Child abuse - a question

[Traveler]

My previous question was hijacked and lost so I will ask the question again. If putting children into an environment and situation that encourages them to be involved in sexual activity is a form a child abuse – what are some of the elements and efforts in our society to abuse children. Are there efforts in entertainment? In education?

Some say the only reason there is so much more child abuse now as there was 50 years ago is because it is reported more now. I am not so sure.

The Traveler

[cgrantreed]

My previous question was hijacked and lost so I will ask the question again. If putting children into an environment and situation that encourages them to be involved in sexual activity is a form a child abuse – what are some of the elements and efforts in our society to abuse children. Are there efforts in entertainment? In education?

Some say the only reason there is so much more child abuse now as there was 50 years ago is because it is reported more now. I am not so sure.

The Traveler

I think your question was "hijacked" because of the way it was worded... sounding slightly like in support of it... and the whole thought of this thread makes many people squeamish. Unfortunately it happens and the only way to counter it is to talk about it (in a clean and educated way) and find solutions through common actions.

I don't believe for a second that there are more cases of it because more are reported. I am quite sure that there is just way more of it going on and also more ways to track and counter it. I can say for certain that the world environment has changed a lot since '57 and that is so very obvious in the TV and movie and music that is out today. Sex sells and people are driven towards this racy advertising in whatever form it is coming in. I dare you to find a TV show from the 50's that has the name "sex" in it... such as "Sex In The City". It just did not happen. The values system then was so much stronger and it just was not allowed. Now we sell ourselves out for nothing... and we are paying the high price for it.

The internet allows it to proliferate like a plague and this unchecked flow of information allows those who thrive on the abuse or acts of abuse to find their home in it. This attracts so many of those who would have been "on the fence" to the wrong side. Sure, more are reported... because more are being abused and more are leaving bread crumb trails behind from their activities. for investigators to track.

The other problem is that we as a society are promoting, through our low moral systems, the idea that kids need to see themselves as "sexy". I would love to punch the jerk in the head that came up with the idea to put our teenage daughters in clothing that is tight, revealing AND had names and phrases like "baby doll" and "I'm Sexy" printed over parts of the clothing that pretty much makes you look at what could be underneath. That is pathetic and almost advertises the meat in the package when the outcome of that is absolutely contrary to what we want to happen to our kids.

Is there more child abuse happening? Heck yes. Are we promoting and doing it to ourselves... heck yes. Could it be stopped... not without a lot of work and a lot of ideals changes in the world. Satan really has a hold on us.

[ruthiechan]

I believe a lot of abuse went on even before hand. My father was severely abused by his father. So were his siblings. My father is a baby boomer and grew up during those "ideal" times. John Muir was severely beaten by his father and eventually stopped believing in God as we know it and believed that Nature is God. It was common to be beaten with a switch or branch from a tree for misbehavior. It was also "nobody's business" what happens inside a family. That's how it was. Women did not talk about husbands beating them, children did not talk about being abused whatever kind it was.

Those ideal times of the fifties were also very oppressive, and messed up in its own right. Having education videos on how to ride a bike while wearing a radiation suit? Talk about instilling fear and causing emotional trauma! You had to conform (you were encouraged to emulate the popular kids and people!), you had to obey authority (sorry, blind obedience is stupid), you could only look forward to a 9-5 corporate drone style job (talk about dull and lifeless). The children lived a life of relative ease (which I can understand because of the experiences of their parents). But still, the 50's went way too far on the oppressive side of things.

The only thing is that with technology more good and more evil can be done. Satan uses the same tools to spread evil that God uses to spread good. "Evil possesses an instinct for theater, which is why, in an era of gaudy and gifted media, evil may vastly magnify its damage by the power of horrific images." -Lance Marrow: TIME Magazine.

[ampat777]

I blame the media and society for the sexed up we have today. Everything is shown as normal and it seems the limits and taboos are beginning to disappear. Not only sexual but also if you think about drugs and teens beating each other up very bad and then getting it on cam to show in the net. Itßs all disgusting if you think about the world we have.

But it´s the parents role to teach the kids what is wrong and what is right and it´s the parents task not to agree with the society and to be strong enough to be different. Most think they can´t change it anyway and just let everything go. That´s wrong.

There is also a bit problem with sexual abuse, cheating up to rape among teens and young adults and most ignore it.

[WillowTheWhisp]

It depends on what type of abuse you are referring to. If you mean physical abuse such as beating then there probably was more of it in the past because people were afraid to speak out against it. Unfortunately I feel we have gone too far in the opposite direction and people are unable to distinguish between a light smack which hurt pride more than body and a physical beating which left a child wounded and injured. In some circumstances there can be no other way of dealing with a situation such as a child reaching out to touch a flame or banging on a window which could break. There is no time to discuss the danger with the child before they have hurt themselves. The child may even be too young to understand a reasoned explanation. A sharp tap on the back of the hand and they stop - then you can explain as much as the child is able to understand. I think a lot of society's problems with ferral children stem from the lack of discipline because people are just afraid to discipline children for fear of getting into trouble for doing so.

If, however, you are referring to sexual abuse then I think there is a heck of a lot more of it nowadays and the sexual portrayal of children in the media has a lot to answer for. When I was a kid, kids in films looked like kids. They did kid things like climbing trees and getting muddy and mucky. Nowadays teenage girls on TV are all make up and adult clothing and talking about dating and boyfriends. Dating at 12/13? I was still playing tomboy games at that age.

I also agree about the sort of clothing available for children these days. I was appalled to see the young girl, friend of my daughter, wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "If you think this looks good on me, it would look better on your bedroom floor" and the mother thought it was "just a bit of fun". Strappy low cut figure hugging tops and very short skirts are considered normal - people who wear modest clothing are considered "freaks". The Playboy logo has become accepted as a range of children's clothing, accessories and bedroom furniture. What message is that giving?

As for the names of TV programs such as "Sex in the City" - the word "sex" was never even mentioned on TV or in films unless it was X-rated. If a love scene was shown it usually cut away from the kiss to romantic music playing whilst waves washed up onto a distant shore or birds sang in the trees, or the stars twinkled in a moonlit sky. Passionate bedroom scenes were never displayed. If couples were shown in bed then he always wore a smart set of pyjamas neatly buttoned up and she had her hair in curlers and a face mask on.

How can we think that portraying so much blatant sexuality will not lead to people wanting to fulfill fantasies? We put it on open display and then appear horrified when people want it.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

So I was down in Albuquerque working at the state fair there and I had to run out to the RV to make some sandwiches and on my way back I got stuck following this family to the gate and I tell you this little girl couldn't have been more than 8 years old and she was dressed like a Las Vegas prostitute. That's not just the kids emulating what they see in the media, it's the parents dressing their kids that way too.

Yes this leads to more sexual abuse and predation. Yes it leads to greater promiscuity at younger ages. Yes it's only going to get worse. Maybe I'm a pessemist but I don't think there's anything we can do about it in a large scale, all we can hope to do is raise our own families right and do our best to protect them from these influences and from the dangers out there.

And by right I mean according to Gospel principles.

And by protect from I mean educate about.

cgrantreed: You're absolutely right about anything "sex" being a sensitive topic, especially among Mormons. But I take issue where people choose to shove "sensetive topics" under a rug of "inappropritateness" and blindly ignore the difficult truth. I've seen far too many of my own generation lost, especially in the church, because they were never taught how to deal with the evil in the world. I agree that mature discussion is the only way to fight some of these influences.

[WANDERER]

It went on. There were different responses: we don't tell; it's none of our business; what else can you expect of people like that; they're all as bad as each other; they asked for it; we can't believe that ugly lie; mental instability; race etc. To talk about it, tarnished you. Is there more now than there was then...? I wouldn't know.

On the media: Once apon a time we used to be able to cut pictures out of magazines and use them in art. This is impossible to do nowadays. Even the commercials during what is seen as children's viewing hours is inappropriate. And is it really necessary to put thinly disguised adult concepts into children's movies to entertain supervising adults? And it's all about money vs morality. It takes a lot of people to complain nowadays when it is versus a $ sign.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

So I was driving home from work this morning and saw a sign on the side of the road "Flag footbll cheerleading"..."age 4 to 14". Not that there's anything wrong with cheerleading per se, but I just don't see it as a way to teach a 4 year old about modesty...

[Hemidakota]

I blame the media and society for the sexed up we have today. Everything is shown as normal and it seems the limits and taboos are beginning to disappear. Not only sexual but also if you think about drugs and teens beating each other up very bad and then getting it on cam to show in the net. Itßs all disgusting if you think about the world we have.

But it´s the parents role to teach the kids what is wrong and what is right and it´s the parents task not to agree with the society and to be strong enough to be different. Most think they can´t change it anyway and just let everything go. That´s wrong.

There is also a bit problem with sexual abuse, cheating up to rape among teens and young adults and most ignore it.

I blame the parents in not being parents of children. Media and society can have their time but in the end, it really doesn't matter but what is taught in our homes.

[Bookmeister]

Apparently the advertisers and media people all believe that sex sells, and seem to fill every commercial and television show with sexual innuendo, sexual word play, and in many cases just plain sex that doesn't "fade to the bullfrogs".

But it seems to be more than that. There's just less respect for people all round. Instead of acting in more modest ways (dress, public speech, conversation, etc) many people seem to go out of their way to be more shocking, controversial, and offensive. Individuals focus solely on themselves and the impression (or expression) they want to make on others, and never stop to consider how they might be intruding on another person's sensibilities or boundaries.

Don't misunderstand, I happen to be a major league fan of freedom of expression (after all, who else wears Superman pajamas to the hospital for surgery...LOL), but I try to take into account the general public standards I was raised with...that is, no swearing in public (and because I'm LDS, not in private, either), no spitting on the sidewalk, no ogling of women or making rude cracks about their attributes or dress, and so forth.

It's a matter of common courtesy and respect for others, I believe. My respect for you is based on what I want for myself. I don't want to hear the F word from two 14 year olds ahead of me in line at the movies while they talk about the types of sex they've had with their boyfriends (I don't want to hear about the sex, either!). I don't think that my behavior should make other people duck their heads and wish they were some place else because they're embarrassed.

And yet, despite all of the immoral advertising, foulness in movies and television, and so forth, the largest market for fiction books is christian fiction, the largest demand for movies is for ones with G ratings, and the vast majority of ordinary people we meet everyday don't act like animals in public. Hmmmm?

Sorry, I'm kinda rambling (must be the painkillers) but I hope that I made some sort of sense.

[KosherXMorg]

My previous question was hijacked and lost so I will ask the question again. If putting children into an environment and situation that encourages them to be involved in sexual activity is a form a child abuse – what are some of the elements and efforts in our society to abuse children. Are there efforts in entertainment? In education?

Some say the only reason there is so much more child abuse now as there was 50 years ago is because it is reported more now. I am not so sure.

The Traveler

Remember when the Olsen Twins hit about 14 and the count down until there 18th birthday started? This truly is a "hypocritical nation".

[Fiannan]

Remember when the Olsen Twins hit about 14 and the count down until there 18th birthday started? This truly is a "hypocritical nation".

Many in Europe call American behavior "double morality".

[ruthiechan]

I live in condo/townhouse. I have to go around the back to the laundry room. I have heard the f word many times. Every time I do from these kids hanging out, I look at them with shock on my face. Hello, my little girl is walking with me, and why would I want to hear that? I can be in line at the grocery store and foulness pours of people's mouths while they are talking on the phone. . .

The worst thing however, is when I was doing laundry and there was music blaring in the music closest to the laundry room, and it was the most foul disgusting rap music I have ever heard. I wanna f them ho's I wanna f them all, suck my whatevers and all sorts of crap.

I swear, next time I hear a group of girls I'm seriously thinking about saying, "hey, are you sluts? No? Well, then do not talk like that. That's how sluts and hussies talk, and if you do not want people to get the wrong impression have respect for yourself and learn new ways to express yourself." But then I'm afraid that they will just start saying the f word just to piss me off and I do not know if I'd be able to restrain myself from slapping their mouths.

There was a lady, was it here or someone at church?, who tells every mother they see whose child is not wearing modest clothing that it's NOT cute and the effects it will have on their children. I wish I could remember who does this so I could ask how they phrase things. . . I hate seeing members of the church with children wearing sleeveless sundresses or short skirts. I'd rather see the kids at church in jeans and a t-shirt. . .

[KosherXMorg]

I live in condo/townhouse. I have to go around the back to the laundry room. I have heard the f word many times. Every time I do from these kids hanging out, I look at them with shock on my face. Hello, my little girl is walking with me, and why would I want to hear that? I can be in line at the grocery store and foulness pours of people's mouths while they are talking on the phone. . .

The worst thing however, is when I was doing laundry and there was music blaring in the music closest to the laundry room, and it was the most foul disgusting rap music I have ever heard. I wanna f them ho's I wanna f them all, suck my whatevers and all sorts of crap.

I swear, next time I hear a group of girls I'm seriously thinking about saying, "hey, are you sluts? No? Well, then do not talk like that. That's how sluts and hussies talk, and if you do not want people to get the wrong impression have respect for yourself and learn new ways to express yourself." But then I'm afraid that they will just start saying the f word just to piss me off and I do not know if I'd be able to restrain myself from slapping their mouths.

There was a lady, was it here or someone at church?, who tells every mother they see whose child is not wearing modest clothing that it's NOT cute and the effects it will have on their children. I wish I could remember who does this so I could ask how they phrase things. . . I hate seeing members of the church with children wearing sleeveless sundresses or short skirts. I'd rather see the kids at church in jeans and a t-shirt. . .

See we can agree on something

Speaking of the sundress issue we just discussed it at facebook, check out this interesting exchange by a couple LDS mothers...

Feng Xinxin (Seattle, WA) wroteon May 25, 2008 at 11:49 PM

I dress my kids in sundresses and tank tops. They are 2 and 4 and I don't see it as immodest. I let them go to church in sundresses too. I personally don't see a problem with it. At this age there is nothing immodest about it. When they start sprouting body parts that need covering up more I will enforce a more strict dress code.

Reply to FengReport

Post #18

Latter-day Patriot replied to Laura's poston May 26, 2008 at 12:43 AM

Well said. Thanks for that great post!

Reply to Latter-dayReport

Post #19

2 replies

Hannah Moore (Texas Tech) replied to Feng's poston May 30, 2008 at 8:43 PM

I agree. A baby wearing a sundress with no sleeves and being called immodest would be like ridiculing an infant for running around the house naked. Obviously, this behavior wouldn't be appropriate past a certain age, but honestly...a 16 year old isn't going to argue that wearing a tank top is alright now because it was "alright then", just like they aren't going to go streaking just because they once ran around the house without a diaper.

Reply to HannahReport

Post #20

Feng Xinxin (Seattle, WA) replied to Hannah's poston May 31, 2008 at 11:24 AM

Very well said!

Reply to FengReport

Post #21

1 reply

Alie Anderton (Weber) replied to Hannah's poston May 31, 2008 at 9:17 PM

Good point. I have never thought about that before. That makes me feel better about the clothes my mom buys for my daughter, since my parents aren't LDS.

Reply to AlieReport

Post #22

1 reply

Hannah Moore (Texas Tech) replied to Alie's poston May 31, 2008 at 9:20 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with either way. I guess it's something each family has to establish. You'd also have to decide at what age it is necessary for them to wear a t-shirt underneath their dresses.

Reply to HannahReport

Post #23

1 reply

Alie Anderton (Weber) replied to Hannah's poston May 31, 2008 at 9:26 PM

Very true. I think my little girl is a little young for t-shirts under dresses (she's 2), and she's like my hubby, a human heating pad. So wearing too much wouldn't be a good thing. And I think wearing a t-shirt under a dress in the summer would be wearing too much.

[Elphaba]

The following is a very comprehensive study of child abuse, including sexual, throughout the history of the world.

I believe there has always been as much child abuse as there is today, perhaps even more, as many societies condoned it.

However, there are two variables that make it look like it currently happens more often: 1) better reporting, and 2) population growth (which is, I believe, is now on the downside, but I'm not sure).

Child Sexual Abuse in History

Elphaba

[ruthiechan]

See we can agree on something

Speaking of the sundress issue we just discussed it at facebook, check out this interesting exchange by a couple LDS mothers...

Feng Xinxin (Seattle, WA) wroteon May 25, 2008 at 11:49 PM

I dress my kids in sundresses and tank tops. They are 2 and 4 and I don't see it as immodest. I let them go to church in sundresses too. I personally don't see a problem with it. At this age there is nothing immodest about it. When they start sprouting body parts that need covering up more I will enforce a more strict dress code.

Reply to FengReport

Post #18

Latter-day Patriot replied to Laura's poston May 26, 2008 at 12:43 AM

Well said. Thanks for that great post!

Reply to Latter-dayReport

Post #19

2 replies

Hannah Moore (Texas Tech) replied to Feng's poston May 30, 2008 at 8:43 PM

I agree. A baby wearing a sundress with no sleeves and being called immodest would be like ridiculing an infant for running around the house naked. Obviously, this behavior wouldn't be appropriate past a certain age, but honestly...a 16 year old isn't going to argue that wearing a tank top is alright now because it was "alright then", just like they aren't going to go streaking just because they once ran around the house without a diaper.

Reply to HannahReport

Post #20

Feng Xinxin (Seattle, WA) replied to Hannah's poston May 31, 2008 at 11:24 AM

Very well said!

Reply to FengReport

Post #21

1 reply

Alie Anderton (Weber) replied to Hannah's poston May 31, 2008 at 9:17 PM

Good point. I have never thought about that before. That makes me feel better about the clothes my mom buys for my daughter, since my parents aren't LDS.

Reply to AlieReport

Post #22

1 reply

Hannah Moore (Texas Tech) replied to Alie's poston May 31, 2008 at 9:20 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with either way. I guess it's something each family has to establish. You'd also have to decide at what age it is necessary for them to wear a t-shirt underneath their dresses.

Reply to HannahReport

Post #23

1 reply

Alie Anderton (Weber) replied to Hannah's poston May 31, 2008 at 9:26 PM

Very true. I think my little girl is a little young for t-shirts under dresses (she's 2), and she's like my hubby, a human heating pad. So wearing too much wouldn't be a good thing. And I think wearing a t-shirt under a dress in the summer would be wearing too much.

Do they not understand that it is so much easier to have a dress code be the same all their lives? Less argument! It's just the way it is. And if a sundress with a shirt under it is too hot then have your kid just wear a shirt and shorts (of appropriate length).

I am preparing my daughter for the Temple by requiring her to wear clothing that would cover garments if the garments were child sized.

And a kid making their escape nude is totally different then supporting immodest dress.

[WillowTheWhisp]

a 16 year old isn't going to argue that wearing a tank top is alright now because it was "alright then"

At what age do they suggest it becomes inappropriate? I have seen 8 - 12 year old girls at church wearing strappy sun tops and short skirts and I find it embarrassing. My girls have never worn anything like that and have never expressed any desire to do so. In fact because they have grown up wearing modest clothing they have never had any issues with it. They have looked at those wearing skimpy things and said that they do not like how it makes them look "trashy"

[ruthiechan]

The following is a very comprehensive study of child abuse, including sexual, throughout the history of the world.

I believe there has always been as much child abuse as there is today, perhaps even more, as many societies condoned it.

However, there are two variables that make it look like it currently happens more often: 1) better reporting, and 2) population growth (which is, I believe, is now on the downside, but I'm not sure).

Child Sexual Abuse in History

Elphaba

Everyone needs to read this. . .

[Elphaba]

Many in Europe call American behavior "double morality".

How many?

Elphaba

[Tough Grits]

My previous question was hijacked and lost so I will ask the question again. If putting children into an environment and situation that encourages them to be involved in sexual activity is a form a child abuse – what are some of the elements and efforts in our society to abuse children. Are there efforts in entertainment? In education?

Some say the only reason there is so much more child abuse now as there was 50 years ago is because it is reported more now. I am not so sure.

The Traveler

Interesting question.

I was abused as a child. My cousin was too.

From my perspective, here is what I see:

1. Child abuse IS reported more now than in the past. I have no reports on this. I just believe this. In the past things were swept under the rug and kept quite for the sake of the family. When I finally told somebody about my own molestation...there was still a fair amount of denial and cover up among extended family. It was scary for me to tell. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't want my father to know or hear about it, cause I thought he would stop loving me. I was very young. I have talked with my children about what is and what is NOT appropriate since they could understand spoken language. They have been told repeatedly that NOBODY, not even mommy or daddy, is allowed to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable or that involves a private area. I can only hope and pray that they are never abused, but if they are, then I hope that all our talks on this issue will give them the courage to come and tell me or their father.

2. Maybe there is more abuse now than in the past. I am not a mathematician, nor do I have any reports on this...but common sense would seem to indicate that if there are more people now then there are probably more cases of abuse.

3. I think that what society calls "entertainment" desensitizes all of us, especially those who already have a problem with unnatural desires.

Thomas S. Monson, “Pornography—The Deadly Carrier,” Liahona, Nov 2001, 2

“One study points out that pornography may have a direct relationship to sex crimes. In the study, 87 percent of convicted molesters of girls and 77 percent of convicted molesters of boys admit to the use of pornography, most often in commission of their crimes.”

An excerpt from a paper that I wrote for ENGL on the evils of pornography.

Too often, sexual offenders became caught in the web of pornography early in their youth. After a period of becoming desensitized through repeated exposure to pornographic material, the need to elevate the thrill becomes overpowering. This same form of escalating addiction can be seen with those addicted to alcohol or drugs. After a period of continual and habitual abuse, users need to increase the amount of their alcohol consumption or the consumption of their drug of choice to achieve the same high once attained by a lower dose. For those exposed to pornography, an addiction to explicit sexual material can often lead to unhealthy and/or illegal sexual activities.

Pornography rarely affects only the person with the addiction to such material. This is a disease that is adversely affecting all of society. Marriages, families, and individuals all across our nation are at risk of becoming affected by, exposed to, or addicted to the invasive evil of sexually explicit material. Families are the strongest weapon against pornography. A strong, loving family unit can fortify their home against the intrusion of immodest, unwholesome, profane, sexually provocative, and otherwise indecent material. Protection against the evils of the world starts with teaching our children and one another that we have the ability and agency to choose that which is righteous, virtuous, clean, uplifting, and wholesome. If we teach our children to shun pornography from an early age, then the temptation to stray from what they have been taught will be significantly decreased when and if they are ever exposed to such filth. How we teach our children today determines what kind of world awaits us tomorrow.

I want to make it clear that, to me, pornography is not just certain magazines or certain programs that have to be purchased on pay-per-view or rented in a video store. Pornography is much more subtle than that. I think alot of the shows on TV are too explicit and to graphic. I have put a lock on our TV where no program with any form of sexual content, visual or verbal, can be viewed without entering a code. I am the only one who knows the code. You would be shocked at the movies and shows that the TV will not allow to be viewed.

4. I also believe that how we dress our little ones DOES matter.

Now, I do not know what triggered my molester to molest me. But I can definitely see that if a young person who is struggling with troubling thoughts sees a little child dressed in an inappropriate or immodest manner, then it makes that troubled person have to work all the harder to resist their dark thoughts.

What about an older person who has already transgressed and abused children? How much harder is it for them to refrain from repeating their evil deeds, when they see little children dressed so immodestly?

I do NOT believe that anybody asks to be raped or molested. But there are definitely things all around us than can facilitate certain things.

I know that my chances of being mugged, raped, assaulted, or killed would probably increase if I walked the streets of an urban city in a bikini at night with a wad of cash in one hand and diamonds draped all over me. Some things are just obvious.

Some things are not so obvious. How we dress our children needs to be something we think about before they are even born. Once the standards are set, then it is easier to stick to them.

We only have ONE standard in our home. Not one standard for the kids and one standard for the adults. My husband and I have been to the temple. We know what we have to wear to be modest, and we dress our children in the same manner. When they are old enough to live on their own, then they can make that choice for themselves, but hopefully, after having lived a certain way all their lives they will not feel it necessary to change.

I guess it is easier now, in this dispensation, to abuse ourselves and to abuse others due to all the filth that buffets us from every corner.

But could that be the very reason that Heavenly Father has saved some of His most valiant spirits for last...so that they would have the strength to overcome wickedness as long as they kept Jesus Christ at the VERY center of their lives, thoughts, and actions?

[LegendadryPerc]

I think that a lot of what people do that I and probably many on here, find offensive, has a lot to do with culture. Modern prophets have told us that some aspects of cultures are wrong, and need to be let go. I like to give people the benifit of the doubt, and have found that this is also the most effective way to get the response I want. If a teenager has only known a world where it is appropriate to speak a certain way, or dress a certain way, then someone attacking them is only going to encourage them to put up their defenses and see that person as some "hypocritical, self-righteous, busy-body", despite the fact that they are infringing on that persons desires to not have to be exposed to something they find disturbing. When it comes to swearing, very offensive clothing, smoking, etc., I have never had someone not at least try to honor my request to not do it around me. The scariest, foulest mouthed, offenders, will genuinely try to accomodate my requests if I'm careful to phrase it as "I" have a problem with it, not "you" are bad to be like that! They are human after all, and many are genuinely good people who put me to shame as far as unconditional love for all mankind.