Majorly Depressed

[Guest HEthePrimate]

It's largely grief over my wife's death. She died two years ago, but the grief doesn't go away. Sometimes I'm ok, but sometimes it hits hard. This time I think it was sparked by the announcement that a good friend of mine, his first grandchildren (twins) were born the other day. I know that sounds odd, but I guess my mind connects it to my grief because my wife and I never had kids, and now the chances of my having children, let alone grandchildren, is drastically reduced (age factor). I'm delighted for my friend, but I'm sad it probably won't happen to me. And once my mind got started with that, it also pulled up all kinds of other grief issues, like loss and loneliness, and now I'm all depressed. *sigh*

HEP

[scott1971]

HEP....the missionaries gave me this scripture the other day: "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success." (Alma 26:27)

[Misshalfway]

Wow HEP. Those are tough emotions. They are real and valid and I am sure I would feel similarly had I found myself in your shoes. Seems in this case you are not only mourning the loss of your wife but the life that could have been yours had the circumstances have been differently.

I don't know exactly what takes the sting away other than the power of restitution thru the Savior. So many of our desires get answered with "Not now" sorts of answers. I think in the moment they sometimes feel like a slap in the face. I guess I feel that desire you have for kids. What a wonderful thing!!! I just have this vision in my head of God giving you that blessing.....somewhere, somehow, in this life or the next!

Perhaps looking outside of the box for your blessings could help. Looking for the opportunities rather than mourning over the closed doors. Have you ever seen the movie "Marian Child"? Just an idea......

[NeuroTypical]

I can't help, I can just relate a little bit. Both of my parents died by my early 30's. It really comes back to me when I watch my kids playing with their 'adopted grandparents'. I dunno. I think it's healthy that that hole in our lives never completely goes away - it means they meant the world to us and we still miss them.

[Aklegrand]

HEP,

My husband was killed just over a year ago. His 29th birthday is this coming Sunday. There are constant reminders of what could have been. I'm going through counseling right now to help deal with things. My counselors biggest advice has been to keep a journal. For those moments of depression when you don't necessarily want to talk about it with someone but you need to get it out. I hate writing in a journal but those few times I have done it have really helped. Write down those precious memories, things that trigger your anger or deep sorrow, and the silly little things that she did or said that you miss. I'm truly sorry for your loss and for the suffering that you go through every day missing her. I hope you know that she is still with you in spirit and that she wants you to be happy. How could she want anything less?

Ashley

[funkymonkey]

HEP.

My heart just ached when I read your post. I am so so sorry for your loss.

Please remember that you are not alone . You are not alone.

God loves you, and God loves your wife; your wife loves you and watches over you.

Allow them both to be your companion, through both your joys and your sorrows.

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

2 Ne. 31:20

"...Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

God Bless, HEP.

Edited July 30, 2008 by funkymonkey

[StrawberryFields]

Hello HEP,

Grieving the loss of someone is a process and it is different for each of us. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet wife. I have lost a brother and now both of my parents and I feel a real void. I have a growing love in learning more about my ancestry and I am trying to connect with them in that way.

I think the idea about a journal sounds great.

Is there someone who you can develop a bond with who has children? I feel bad for my new nephew who will be born next month having never had an earthly relationship with my parents. When I was growing up and we lived in a basement apartment I got to know the lady who lived upstairs, she was a widow and she treated me as one of her own. Knowing her the way it did really enriched my life.

[Guest HEthePrimate]

Wow HEP. Those are tough emotions. They are real and valid and I am sure I would feel similarly had I found myself in your shoes. Seems in this case you are not only mourning the loss of your wife but the life that could have been yours had the circumstances have been differently.

That's certainly true. I attended a grief support group for a while, and one of the things they kept stressing is that it is not only the person we lost that we grieve for, but many other things we lost, as well.

I don't know exactly what takes the sting away other than the power of restitution thru the Savior. So many of our desires get answered with "Not now" sorts of answers. I think in the moment they sometimes feel like a slap in the face. I guess I feel that desire you have for kids. What a wonderful thing!!! I just have this vision in my head of God giving you that blessing.....somewhere, somehow, in this life or the next!

Reminds me of these scriptures:

“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.” -- Isaiah 54:1

“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.” -- Psalm 113:9

Perhaps looking outside of the box for your blessings could help. Looking for the opportunities rather than mourning over the closed doors. Have you ever seen the movie "Marian Child"? Just an idea......

Do you mean "Martian Child" with John Cusack? I have not seen it. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks especially for the kind words.

HEP

[Guest HEthePrimate]

Ashley,

I'm really sorry about your husband. Thank you for the suggestion--my counselor also has mentioned journaling. You're right, it's often memories of the silly little things that trigger sorrow or can make me smile. :)

[Kirajo]

Read "The Message" by Lance Richardson

[Misshalfway]

That's certainly true. I attended a grief support group for a while, and one of the things they kept stressing is that it is not only the person we lost that we grieve for, but many other things we lost, as well.

Reminds me of these scriptures:

“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.” -- Isaiah 54:1

“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.” -- Psalm 113:9

Do you mean "Martian Child" with John Cusack? I have not seen it. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks especially for the kind words.

HEP

Yes....with John Cusack. It is based upon a true story and if you get the DVD, they interview the real Martian Child and the single man who adopted him. If nothing else, it is a good Saturday afternoon activity. :) Best wishes for your hard days....HEP

[Moksha]

May all those grieving find solace and may all those hurting find surcease from pain.