Marriage outside the temple

[Ldsbride09]

I will be getting married in March. We've set the date. I am LDS , previously married and sealed, fiance is non-member who will be getting baptized sometime later on( Long story, but he is more than worthy!) My question is how does a marriage outside the temple work? I've never been to a chapel wedding. Does the bishop marry you, or can someone holding the priesthood marry you. We want to get married in an outdoor ceremony at the beach. Will the bishop do this? Does a bishop only marry at the chapel?

In regards to sealing cancellation, how does this work? I know the bishop told me I have the blessings of my sealing even though I"m divorced ( ex went inactive pretty much right after our sealing! )

How does a marriage outside the temple happen?? Are there a set set of vows in the handbook that the bishop reads or do we write our own?

I know , lots of questions, sorry. I have been a member 15 years, but dont' know any of this since my family was all baptized together.

LdsBride09

[gabelpa]

Lessee, I am trying to remember the Handbook of instructions and other resources that are lost on our bookshelves. A marriage outside of the Temple requires the Marriage License, and can be performed by anyone legally allowed to perform a marriage, such as the Bishop, the Missionaries, or the guy at the registrar's office. It's a standard, everyday marriage. In that, you can make your own vows.

As far as the location, as it aint a Temple Marriage it can be held anywhere. I served as a Witness at a civil Marriage as a Missionary, performed by the Bishop in the part-member Family's home.

Sealing cancellation, I am less certain about as you are effectively not sealed if you and/or your ex are not living the Gospel. I think there has to be specific circumstances to get a sealing cancelled. You may qualify. Also I know of no reason that you can't be sealed to another man. In the Eternities that stuff will get sorted out.

[StrawberryFields]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and having it at the beach sounds beautiful.

[rosie321]

Sorry to be a party pooper- just wondering why you are deciding to marry a non member after being sealed in the church? While he might be a great person you are marrying him and for a time becoming "one" with him. Won't you be unequally yoked? From the outside I don't fully understand and just a little concerned but wish you the best no matter what you do.

You can get married outside of the chapel by the bishop. Since you are not getting married in the temple its much more flexible and is dependent on what the local leadership is willing to do. I've known people who have gotten married outdoors and other buildings As far as I know you can do your own vows, within reason. The vows are just vaild for earth outside of the temple. Since you are already married for eternity this most likely is of no concern.

[Elgama]

which prophet was it said he would rather his daughter marry a good person than a bad Mormon ??/ I know I am paraphrasing.

How you can get married depends on the laws of your state,mine and Gabelpa's pre sealing civil wedding was held in a chapel and was lovely and hippy like with a Navajo style commitment poem, lots of cheerful hymns and a harp player.

Anyway good luck with it the beach sounds lovely wish I had thought of it we could have had a picnic afterwards

-Charley

[Palerider]

which prophet was it said he would rather his daughter marry a good person than a bad Mormon ??/ I know I am paraphrasing.

How you can get married depends on the laws of your state,mine and Gabelpa's pre sealing civil wedding was held in a chapel and was lovely and hippy like with a Navajo style commitment poem, lots of cheerful hymns and a harp player.

Anyway good luck with it the beach sounds lovely wish I had thought of it we could have had a picnic afterwards

-Charley

not sure if this is the same Prophet that said the quote you are thinking of...but....I do know that Pres Kimball said once .."If a young woman was not going to marry in the Temple, the best place for her to get married was in her own backyard"....

[Elgama]

not sure if this is the same Prophet that said the quote you are thinking of...but....I do know that Pres Kimball said once .."If a young woman was not going to marry in the Temple, the best place for her to get married was in her own backyard"....

I think it was President Kimball that said the quote I am thinking of but it wasn't the one you have quoted lol

It was along the lines of he would rather his daughter was married to a good Christian man than a bad Mormon something like that have been trying to find it but has led me to some interesting sites lol

-Charley

[Palerider]

I think it was President Kimball that said the quote I am thinking of but it wasn't the one you have quoted lol

It was along the lines of he would rather his daughter was married to a good Christian man than a bad Mormon something like that have been trying to find it but has led me to some interesting sites lol

-Charley

oooohhhhh..........LOL!!!!!!!!........:)

[ruthiechan]

Talk to your Bishop. Your Bishop will be able to marry you. Whether or not you get married in the temple or in a chapel or on the beach, all the prerequisite marriage license stuff is still needed. What is read is something you and your Bishop can talk to you about. Basically think of it as a ring ceremony with the reception right afterwards. You can even have a nice musical number.

Have you prayed about your decision? Too many people do not pray about who they are intending to marry and whether or not that's the right decision which leads to unhappiness later. This occurs whether or not you're marrying a nonmember or a member!

My sister married a man who was not a member. The Spirit told her it was the right decision. She married him, she talked to him about her spiritual experiences when prompted by the Spirit and told him about eternal families. A few months later he was baptized. They have regular ups and downs but they are united.

On the other hand I met a Mormon lady whose niece did NOT pray about who she was going to marry and she married in the Temple. It was miserable and even though she tried to make something of it, it ended in divorce.

[Bookmeister]

Rosie...any chance she's just getting married to someone with whom she's in love? The last thing she needs is anyone (trust me, I've been through this) wondering why she "couldn't do better by marrying someone already a member of the church".

Sorry to sound so harsh, but unless you've been subjected to that crap, you have no real idea just how that sounds.

[Islander]

I will be getting married in March. We want to get married in an outdoor ceremony at the beach. Will the bishop do this? Does a bishop only marry at the chapel?

In regards to sealing cancellation, how does this work? I know the bishop told me I have the blessings of my sealing even though I"m divorced ( ex went inactive pretty much right after our sealing! )

How does a marriage outside the temple happen?? Are there a set set of vows in the handbook that the bishop reads or do we write our own?

I know , lots of questions, sorry. I have been a member 15 years, but dont' know any of this since my family was all baptized together.

LdsBride09

Well, the bishop can marry you anywhere as long as he agrees to perform the ceremony. If it happens to be close by (the beach) he would likely not object. If he has to travel 200 miles then it is a different story. You would have to work out the details with him. Usually the bishop has some counsel for the two of you before he pronounces you husband and wife. It is a short statement as prescribed by the state and perhaps a few words in regards to the importance and sacredness of marriage according to the word of God. If you want to read your own vows you can.

Canceling your previous Temple marriage may take several months. Since your prospective husband is not a member and the future in that sense is uncertain I guess you have time to work on that. The bishop has to initiate the paperwork and send it to SLC for the process to be completed. It may take up to a year.

[Maureen]

I will be getting married in March. We've set the date. I am LDS , previously married and sealed, fiance is non-member who will be getting baptized sometime later on( Long story, but he is more than worthy!)...

Hi Ldsbride09, I have no advice and just one question. Do you know if your fiance will be getting baptized before you marry in March or after?

M.

[rosie321]

Rosie...any chance she's just getting married to someone with whom she's in love? The last thing she needs is anyone (trust me, I've been through this) wondering why she "couldn't do better by marrying someone already a member of the church".

Sorry to sound so harsh, but unless you've been subjected to that crap, you have no real idea just how that sounds.

Sorry if my post sounded harsh.

I understand she came seeking help on how to plan the marriage.

Hearing her decision to marry a non-member raised some concerns in my mind. As her sister in the gospel I felt it important to ask her before she marries this man why she is marrying a non-member and make sure she has really asked herself this question. She is making a death 'til you part decision to someone who believes differently than her. How will this relationship weather the storms that come it's way if it cannot honestly answer that question or cope with people asking that question?

Asking these questions should be as important a part of planning the marriage as picking the place or the person who will marry them.

There are some mixed member and non-member families that do work out well. Some sadly work out better than the all member. The important question I must ask is do they have a true commitment to work through their differences? Do they fully understand what their religious differences are? Being in love defineately helps the marriage move but it won't make it last. Their religious differences can create a problem for her in the future.

I don't know whether this is the right or wrong to do. Perhaps this is the right thing for her to do at this time. God has that answer for her. I hope she has truly asked God for the answer on this and really recieved an answer yes or no.

While this is an extreme case, in the Bible God called Hosea to take a harlot. So it is very possible she may be called for some unknown reason to link up with her fiance.

As above the final decision is hers

BTW: I am married to a non-member who I love very much and is very supportive. But it still brings a number of extra challenges and heartache that wouldn't have existed otherwise;).

The General Authorities have wisely counseled throughout the centuries of marrying outside the church because of the extra problems that come along with being unequally yoked;).

Considering all the demands of our church, is it really so unreasonable to ask why before they marry?

Edited December 27, 2008 by rosie321
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[rosie321]

fiance is non-member who will be getting baptized sometime later on

Oops I'm truly sorry for all the misunderstanding above and congratulations on your fiance's upcoming baptism. I missed that line before responding above so I thought he was all non-member and wrote accordingly:(

[Ldsbride09]

Thank you, to everyone. Yes I absolutely love this man and we dated in Jr high and high school. Our wedding date will be 30 years to the day we met. I was married 25 years, seperated for 8. My fiance had a baptismal date last April, but then had trouble quitting smoking. He did it, but was cheating once in a while and didn't feel worthy until he could completely stop and stay stopped, so that is what he is waiting for. He knows without a doubt the church is true. I have continued to be faithful to my temple covenants,I also hold a current recommend, my ex did not. He was/is an online dating person or whatever they do and began to meet these people in person. Aside for being abusive and the internet he was great LOL! We have 3 kids sealed to us .They are all for my getting remarried. Everyone at church loves him and I have no doubt he will be baptized soon, probably before our wedding and he has promised me a temple marriage. I have NO doubts on who I'm marrying. I"ve loved this man literally forever and we both feel it was meant to be, the way it all worked out that we met once again 6 years ago( and have been the best of friends since) is amazing because he was literally on the other side of the country. We truly believe it all worked out the way it was supposed to.

[BenRaines]

My feeling is that if not going to be married in the temple get married wherever you would like to. If it is on the beach at sunrise on the east coast or at sunset on the west coast. I have attended wedding at both. If at the beach make it to the south on the east coast. Much warmer for a sunrise wedding. All kinds of symbolism. Dawning of a new day, etc.

Ben Raines

[RainofGold]

Ldsbride09

It seems that you truly love this man. Sometimes true love and happiness doesn't come until the second time around.

We just attended my nieces' wedding on Christmas day. She was married by her bishop to her non member boyfriend in the sacrament room. Then they had a very lovely wedding reception in the cultural hall.

This was his first marriage, it was her second. The first time she was married to a returned missionary and had three daughters but it didn't worked out and ten years later they got divorced.

I hope you have an unforgettable wedding!

[Ldsbride09]

Thank you!

It's truly going to be amazing! Just the fact tha I get to marry this man makes me know how truly I am blessed!

[MarginOfError]

It is currently 6.41 AM on Sunday morning. Check back later today for an update to this post. I will check the handbooks when I get to Church. However, I'm only going to check the handbooks for my own curiosity. I'll share what I find, but in my opinion, this is a question you should be discussing with your Bishop.

As I recall, the details on marriage outside of the Temple are fairly scarce. At least for the United States. In the US, the government permits certain religious leaders to perform marriages. Which persons in a church may marry varies from church to church.

In the LDS Church, bishops are authorized to perform civil marriages. I seem to recall that Stake Presidents and General Authorities may as well, but I am unsure of that. I am fairly certain that the Church does not authorize missionaries to perform weddings. I also seem to recall some Church imposed restrictions on who may perform weddings where. It was either that bishops could not perform weddings outside of their ward boundaries, or bishops could not marry people who did not reside within their ward boundaries. My memory is fuzzy, which is why I'll check the handbooks.

The legal requirements for authorized clergy to perform weddings varies from state to state. Where I was married, all the clergyman had to do was sign the marriage certificate and return it to the Town Hall within 90 days of its issue. There was absolutely no ceremony required. Your bishop may need to contact civil authorities for instruction on how to complete the requirements for your marriage (I'm not sure we do a good job at training local leaders for this). I don't recall reading much specific instruction on how Bishops were to conduct marriages, and it may be quite open ended. Again, you want to talk to your Bishop about a format you, your fiance, and him all feel is appropriate and satisfies your vision for the day. Depending on what you decide, you may write your own vows, or he may administer some. He might also preach a sermon on the importance of marriage and family, or the LDS view on marriage and family. If you want, you might be able to arrange it so you march down the aisle, he says, "I pronounce you man and wife, let the refreshments begin" and you're done. :)

Since you are already Sealed, your sealing will remain in effect and you will still have all of the rights and privileges granted you in order to take care of your children (although it sounds like they may be grown). Whereas you are marrying someone who is not sealed, you might have an easier time getting your sealing cancelled. If your ex-husband cooperates, it could be quite fast. I wish you well in this matter and hope it is a smooth and easy process for you.

I would advise that you and your fiance work toward being sealed as soon as possible. It sounds like you are already working toward this, and I commend you for that. I just give the caution that being sealed will provide you with added benefits and blessings in your marriage that will make it so much more enriching than just a civil marriage, just because of the covenants made through the sealing ordinance. I don't say this to imply your civil marriage would be sub-standard, or to discourage it. I just think you should be sealed as soon as you can so you can take advantage of those blessings.

Congratulations on your marriage. I hope it's as wonderful as you imagine it to be and then some.

Okay, here's the edit. I checked the handbooks while I was at Church today. Bishop's may perform civil marriages as long as at least one of the partners lives within his ward boundaries. The actual ceremony may take place anywhere, but photographs and video may not be taken inside the chapel. Members are encouraged to have marriage ceremonies in a place in which the sanctity of and reverence for the marriage covenants may be observed.

I was wrong about the vows. The handbooks do proscribe what the Bishop is supposed to say for the ceremony. My apologies for my misstatements.

Edited December 29, 2008 by MarginOfError

[Alison]

I am in a similar situation and was wondering the same things. My fiancé and I are both members however I am a convert of just over 5 years and I joined alone. None of my family are mormon and while they are some of the best christian people you may ever meet they are non-denominational and will probably remain that way. When we decided to get married we had a lot of very difficult tear filled conversations about what we should do and after many talks, praying and searching our hearts we realized that while he (being raised in the church) felt very strongly about getting married in the temple, neither of us wanted my parents and siblings to have to stand outside the temple and ultimately miss my wedding. I knew it would break my heart and regardless of the blessings I recieved it would make my wedding day a very mournful one. So we have decided to have an outdoor wedding (in an orchard when the blossoms are im bloom) and want our local bishop to perform it and get sealed a year later (possibly in Europs while backpacking). However since I now have the chance to go all out and have a big wedding I was also wondering about the guidelines, if there are any tradtitions we have to include or would like to include etc.

P.S. LDSbride09, don't listen to the people who question your choice. While there are a lot of good mormon men there are also a lot of good non-mormon men adn the heart wants what the heart wants. No matter what anyone says love and good communication is key to a strong marriage and the fact that he is planning ot get baptized tells me that he is a good man who understands your faith and will support you in it regardless of his standing in the church or his own personal beliefs.