LONELYINLOVE Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 Hi all - My subject matter is VERY personal and I don't think I can ask my RS president or my Bishop about this, so please bear with me. I am 54 and have been married to my 2nd husband for over 9 years now. I consider myself to be fairly attractive and have taken good care of myself. My husband has not been intimate with me for over 5 years!!!!! I have spoken with him about it, and he comes up with the fact we work opposite schedules, too tired, etc, and then says, "we will, we will". But come on, 5 years? I have considered the fact he might be gay, but it just doesn't seem to fit......also, wondered if he had a girlfriend.....that doesn't seem to be the case either. I am not naive and don't want to spend eternity with someone who doesn't enjoy the tenderness and sweetness of being intimate. I have spoken to my family doctor, who happens to be LDS. He suggests that it might be a chemical imbalance......What does a healthy 54 year old woman do in a situation like this......grin and bear it???? Sincerely, I appreciate any advice anyone can give me.......thanks in advance Quote
Misshalfway Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 My first question is why aren't you having this conversation with your H? He is the only one who can really help you fix the problem. Quote
HiJolly Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 My first question is why aren't you having this conversation with your H?He is the only one who can really help you fix the problem.'H' meaning husband? She's tried that. 'H' meaning Heavely Father? ?? HiJolly Quote
Misshalfway Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 Oh yeah. Sorry. I meant husband. And I know she says that she has approached him and he appears to be deflecting the conversation. But truly, if this problem is ever going to be solved, IMO this husband must be involved in the conversation and he must either tell the truth about his issues or be on board with discovering what might be going on. I think maybe she may need a strategy for getting him to where he has to face this. Quote
Elgama Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 my first thought is has he had a physical examination?Amazon.com: Between Husband & Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy: Stephen E. Lamb, Douglas E. Brinley: BooksThis book is really good and might be worth looking at - I am afraid I don't have any real experience I tend to find my husband and I go in cycles with our desires usually at different times -Charley Quote
HiJolly Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 Hi all - My subject matter is VERY personal and I don't think I can ask my RS president or my Bishop about this, so please bear with me. I am 54 and have been married to my 2nd husband for over 9 years now. I consider myself to be fairly attractive and have taken good care of myself. My husband has not been intimate with me for over 5 years!!!!! I have spoken with him about it, and he comes up with the fact we work opposite schedules, too tired, etc, and then says, "we will, we will". But come on, 5 years? I have considered the fact he might be gay, but it just doesn't seem to fit......also, wondered if he had a girlfriend.....that doesn't seem to be the case either. I am not naive and don't want to spend eternity with someone who doesn't enjoy the tenderness and sweetness of being intimate. I have spoken to my family doctor, who happens to be LDS. He suggests that it might be a chemical imbalance......What does a healthy 54 year old woman do in a situation like this......grin and bear it???? Sincerely, I appreciate any advice anyone can give me.......thanks in advanceI would think its one of three things (since you've already eliminated 'gay' and 'girlfriend') : (1) Pornography. (2) Low testosterone levels. (3) Something about you/your relationship is driving him nuts. ?? I guess there's the possibility of a combination of the above, too. HiJolly Quote
NeuroTypical Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 They tell me there are all sorts of medical issues that could cause something like this. An LDS Social Worker once told me about some training she received. Something to the tune of "If an otherwise decent and normally functioning man starts having a problem like this, you should lose your license to provide therapy if you don't order the guy to his doctor for various tests." Good luck! LM Quote
Gwen Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 my first thought was has he developed a medical condition to make it impossible and he's to embarrassed to admit it. he might want to, just easier to say he doesn't than he can't. i'd guess after 5 yrs you accept things and stop wanting. you said married 9 yrs so you have a significant 10 yr anniversary coming up before to long?..... take his to tired excuse away, plan a big trip, no less than 1 week for the two of you to celebrate.... kinda puts him in the position that he can't dodge the subject... good time for a second honeymoon anyway Quote
bytor2112 Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 Maybe he has some performance anxiety and is too embarrassed to tell you.....the TV is full of commercials pormoting the "cure"........ Quote
checkerboy Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 'H' meaning husband? She's tried that. 'H' meaning Heavely Father? ?? HiJolly See this just proves my point about the whole H thing!!!! Hahahahahahaha Quote
Moksha Posted October 21, 2008 Report Posted October 21, 2008 I think they should visit their family physician and discuss this problem together. Let him check for vascular problems and low testosterone levels first. Quote
Wingnut Posted October 22, 2008 Report Posted October 22, 2008 A visit to the medical doctor is definitely in order, and it might be beneficial to visit together, to ensure that the issue does in fact get brought up. Another step (if there seems to be no medical/physical issue) is to visit a sex therapist. Quote
Guest SisterofJared Posted October 22, 2008 Report Posted October 22, 2008 It's not that unusual for men to loose interest at that age.... he sexually peaked years ago, and frequently ED problems combined with lower libedo levels combine to make men complacent in a more platonic relationship. He could very well be in love with you, but just not feeling the passion. But that doesn't mean it's okay.... frankly if he was married and in his 20s, he would have just died if you were totally disinterested. As long as either party is interested, a physical relationship is an important part of marriage. If I were you, I would attempt some seduction. If that doesn't work, get him some little blue pills and try again. Your doctor can help you with that. You never know until you try! Is he diabetic? That causes lots of ED problems! But other things can do it, too. Good luck! SoJ Quote
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