Need help with sensitive topic

[krdavis918]

Hi folks - this is my first post and it's a doozy. I need some advice on what to do with my 5 year old son. He frequently balls up a blanket and appears to be "humping" it. Everything I've tried to find on the internet says this is normal behavior. What are your thoughts? I've calmly told him that he needs to stop and asked him why he's doing it. He gives me various answers such as his knees itch (???!!) and other things that just really don't make sense why he'd be doing this. I need an LDS parents perspective on this type of thing. The rest of the world thinks that masterbation is normal....I don't. Any thoughts??

[Hemidakota]

Welcome to the forum and in seeking council.

It is not a normal behavior. You need to see what is causing this situation. Being five years old, there is a problem that needs to corrected and controlled before he reaches his teen age years.

[siouxz72]

Welcome to the Forum.

I'm not sure that I agree with Hemi in saying this is not "normal" behavior. He's probably doing it because it feels good. And being 5, if it feels good then he's going to do it. I think you're doing the right thing in telling him he needs to stop when you see him start to do it. You can also start to teach him about what we need to do to respect our bodies and how HF wants us to treat ourselves. Whatever you do, please don't tell him that what he's doing is bad or naughty. Teach him the behavior you want to see without making him feel bad for the behavior he is doing.

good luck

[Gwen]

i don't actually believe it's masturbation. i think masturbation is when you know it's sexual, it's more than a genital event.

what he is doing is no different than a child that touches themselves a lot. they are discovering the different sensations of the body. an infant chews their fingers and toes if they can get at them. they learn that biting their tongue hurts, they discover feet are ticklish, so are ribs and knees.... other parts have a more unique sensation with them. self discovery of how this new body works is normal.

i have a son that i have to watch close cause he is constantly touching himself. he will do it anywhere, he does it when he's falling asleep, to calm himself when he's upset.... it's been difficult to discourage it without drawing to much attention (positive or negative) to it. we are making a lot of progress and i think we'll be fine when he starts school (will have curbed the habit, in public anyway lol).

all that being said, what your son is doing would bother me. where did he learn to dry hump? does your dog do it and he's mimicking the dog? does he have older brothers that he's caught masturbating and he's repeating the excuses they have given him? does he go to daycare or school, did he learn it there? i don't think dry humping is normal... touching is. what he is doing is a much more sexual thing in my opinion, not "just exploration". not trying to alarm you, just my thoughts on it.

welcome to the forum

[mightynancy]

I disagree with those who say it's not normal - would you prefer the term typical? It's very typical or common among kids that age. I don't think it's sexual at this age; it just feels good. You can teach them not to do it without making them feel bad or shameful. Unless you have other concerns, I wouldn't jump to a conclusion that he's seen inappropriate things. Just redirect the behavior when you see it, and at a neutral time, let him know how we're supposed to treat our bodies.

[Truegrits]

I see what Gwen is saying, though. Yes, it is natural/typical for them to touch/feel/rub...but the actual "humping" action, to me, seems to indicate that he has seen/observed that. In person, on television...whatever. The only child I have had that experience with, it was found that even though the parents thought the child was asleep, the child actually watched them during their love-making.

[krdavis918]

I see what Gwen is saying, though. Yes, it is natural/typical for them to touch/feel/rub...but the actual "humping" action, to me, seems to indicate that he has seen/observed that. In person, on television...whatever. The only child I have had that experience with, it was found that even though the parents thought the child was asleep, the child actually watched them during their love-making.

We don't watch television at our house, so I can't imagine that he's seen anything like that there. We don't even watch movies very often and if we do, it's either Disney or Elmo. Our door is closed and locked anytime we're having some Mommy/Daddy time.

[Hemidakota]

Friends? Magazines? Pets?

[Misshalfway]

If I were you, I would be concerned too. From my very limited experience, it makes me wonder if he learned it somewhere too, but I weigh that with my feelings that children do investigate their bodies and this could be so very typical. (I like that word)

But having said that, I think it is the responsible thing to eliminate more alarming possibilities.

Does he play where there are older children who may be playing inappropriate games or is there a chance he could have been exposed to some form of abuse?

Someone or something usually turns the sexual light on in these early ages. I don't know. If I were you, I would follow my gut and the Spirit to know if there is anything at all to be alarmed about. Most likely it isn't anything, and he is just discovering.

[krdavis918]

Friends? Magazines? Pets?

Nope. He only has 1 playmate who is 3 years old other than his 2 year old sister. We have a Nanny that comes to our house to watch him while I'm at work. She's 20 years old and has been watching him since he was 6 weeks old. We don't subscribe to magazines (other than scrapbooking or Ensign/Friend). Our Dog is so old (and neutered) that he doesn't move around much at all (which is how I got a picture of him with a pompom on his head). I do not think this is sexual in any way - more just typical (I like that too)/feels good to him. I just want advice on how to get him to stop doing it without making him ashamed.

Edited October 16, 2008 by krdavis918

[Gwen]

what other reasons does he give for doing it? other than the knees itching

[krdavis918]

t children do investigate their bodies and this could be so very typical. (I like that word)

Yes - I do feel that this is more of a "feel good" investigation thing, but I don't know how to talk to him about it to make him understand that this is not appropriate without going into too much detail for a 5 year old. I don't think he needs to know *all* the details at his age.

[krdavis918]

what other reasons does he give for doing it? other than the knees itching

His pee pee itchs, he's just wiggling his bum. I can't think of the others. I can tell that he knows I don't approve. I don't get mad at him, just tell him he needs to stop and ask why he's doing that. Then he gives me one of these answers....so I know he knows it's not ok.

Edited October 16, 2008 by krdavis918

[Hemidakota]

At this point, I am very suspicous but it will require you to talk directly to your son as Gwen pointed out.

[Hemidakota]

His pee pee itchs, he's just wiggling his bum. I can't think of the others.

Is he circumcised?

[krdavis918]

Is he circumcised?

Yes....

[Hemidakota]

Is he itching himself throughout the day and night while sleeping? Have you check to see if he has a infection - redness around the foreskin or perhaps a red rash or caking of white residue?

[Gwen]

how long has this been going on? does he have a yeast infection or anything? boys can get them and they look a bit different from girls. he may really be scratching and not doing what we think.

i think his reasons would be most telling of what is going on. i would listen for things that are way way abnormal, the kind of lousy lies older folks come up with to tell kids when they get caught, things he might be repeating. or for other changes that are more sexual than just the movements that he may be copying.

will definitely have to go by the spirit on this one, since he already knows you disapprove he will not likely be forthcoming if he saw it somewhere cause he won't want them to get into trouble too.

[Elgama]

know this is an old thread but like Gwen my first thought would be to get him checked out by a doctor for anything physical and also maybe tested for an allergy. Just a question does anyone you know have a dog??? My little Jack Russell would 'hump' anything and the motion you describe from your post sounds mostly canine to me.

I would just ignore it or distract him, when he does it say ooh look at this lets draw, paint or read your favourite story. Both my kids touch themselves occasionally - I have found with my daughter its only when she wears tights they make her itchy - so it could be down to the trousers or underpants he is wearing.

-Charley

[fish4kitty]

I'm raising two boys and two girls. I've seen all of them do something that will make you scratch your head. A gentle but firm NOCK IT OFF! might help. Yes it's normal and yes it's annoying. Kids are kids and if they are reminded enough it should stop.

[krdavis918]

I'm raising two boys and two girls. I've seen all of them do something that will make you scratch your head. A gentle but firm NOCK IT OFF! might help. Yes it's normal and yes it's annoying. Kids are kids and if they are reminded enough it should stop.

thank you - I think this is probably the most helpful post so far. I think I mostly wanted some reassurance that I wasn't crazy. I *know* he hasn't been exposed to something he shouldn't have been and it's nice to know that there are parents who've seen strange things from their kids before. Thank you thank you!

[Guest Alana]

My son does that sometimes, and I do believe it's just because it feels good. He didn't see anything, he's not acting out, etc. I say 'Cut it out.' And that's it. When he starts poking his sister (one and half years old and loves to be naked... and freeeee!) I talk a little bit about 'respecting your body and other peoples bodies.'

WHen I tell him to knock it out when he touches himself he knows that he just needs to be respectful to his body and him touching it like that isn't respectful. I don't explain why (he's 4) and get elaborate or overly concerned... it's just the way it is. If you have an itch, itch it, then leave it at that. Sometimes in the bath, he'll be looking at it his body, and that's fine, but when he's purposely rubbing, he knows that's not being respectful and that he's expected not to. Sometimes I need to remind him, but he doesn't do it much anymore.

[Guest DeborahC]

"Being respectful" is a good way to put it. I like that.

By the way, yu're the THIRD Alana I've known.

It's a great name!

[jolee65]

You need to calmy redirect him to a activity. How he got that visual is a mistery

[tanuvasamama]

From working in a preschool with children ages 3 1/2 to 5 I can say that this is a bit common. I will be doing story time and will notice some kids touching themselves and sometimes they don't even really realize they are doing it. I quiety tell them to fold their arms please, or just give them a look (not mean) and they stop. I have seen a few kids go as far a humping a blanket during nap time...those ones take a bit more re-direction. Eventually they do stop it at school, but I don't know if it continues at home.