Tee_ Posted August 16, 2009 Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 (edited) ... Edited September 22, 2009 by Tee_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted August 16, 2009 Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 You are always welcome to attend church. But the only good reason for you to attend is if you want to. It makes no sense to attend church just to please your parents. If you believe the church is true, or if you have a desire to believe, then you should attend. Having said that, be aware that many mormons may not understand how to interact with you. Because they think you're "different" they will think that they're supposed to treat you differently. It may take a little education to get them to treat you like anyone else. Certainly, however, the blessings available to heterosexuals through the Gospel are available to homosexuals. Regarding your family, I would suggest you be who you are. It will likely be a rough transition, because your sexual orientation forces an entire paradigm shift on your family. Such changes are painful and will likely come with a great deal of hurt. Stick with it, love them, and keep treating them like you always have. They'll come around. I hope you'll stick around the boards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tee_ Posted August 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 thanks for your response :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miztrniceguy Posted August 16, 2009 Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 being a lesbian is not a reason to stop going to church, everyone is welcome. i am sure if you told your bishop, and i'm not telling you to, he would not say stop coming to church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted August 16, 2009 Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 i know that they've recently found out but they haven't confronted me yet and i really just don't know what to expect or how to handle it.Well, I guess a lot depends on your parents. Here's some good reading material for both you and them:Same-Gender Attraction interview with Elder Oaksin a way i'm kind of envious. but i don't know if i can believe. i really want to, but at the same time i guess i'm kind of scared. i do want what they have.You sound an awful lot like me when I was in my mid-20's. I wasn't about to pretend to believe something I didn't, but at the same time, dang, those mormons sure look at peace with the world. Well, what can I say? We believe in a good Heavenly Father who understands you to the core of your being. He loves you and wants you to be happy. At the same time, He gives all of us trials and challenges. If you allow room for Him, you might be surprised what could happen.By way of practical suggestion, if you would like to go to church, I say do it. I'd suggest you be completely open and honest about who you are and what you want and don't want with your Bishop/Branch president. And largely due to what MarginOfError said, maybe not share your orientation with the other folks you meet, until you get to know them a bit more.Good luck! Let us know how things are going.LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted August 16, 2009 Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 I have been on the other side of this issue. My brother is gay and he announced it very abruptly a few years ago. He was so worried we would disown him, which just wouldn't happen but I can understand his fear. I think what bothered me the most about my brother was how he handled the situation. I think he "came out" because his gay friends told him he should and I think he wanted their approval. I don't think he thought very much about how we would feel. It was crazy to watch him. He told us. Announced it like it was some triumph and then forbade us to ever talk about it again. I have felt for the last five years that our whole family is held hostage and that there is no communication to help us process the news and the pain and the paradigm shift. If I were to give you any advice it would be to open safe dialogue and to not put any restrictions on what people are allowed to feel. It will be painful, but allow yourself to be ok with the painful transitions and allow your family that space too. Your whole first paragraph -- heck! I think those are the things you need to express to them. Tell them you love them and don't want to lose them. Tell them you want to be honest with them and that you repect them and that the last thing you want to do is hurt them. If they already know, and you continue avoiding it will just make the situation harder and the wedge embed deeper. I think what sometimes bothers me about the gay/lesbian perspective (not that this is you) is that they are so preoccupied with feeling tolerance and acceptance that they forget that they need to extend tolerance and acceptance. This sexual behavior may always repulse your father. Can you give him that space to feel how he feels even though it is different from your preference? And let both of you learn to love each other anyway? With regards to the church, I echo what has already been said about doing it for yourself as you cultivate your relationship with God. Change (not necessarily talking about the orientation issue. Please understand that I mean a whole slew of things) because God wants you to and invites you to.....and act on any righteous desire you have inside. The blessings of the gospel and the Atonement come after you act on those things. That is how your family is maintaining their blessings. It will work the same for you. But you can't do it because of familial pressure anymore. You have to do it for yourself and you as the rest of us must pass thru the things that bring us to humility and contriteness. Then, the Lord meets us there will so many blessings. Best wishes to you. Don't live in fear. Don't live in shame. They don't serve you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted August 16, 2009 Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 Hi Tee! I keep coming back to this thread hoping that I'll have something useful to offer. I think I'm coming up pretty empty handed. How about a big hug instead? My brother 'came out' about 18 years ago. Dad was pretty anti-gay before that. Fortunately logic and love won out, and they are very close now. It was a little difficult there are first, and my Dad had to confront his own issues. I sincerely hope your parents will do the same. There is only one way to find out. I would second much of what has already been posted. Sound advice IMO. Good luck, and please hang around and participate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tee_ Posted August 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2009 (edited) /.... Edited September 22, 2009 by Tee_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted August 17, 2009 Report Share Posted August 17, 2009 Of course you could just show up. You'd be welcome to do so. That's not my style though. I would like to be more prepared with info.Go to the LDS Church's congregation map site, type in your address, and it will give you the available congregations in the area, what time they meet, and even a phone number to contact someone (if you click on the congregation name). I just had a thought, your parents might be thinking the exact same thing as you typed out. They might be saying to one another: 'i just don't even know how we should open the dialogue with her. i mean what can we say really... we're not ashamed of her sexuality... i've just never sat down and thought about how to approach her. especially someone who we love so much. i just wish she would let on a little that she wants to talk to us, or just flat out tell us that she has something she wants to tell us about. *sigh*' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tee_ Posted August 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2009 (edited) /// Edited September 22, 2009 by Tee_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissa23 Posted August 17, 2009 Report Share Posted August 17, 2009 Hey Tee! I agree with ryanh.. you should just talk to your parents. especially if you think they know. I'm in the same boat as you with trying to find a ward in my area (well i'm looking for a young singles ward) but I definitly know how it feels to be nervous about that.. but it seems your just interested in learning about it all right now. Which is awesome. That was me months ago haha. I hope going to church and learning about it all helps you figure out if this is what you want. Also, I think there's no need to worry about being a lesbian and going becoming apart of the church and all. although it does seem a lot of people tend to look down upon that (well in this religion) but just make sure you stay true to yourself. (: And good luck with it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted August 17, 2009 Report Share Posted August 17, 2009 Well, the Lord is watching out for you and your family. I just got this month's issue of the Ensign in the mail, and there is an article on page 63 about loving a family member who is gay, while still remaining true to the Gospel. Perhaps this article might help your family. (unfortunately, it's not online yet for me to post a link, but it should be soon) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladykemma2 Posted August 17, 2009 Report Share Posted August 17, 2009 the first thing that comes to my mind is don't make any covenants you will have to keep. in other words, attend church, but don't get baptized, unless you are sure you can keep the baptismal covenants. don't make the temple covenants. you seem to enjoy and use what you learn from this family, so "take what you like and leave the rest" . am i totally off here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted August 17, 2009 Report Share Posted August 17, 2009 In fairness though, doesn't Tee eventually need to face the same decision evangelical gays do: Will I forsake my sexual orientation in order to please my God? Do I love Him enough? Perhaps, for now, it's enough to attend to the services. But at some point, worship done "in spirit and in truth," will require forsaking that which Gpd does not approve. So...by all means seek comfort from God and church. But, do not allow that comfort to smoother the Spirit's conviction. At the end of the day both your church and mine teach that a man is not to lie with a man, nor a woman with a woman... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tee_ Posted August 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2009 (edited) ... Edited September 22, 2009 by Tee_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bytebear Posted August 21, 2009 Report Share Posted August 21, 2009 YouTube - Coming Out Mormon: VC2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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