yourself what your actions are saying then you will have to actually do something about it b/c you know it is wrong. And once you admit it is wrong and you have to do something about it that something will result in less time and emotional energy being spent towards this woman and b/c you are in love with her the very thought of spending less time and emotional energy with her breaks your heart. You either have the choice to have your heartbroken now and deal with the consequences of a little pain, or continue down this path and have your heartbroken later when the consequences are much more severe. But make no mistake, your heart will be broken over this woman. Again, she is not your wife, she never will be, she is not your blood sister and she never will be. Friendships in life come and they go, it's just part of life. Wisdom is learning to make the best of friendships when they are active and current and in the right time. And to recognize that a close and continuing relationship with someone is very difficult to maintain over years, that's why married people say "they married their best friend". Because people realize that if there is someone of the opposite sex who you want to maintain a close and continuing relationship with over many years, the proper thing to do is to marry them! Ultimately that is what marriage is "friends with benefits" (or what it should be). That's also why if you have a person of the opposite sex who you want to be friends with over a long period of time but with whom you aren't married or don't want to be married to, you involve their spouse! You go on couple's dates, or you invite each other over for dinner, etc. Quite frankly, the way you are defending this "friendship" is the way one would defend their relationship with their spouse. You are in love with her, it is self-evident in your actions.

That may be so but you don't called a married woman princessa, don't play dumb-you do that to another man's wife in latin culture you'd be getting beat up . . .and you know it.

If I just HIDE my relationship and what I say, it will all be okay. Yeap that a good recipe for success! And again, I always make comments when talking about my sisters "I could have married her if I wanted too!" This woman IS NOT YOUR SISTER and she NEVER will be. So stop PRETENDING and trying to gain sympathy from others, "poor me, it's just cultural differences" or "I love her like a sister". You clearly DO NOT love her like a sister. The ONLY bond you have with her is that you have the same cultural background (i.e. latin), but she choose to give up the latin background to become ENGLISH. You should respect her decision to get married, to become English, and to get out of her marriage. If you continue down this path, you clearly will not be getting married in the temple-i.e. you setting this relationship above getting married in the temple. Good luck with that!

Yeah, I give you a secret, American women say the same thing dude.

I'd need to see the entire context of the text, in Spanish please. Sorry dude, even in latin cultures, a man in a platonic relationship DOES NOT call another married woman "princessa" without getting a butt-whooping. You like to claim "cultural" ignorance, but I know even in your culture calling a married woman "princessa" is not platonic and is not okay-it is a term of endearment (and it's not used between brother's and sisters). You want to claim you love her like a sister, but no latin man would call his sister "princessa" . . .MAYBE princesita but not princessa. Stop using your culture and cultural differences as an excuse to have an emotional affair. You know what you are doing, you know in the latin culture what you are doing would be frowned upon, don't use it as a cover.

Riiiiight, b/c you know I like always say things like "I could have married my sister, if I wanted to!!!" No you didn't, lies do not become us. You said you texted that you gave her a compliment-you did not actually put the text of what you said on the forum.

It's easy, b/c he is in love with her.

Who brought up the idea of paying for the tickets? I bet you did. That's not "respecting her decision"-that is interjecting yourself into the decision. Nope, sorry- you don't get to play the "I don't know why it's so uncommon to help your friends", i.e. "I was just trying to be a good friend-you guys just don't understand me!". I've lived in latin american cultures and while they are certainly more friendly, you know as well as I do that even MORESO in latin american cultures, the husband is the head of the household. Latin cultures are even MORE traditional family values based than American/European cultures. You know as well as I do, that EVEN in latin American cultures, if some English dude bought some English woman who was married to a Latin dude a plane ticket from Columbia to England to see a good "friend" get married, that English dude would very quickly find himself on the wrong end of a serious grade A butt-whooping. Nope, you don't get to play the "culture card". Actually yes, when she marries an English man in England, that means she becomes ENGLISH and that means that by almost necessity she will cut MOST cultural ties (not all but MOST). It is why in general inter-racial and inter-cultural marriage are discouraged b/c it means by necessity that someone will be giving up some of their culture.

No you ARE ruining her marriage. The fact that the husband is upset at your relationship with HIS wife means you are ruining the marriage. That is a fact. Man up and face the fact that your actions with this other man's wife is causing stress, strain, and problems in HER marriage. If you actually truly and completely valued your friend, you would understand that her relationship with her husband (i.e. her marriage) is vastly more important than any other relationship you think is important with her. You can either a) figure out how to develop a relationship with this other man and put bounds on you association with your "friend" that will help this husband feel comfortable. b) cut off the relationship. You need to man up and do the right thing instead of playing the victim card. However, since you have absolutely 0 respect for this husband, I highly doubt option a is really an option. Your post ooze disrespect towards him and jealousy towards him for being married to her.

Nope, she would NEVER be your wife. No woman who EVER marry a man she calls "El Nino". "dedicated to your girlfriend" means nothing. The fact that you so brazenly stated, "if I wanted her to be my wife-she would be" means you are clearly delusional in your own status. No, there wasn't any "may have". You did overreact-period. And you never apologized to his woman's husband either. You have consistently said in this forum, you don't care what he thinks, you have absolutely 0 respect for him and the ONLY people who have that type of a caviler attitude towards the spouse of a friend is one who is JEALOUS, i.e. he has something you don't have and could never have and you are JEALOUS of him. In NO normal friendship does one have 0 respect for the spouse of a friend. Again, you are either lying to yourself or completely immature in human relationships. Again, you are either lying to yourself or being ignorant. Saying she can go if she can pay is VASTLY different than having a male friend (who she regularly "hangs out with") pay for that ticket. Again, if you don't see the difference you are in for a world of pain in the future. No you don't- you seem to care more about WHO is attending your wedding vs. your actual wedding. Paying for another man's wife to fly half-way across the world to see you get married is not appropriate-you have only known her for 2 years! I don't know maybe you want to show off to this other woman, look at me, look at me, see I'm normal I can pay for you to visit your family, look at the money I have . . .oh too bad you should have married me instead of that slouch who can't even pay for you to see your family, look at how mean, how much of a bad husband he is . . . but look at me. I'm so great (if I had wanted to I could have married you!). Yes, that is exactly my point, you do love her, it is not platonic, you ARE emotionally invested in her, and you ARE having an emotional affair. Thank you for stating that, now we can dispense with all the excuses you are giving that it's just "platonic". Well you have yet to actually tell us what you texted her. No it's not "if it is a problem", it already IS a problem- you are just in complete denial about it. You've made a claim that "you didn't know" that the text was flirtacious, that you're not the one to blame. You don't get to play the victim here-you are responsible for your own actions, you have already admitted you love her, you already admitted you are emotionally invested in her, you have already admitted that "if you wanted her as your wife you would have" (clearly delusional about this idea)-you are the one who wants to pay for her to fly across the world without her husband. I know this breaks your heart, but YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO HER. LET HER GO. This is what the Bishop is trying to tell you, but you are being stubborn, obtuse, and victim playing. If you continue down this path, nothing good will come of it.

Dude, you need to back off this other man's wife. You do not have a long friendship with here, you have only known her for 2 years (known since gradeschool might be one thing, but two years, that's nothing). She has been married for 6 months and you are telling her husband that he needs to treat her better b/c he won't buy a plane ticket for her to travel from England to Nicaragua or Costa Rica??? Excuse me, but when did you get the right to tell another man that he isn't treating his wife well when he doesn't buy a plane ticket for his wife to travel (with or without him) half-way around the world. Plane tickets are not cheap, probably at least 1k round trip. Of course the husband is going to be mad at you for buying HIS wife a ticket to go to YOUR wedding without HIM!!! You claim this relationship is platonic, dude it clearly is not-you need to step back and smell the coffee. Let's recap all the ways and why it's NOT platonic. " Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. The Holy Bible explicitly states that our relationship with our spouse should be above all else EXCEPT our relationship to God. Yet you have stated multiple times that you: a) don't care what the husband thinks. b) only this "friend" can tell you if you not be this close c) you take another man's wife out at least once a week to do things like shopping, hanging out, etc. d) you pay for another man's wife to travel to your country to see your "wedding" e) you pay for another man's wife to travel to see her family. f) you are upset that this man is not pleased with your relationship with HIS wife. g) You have set this relationship with this woman ABOVE your own temple recommend-i.e. your own salvation. h) Obviously you don't care about your OWN temple wedding-i.e. you are more concerned about your "friendship" than obtaining a temple recommend to be sealed to YOUR spouse. i) You claim it's purely platonic. j) You claim he is trying to sabotage YOUR wedding b/c his is upset that you are paying for HIS wife to attend. You know there is a simple solution for you boundless generosity. Why don't you just pay for both HIM and HER to attend, a vacation gift. If you have such a platonic relationship with this other man's wife, then surely you wouldn't mind paying for HIS ticket also? Dude-there is a real good reason the Bishop took your recommend, you ARE right now having an emotional affair with another man's wife. I don't care if you don't "kiss" romantically, I don't care if you haven't done the "deed", I don't care if lie to yourself and claim it is purely platonic. Your ACTIONS demonstrate that you are having an emotional affair with a married woman. Quite frankly, either you're lying to yourself about this, or you are so emotionally immature in human relationships that you have 0 clue as to what you are actually doing. Seriously, what normal person thinks it's totally okay to pay for another man's wife to travel half-way across the world-what is the difference between that and paying for a diamond necklace for another man's wife? This "friend" of yours has been married only 6 months and you are causing major, major problems in their marriage, if you were a hot chick-you'd be called a homewrecker. The fact the Bishop took away your recommend should be a real big warning sign to you. You're not a long-time friend, you're not family, you're not blood-back the heck out dude NOW before you really cause some serious damage. ...... If I had to guess, my guess is that you feel slighted that she choose this other guy over you, maybe you never made the move and were put into the "friend zone" and she got tired of waiting for you to do something, this other guy came in swooped her up and now you claim it's "platonic" b/c you regret not ever making the move. I don't know . . .but what I do know is that there is no way, no how that a man will buy a woman a plane ticket to fly half-way across the world to visit her family just b/c he's a good "friend". Not gonna happen. Stop lying to yourself about how emotionally invested you are in her (that's why it's called an emotional affair).