Funny Church Stories

[phatbac]

Hello all I have a funny baptism story of my own baptism (which i will get into in just a minute) and I thought it might be nice to have a thread about funny stories that have happened at church related activities. So sound off with you funny stories....I will start with mine....

I was getting baptised in our ward's baptismal font. I was being baptised by my dad who had been baptised about 6 weeks before. Now you have to keep in mind im a big guy. i was wearing white clothes for baptism but it was nursing pants and a white long sleeve sweater. My father put me into the water and when he did my sweater that i was wearing inflated with air and puffed up above the water. I was in the water but my shirt was out. apparently my dad thought i was out of the water and put his elbow into my stomach pretty hard and pushed me down. when he did this it kocked the breath out of me. I was being held underwater with the breath knocked out of me and i thought i was going to die! I fought back to the top and hurried the process. they made us do it again and the second tiem my dad forgot to say "amen" at the end so we were half way from getting our clothes changed and we had to get back into our wet clothes and go back out and do it again. All and all it was much bigger ordeal than getting baptised should be! and if that wasnt enough the water was cold because the missionaries had filled it that morning and let it sit for a long time!

well that is my story of my baptism...what is your story?

[theoriginalavatar]

There are a lot of missionary stories out there (some of which may actually be true LOL), but this one happened to me, so I know it is true.

When I first got on the island (Taiwan), I was in a home with my companion and attempted to testify to the family with whom we were speaking that I knew God was alive and that he loves us.

The word for God and the word for Monkey in Mandarin is somewhat close, and of course I got them mixed up.

I told that lovely family that I knew God was a monkey.

Horrible experience LOL.

[NeuroTypical]

When I was a kid, we had a sunday school teacher who taught us that the 1/3rd who followed Satan actually came to earth and got bodies, therefore, one out of every three people you meet is actually a demon in disguise.

LM

(And I'm lookin' at you, Pam! :))

[pam]

Mommmm...LM is looking at me.

[Jenamarie]

When I was a kid, we had a sunday school teacher who taught us that the 1/3rd who followed Satan actually came to earth and got bodies, therefore, one out of every three people you meet is actually a demon in disguise.

LM

(And I'm lookin' at you, Pam! :))

I had a Primary teacher who taught my class that our being sent to Earth was a punishment. He was a new convert, and I think must have associated "earthly probation" with "we're here because we got in trouble". It wasn't until I was well into my teens that was mature enough to accept that "Hey, that teacher was wrong!"

(It's one of the reasons why I'm a little uneasy when a brand spankin' new convert is called to teach Primary. Little kids will take an adult's every word as the Absolute Truth, and sometimes very new converts can mistakenly teach false doctrine)

[hordak]

My wife quit smoking to be baptized but after years of telling my son "we'll be right we're just going out for a smoke" to keep him from thinking we were leaving him, he couldn't make the switch in his mind.

So as my wife and i were stepping outside to call my father, who was on his way to the baptism, my son says. "Your going out for a smoke?" This is with the Bishop standing there.

We also drank coffee and tea before she was baptized. Which i wouldn't let him drink (i don't even let them drink pop) because "it's for mommies and daddies. " Eventually i got tired of him hounding me for a drink of everything i have at the time so i started to call anything i didn't want to share with him coffee regardless of what it was because he knew he couldn't have it.

So after the baptism we are having refreshments and he sees me with a cup and says

" Can i have a drink or is that coffee for mommies and daddies."

[Wingnut]

When I was a kid, we had a sunday school teacher who taught us that the 1/3rd who followed Satan actually came to earth and got bodies, therefore, one out of every three people you meet is actually a demon in disguise.

LM

(And I'm lookin' at you, Pam! :))

Well that explains most of the kids in my sixth grade class.

[NeuroTypical]

Here's a funny church story I'm trying very hard to make real:

My wife was recently helping a kid go through AA. She'd drive him to his meetings and whatnot. It was a change in our family routine, which I of course explained to our kids as "mom's off with her dude". I was hoping they would start telling other people, but they're on to Daddy's twisted sense of humor, so they watch what they say to other people.

[Gwen]

at a youth dance they had this black light, we didn't know they would have it. there was a friend of mine that was wearing a light yellow dress.... well light yellow doesn't glow under a black light... but the white bra and panties she was wearing under it did. we all had a good laugh at her expense then told a leader who made them turn the black light off. of course we used the classic "in a week no one will remember this" line to comfort her.... lol yeah right. thinking about it still makes me laugh.

[Just_A_Guy]

On my mission, I served in an area where the municipal water supply tended to cut on and off randomly. Before one baptismal service the water cut out . . . when the font had less than eighteen inches of water in it. We wound up standing to say the baptismal prayer, and then she sat down on the floor of the font, while I knelt beside her and laid her down completely in order to get her fully immersed. 'Twas very odd, it was.

[Wingnut]

Here's a funny church story I'm trying very hard to make real:

My wife was recently helping a kid go through AA. She'd drive him to his meetings and whatnot. It was a change in our family routine, which I of course explained to our kids as "mom's off with her dude". I was hoping they would start telling other people, but they're on to Daddy's twisted sense of humor, so they watch what they say to other people.

You sound like my husband. He would totally do that.