Still unsure...

[daenvgiell]

I've posted something like this here before, and I was hoping to have found an answer long before now, but it's still troubling me.

I have been struggling for over a year now whether I believe the church is true, but sometimes I don't even know whether or not I believe in God. What I find confusing is that I'm having all these problems with not knowing what to believe and yet I try and read the B.O.M every day, say my personal prayers, take notes in class on sunday's, go to church every week, and I used to go to institute, but uni doens't allow me to anymore because of classes. (I'm not trying to sound like a saint, just want you to know what I'm doing and such) I also want a Temple marriage, but I don't know why? If I wasn't sure then wouldn't I just not care about something like that? I don't understand myself. I also have a calling in Relief Society as a teacher.

So anyway, apparently I was told that I was blocking the spirit (that's what my mum said I told her I got told, but I don't even remember hearing anything like that). I'm so confused, I don't know what to do and I'm sick of feeling like I'm going nowhere.

[BenRaines]

My question to you and please this is not an attack but "What is it that you are looking for or expecting?" Knowing what you are looking for would help in making suggestions on how to get there.

Gifts of the spirit are as follows: To some it is given to know that God is to others it is given to believe on the testimonies of those who know.

Ben Raines

[ferretrunner]

I understand. I struggle with a testimony of the Church, too.

Sometimes we expect a great shout "I AM HERE!!! THE CHURCH IS TRUE!!!!!"

Instead we receive a whisper: "I am here. The Church is true.

Are you looking for a shout and missing the whisper?

One day, several years ago, I went out to a quiet place in the woods. I sat next to a stream and just experienced the day. I noticed the clouds, the sky, the wind, the plants. I heard the water and the wind in the trees and felt the breeze on my skin. I watched a couple of deer drink in the stream and examined the nearby beaver dam. I didn't try for anything. I was a human be-ing rather than a human doing. As the day progressed, I prayed. I received a whisper as an answer- but it was not a whisper I could doubt.

Just some thoughts. I hope you find the answer you seek.

[Mason]

Hi daenvgiell,

Perhaps you should simply work on your relationship with God first. Take a short sabbatical from your daily scripture study and church attendance, and figure out where you need to go. Trust in the Lord to lead you.

You may just discover that you're right where you need to be, and be better off for it.

[beefche]

Hi daenvgiell,

Perhaps you should simply work on your relationship with God first. Take a short sabbatical from your daily scripture study and church attendance, and figure out where you need to go. Trust in the Lord to lead you.

You may just discover that you're right where you need to be, and be better off for it.

What? Stop reading God's word to get to know him?

Yes, work on the relationship with God, but in order to do that, one must continue scripture study and prayer.

[Misshalfway]

I am gonna go out on a limb and suggest that YOU need to make a decision. Is there a God? Take your best guess and commit to it. Live as if there is no doubt. Then see if God meets you on the other side of that act of faith.

If it helps, I believe there is a God. I wondered for a while too. Now, I think that I know enough not to doubt. The light comes, DA. It really does. But it comes AFTER faith.

Edited August 31, 2009 by Misshalfway

[Mason]

What? Stop reading God's word to get to know him?

Yes, work on the relationship with God, but in order to do that, one must continue scripture study and prayer.

Please note, I did not advocate a cessation of prayer. As for God's word, does not Mormonism advocate personal revelation? Is that not God's word to the individual? What better source of inspiration can one receive than from God Himself?

[beefche]

Please note, I did not advocate a cessation of prayer. As for God's word, does not Mormonism advocate personal revelation? Is that not God's word to the individual? What better source of inspiration can one receive than from God Himself?

True, but there are many revelations in God's word. Many times, we are able to feel His Spirit and receive His word through scripture. We cannot rely on our memory alone for scripture...we need to seek His word to know His word.

[Mason]

True, but there are many revelations in God's word. Many times, we are able to feel His Spirit and receive His word through scripture. We cannot rely on our memory alone for scripture...we need to seek His word to know His word.

I certainly agree.

Perhaps the daily routine of the OP needs a bit of a shake up, which is all I was really advocating.

Change things up for a few weeks and see if the OP can get out of their funk.

[Misshalfway]

I certainly agree.

Perhaps the daily routine of the OP needs a bit of a shake up, which is all I was really advocating.

Change things up for a few weeks and see if the OP can get out of their funk.

I could see how "shaking things up" might help. I wonder how the OP might be studying. Is this a duty/check list kind of study? Or is this the kind that includes pondering, decision making, and personal application?

I wonder if the OP should simply study spiritual communication/revelation and faith and then try to adjust her life patterns/thought processes to apply what she learns.

[beefche]

I certainly agree.

Perhaps the daily routine of the OP needs a bit of a shake up, which is all I was really advocating.

Change things up for a few weeks and see if the OP can get out of their funk.

I certainly understand the efficacy of changing routine. That can be very helpful. But, I think when one is searching for God, to know Him, to believe in Him, then we would do well to follow His word on how to know Him. By reading His scriptures and communicating with him.

Perhaps, in addition to the BoM reading, the OP could read the New Testament. I would recommend going to the Topical Guide, Jesus and then choosing one of the many topics under Jesus name. Perhaps starting with Jesus Christ Messiah topic. Reading, studying, pondering, and praying about each of the references there.

[daenvgiell]

My question to you and please this is not an attack but "What is it that you are looking for or expecting?" Knowing what you are looking for would help in making suggestions on how to get there.

Gifts of the spirit are as follows: To some it is given to know that God is to others it is given to believe on the testimonies of those who know.

Ben Raines

I guess what I'm looking for is my own individual testimony whether or not there is a God and whether or not the church is true. I just can't seem to get an answer, or if I'm getting an answer I'm too stupid to realise that I've received it. It is indeed very possible that I am searching for a shout and getting a whisper, which I am then not hearing.

I'm not sure for me when it comes to scripture study, I do it because I'm trying to understand things and see if it has an effect on me, but then sometimes I think I am also just reading them for the "checklist" idea, but there are some days when I just don't get around to reading them, generally if I don't read the scriptures before I leave the house, then I don't read them at all, or I'll try and read them and my head is in a completely different place, like today for instance, I don't even know what I r5ead, I just couldn't focus.

I don't know what kind of effect this is having on me, but it certainly makes things hard on me. I attend a small private Christian College where I have to participate in Christian subjects, at the moment I have to study the New Testament, what I find hard though is that I'm the only "LDS" (if you can call me that?) person there and now they don't want us to read from the KJV of the bible. I think I end up getting more confused from this class than understanding things.

Thanks for all your suggestions so far, please don't stop.

[Mason]

I don't know what kind of effect this is having on me, but it certainly makes things hard on me. I attend a small private Christian College where I have to participate in Christian subjects, at the moment I have to study the New Testament, what I find hard though is that I'm the only "LDS" (if you can call me that?) person there and now they don't want us to read from the KJV of the bible. I think I end up getting more confused from this class than understanding things.

Maybe you're trying to hard? Unless they also want you to learn Greek, in which case most average people like me would have a hard time as well.

Don't sweat reading another version of the Bible. Whether they're asking you to use the NIV or NRSV or whatever, use it as an opportunity to compare to the KJV and learn to appreciate the various language used.

Thanks for all your suggestions so far, please don't stop.

Have you considered attending another spiritual tradition? For whatever reason, when I get feeling down in the funk, it seems that attending another faith tradition, say a Buddhist temple, gets me fired up for my own tradition. Seeing devotion in others reminds me of my own fervent desire for Christianity.

Just a thought. I still suggest taking a short sabbatical from everything. Remember, even Jesus went into the desert for 40 days to contemplate and pray. I seriously doubt he returned to town to go to the Temple or Synagogue.

[Misshalfway]

It might help just to take one issue and work on that. Start with your belief in God. Ask yourself some questions and make your best guess. Is there a God? Have you had experiences in your life when you thought you felt some influence from a loving Father in Heaven? Then like I said before, make a decision. Decide that from here on out I am going to believe in God. I am going to talk like I do and put my faith into it as if the heavens had literally opened and God walked out to talk to me. Can you get your head into that kind of headspace?

[talisyn]

I love this line

I also want a Temple marriage, but I don't know why?

daenvgiell, sometimes the Spirit is a whisper, sometimes a yell, and sometimes it's a little nudge in the right direction, which is where your thoughts seem to be in this regard. You have a sense of Eternity and one of the steps to get you there. You are a daughter of God, Creator of worlds beyond measure, and He loves you so much. It seems you are at this point http://www.greenwichworkshopgallery.com/christensen06/images/Christensen%20k.jpg Take the leap of faith and see what happens

[Maxel]

daenvgiell-

This migt seem a silly reason to think so, but both your screen name and your avatar leads me to believe that you may have a problem with loving the darker things of life. Is that true?

We are told to rid ourselves of all ungodliness if we want heaveny communication from God. If there is something in your life that is a major offense to God, than it may keep you from feeling the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost.

If this is the case (that you've something in your life that is a gross sin, like addiction) then I suggest you attend to cleaning up your life before seeking for heavenly knowledge. This isn't a condemnation of your per se- only your actions, if you are holding onto unrighteousness.

Whatever the case may be, I pray that you will find the correct road that leads to a testimony of divinity.

[talisyn]

My daughter likes goth stuff, Maxel, and while she may be a heathen at times at least she is an LDS heathen

You'll be fine, daenvgiell. Maxel has good advice, even if he does have floppy ears.

[daenvgiell]

daenvgiell-

This migt seem a silly reason to think so, but both your screen name and your avatar leads me to believe that you may have a problem with loving the darker things of life. Is that true?

We are told to rid ourselves of all ungodliness if we want heaveny communication from God. If there is something in your life that is a major offense to God, than it may keep you from feeling the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost.

If this is the case (that you've something in your life that is a gross sin, like addiction) then I suggest you attend to cleaning up your life before seeking for heavenly knowledge. This isn't a condemnation of your per se- only your actions, if you are holding onto unrighteousness.

Whatever the case may be, I pray that you will find the correct road that leads to a testimony of divinity.

No not that I know of, I just use that picture because it goes with my username, and the only reason I have that username is because its one that I have been able to use that hardly anyone else every uses.

I love this line

daenvgiell, sometimes the Spirit is a whisper, sometimes a yell, and sometimes it's a little nudge in the right direction, which is where your thoughts seem to be in this regard. You have a sense of Eternity and one of the steps to get you there. You are a daughter of God, Creator of worlds beyond measure, and He loves you so much. It seems you are at this point http://www.greenwichworkshopgallery.com/christensen06/images/Christensen%20k.jpg Take the leap of faith and see what happens

I never thought of it that way before, that's very interesting, but I'm not understanding the link that you associated where I'm at.

It might help just to take one issue and work on that. Start with your belief in God. Ask yourself some questions and make your best guess. Is there a God? Have you had experiences in your life when you thought you felt some influence from a loving Father in Heaven? Then like I said before, make a decision. Decide that from here on out I am going to believe in God. I am going to talk like I do and put my faith into it as if the heavens had literally opened and God walked out to talk to me. Can you get your head into that kind of headspace?

The thing is, is that I've done this before and I go with it and then, I change my mind again, it seems I can't keep to one thing. When I think back to exeriences I think I have, but then doubt sets in again and I'm back where I started. My head is complicated, and I wish it wasn't!

[talisyn]

Sorry, that's the problem with art, what one person sees is not necessarily what another sees. What I see is the young woman has a letter that will change her life. She knows this, and is not entirely certain she wants to open it. I've been there

[Moksha]

Daenvgiell, when you spoke about this before I thought you sounded depressed. Did you ever see a University counselor to explore this possibility?

[daenvgiell]

Daenvgiell, when you spoke about this before I thought you sounded depressed. Did you ever see a University counselor to explore this possibility?

No I never did go and see a councellor, although if I was depressed I don't think I am now, I'm moreso just tired of being on this rollercoaster, I just want to be able to find what I'm looking for, get off and never get on it again.

[Moksha]

You would like peace and tranquility knowing that you are on the right course and that everything you have ever believed in is accurate to the point that all you dreams will come true, eh?

:)

[beefche]

No I never did go and see a councellor, although if I was depressed I don't think I am now, I'm moreso just tired of being on this rollercoaster, I just want to be able to find what I'm looking for, get off and never get on it again.

Good luck. I believe life is a roller coaster. We all have highs and lows about all aspects of our lives--spiritual beliefs, ourselves, our loved ones, our work, etc.

[Gemma]

The thing is, is that I've done this before and I go with it and then, I change my mind again, it seems I can't keep to one thing. When I think back to exeriences I think I have, but then doubt sets in again and I'm back where I started. My head is complicated, and I wish it wasn't!

This sounds like what I've been experiencing (with an entirely different question but the same feelings), so you might want to give the depression thing some serious thought. I spent a while blaming my feelings on outside factors before I realised I'd fixed them all and I still felt crazy! But then I can't tell you how I feel from a few internet posts

Apart from that, have you ever read lectures on faith? It talks about the things neccessary for faith in God, the obvious one is a knowledge of his nature (which you probably have cos you've been studying), but also it also says a knowledge that you actions are pleasing to him is neccesary. You're doing great, he's pleased with your efforts, but do you feel that?

[daenvgiell]

You would like peace and tranquility knowing that you are on the right course and that everything you have ever believed in is accurate to the point that all you dreams will come true, eh?

:)

You could say that, it would definitely be nice.

This sounds like what I've been experiencing (with an entirely different question but the same feelings), so you might want to give the depression thing some serious thought. I spent a while blaming my feelings on outside factors before I realised I'd fixed them all and I still felt crazy! But then I can't tell you how I feel from a few internet posts

Apart from that, have you ever read lectures on faith? It talks about the things neccessary for faith in God, the obvious one is a knowledge of his nature (which you probably have cos you've been studying), but also it also says a knowledge that you actions are pleasing to him is neccesary. You're doing great, he's pleased with your efforts, but do you feel that?

No I haven't ever read them, where could I find them? I haven't really studied as such I guess, I've just been reading the BOM, although this week I haven't done it at all, and no I don't feel like he's pleased with my efforts, that's if I even feel like he's there.