Maxel Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 (edited) How to begin? The past week, I've gone through another phase of Not Caring. I mean, Really Not Caring. I didn't care about the fact that I didn't attend school or church classes; I didn't care about the fact that I was being lazy and deceitful to my family; I didn't care about the fact that I was neglecting my personal hygiene and health. The worse part about Not Caring, though, was the fact that I was perfectly cognizant of the fact that what I was doing was the beginning of the road to Hell. I was perfectly aware that if I continued in the path I was following, I would be forfeiting my salvation and exaltation because I was rejecting Christ's atonement. I was aware of the pain I was putting God in, but i couldn't care less. I wanted to die, physically and spiritually, so the pain of living would be gone. I wanted to blip out of existence. I'm pulling out of it. Prayer and hope and a loving sister helped me through and now I'm recovering. My question is... is this normal? In a time period lasting between 2 1/2 years to 1 year ago, I experienced what I dubbed 'Green Goblin moments' (named after the insane super villain in Spiderman). They were times when my whole person would change, it seems. One minute I would be fine and dandy, smiling and feeling the Spirit of God and being charitable. The next I was plunged into a maddening state of anger and hatred. My main desire was to denigrate, murder, plunder, and rape. In one instance, I seriously tried to get a female coworker to go home with me (my roommate was out of town). I thank God she had the sense to decline. Those 'Green Goblin' moments would last between an hour to an hour and a half, and then leave almost as quickly as they came, leaving me spiritually destitute and afraid. There are three times I remember most vividly: once it happened at work (when I tried to get the coworker to go home with me), once at church (where I had to leave sacrament meeting to avoid running up to the pulpit and punching the speaker in the face), and once when I was with my girlfriend at my house (luckily, we were not alone). I will never forget, to my dying day, the look on her face when I said the most cruel thing I have ever said to anyone in my entire life. I haven't had a 'Green Goblin' moment for over a year. However, now I have periods of days where I enter a state of Not Caring. I cease to care about myself and others; and I thank God that I am not in the position to do anyone any real harm. My question is, does anyone know if this is normal, or has anyone else experienced anything akin to what I've described? I'm going to start seeing a counselor in a few weeks, but I thought I'd try to learn what I can from people I trust so that I can have a little bit of foreknowledge. I tend to think it's because I suffer from major clinical depression and cyclothymia, but something seems not right about it in a deeper sense... BTW, mods, if you feel this is inappropriate feel free to delete it. I don't want to spark any fires... Edited February 23, 2009 by Maxel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 Yeah, mood disorders tend to leave people feeling apathetic like you are describing Sir. SSRI medication often leave people more apathetic too. THey do not always make people stop feeling depressed either but I often hear it decribed as "I still feel depressed but the thing is I don't care about it - I don't care about anything." talk to you physician about it I'd suggest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blusun7 Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 Yeah make sure you get some professional help to help you know whats going on? I get in moods sometimes but as i read and prayer i feel better. I was thinking of getting a blessing to help alleviate some moods of laziness. Another thing i might want to ad is repentance. Sometimes god wont do anything till you repent of such moments or thoughts.He done to his prophets and apostles who sinned. He told them many times to repent or the spirit would be taken away.Repentances isnt there to make you feel bad or put you down. Its made to reopen the communication lines between your and god. Getting the Holy ghost back. I ve been down some horrible roads but repentance brings peace.I want to serve the lord and only him now. When you have thoughts just kneel down and prayer that may cast the evil thoughts and the spirit provoking them. Change is normal in life so dont fret. Read the scriptures, pray and work on meeting the requirements for priesthood and other ordinances, like going to the temple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SisterofJared Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 Have you tried EFT?Emotional Freedom Technique (I think that's what the EFT stands for) is based on the concept that we are electrically wired beings and that situations and events can cause that electricity to be off. It is a series of tapping to restore the electric meridians in your body, along with saying some affirmative things as you tap. It may sound a little nutty, but I've seen it work. Seen my own blood pressure drop 100 points from tapping, also seen people have great help with depression.Check here for more info: EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)The dr who designed this sells DVDs really cheap and allows you to copy them and give them away. EFT is good for both emotional and physical problems. His DVDs are amazing. I have a daughter who was suicidal at one time who has been greatly helped by the tapping.Sister of Jared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rampion Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 You said you have depression and cyclothymia. What you are describing sounds like symptoms to me. No, it isn't "normal," and I'm glad that you are going to get some treatment. Those conditions are very treatable, and you deserve better than to have to live like that or feeling like that. When you said that "something seems not right about it in a deeper sense" do you think that could be a wise part of you, telling you that those feelings and symptoms are not you? Or maybe telling you that there is something wrong and it needs to be repaired? I haven't experienced exactly what you described, but some similar things, like apathy and not caring and not feeling like there is any hope for me or that anything is worth it. I have had depression and anxiety all my life. It's not as bad now as it was, but I still feel it sometimes. It does get better. There is one who understands completely though. Did you know that Jesus suffered for all your afflictions, including this? He felt what you are feeling, and more. He understands, and He offers healing. Part of that healing may be in the form of professional treatment, but that isn't everything. You will heal more completely when you can accept the healing that comes through the Savior. I also know how hard that is when you're stuck in depression and emotional distortions. So, go easy on yourself. And accept help and comfort where you can find it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 A girl friend of mine she went though most of her life living with symptoms her mind would race never able to sleep , extream highs and lows, I always know that she had something going on and I would hunt her down until I found her because she would fall into a depression and hide, her kids would be raising themselves so I would have to stick around til she snapped out of it, but she finally had a doctor tell her she was bi polar and got her on the right meds and she said she never know that you could feel this good and she sleeps all the time now, maybe to much lol but shes doing better and you will to and I hope if this felling blankets you again before your appt that you kneel and pray im sure Heavenly Father will help you through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 Apathy is a growing problem now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prospectmom Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 I really understand the giving up and Hemi I don't want to feel like theres no hope and why try... It is a constant battle with me so I can understand........ I am trying to fix the problem ... Life seems so overwhelming ... and hten add church which should be a place of peace and comfort but it becomes overwhelming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirium Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 I have felt everything you describe in the first paragraph so you are not alone. That first paragraph could be describing me . Its not all the time just sometimes when I become totally overwhelmed with all I have to deal with and feeling I'll never make it. Sometimes I think its a coping mechanism when things get too much because the only way to cope is just not to care. I don't know what the answer is. Just know your not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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