How do you handle lifes stresses and being a mother?

[looking4afriend]

How do you all handle the stress that daily life brings, plus being a mother? I had a rough night last night. There is a lot going on in my life at the moment. My husband just lost his job a week ago, I am due to have our second child in 7 weeks time, I am tired and my 3 yr old was acting up, plus I went to the doctor yesterday about some spots on my skin, which he tells me need to be cut out incase they are dangerous. Then I started thinking that sometimes I wished I wasn't a mother and didn't have any kids. It all just got a bit too much for me. So this morning I sat down to eat some breakfast and opened the conference talks in the ensign, hoping to get some inspiration. I didn't get to hear hardly any of them on conference day due to my 3 yr old. And I found a talk that I desperately needed to hear. It was given by Elder M. Russell Ballard, entitled Daughters of God. It talks about the hardships of being a mother to young children and what an important job it is and how we can make it easier on ourselves. It made me feel better and gave me some strength to start the day.

Do any of you sometimes feel like you are raising your kids mostly on your own? I have to give my husband credit today, he has taken our 3 yr old to the park so I can have some alone time which I badly needed. But other times I feel like I am the one doing all the work raising him. I am the one who misses out on sleep and gets up at 6.30 every morning to take care of him, and my husband sleeps in. I am the one who gives him a bath every day, feeds him, changes him. I am the one who misses out on watching the tv show because he needs to be put in bed, while my husband gets to watch the whole show. I guess that is my job as a mother and it is the sacrifices you make for having kids, but sometimes it just gets me down. I guess I should be greatful that my husband at least loves our son and likes to play with him and does help me sometimes. There are far worse fathers out there who beat their children and neglect them and treat them like trash. Wow, isn't it funny how when you write your thoughts down, you start to see that you really are blessed. Today will be better, I'm sure.

Any thoughts welcome.

[meredith14]

Now this is just my humble thoughts...your hubby should be helping out a bit more! I feel that I too work from 9-5 just like he does and then when he walks in the door we are co-parents and it's just not all on me for the rest of the day. He is missing out on quality time with his son at bed time and other moments. I treat my at home time like a job and then later when he is home it is total team work with the kids. (we have 5 boys) We make sure the kids are in bed at 8pm so we can watch TV or do what ever quite thing we want without kids around. Its really hard, I know cause I've been there and done that. It also does not help that you are at the end of your PG and are getting less sleep and with hubby losing he job you are both stressed to the max...but let him know your thoughts and feelings and help you out. We are helpmeet's to one another. He can't make it without you and if you are down and tired...the house will come crumble down around you. Also remember that this too will pass. You are doing the right thing by being home and there for your kids... keep smiling

meredith

[ruthiechan]

Women ARE the ones who do the brunt of raising their children. That's what we do. However, you are not raising your child by yourself. You're husband just took him off your hands so you could relax. Satan tricking you into seeing the negative and is using your worries and elevated hormones to make everything seem worse than it really is. Stop listening.

Your husband is likely stressed right now too because of losing his job. He needs to focus his time to find another job, and you need to support him in that. Get your three year old to be a helper. Find him "chores" to do around the house that do not feel like chores to him. That should help.

Of course, so does reading your scriptures, prayer, and listening to hymns (which you can listen to on lds.org which is really cool), and listening to or reading conference talks (also available at lds.org).

It's okay to talk to your husband about your feelings, but beware of pointing your finger at him and finding fault in him. That will only make things worse. Pray for guidance before speaking with him.

[mychildrensmother]

I felt this way in the past. Now my husband helps so much more. He now gets my work can be 24/7 - on call- and it is so draining in so many ways.

ATM the pregnancy makes me feel tired, and we both realise I need to take care.

Its hard work having babies. As they get older the challenges are different.

My husband wanted these kids, he helped make them, he can share in the care.

[Tough Grits]

I have just had to find small things that are for me alone.

Mowing the lawn really helps me. Well, until my lawnmower broke. I don't know how I am going to mow the lawn this summer. ANYWAY, being on that riding mower lets me think. Also, the sound of the mower drowns out any possible screams, shouts, or fighting from the children!!!!

Posting on forums has helped me. I LOVE talking and writing. So, being a member of a forum allows me to combine two of my favorite things!

I love reading. That is a great escape for me.

College has been great for me. Now, it has added more stress and it does demand more of my time...but I feel so energized sitting in a classroom learning and participating. It feels great. I was never good in school...so now that I am going back to college later in life (34), I feel like I am redeeming myself from those school years where I goofed off and refused to submit to the authority of the teachers!!!! LOL LOL

When my two kids (7 and 5) were toddlers and babies, I would find my peace while they napped. Sometimes I would nap with them, but other times I would do something for ME while they slept. Take a hot bath, read, cross-stitch, or just sit and watch TV. That always felt like a mini-vacation every day.

I still have stress though. I don't think any of our lives are supposed to be without some sort of stress, trial, or hardship. That is how we grow. I just think that we need to learn how to cope with the stress, rather than try to eliminate it. At least that is what I am working on. Get back to me in 40 years, and I will let you know how it all turned out!

Oh, I have also learned not to care so much about everything being perfect in my house. So what if my house looks like 4 people actually live here, play here, love here, and enjoy life here? When I become Super Woman, then I will concern myself with having an immaculate house...until then, if you see and comment on it...then you clean it!!

~TG

[jadams_4040]

Now this is just my humble thoughts...your hubby should be helping out a bit more! I feel that I too work from 9-5 just like he does and then when he walks in the door we are co-parents and it's just not all on me for the rest of the day. He is missing out on quality time with his son at bed time and other moments. I treat my at home time like a job and then later when he is home it is total team work with the kids. (we have 5 boys) We make sure the kids are in bed at 8pm so we can watch TV or do what ever quite thing we want without kids around. Its really hard, I know cause I've been there and done that. It also does not help that you are at the end of your PG and are getting less sleep and with hubby losing he job you are both stressed to the max...but let him know your thoughts and feelings and help you out. We are helpmeet's to one another. He can't make it without you and if you are down and tired...the house will come crumble down around you. Also remember that this too will pass. You are doing the right thing by being home and there for your kids... keep smiling

meredith

And this is where the "preisthood" should be falling into place with the husband and father. When the family is doing all they can and should be doing,both husband and wife in the church, thats when things will work. There will always be adversities, but the spirit will help this family much much more, if they begin and or continue to be active and sincere.:)

[tooelegirl]

Wow, this sounds a lot like most mothers' concern.

I agree with those that have said to take time out for yourself. Everyday. I know that that really helps. I have 6 children, and when my oldest was 8, I had my last child, so they were pretty close together!! ( I know, I was crazy). I was told by a lot of people to enjoy my children when they are little because it gets harder when they are older. I thought that they were crazy; what could be harder than changing stinky diapers, cleaning up throw-up, cleaning up everything, no sleep, no free time, basically no me time? After my oldest child became a teenager, that was when I realized that I needed mommy time. I have handled my two youngest children better because of it. My oldest son will be home from his mission soon, and I look back and wish that I could go back to those days when they were little. Just take time and count your blessings. Our children grow up so fast. Think about the things that you do have, instead of the things that you don't. Heavenly Father loves us, and He will always do what is best for us. Sometimes we have to walk in the darkness for awhile before we see the light. That is the hard part. Life is hard, but it is also fun. Enjoy every minute of it, because it goes by so fast!!:):

[Moksha]

Do any of you sometimes feel like you are raising your kids mostly on your own?

I get that feeling sometimes but then I realize God is with me every step of the way.

[butongrl]

I just read your post looking and I feel that I could have written it myself....lol

Only my husband has been out of work for a year! and now I'm pregnant with our third.

Being pregnant your emotions are really so all over the place! One day you realize how lucky you are, the next you feel so hopeless about things (Or hour to hour...lol)

I truly wish you the best of luck!!! God Bless! :)

[kishtakaye]

Motherhood should be all chocolate & bare foot walks on the beach

[kishtakaye]

but only if you make it that way

by wiping the chocolate off your childs face and playing barefoot ing the sand box

parenting is only hard when you make it that way!

& yes i make it that way alot

[ztodd]

Motherhood should be all chocolate & bare foot walks on the beach

but only if you make it that way

by wiping the chocolate off your childs face and playing barefoot ing the sand box

parenting is only hard when you make it that way!

& yes i make it that way alot

lol, that's an awesome thought. But I think I disagree with your last point- parenting is just hard whether you make it that way or not. Maybe harder for some than for others... and I know it can be made to seem much easier if you have the Lord in your life helping you carry the load. Basically our heavenly father promises us that although it's not alway easy, if we stay faithful then it will be worth it.

[kishtakaye]

In parenting we need to remember that when things get frustrating take a step back and look how we can better accomplish our task. Take time with each of our children individually. And remember not too many things are more important than the time we get to spend with our children. once that time is lost you will never get it back.

[kishtakaye]

In our daily tasks we can gear them to involve even our youngest children. It shouldn't matter how long it takes to complete a task. Or just exactly how it is accomplished. What matters is did we have fun & did we include our children.

[mightynancy]

Motherhood is relentless. That said, it's brief. It's hard to see it when you're in the middle of it all, but it will be over in a snap. My mom pointed this out to me when I had a baby who didn't need sleep (he still doesn't, but he's 12 now and can stay up alone!). Time flies by, so it's important to be present in what you're doing. Even when you're exhausted, admire the sticky fingers you're washing off. Smell that baby breath when he has finally drifted off. Even when you've just vaccuumed and your little one knocks over a potted plant, give thanks for your house as you clean it yet again.

I did/do the lion's share of childrearing. DH does the occasional fun thing like a movie or other event, and I do the daily grind. Until my mother had a heart attack that took me out of town, he didn't know where the pediatrician's office was. What has helped is coaching him. "DD would love to go on the paddleboats with you at the park this weekend - they open at 10!" "I need you to be home by 5:30 today - I'm going to the art show with my friends. Thanks!" As a mom gets bogged down, it's harder for her to communicate clearly. Men aren't mind readers - clear, nonwhiny expression of needs is what's necessary. Most fellows are happy to please the ladies if they just know what they want.

Also, build him up a bit - he's not having a great time either, and you can be his number-one fan and motivator. I thank my husband for mowing the lawn every time - last week he actually mowed in the dark. When he came in he got a hug and a "I can't see it, but I'm sure the lawn looks FABULOUS!" It diffused his frustration over the long day, and made him feel appreciated. When times are hard, it's easy to focus on our own trials and it's easy to forget that our dearest ones are also suffering. I find that when I do nice things for DH, they are returned many times over.

Hang in there!