How to handle this the Gospel Way (Please Help!)

[Drey0287]

I REALLY need some advice.

Last year, in my junior year of college, I met a guy who fell head over heels in love with me. He WASN'T a member of the church but he became my best friend. I didn't have any Romantic feelings for him but I still cared for him. Anyway, I had to let him down and it turned out REALLY bad. He couldn't even be around me. He said he was so heartbroken and felt like I "led him on" which I know I didn't. Anyway, he started dating my best friend/roommate. Which to me was a big stab in the back because I really cared about him, I just knew he wouldn't be able to take me to the temple some day, and thats what I really wanted. I had been through so much with this guy and my roommate was being completely insensitive to it. So I ended the friendship with her. Now, I lost BOTH of them. Its been 7 months since all this happened (and they are still together) and I can't shake the anger I have. I have tried to reach out to both of them to make things better. My roommate still doesn't get what she did wrong, and the guy is FURIOUS with me. He pretended to be nice to me just to get me thinking we were friends again and then BOOM he turned on me and said he was just being nice to "lead me on" and get me back. Now I'm graduating from college in 3 weeks and I really want to make things right because I really miss our old friendship(even though I know things wont be the same) and know I didn't handle things correctly. I've been praying about it for a long time but I haven't seemed to have gotten any answers or impressions. Yesterday at Easter, I reached out to my old roommate texting her Happy Easter but she ignored it.

How do I handle this situation the Gospel way? I want to do whats right. I just can't live with myself knowing this situation is so messy. Its plagued me for 8 months.

Thanks so much, Audrey

[talisyn]

You made the right choice in not getting serious with this really vindictive person, good job

You made honest attempts to be friends with both of them. I think you did everything required. Enjoy your graduation, enjoy the rest of your life, and let the past stay there. Just continue with living a righteous life and you'll be fine

[john doe]

Every time you think about it, just say to yourself 'this, too, shall pass'. In 3 weeks you'll be gone and there will be no need to deal with this any more.

[rameumptom]

Time to make some new friends. Leave the door open to them, but you've made the effort to befriend them. Now it is up to them to make the next move, when they are ready.

[applepansy]

The first mistake was getting angry with your roommate. You "broke up" with this guy. Even though you were friends in your heart, in his he felt rejected. This left the door open for your roommate to start a relationship. Be happy for them.

If they are still so hurt they don't want contact respect that and move on.

You've tried to apologize and make things right. You've done your part. Its up to them to accept or not. Forgive (yourself and them) and move on. If you find this hard pray about it. Lots of wonderful things happen through prayer.

applepansy

[pam]

Totally agree with what has already been said.

[Captain_Curmudgeon]

Gospel Way? Whatever happened to the Cowboy Way?

[MichaelPAGuy]

You extended the olive branch of friendship. That is all you can do. Now, it is up to them. Just focus on yourself and graduation. Good luck.

[Wingnut]

I don't think there is a way to "handle" this. You've tried contacting each of them, repeatedly. They have no interest in resuming contact with you. The more you try, the more you irritate them. To paraphrase, they're just not that into you.

[Vort]

I REALLY need some advice.

Oooh, be careful what you ask for! You might get it!

Last year, in my junior year of college, I met a guy who fell head over heels in love with me. He WASN'T a member of the church but he became my best friend. I didn't have any Romantic feelings for him but I still cared for him. Anyway, I had to let him down and it turned out REALLY bad. He couldn't even be around me. He said he was so heartbroken and felt like I "led him on" which I know I didn't.

So far, so good. Good for you for being honest. If he thinks you "led him on", that's his problem, not yours.

Anyway, he started dating my best friend/roommate. Which to me was a big stab in the back because I really cared about him, I just knew he wouldn't be able to take me to the temple some day, and thats what I really wanted.

Uh...

Huh?

You didn't want the guy. You dumped him because he didn't measure up to your standards. Not a bad thing, but that's the bottom line. So why on EARTH would you feel backstabbed because he started dating someone else? Why SHOULDN'T he date your best friend/roommate? Is he supposed to pine away for you all the rest of his days?

Seriously, I would think that you would be happy he had moved on and found a nice relationship with someone else. And if you really did think he was a great guy, I would think you'd be ecstatic that your best friend got together with someone like him.

You have left me completely mystified.

I had been through so much with this guy and my roommate was being completely insensitive to it.

By dating him? How is that "insensitive"?

So I ended the friendship with her.

Doesn't sound like a very Christian thing to do.

Now, I lost BOTH of them. Its been 7 months since all this happened (and they are still together) and I can't shake the anger I have.

Then in all honesty, my friend, you should realize that this is YOUR problem, not THEIRS. If you really want to make things better, apologize to your former "best friend" for ending your friendship and for not wishing them both well early on. Then wish them both well, sincerely. And then act like a friend and not a hurt prima donna.

Fact is, their relationship is Not About You. Don't insist that it be.

My roommate still doesn't get what she did wrong,

Neither do I. If you could explain it to both of us, that might be a start.

and the guy is FURIOUS with me. He pretended to be nice to me just to get me thinking we were friends again and then BOOM he turned on me and said he was just being nice to "lead me on" and get me back.

Well, that sounds pretty nasty. I certainly can't condone such actions from him. But given what you've said so far, I wonder if there are other things going on here.

How do I handle this situation the Gospel way? I want to do whats right. I just can't live with myself knowing this situation is so messy. Its plagued me for 8 months.

Recognize and then acknowledge your own fault. Apologize to them. If you really believe they have done something bad to you, then forgive them and forget about it. Move on with your life and help them to move on with theirs.

Good luck, Audrey.

[Madriglace]

If you have made the effort to reach out to both parties and asked for forgiveness for the preceived wrongs .... then the situation is no longer your concern .... it is off your shoulders and onto theirs. You may have done nothing to be forgiven of but asking puts the ball squarely in their court. Now forgive them, graduate and move on with your life. Don't let this drag you down with them.