kileyizzle Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 Alrighty so i'll start from the beginning... generally when we have the missionaries around i look at them like kids, befreind and encourage them and offer praise when needed... i know this is nothing i have to do while they are out here, but i think it's nice and lifts their spirits a little bit.. during these times i often find little things to do to bring up the moral also... ie. when one elder was out here it was his 21st birthday and i decided to give him a meal a couple of presents and a birthday cake... so why is it when these boys go home, they scarcely stay in touch and usually i'm ok with that.. but why the sudden change? there was one in particualr that i felt close to, and relaxed around, he promised he would write and never did... how does being in one place or another effect how they treat you once they go home? just a little shattered when you put so much time and effort into people and get ignored when they are home .... Quote
Tarnished Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 From what I have heard, having never gone on a mission myself, when you get home you are quite a bit shell-shocked. Your schedule is broken, you are focusing on different things, and you are not as busy as before. Also many return missionaries are preparing themselves or are leaving immediately for college. I think this can very likely cause them to get distracted. I don't think they mean to forget to stay in touch, but with the way life goes sometimes it just happens. Quote
kileyizzle Posted April 10, 2009 Author Report Posted April 10, 2009 i myself being a new member know how busy life is once you get home... i am a full time student , manager my own store and have three callings within the church... it's a matter of making an effort i think... just hurts sometimes to think how you can be so accomadating to them and their needs and have that occur Quote
applepansy Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 When these young men and women are in the mission field they are in the service of the Lord FULL TIME, more than full time 24 hours a day. There is nothing else. No family. No job. No school. No boy/girl friends. Just the church and studying the gospel and serving. A change when they go home is normal and should happen. Sometimes lasting relationships are developed while they are on their mission, but that is the exception. Return Missionaries go home and are strongly counseled to get busy. Go to school. Get married. Be productive. For two years they are taught how to "get busy." So they get busy in their new environment. This is a good thing. Its hard to put a lot into a relationship and have nothing returned. I believe the problem here is expectation. The missionaries and their families appreciate all you do. They will never forget your service. You will avoid hurt feelings if you change your expectations. These young men/women need your service while they are within your scope of influence. When they go home if they stay in touch that's great, if they don't .. .well, be happy for them. They are on the next step of their mission in this life. You're a great person. Thank you for all your service to the missionaries in your area. applepansy Quote
Maya Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 Yeah it would be nice if they did keep the contact .. and they do with some keypersons. But I am not a key person so .... We feed them almost every Sunday, but when they leave they are gone. I really and honestly miss many of them and to me it had been very uplifting to keep contact with them. Maybe it is my deodorant? Quote
Truegrits Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 Something I learned a long time ago...(I had a wonderful Daddy)...is that what you do for others, what you give of yourself, you do so out of love and the desire to do so...with no thought of reward or a "return".Do because you want to...because it gives you joy...that is the reward/thanks.Is it nice to have your good deeds thanked/acknowledged? Yes, but it should not be needed to feel good about what one does/gives for another. Quote
Dravin Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 (edited) And that is why I never promised anyone I would write them (or do a mission tour). I'm in the, they got busy and distracted camp. Also, if you question a missionary, "Do you promise to write me when you get home?" as opposed to him offering to do so you put him in a hard sport. If he says no he comes crossed as rude, and missionaries generally try not to be perceived that way. Also if they promise something in their first area and they can't contact you during that time (Elders in my mission wouldn't have been allowed to contact a female YSA who was living in the mission boundaries) then you have something like 18 or 20 months of them not writing you and then they get home its easy to realize and remember that they can. Each new area seems like a new lifetime, at least it did for me to the point that there were people I thought I'd remember for my whole life but all I can pull up now is a face and some good times, but I sure can't remember all of their names and that goes on with time. Okay, I'll always remember the people I baptized (even if I forget names), but I can't even remember the the names of the Bishopric from my first area (and only one of my bishops from my second), and trust me, we interact with a lot fewer Bishoprics than nice members (who often seem to crawl out of the woodwork). And that was the case halfway through my mission, let alone after it. Not saying he shouldn't make promises he isn't going to keep, just I can understand why things slip. Edited April 10, 2009 by Dravin Quote
skippy740 Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 In my mission, we were told that we weren't to return back to the mission field after our mission or to contact those in previous areas because it would distract from the work that the current missionaries were doing in that area. The last thing we want members/investigators doing is comparing prior missionaries to current missionaries (and possibly being disappointed in the current set). Quote
Elphaba Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 Alrighty so i'll start from the beginning...generally when we have the missionaries around i look at them like kids, befreind and encourage them and offer praise when needed...i know this is nothing i have to do while they are out here, but i think it's nice and lifts their spirits a little bit..during these times i often find little things to do to bring up the moral also...ie. when one elder was out here it was his 21st birthday and i decided to give him a meal a couple of presents and a birthday cake...so why is it when these boys go home, they scarcely stay in touch and usually i'm ok with that..but why the sudden change?there was one in particualr that i felt close to, and relaxed around, he promised he would write and never did...how does being in one place or another effect how they treat you once they go home?just a little shattered when you put so much time and effort into people and get ignored when they are home ....Is it possible they might think you wanted more than just a friendship? You may have unintentionally given a few of them that impression with all of your heartfelt attention. Conversely, when I was a Boston branch, thirty years ago, two male missionaries gave one woman each the distinct impression he was interested in a romantic relationship after the mission. But when they went home, neither woman ever heard from them again. Anyway, it could be very awkward for them if they thought you wanted a more romantic relationship. It sounds like you wanted nothing more than friendship, but they might have assumed otherwise.Elphaba Quote
Islander Posted April 10, 2009 Report Posted April 10, 2009 I think it varies from person to person. I am a convert of ten years and I have kept in touch with a dozen or so missionaries that I worked with in my first 2-3 years. We were involved in such an exciting work in my area that the experience was just unforgettable. I was the ward mission leader for about a year and later the stake mission president and went on hundreds of appointments with the elders. We baptized 300 new members in 2 years in my ward alone and split by the end of the second year. It was just a true wonder in an area that for 30 years had only 40 families in a small branch. I have gone to a dozen weddings in CA, UT, NV, just to name a few in the last 10 years, of those same elders that served in my area. We have an album in our home with pictures and notes about the elders that served in our ward and I have written extensively about some of the experiences I have working with the missionaries. I currently serve in the bishopric in my ward but my true passion is missionary work. And you can't avoid becoming friends with some of the brethren with whom you serve. Quote
Moksha Posted April 11, 2009 Report Posted April 11, 2009 Anyway, it could be very awkward for them if they thought you wanted a more romantic relationship. It sounds like you wanted nothing more than friendship, but they might have assumed otherwise.Elphaba Even if this is the case, an e-mail to thank someone who had befriended them seems to be in order, don't you think? Quote
bytebear Posted April 11, 2009 Report Posted April 11, 2009 I kept in touch with a few people from my mission, and still am in contact with one person some 20 years later. But, people move on. The distance is one big factor, but another is you are in a very specific part of your life as a missionary, and you end up going into another aspect very quickly. I think it's the same reason new converts fall away so soon. They are also in a certain place in their life, and after baptism they shift to a new place, and it's a tough adjustment, especially if they have relied on the missionaries for spiritual support rather than ward members. It is so important for the local members to be involved in the missionary activities, because the perminent connections should be made within your local ward, and not with a missionary who will be only in the area for a short while. you will encounter dozens of missionaries who come and go, but your ward is really your family. now, I do want to go back to my mission and look up one person I taught who had a testimony of the Book of Mormon but wasn't baptized when I was there. I always wonder if he and his beautiful family embraced the gospel fully. Quote
kileyizzle Posted April 11, 2009 Author Report Posted April 11, 2009 i've been lucky with the missionary who baptised me, he writes to me everyday i live in australia he lives in utah! space is nothing if you really want to talk to that person, he even calls me from time to time... specifically if one lives in a diffrent state it's easier and not that hard to stay in contact.... i get close to very few missionaries and this is why, especially since this one had hinted on more than one occasion that he would and we would hang out when he got home... sudden change being that once he got there he didn't want to know me.... i am loving these responses though and wow from actual missionaries too, it's nice to hear other peoples points of veiw... Quote
Cra-Z Posted April 12, 2009 Report Posted April 12, 2009 It can definitely be crazy when a missionary gets home after 2 years. Life comes at those young men fast and it can be hard to remember to write people. However, I have found with Facebook that it has been infinitely easier to keep in touch with missionaries who have moved on. I keep in touch with many of them. :-) Quote
Elphaba Posted April 12, 2009 Report Posted April 12, 2009 (edited) Even if this is the case, an e-mail to thank someone who had befriended them seems to be in order, don't you think?Well, the best thing to do would have been to thank her for everything in person, and then perhaps explain his priorities would be elsewhere, or that he wasn't interested in furthering a friendship.However, I'm not convinced they realized they would be hurting her feelings, although it sounds like there was more than one. I think there is an unspoken assumption that missionaries will keep contact with their converts during their mission, but it's normal to go home and leave the mission field behind. I can see how a new convert would not realize that and even be jarred by it.I am probably the last person who should be answering this thread.Elphaba Edited April 12, 2009 by Elphaba Quote
Iggy Posted April 12, 2009 Report Posted April 12, 2009 Even if this is the case, an e-mail to thank someone who had befriended them seems to be in order, don't you think? Why? When he thanked her at the time he received it. Quote
Elphaba Posted April 12, 2009 Report Posted April 12, 2009 i've been lucky with the missionary who baptised me, he writes to me everyday i live in australia he lives in utah! space is nothing if you really want to talk to that person, he even calls me from time to time...Perhaps it's just me, but I do find that strange.He writes every day? He calls you? Are you sure he's not interested in more than just a friendship? Given the distance between you, calling you is not a small feat, especially financially. I think there is something more going on than just keeping in touch with you. Even if a missionary did this, I'd be shocked to see one call his convert, period, much less from Utah to Australia.Am I being paranoid? I know Islander said he kept up with a lot of his missionaries. But this feels different to me.Maybe I'm just jealous. :pElphaba Quote
kileyizzle Posted April 12, 2009 Author Report Posted April 12, 2009 lol, no there is no romantic anything there... love that kid... < note kid talk > we just get along really well, and i'm always talking about him, he was a terrific missionary who helped me alot when he was here < during my baptisim teaching before and after my depression was at it's worst and he was able to support me with the gospel and the patience necessary > that's why he writes everyday just to check in, good intentions of course... i've managed to stay in contact with a fair few of them, they know that when i cry, it means that i care for them like a sister would nothing more than that... unless i say so... which i wouldn't because they are missionaries... just bugged me that some of them don't keep their word i understand that it gets busy when they get home, but if there's a will, there IS a way Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.