Big questions, hard times

[Islander]

I'm going to discuss this with him....but what about my standing with god. I cant control my husband if he wants to do this he's going to do it. Where does that leave me?

I want to come back to the chruch but i'm scared, scared because he's suposed to be a member but doesnt want to be one and i do. I've never been to the temple and i'd love to go. But would what he's doing hold me back? I'm willing to pay tithing and follow the Wow....all it comes down to is how does his sin affect me now that i'm his wife. (We are not sealed in the temple as i just said i've never been befor)

My heart goes out to you. I can not begin to imagine how you must feel. I hope that you find some answers if not perspective in the forum but no question you should seek professional guidance in this issue.

Gender Identity Disorder has no known treatment. There is no evidence in the clinical lit that it can be successfully addressed to the point where the person is no longer preoccupied with the sexual identity issue. I concurred with some of the posts above. You need to talk to your Bishop and seek counseling right away. There is nothing you can do for him that he does not want to do for himself. Thisis his agency and it has NOTHING t do with you. You should not be concerned since it does not relate to your worthiness.

I would not procrastinate on trying to find the best way to address this issue. My prayers go out to you.

[hankpac]

People who wish to trans-gender are mentally ill. They clearly have a warped or dysfunctional sense of personal physical image. You are not required to stay in a marriage where you were essentially misled. Since you have no kids, you would be very much ahead to divorce, or to obtain an annulment.

Get the annulment, get on with your life. At 22 you have your whole life ahead of you, and still need to get your education behind you.

Don't tie yourself down with trying to "fix him" it won't happen. Women torment themselves with trying to "fix" someone, thinking if they just love them enough every thing will be alright. It won't.

This guy is a betrayer of what you were promised at the altar.

If your pants were on fire, would you stay in them? "Oh but they are my best pants..."

They're on fire.

"But they're my best pants"

They are on fire.

"but if I just hold out..."

So she ends up with a blistered hiney, no pants, and naked to the world.

[Iggy]

As for my situation emotionally i dont know how to handle it. Do i want to be divorced at 21? No. How would i tell my family? They are not in the church and there very old fassoned anyway. How do i get over the shame of being divorced. I'll be used meat and who wants that?

To be honest since this has happened its been about 3 months. I feel like my life has stopped and i only a shell.

BTW can anyone help me find who the bishop is in my city? As i said before my husbands family has asked that i NOT give out this address so i cant log onto the LDS website. Please let me know as i think i should meet with him about this so that i cant start living for me again.

I don't want to come across as cold, cruel and unfeeling- but for heavens sake dear, what part of the world have you been living in?? Used meat!!! No one, male or female, is used meat. Divorced at 21 or 81 what is the difference. The stigma of being a divorced woman went out of fashion in the 70's.

What will you tell your parents? How about - Mom, Dad, husband is undergoing treatments to become a woman, and I do NOT want to be married to a woman, thus I am divorcing him.

Why can't you log onto the mormon.org site? Go there, enter in your address and find the nearest meetinghouse?? There is no way the Church will call you or send someone to your house. Your internet server won't do it either. As far as I know, there will be no flags or sirens going off once you enter into any of the official LDS web sites. Have you ever used Map Quest? Well the program for finding the meeting house works the same way.

You are setting up unnecessary road blocks to bar your way, rather than taking a proactive approach to solving the problems you have.

If I had discovered at 21 years of age, that my husband was the alcoholic, womanizing, abuser that he was, I would thank Father above and get me the Heck out of Dodge. I would have divorced him in a New York minute! Rather it took me 25 years to discover it, stop denying what he was, realize that no amount of love on my part was ever going to change him.

Stop with the adding of even more unnecessary road blocks already. Take each obstacle that you now have and work on it, one step at a time.

[pam]

I don't want to come across as cold, cruel and unfeeling- but for heavens sake dear, what part of the world have you been living in?? Used meat!!! No one, male or female, is used meat. Divorced at 21 or 81 what is the difference. The stigma of being a divorced woman went out of fashion in the 70's.

What will you tell your parents? How about - Mom, Dad, husband is undergoing treatments to become a woman, and I do NOT want to be married to a woman, thus I am divorcing him.

Why can't you log onto the mormon.org site? Go there, enter in your address and find the nearest meetinghouse?? There is no way the Church will call you or send someone to your house. Your internet server won't do it either. As far as I know, there will be no flags or sirens going off once you enter into any of the official LDS web sites. Have you ever used Map Quest? Well the program for finding the meeting house works the same way.

You are setting up unnecessary road blocks to bar your way, rather than taking a proactive approach to solving the problems you have.

If I had discovered at 21 years of age, that my husband was the alcoholic, womanizing, abuser that he was, I would thank Father above and get me the Heck out of Dodge. I would have divorced him in a New York minute! Rather it took me 25 years to discover it, stop denying what he was, realize that no amount of love on my part was ever going to change him.

Stop with the adding of even more unnecessary road blocks already. Take each obstacle that you now have and work on it, one step at a time.

Amen Iggy. Very well put.

[phantom_heart]

You are setting up unnecessary road blocks to bar your way, rather than taking a proactive approach to solving the problems you have.

Stop with the adding of even more unnecessary road blocks already. Take each obstacle that you now have and work on it, one step at a time.

First of all thank you for your advise. Being raised by my grandparents i was taught certin things. Number one was to always and no matter what stand by your husband. A failed marriage is the worst kind of sin in my family. Therefor I have been scared out of my mind. I am taking this as a failer on my part instead of his.

I was raised that the only acceptable reason for divorce was if he was abusing me for unjust reasons. I was raised that a slap now and than is something a woman needs. Not something I believe now just giving an example of what my family thinks (try to remember i'm only 21 barely left my grandparents side so to speak)

This is not something I've been built to handle. believe me i've tried to handle this...i even tried to see if i could handle him dressed like a woman. I couldn't even look at him. Not that i was laughing it just made me very uncomfortable.

I guess i do have that feeling that "well mabye i can help him mabye there is something i can do" He stated to me last night that he knows he'll never be able to afford the surgery..but should that give me any amount of happiness? He's suffering and is so depressed.

An interesting fact is that up until 1998 the sexual reasingment surgery was covered under Canada's OHIP (meaning it was a free surgery) Now its different but there is talk about getting it covered. if it is...well there will be no question he'll get it.

its just so much on my plate.

[Misshalfway]

Taking care of yourself by making the choices that will bring your happiness is absolutely in line with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I know you feel like you plate is full -- and right now it is! But not everything on that plate is your responsibility. Like this problem with your husband. Big narly overwhelming choice, yah? Not yours! Hand it back to him. Just because we are married to someone doesn't mean that we take responsibility for their choices. We always stand as an individual. In the gospel, we know this. We won't be judged by the actions of others -- only our own. To thine own self be true! Isn't that what Shakespeare said? This is a wonderful piece of advice!

He is suffering and is so depressed. Yes, why wouldn't he be? All depression is is believing lies. Anyone trapped in lies will suffer. It is why truth is so crucial to happiness. You can support him and love him as any friend would...but it is not required of you to take it all on and do things you cannot do. No real happy marriage asks that of its partners. Happy Marriage never means sacrificing of things that should never be sacrificed. That is not being self-less. That is being a martyr.

Ok. So you are trying to see if your life could work in this circumstance and are discovering that you can't be happy with you H dressed like a woman. There is absolutely NO guilt in that or shame in that whatsoever!!!! If you find yourself staying because of those two reasons, then stop yourself and re-think that. NO ONE should ever stay out of guilt or shame. It will eventually turn into resentment and canker how you feel about him and more importantly how you feel about yourself.

Sounds like your grandparents come from a different generation of thinking. I am glad you don't buy into parts of it. You can still love them and respect how they raised you even if you are discovering more truth than they did.

Listen to that voice within you. Allow yourself to be anchored to that voice. All the world and the people in it will try to get you to listen and serve their voice. But we can't be swayed by that. We have to listen to our own truth and do ONLY what we can do. Father in Heaven doesn't expect us to do anything more than that. In my own experience, He has led me back to my inner voice time and time again. When you are that centered and anchored, you won't feel so confused and burdened. You path with start to become clear. Especially as you pray for clarity and also for the courage to do what is right for you.

Much love

Edited June 23, 2008 by Misshalfway

[phantom_heart]

Taking care of yourself by making the choices that will bring your happiness is absolutely in line with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I know you feel like you plate is full -- and right now it is! But not everything on that plate is your responsibility. Like this problem with your husband. Big narly overwhelming choice, yah? Not yours! Hand it back to him. Just because we are married to someone doesn't mean that we take responsibility for their choices. We always stand as an individual. In the gospel, we know this. We won't be judged by the actions of others -- only our own. To thine own self be true! Isn't that what Shakespeare said? This is a wonderful piece of advice!

He is suffering and is so depressed. Yes, why wouldn't he be? All depression is is believing lies. Anyone trapped in lies will suffer. It is why truth is so crucial to happiness. You can support him and love him as any friend would...but it is not required of you to take it all on and do things you cannot do. No real happy marriage asks that of its partners. Happy Marriage never means sacrificing of things that should never be sacrificed. That is not being self-less. That is being a martyr.

Ok. So you are trying to see if your life could work in this circumstance and are discovering that you can't be happy with you H dressed like a woman. There is absolutely NO guilt in that or shame in that whatsoever!!!! If you find yourself staying because of those two reasons, then stop yourself and re-think that. NO ONE should ever stay out of guilt or shame. It will eventually turn into resentment and canker how you feel about him and more importantly how you feel about yourself.

Sounds like your grandparents come from a different generation of thinking. I am glad you don't buy into parts of it. You can still love them and respect how they raised you even if you are discovering more truth than they did.

Listen to that voice within you. Allow yourself to be anchored to that voice. All the world and the people in it will try to get you to listen and serve their voice. But we can't be swayed by that. We have to listen to our own truth and do ONLY what we can do. Father in Heaven doesn't expect us to do anything more than that. In my own experience, He has led me back to my inner voice time and time again. When you are that centered and anchored, you won't feel so confused and burdened. You path with start to become clear. Especially as you pray for clarity and also for the courage to do what is right for you.

Much love

Thank you so much! That was very planly put but made me feel very good. I know i have a lot more praying to do. And yes dission making. This isnt going to be easy but i'm going to do what i can. I think its time i did a little something for myself insted of trying to make other people happy.

Is there any uplifiting scripture from the bible or BoM or both that i could read? just something uplifting.

[PapilioMemnon]

Thank you so much! That was very planly put but made me feel very good. I know i have a lot more praying to do. And yes dission making. This isnt going to be easy but i'm going to do what i can. I think its time i did a little something for myself insted of trying to make other people happy.

Is there any uplifiting scripture from the bible or BoM or both that i could read? just something uplifting.

(Emphasis added)

Isaiah 41

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Psalms 46

1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be cexalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

D&C 123

17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

Edited June 23, 2008 by PapilioMemnon

[phantom_heart]

Thank you! I'm saying that a lot but its well deserved. I'm very new at the bible and the BoM i never know where to read and i always get really board with starting from the beginning and working my way through i fall asleep. I have to start somewhere interesting lol. I just never know where to look.

I have a big smile on my face now!

[deydream]

I feel for you. I'm sorry this is something you have to go through.

Your standing in the church will not be affected by your husbands actions. Go to your bishop. He will be able to give you councel and support. You can go back to church and find a family of support, even without telling them about your husbands problems.

Read the Book of Mormon and pray. You aren't alone. I had a friend that found out her husband of 5 years was gay. It devistated her for years. They finally divorced, and she has found some one who makes her happy and can take her to the Temple.

Hang in there, you will get through this.

[phantom_heart]

Thank you for your kind words. I went back to chruch!! This past Sunday i couldnt sleep i was up at 7:30 (not normal for me) i decided i would go. It took a very long time to walk. An hour and some. It was hot but oh well. As most know i JUST moved to this big city but i wasnt scared. The welcoming i recived there was overwhelming. They even understood that I am not alowed to give up my address (rules of living where i am:() but still!! It was so diffrent from the branch in my old city. It was so BIG. I have a meeting with the biship next week!