mgridle

Good for you on getting extra cash. Oh yeah, when you get yourself in a bad spot it sucks climbing out of it. Ocare sucks and I'll be glad to see it gone. Most of the time getting in a bad spot generally relates to either getting overleveraged on debt or by some medical catastrophe. Being too far in debt you can do something about. Medical . . .sometimes crap happens and it sucks. Just the way life is, sometimes no matter what you do you get a bad hand. But those who are self-confident, hard-working responsible individuals will figure a way to turn a bad hand into a winning hand. Mark Cuban once said if he lost everything, he could become wealthy again. And I totally believe him. I may think he is a jerk-but he has the right attitude to be financially successful in life.

You are absolutely right it is hard to move it you are broke. I don't begrudge or fault you for that. However, now you know better (i.e. you have life experience about it) and as such you should have a plan of escape if need be so you can get to greener pastures. That's called preparation.

That sucks, no bones about it. But the recession has been over for quite some time (at least 4-5 years). If you are still complaining about the last one, then you aren't preparing yourself for the next one . . .my condolences.

Well you are giving me an anecdote. Anecdote do not facts make. Of course, I'm looking at the numbers-b/c that is what directly reflects the conglomeration of the landscape. There are always going to be pockets that are better and pockets that are worse. As a whole, it is in no way shape or form "rough" out there. If you are a competent, responsible, hard-working individual-you will find a job, period. If you are not competent, responsible, and hard-working-you may find a job . . .depending on how desperate the company is for a warm body. When it gets rough, the competent, hard-working responsible people will have a hard time finding a job. But that's not today.

Then you do what responsible self-confident people do. You move. Anything else is just an excuse. If the economy was bad (and I'm sure it will be soon), I'd somewhat agree with you. But the economy is not bad at all.

Totally agree, except the highest unemployment rate is in Alaska @ 7.3 and in the continental it's at 5.6 . . .that's hardly recession levels. If this is rough, heaven help us b/c their will be a lot of flaying drowning people when a recession does it. We have it so good economically we don't know what rough is.

? I didn't presume the worst of him. I don't think he is a horrible human being, no where did I say that. He has a problem, low self-confidence and no girlfriend. I explain how that became a problem and why it will continue to be a problem unless he fixes it (in fact he already knew it was a problem). He said "I fear", no dude you don't fear, you know. It's not fear it is an inability to admit reality. I told him what he needs to do to fix it. And yes my analysis of his family is correct; he has been taken care of his entire life (by his parents), never forced to fend for himself and then he wonders why no girl will want to marry him. Pretty simple stuff here, you don't become an outdoor cat by staying in your nice safe little indoor cat box. Necessity is the mother of invention. When you are forced to live on your own, you learn you either sink or swim. Some people sink, but most people if actually forced would figure out how to swim. You don't learn how to be a responsible, hard-working adult by living in your parents house-rent free, utility free claiming "it's for a good cause, I'm saving up for marriage and house"? Really, you haven't paid for college by yourself, you haven't paid for mission by yourself, you don't pay rent by yourself, you don't live on your own? You haven't built up the self-resistance to setbacks and self-confidence to handle yourself on your own. And yet you are going to magically be able to have the self-confidence to buy a house and get married b/c you've saved and keep them! Having a house is a big responsibility, having a marriage is a big responsibility; being able to "afford" a house or "afford" getting married is really immaterial. Having money for those things comes in a far second to what is required to actually hold them-which is being responsible. A house requires maintenance, fix the gutters, mow the lawn, pay the bills, buy the fridge, etc, etc, etc. So does a marriage. Sure you can buy a house with money, but if you haven't figured out how to be responsible and live on your own you will lose it pretty fast, same thing with a marriage. I don't think anyone (this gentleman or his parents) are evil, bad, horrible people. Misguided yes, but bad not in the least bit. I'm sure they are perfectly good people who are trying to do their best-which unfortunately has the opposite effect.

Dude, I'm not "character assassinating" your parents. And please don't be passive aggressive-if you have a problem with something I said, just please directly address me about it, don't passively aggresively say "those who decide to character assassinate". And no, it's not water off a duck's back, if it was your wouldn't passive aggressively dig me on it. You may not like the truth, but it is the truth and I was right. They paid for your college and your mission-you didn't earn it yourself. I understand that this is the way things are done these days. I understand that parents these days do everything for their child so they don't have debt, can live a better life, etc. etc. etc. The problem is that is doesn't work and it actually causes more problems than it solves. Yes your parents are and have enabled you. If you paid for college and your mission on your own, you wouldn't be living at home and you wouldn't be complaining about low self-confidence and you wouldn't be complaining about no girls. You asked and the main problem is about low self-confidence. I'm telling you why you have low self-confidence. Your parents have enabled you your entire life by doing things for you that you are perfectly capable of doing for yourself and thus b/c you are unsure of your own abilities (b/c others have done it for you), you have low self-confidence. This is really simple and really easy. Again I'm not character assassinating your parents, I'm telling you what they have done (I'm not attributing malice to what they have done). That's not character assassination. I don't think they are bad or evil people, I think they were duped by modern society and consequently screwed up your upbringing, but that's not malice. It's very simple, it goes like this (and this is a true story). My 5-year old son constantly told me "I can't tie my own shoes", "I can't, I can't". For the longest time, we tied his shoes for him. I still got "I can't do it". Eventually, it got to the point, that I knew he could do it, I had confidence in him that he could do it, but he didn't have confidence he could do it. So one day, I just told him no, I'm not doing it for you-I know you can learn how to do it yourself, you do it. And guess what . . .he did! What would have happened had I continued to tie his shoe-I would have demonstrated by action that I didn't have confidence that he could do it himself. Oddly enough man, (and I'll blow your mind), I have more confidence in you than your parents have in you. Why? B/c I know you can survive on your own. I know you can get a job, regardless of distances, etc, (all that is just excuses), and I know you can live on your own without your parents help. No you may not like my response, you don't have to, you can throw it in the trash-it's your life not mine. But if you want to fix your life, you will recognize this problem and if you do choose to fix your life you will look back in x # of years and say . . .hmm you know what mgridle was actually right all along.

No it's not "rough" out there. Unemployment rate is 4.1% . . .how is that rough? If you want a job, you can get a job. Economically speaking it is in no way, shape or form rough. It's actually pretty dang good. If this is rough . . .whoa buddy wait till the next recession-that will be rough. Sure it might be expensive. . . .but it's always been expensive. You share an apartment . . .it's called growing up.

?? What the heck are you talking about.

It is possible but not advisable. Why in the world does your wife want to work? Which of these: For prestige and praise of the world? For money? To demonstrate, she can do anything a man can? Because she has been brainwashed? Because you've been brainwashed? There is absolutely nothing, nothing more critical in the entire world than raising the next generation and doing it right? Children absolutely 100% need a mother at home. The scriptures tell us this, prophets tell us this, life experience (from those who are older) tell you this? Why go against everything that has been taught? I think you mentioned you are highly educated. Why are you treating your child like a dog. Now don't get all bent out of shape. What do you do with a dog? You buy it and then when you are away from the house you pay someone else to take care of your dog b/c you aren't there. Seriously why have a child, if all you do is put it in day-care. B/c you want to take it out and play with it every now and then? Think how cute it is, how look it's so cute, look I can play with it . . .but nope we are too focused on ourselves, our work, our career that we are going to put the kid in day-care for 50+ hours a week. Human beings aren't dogs and they need human bonding. They need parental biological bonding, they need bonding with their mother. Study after study after study demonstrates the benefits of infants bonding with mothers, it demonstrates that single motherhood (or single parenthood for that matter) is an total failure. They have lower grades, less socially stable, more likely to go to jail, etc. etc. etc. Yet single-motherhood, and it's twin barbaric act of putting a small child in day-care away from it's parents is held up like some paragon of virtue. It's horrible. Putting your child in day-care when you have the ability to care for it, IMO it is a form of child abuse. You are depriving the child from something it desperately needs-stable, constant contact with individuals who desperately care about it, especially when it is an infant. If day-care workers desperately cared about your child . . . you wouldn't have to pay them to take care of it. Seriously dude, it's your life, but I can tell you now, you and/or your wife will look back on it with regret if you decide to put your child in day-care and you had the means to not do so. Day-care is a necessary evil, for some people who have had life just smack them upside the head-death of a spouse, divorce, major job losses, etc. But it is not something that one should make a choice to do. I sware feminism is a cancer and it will rot out everything.

You may think you do; but you don't. So what that you are married to an American. That is irrelevant. You weren't raised American; you still have cultural heritage, ties, thoughts, ideas, etc. to the country you were born in. That's fine, there is nothing wrong with that. Who is the one with a chip? Who is the one with the unmoving narrative? I have history, stories, ancestry that has been passed down from generations to me. I have ancestors in my namesake that go to the Revolutionary War, ancestors that fought on both sides of the Civil War. I have journal records about what they did, the struggles they fought and how they made this place great. And yet you, you who are an immigrant, who weren't even born in this country presume to know more about my heritage, my ancestry, what made my country great, than I do? So please tell me again who exactly is making judgment without facts? This crap that is in the US for the last 20 years, isn't American heritage or culture, it's not what made this country great, no way, no how. It may be current American culture-but it is just fumes. It is just the fumes of the last remaining sparks that actually made America great; and when it finally burns up, America will fall and will be just like any other country in the world. The current American culture would never, could never have saved European bacon twice in the span of 30 years. Alex de Tocqueville-America is great b/c America is good, if she ever ceases to be good she will cease to be great. Like I said, you may think you know b/c you've lived here for 20 years, but you don't know and you can't know-it is impossible. I don't begrudge you for not knowing. But I do think it is a little egotistical smattered with some hubris to think you do know.

That's fine you can have your opinion. But you quite simply do not know what you are talking about and you are simply wrong. You weren't born here, you aren't culturally American so I don't expect you to know or to even understand. That's fine. I'm out.

But you and I both know that face-to-face conversation never proceed like conversations on forums do. It is the nature of the medium; and you just have to accept that fact. For example, the first thing had anantess mentioned what she did would have been my screwed up face, 🤒 giving her the "what the heck???" look, where-in she would have immediately without me saying anything explained more. In fact, she would have explained in much more detail without any prompting anyways. It is the nature of the medium . . .just accept it and move on. Don't sell yourself short. I bet you've got a lot more love and kindness than you think you have.

dup

I was jesting; I've worked in military as a contractor most my life.

Hmm . . .good point. Maybe I'm military too :-)!

Okay fine. But again that's why America became the dominant massive world-power; it's why Philapinos never did. Rugged individualism, that is what made this country great. It's why no other country or people in the history of the world has done what the US did. It truly was an exceptional nation.

You bring up a good point, but I don't think what you claim is accurate or practiced, especially on a forum. For example, someone accused me of a forked tongue on this thread. I highly doubt in actual face-to-face conversation that would ever have been said. I'm fairly positive things you've said and others would never be said face-to-face probably quite frequently in the heat of battle so to speak on this forum. I also don't agree that it is being two-faced as being two-faced is being insincere and deceitful. What I wouldn't do is tell someone how wonderful they are to their face and then say they are horrible not to their face-that is certainly two-faced. It's why generally I keep my opinions to myself, except for my wife and close, close friends (or anonymous message boards :-)!) I generally don't have a problem with say 95% of decisions leaders make, but they aren't immune or exempt from making stupid, boneheaded decisions. I have opinions that sometimes a leader does something stupid . . .so sue me.

Granted I was being hyperbolic. But it is self-evident from this forum, Bishops and Stake Presidents are except from acting like or being idiots . . .clearly b/c we can't say it. Well I wouldn't call most people an idiot to their face either; however, I have no problem when talking in a third-party context about so-and-so being an idiot. That's fine if you'd like a less harsh word, "short-sighted", "slow", "not smart", maybe you'd like the term "fool" or "jerk" or "pinhead" ,etc. Point being most of us refrain from using those types of words face-to-face but we will use them in a third-party context. My main point, is I don't think the Bishop is exempt from being "short-sighted" if you please from time to time.

(I do have a suggestion, if you'd like to debate the merits of those comments, comment on that thread not try and cross-thread things). ?? Hyperbole. Like what? The bit about Eagle Scout, RM. Yeah actually those are things I know about; an individual who actually earned their Eagle Scout without mom and dad pushing them to earn it wouldn't be living at home after college. An RM who wasn't pushed to go on a mission won't be living at home after college. Parents who aren't enablers to their children, don't let their children live at home after they are in college. "Perceive" . . .what does perceive have to do with anything? The facts (not perception) are a 31-year-old male who has a college degree and has the mental, emotional, spiritual capacity to be a fully functioning autonomous member of society. Yet he is not; he is living at home with his parents working part-time waiting for something to require him to move out of the house. The facts are someone like that will never be able to attract a really good mate, period. That's not perception, it's reality. If this individual does meet someone to marry, it's pretty easy to analyze based on what has been said the type of person they will currently marry. Someone who will control their life and tell them what to do with it. That's not an insult-that's just reality. The guy already admits he knows what the problem is (he is immature and irresponsible). Immature and irresponsible adults want other people to control them or to enable them so they can continue being immature and irresponsible b/c being responsible can be really scary. The only way to stop that is to stop being immature and irresponsible and to take charge. I did make an allowance for living at home if his parents were sick or for a noble cause. I'd make an allowance if he had some intelligence problems (but probably doesn't b/c he did graduate from college). I'm not insulting him, I'm telling him the facts. It's his life-he can live it however he pleases. I fail to understand where I was hyperbolic and insulting.

Maybe I'm wrong about this (I hope I am). That's cool, . .. obviously not about your grandmother but that you were giving a talk about this topic, good for you! I agree with you last paragraph, it is just the way of the world. If we as members are more listening to scripture than man, it will be reflected in our wards and stakes, if not that will also be reflected. Very sad with your wife's grandmother; we reap what we sow in life. It is sad for her and a learning lesson for the rest of us.

I appreciate the apology. Thank you, apology accepted. No, I didn't flip flop. I'm afraid we are really getting wires crossed here. I can explain more of what I meant, but I don't think it will do much good except more problems. Can we just call it a day?

Just great. Personal attack. I didn't personally attack you, but you feel it okay to personally attack me. Lovely. No forked tongue at all. I'm not backtracking in least bit. First you say, apologize, then when I say I stand by what I said with the information I had at the time and now that more information has come out I have no opinion on the matter, you say I'm backtracking? So which is it dude? Maybe you should take a look in the mirror.

No zil, that is incorrect. I have commented on a grand total of 3 threads on this forum. Maybe you should take a look in mirror.