JcDean78 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Get a Permit to Carry and get a restraining order. People that have nothing to lose are the scariest. Be prepared and take everything with her serious. Watch your child like a Hawk. Its not paranoia when you KNOW they are out to get you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rico Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 The best defense is preparation. You moved out of your branch because of this stalker. The first thing you should have done when you moved into your new ward is to talk to your new Bishop as to the reasons why you moved your ward. Explained all about the stalker. When she came the first time, her accusations would have fallen on deaf ears. You need to be proactive. Right now, she went on the offensive and all you can do is be on the defensive. Wrong move. As long as she is on the offensive and you are on the defensive, you are losing the battle. Go on the offensive today. 1) Call the missionaries in for a home visit. Explain to them everything you went through. Spare no shortage of the details of that woman's life. 2) Talk to the bishop and the stake president. Spare no details about this woman's life. Explain that she is trying to seduce your husband. Have your husband back you up. Law of Chastity violations are serious. 3) Invite the RS President over for dinner on an evening and explain the same things. If she is like most RS presidents, the whole ward will know by Sunday. :) If you choose to move to an new ward, do all of the above within your first week of arriving. Her accusations will fall on death ears......who would listen to a druggie slut who chases a married man around? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 1) Call the missionaries in for a home visit. Explain to them everything you went through. Spare no shortage of the details of that woman's life. 2) Talk to the bishop and the stake president. Spare no details about this woman's life. Explain that she is trying to seduce your husband. Have your husband back you up. Law of Chastity violations are serious. 3) Invite the RS President over for dinner on an evening and explain the same things. If she is like most RS presidents, the whole ward will know by Sunday. :)i would talk to the bishop and the rs pres... i would be careful what i said to the missionaries or other members. you don't want to be accused of gossiping yourself. i would talk to the missionaries and request they not give out any information about my family to anyone (in or out of the church). you have a right to your privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'm going to say right up front that this is long an complicated. I am just at a loss and don't know how to deal with this issue.It is appalling, and frightening, that she has stalked you to your Church! I also think it's very dangerous.If I were you, I would be in a lawyer's office tomorrow morning, and then filing a police report immediately after. I think this would accomplish the following:1. You would immediately have persuasive documentation, which would demonstrate your credibility, as you need to maintain that credibility at all costs. If you don't report her immediately, and something does happen, chances are the police will take that into account, and ask why you didn't immediately report her when she showed up at your church. In other words, they may question your credibility. This is one reason I suggest getting a lawyer as s/he can advise you what to do, and what not to do as far as the police, and other authorities are concerned. My mother volunteers at a women's shelter, and sees first hand how often the police do not take the battered woman's explanation of the incident seriously, usually because she has no official documentation of other violent incidents.I do not blame the police for this. They are not psychic, and have no way of immediately knowing what is going on. But you have the time to make that report, and you shouldn’t waste it.2. I suspect once the bishop is aware of the lengths you've gone to, he would be persuaded you are telling the truth. Regarding talking to the members of your ward to discover what she is saying about you, I would suggest you not do so. If the situation escalates, it will begin to look like a catfight, which again, would hurt your credibility. Obviously your bishop would be the exception. Perhaps your home and visiting teachers would be appropriate as well--other posters here could answer that question better than I.I'll be honest--I tend to overreact when I hear stories like yours; however, I can't tell you how creeped out I was when I read she had joined the Church to continue stalking you. I think it's possible she is a serious threat. And, as I know you've figured out already, I wouldn't let your son out of sight as long as she is there. Even then, I'm not sure she's still not a threat.Elphaba Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Call the missionaries in for a home visit. Explain to them everything you went through. Spare no shortage of the details of that woman's life.What could the missionaries do? I am not asking to be sarcastic. I really don't know, because it was my understanding they only deal with prospective converts, and once the person has been baptized, all ecclesiastic matters are then the bishop's responsibility.Her accusations will fall on death ears......who would listen to a druggie slut who chases a married man around?Apparently her bishop did, and doesn't know who to believe.It doesn't help to call women names like "druggie slut." There is a very good chance she is so mentally ill she can't discern the severity of her actions, and calling her a "slut," helps no one. Also, I don't recall Rachel saying her stalker was on drugs, so "druggie" does not apply in this situation. (If I missed it then forget what I said about "druggie.")On the other hand, Rachel's stalker could be perfectly sane and knows exactly what she's doing, and I suspect this is what is really going on. But again, calling her a slut only makes you (collective you) look petty and vindictive, and it's hard to get people to believe you when you do this. Elphaba Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mormonatalie Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 · Hidden Hidden The punishment of God is God-like. It endures forever, because there never will be a time when people ought not to be damned, and there must always be a hell to send them to. How long the damned remain in hell, I know not, nor what degree of suffering they endure. If we could by any means compute how much wickedness they are guilty of, it might be possible to ascertain the amount of suffering they will receive. They will receive according as their deeds have been while in the body. God's punishment is eternal, but that does not prove that a wicked person will remain eternally in a state of punishment.Author: Brigham Young Source: Discourses of Brigham Young Link to comment
pam Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Sorry this is off topic for just a moment. When looking at the thread titles I see this.How to deal with a... by Elphaba 01-04-2009 09:47 PM How do you deal with a Elphaba? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Okay back to topic. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristofferUmfrey Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'm going to say right up front that this is long an complicated. I am just at a loss and don't know how to deal with this issue. There is a girl who has been a problem for some time now. Up until this point i've ignored it, but recently her efforts are becoming more and more tenacious which leaves me feeling nervous about her future intentions. This started back in high school, when she was a grade below me. I was not cruel to her, in fact I barely spoke to her as I didn't know her. I will admit that in high school I was obsessed with social status and quite mean to many people, but she was not one of them. At one point she created a planned assault on the school and a "hit list" of sorts that was found by our school's administration. My name was on it, which confused me until it was revealed that she put every athlete and cheerleader on the "hit list" regardless of how they had treated her. Because of this I chose to ignore the situation as it was plain to me that she was just very disturbed and a confrontation with her would only end badly. I left the situation alone and she was expelled from our school. She enrolled at a school nearby and I didn't hear about her again for around 8 years. While she attended her new school, she met and dated a guy that she physically and mentally abused. She cut him off from his family, pretended to be pregnant multiple times to keep him around, and insulted his religious beliefs constantly. She even burned his leather-bound quad because it had been given to him by an ex girlfriend and she was jealous. His family became tired of the situation and more or less washed their hands of him. He eventually ended it, moved on to meet, date and marry me. She never got over it and has been positively psychotic ever since. She made a point to call his friends and family and tell them I had sexually transmitted diseases and that I was a satanist. This is hilarious since I was an investigator when I met him, and certainly don't have any STD's. She then one day began coming to the branch we were attending out of the blue, then took the branch president aside after meetings to spread lies about me in an effort to keep me from being baptized. It worked, and my baptism was constantly pushed back because I had to re-interview several times due to the lies she was telling. A lot more transpired after that, including her nearly getting me fired from my job. Which eventually led to me hunting her down and demanding that she recant her lies publicly or else I would beat her senseless. She began crying, then immediately backed down and asked that we put everything behind us. I agreed and we chose to ignore each other. I didn't see her again for another year. Now it is nearly 2009 and I am attending a new ward about an hour away from where everything happened and preparing to begin my family history work. My bishop has been helping me get everything together and is really excited to help me with my first visit to the temple ever. I had a meeting with him a few days ago to discuss my temporary recommend so I could enter the temple to get my family baptized. I was so excited to go until I got into his office. He looked at me with such concern and I knew something was up. He cut to the chase and told me that a person in the ward had come to him with some concerns about my drug use and wanted to make sure that I understood the word of wisdom before I was a proxy for my family members. I told him that this person was absolutely mistaken and that I had not used any type of substance since the day I was baptized that would keep me from the temple. The bishop seemed unconvinced, and told me that he would have to pray about it and have further discussions with me before letting me go to the temple. He told me that so long as the information was not correct I had nothing to worry about. But of course you still worry. I went home to my husband and cried, and we racked our brains trying to figure out why (and who) would say such things. I mean, we barely know anyone in our ward so even if I WAS using drugs how on earth would they know anyway?Today before sacrament we sat down in our usual spots and settled into the seats. Out of the corner of my eye I saw HER with the missionaries chatting. I got my husband's attention and he saw her too. He became so distraught it was all he could do not to run out of the room.Later on in the day, I asked a sister about her, and apparently she came to the ward last week (while we were gone on vacation) and introduced herself. During the past year she joined the church, and just recently moved to the area. She told the sister that she was my "best friend" in high school, and was asking lots of questions about our son. The entire thing makes me incredibly on edge. I just got off the phone with the bishop and begged him to make her leave. This entire thing....it makes me nervous. I am certain she is the one who went to my bishop about "drug use", but of course he cannot tell me. I told him that her intentions for joining the church were malicious. He listened, but told me that I couldn't be sure of her intent and that they couldn't turn someone away like that. I am at a loss, my husband is furious and we are scared for our son since she's taken an interest in him for whatever reason. I've ignored her, i've reasoned with her, i've threatened her. Nothing i've done has made her leave us alone for good. I'm afraid she may be planning to hurt us somehow. What on earth can I do?File a Restraining Order immediately and go to your Stake President for a boundary exception to another Ward and have him make it clear to the current Bishop he is not to keep this woman in the loop. If the Stake President refuses appeal to you Area Authority Seventy and all the way up the chain to the First Presidency if you have to. In the mean time, I would advise that you or your husband "assist" in your sons class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 If the Stake President refuses appeal to you Area Authority Seventy and all the way up the chain to the First Presidency if you have to. In the mean time, I would advise that you or your husband "assist" in your sons class. The chain of authority is Stake President then The First Presidency. The Stake President is answerable directly to the First Presidency. Follow that chain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 This sounds extreme, but I might actually confront her in front of everyone. If you stay silent, she might take it as a sign that you're going to put up with it and she'll see how far she can push. But if she's dangerous, that could possibly provoke her. That's a tough call. I just wonder what effect it would have on her behavior if she were to introduce herself in Relief Society and you ask her out in the open why she has resumed stalking you and is telling people that you were best friends when you clearly have never been. That wouldn't be a gossipy way of alerting everyone of the problem. If you were to silently tell everyone, it would spread and everyone would wonder what the truth is. Put her on the spot and she'll have to answer for her silly comment about you two being best friends. I would add, "I find it rather coincidental that I am suddenly accused of drug use just as you arrived. Also, stay away from my son. Everyone here needs to know that you are not my friend, I am taking legal action against you, and you are not to touch my son." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthiechan Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Yeah, but then if she's such a great actress she could feign shock and horror and actually hurt Rachel's position and credibility. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Except for the fact that she has a witness who was told by her that she and her were best friends. :) The woman will be trying to manipulate everyone behind the scenes into helping her attain whatever twisted goal she has. Make her feel like a moron and she might leave. Or it might backfire. That's just one of the options I would prayerfully consider for my family's safety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezygirl Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Based on my own personal experience I would advise you to NOT confront this person in anyway.Stay away from her... do not engage her in anyway whether in private or in public. The people who should be confronting her,are law enforcement and the bishop. A direct confrontation will only hurt you in the end. It will allow doubt to enter the minds of people who will ask "If she scared you so badly then why did you confront her"... Stupid thinking I know but it doesnt benefit you in the end to confront her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 (edited) Sorry this is off topic for just a :moment. When looking at the thread titles I see this:How to deal with a...by Elphaba[ Very gently, please Pam. I don't think everyone here on the board knows what a fragile flower I really am. Elphaba Edited January 6, 2009 by Elphaba Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Very gently, please Pam. I don't think everyone here on the board knows what a fragile flower I really am. Elphaba Okay where's that LOL button? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 This sounds extreme, but I might actually confront her in front of everyone. If you stay silent, she might take it as a sign that you're going to put up with it and she'll see how far she can push. But if she's dangerous, that could possibly provoke her. That's a tough call. I just wonder what effect it would have on her behavior if she were to introduce herself in Relief Society and you ask her out in the open why she has resumed stalking you and is telling people that you were best friends when you clearly have never been. That wouldn't be a gossipy way of alerting everyone of the problem. If you were to silently tell everyone, it would spread and everyone would wonder what the truth is. Put her on the spot and she'll have to answer for her silly comment about you two being best friends. I would add, "I find it rather coincidental that I am suddenly accused of drug use just as you arrived. Also, stay away from my son. Everyone here needs to know that you are not my friend, I am taking legal action against you, and you are not to touch my son." I could see that actually backfiring and making Rachelle appear as the bad guy for instigating a confrontation right in a meeting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Where'd she go I hate it when they start a good thread and then disappear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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