Frustrations in being single

[AngelLynn]

I am frustrated in being single. I am 26 years old and sometimes feel extremly....I am not sure if their is any other word other than the word frustrated. Sure I want to find the right guy, get married and have children. But sometimes I feel like I am trying hard enough. Part of me feels that I've sacrficed having relationships with guys for my education. I know their is nothing wrong with getting an education. I've enjoyed my time in school. But sometimes I feel like the marriage express is passing me by and part me doesn't want to be on it either. I feel extremly troubled at times in the whole factor that Heavenly Father wants me to find the right person, but that at times I don't feel ready for it and yet I do want to follow His plan. I want to find a worthy Priesthood holder and get married and follow that course that all worthy members of the church take. This has been on my mind a lot lately, particularly since I am graduating in about two weeks. I am starting to think a lot about my life. And sometimes I wonder if it is normal to feel this way. I suppose I will find someone someday. I just worry sometimes that I won't find someone or perhaps I'll end up getting older and not finding anyone at all.

[Lbybug]

When i was 18 i planned on being married by the time i was 21...and maybe have a kid. when i turned 21 i was extremely devestated that none of this happened and went into a depression for a few years. i am now 27, almost 28, and still single, with no eternal prospects. As i look back on my life, i am SO happy i am not married yet. or have kids yet. that's not to say i don't want them, i do. i just know that when the Lord thinks i am ready, i will be ready.. I have to get my own life in check before i can bring anyone else into it. and i'm working on it. i prayed a few months back that the Lord would help me get on the path i needed to be on to help me recieve the blessings in store for me. and i know he is preparing that path for me. and as long as i keep working on my part of it, the blessings will come. i'm far from where i need to be in order to recieve these blessings, but i am doing the best i can. and that's all He asks. do the best we can. keep praying and following the path of righteousness and these blessings will come to you in time.

[Islander]

The threads are rather a limited space for this profoundly important subject. I am not sure I can do justice to theme in just a few lines but I will try.

Finding one's eternal companion is a multi-part endeavor. It is perhaps one of the most important and critical decisions a human being will make in his/her life and, most are ill equipped to undertake the task. In California, where I live, if a person wants to work at a beauty salon he/she must go for training 6-9 months at a cost of thousands of dollars, pass a 6 hour test and pay $1000 licensing fee. That is just to get the permit that allows one to cut hair!!!

How much time energy and resources do we invest in getting ready to be in the right place at the right time where our eternal companion will stand on the appointed day? How much have we invested in preparing ourselves, physically, emotionally and spiritually to signify that we are, indeed, the one he/she has ALSO been looking for? Is it evident to those around us that we have cultivated those essential qualities that demonstrate a solid testimony of the Gospel, a commitment to a healthy life and marriage and a willingness to invest a lifetime on earth sustaining a relationship, a family and the work of the Lord?

Difficult as it sounds, it is a reality that blessings such as marriage and eternal companionship are no different from any other. We must seek after them bringing forth faith that it will be so and works that evidence our faith in our Heavenly Father's ability to deliver them in His due time.

Just some thoughts

[Misshalfway]

I am frustrated in being single.

I know how you feel. All my friends were married and making babies by the time someone slipped a ring on my finger. But.....marriage did finally happen and lucky me -- I got to trade the frustrations of being single for the frustrations of being married.:D:D

Look. Be happy in the now. Learn that lesson early. Learn to love the circumstances of your today and leave alternate circumstances in the hands of God. He will order and provide.

Take care my dear.

[Lbybug]

i completely agree miss. i've always been taught "if you can't be happy by yourself, you will find it difficult to be happy with someone else". i've finally got to the point in my life, a few years ago, where i'm comfortable being alone. i used to hate it. but now i don't mind it. i know that if i am single forever, i'll be ok. i know if i find that special someone, i'll be ok. i trust in the Lord that no matter what He has in store for me, it involves my hapiness. and i'm ok with that.

[Elgama]

Well there are times in my life I miss being single lol - whilst I wouldn;t trade my kids and husband for anything, there are days I miss the freedom.

Seriously it is important to enjoy your life as a single person you can achieve so much, if time comes for a husband and children then it is great. But you can have the energies to serve and study that seem a dim and distant memory to me right now

-Charley

[WANDERER]

Being single is frustrating. I haven't found someone.

Yes I have responded at times in my life that I don't want to be married either *so there* LOL. Other responses I've loaded myself with are: I'm not ready, there are some good parts to being single, I need to work harder at it cause he's out there somewhere, am I too selfish, picky, choosy, lazy or just plain blessed, why would I want to be divorced, let my life be of service and all of those cliches. I've even made it into a personal shrine...many a prayer LOL.

How are you supposed to feel about it or respond to it?

Lots of confusing messages: happy with singledom/ok to being unhappy about singledom...you know...arrrrggghhh LOL. Life goes on and has to be lived...why live it in pain...how does that help....nothing like wallowing LOL. Dealing with other people's responses involves separation...because it just isn't good to wallow.

I've kind of settled on the simple...I'm not married without the *and*. I don't need to carry around all the other baggage at this stage in my life...I have done that and it didn't bless me. It may change. It may not. The celestial question and doing what God wants me to...I trust...not all things in this life may have answers.

I can choose to bless. So I do.

[AngelLynn]

Thanks for all the advice and guidence. It feels nice that I am not alone in the single and where's the one? field. I think a lot of my frustration comes from my family. You know the nagging mother who keeps asking me, when are you going to have kids? I want grandchildren and you're not getting any younger you know?

I am agree I am not ready for marriage, I think if I married now it would be a recipie for disaster. I suppose the Lord knows this and instead of me praying for the one and only guy to walk into my life, I think I should pray for the Lord to prepare me for marriage. That seems more realistic to me than looking and praying for the right guy. If the right guy comes along and I am ready then all the better.

[mattai]

No offense here, but I think it's misguided for single women in the church to assume that Prince Charming is right around the corner ready to swoop them off their feet without any effort on their own.

Sometimes women need to look themselves in the mirror, and ask these questions:

Do you present yourself in a way in your appearance, your attitude, and/or in your personality that gravities the guys your way?

Instead of waiting for guys to make the first move, do you ever start a conversation, ask someone to dance, or even ask someone to a date?

Are you living on your own (with roommates) or do you still live at home? More guys are apt to date women who are independent than still living at home.

Do you have "a life" with hobbies, interests, and other things that define you as a person than being someone who's "waiting around to get married"? And do other people and guys sense that as well, so they initially feel you have something to offer?

Of course, this list goes both ways for guys and girls. But perhaps focusing your frustration on truthfully answering these questions and having an action plan to move forward may help you feel more empowered and less stuck wondering when you are ever going to get married.

Edited December 12, 2008 by mattai

[Honor]

No offense here, but I think it's midguided for single women in the church to assume that Prince Charming is right around the corner ready to swoop them off their feet without any effort on their own.

Sometimes women need to look themselves in the mirror, and ask these questions....

I agree, but I think these are things that we should all be looking at regardless of our marital status. If there's anything I wish I'd done before getting married, it's that I wish I'd worked more on developing who I am. Recent circumstances in life have pointed me back in that direction - finding that I need to make sure that I'm taking care of myself and developing who I am in LOTS of areas in order for me to be a successful mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc...

[LolaBella]

I think that families are important-but an unfortunate by product of this importance is people who are single being desperate to get married. I tell you-The harder you look and try, the further away he will be! Everytime in my life that I 'wanted' a boyfriend or 'tried' to get someone I remained single.

When I decided I was absolutely happy with myself and my life (which I was), I literally had guys dropping at my feet! Now, Im no supermodel, just girl-next-door type looks so Ive been told. But what guys found attractive in me was my zest for life, my comfort with myself as a person. I always looked presentable, but not like a high maintenance barbie doll-I looked as tho I could have fun, which I could-but I also looked like I bothered somewhat with my appearance. My hubby has often told me-at any one time in our friendship group (we were friends b4 be dated) any of the guys would have killed to go out with you.

Now Im not saying this to be arrogant-Im making a point that this ONLY happened when I WASNT looking and was really happy with my life. Guys pick up on those vibes. Mattai is absolutely correct in what she says. I was a terrible flirt too lol I enjoyed it. I always kept in the back of my mind, be the kind of person that someone would like to date, without it overtaking my life. Then I got on with life. It wasn't long till I was married :)

[jlmcbride]

Hi. I'm single and 22. I was expecting to be married right out of high school. I admit that I have been disappointed in LDS guys in that I try to be friendly and make conversation but none of them will ask me out!! I've been asked out by nonmembers and am dating one, but I would like for a nice, single LDS guy to ask me out.

[Still_Small_Voice]

In California, where I live, if a person wants to work at a beauty salon he/she must go for training 6-9 months at a cost of thousands of dollars, pass a 6 hour test and pay $1000 licensing fee. That is just to get the permit that allows one to cut hair!!!

It wasn't even that hard to get my

Computer Technology Industry Association A+ IT Technician Certification. I took a 150 hour course and studied for several months to pass both exams to become an A+ Certified computer technician.