Mormon Questions- Always Wanted To Know, But Never Asked…

[Melissa569]

As I've mentioned before, I attended until I was 12, and am baptized. But ages 13 - 28, I didn‘t. Just recently came back. So There are tons of things about being Mormon I either don’t remember, or never knew. Answers to one of the questions, or all of them would be great, from anybody who knows, or just has an opinion. Thanks in advance:

1--How do they feel about mixed-race/religion couples? I’m caucasian, born in the USA. My husband is a non-active and open-minded Catholic from India. He might attend with me once in a while, if he can find a Sunday off. But he’s wondering about that too…

2-- On that note, how do they feel about the wife attending church alone? Because 95% of the time, I will be alone.

3-- Will my husband also need to speak to the Bishop, even though he‘s not sure if he will ever join?

4-- Will I have to avoid sacrament and do confessions with the Bishop for a while?

5--How often do adults do confessions? Is it like the Catholic church every week? Or just once in a while, when you feel like something is really bothering you?

6-- What about tithe? How do they collect it? What if you are pretty much broke (we are, lol)? Just wondering if its an “expected, but not required” sort of thing, or what. Also because I don’t have a job right now, and my husband is not a member at all. So I don’t know how that’s going to play out.

7-- If the missionaries want to visit me, will they do it somewhere besides my house? My husband and I live with room mates, because money is tight, and our room mates don’t really like missionaries. They’ll also be watching TV, playing music and all. Also, I was hoping they would let me meet with female missionaries, because I’m not comfortable meeting alone with male ones (no offense, lol). Or maybe meet them at another member's house...

[Maya]

Hi Melissa good questions I try to answer:

1--How do they feel about mixed-race/religion couples? I’m caucasian, born in the USA. My husband is a non-active and open-minded Catholic from India. He might attend with me once in a while, if he can find a Sunday off. But he’s wondering about that too…

* mix-race is great! My good friend is married to a balck man, great family great kids. He is in bishoprick and she bene leader all over in the ward. mixed-religion sounds like trouble, but not nessessary, depends... maybe he also gets interested after a while, taht woudl just be great! I seen so many ok marriages between two different religions go in dust lately. Anyway it will be difficult, but it dont mean you cant make it. I do have some who have lived their mixreligion marriage and are stil together. But it IS easier if both are the same.

2-- On that note, how do they feel about the wife attending church alone? Because 95% of the time, I will be alone.

* I was alone to beging with.. mixed religion marriage since I joined the Church... Peopel tend to be very much taking care of those who are alone. Yet as a woman you miss a lot of information that is going on as often they forget that not everyone has a husband in priesthood. You will meet a lot of love and care.

3-- Will my husband also need to speak to the Bishop, even though he‘s not sure if he will ever join?

* He dont need to speak with anyone. But he is welcome to if he ever feels like it. I sure hope he will find a good frioend in one or an other priesthood holder int eh church, that woudl be great.

4-- Will I have to avoid sacrament and do confessions with the Bishop for a while?

* Eh? For what? You better ask that from the bishop. You need to awoid the sacrament ONLY if you feel you have been breaking covenents.

5--How often do adults do confessions? Is it like the Catholic church every week? Or just once in a while, when you feel like something is really bothering you?

* We dont do confessions, we just talk to Bishop if we feel we been doing something wrong and feel the need to tell God about it adn ask for forgiveness. He is there listening to us for God. Actually in that wayu the LDS are more like protestants they dont go and confess to bishop unless they done somethign really bad. Even the reliesociety leader can be of help if trying to get rid of "small sins" like goshiping, swearing, eating schocholate, bad toughts... she can help sisters by listening and beeing a person you can tell of yopur success in trying to stop the bad you are doing. Our Bishops and other priesthood leaders ahve usual jobs, so they dont have time to everything, unless it is utmost important. Once in two years you get to talk to bishop in order to get a Temple reccomend at least then you get to talk with him face to face. To te last question ... yes excactly.

6-- What about tithe? How do they collect it? What if you are pretty much broke (we are, lol)? Just wondering if its an “expected, but not required” sort of thing, or what. Also because I don’t have a job right now, and my husband is not a member at all. So I don’t know how that’s going to play out.

* Tithe can become an issue with a man not LDS. I can testify to you that paying tithe really gives blessings. I always pay the tithe before anything else... if I get a regular salary. You can make it go from your account direct once a month or you can pay it once a month or you can bring the money to the bishop in an envelope that you can get from Church.

Once I tried God on this one, he has promised blessings to those who pay their tithe. It was December and all the money I got for Christmas was just enough for bills and tithe. No food no presents, with 2 kids and alone, it was tempting not to pay that tithe. I payed tithe and waited. I had 1$ for food that week. Next Sunday the bishop asked me to come to his office. I thought that I was a good girl, it was not me... well when we got there he gave me a really big papermoney and said that a family who moved to USA felt like I could have use of that... Needles to say I broke in to tears. Our Christmas was saved. The spirit really talks to us and tells us where we are needed, we just need to listen. I also have got food help a couple of times from teh Church... her ethat is a couple of bagsupes and soem crackers, but it is food. IF you dont earn any money you dont need to pay. You dont pay from your husbands salary if he is a nonmember.

7-- If the missionaries want to visit me, will they do it somewhere besides my house? My husband and I live with room mates, because money is tight, and our room mates don’t really like missionaries. They’ll also be watching TV, playing music and all. Also, I was hoping they would let me meet with female missionaries, because I’m not comfortable meeting alone with male ones (no offense, lol). Or maybe meet them at another member's house...

* You can meet with m issionaries int eh Church and yet even better you can ask to meet in a wonan members home and she can be with in discusitions. They dont have the girl missionaries everywhere, but woman members they do have everywhere. I was just asked to go with the missionaries yesterday to a lady, but I become a bit sick, somekind of flue or such... we all have it now. So it is not uncommon just tell them you would like a woman present and not to meet in your house.

I hope your husband could meet with you and them too.

Good searching!

[Melissa569]

Thank you for your help, Maya :) By the way, the quote in your signature is funny, lol

[Maya]

Thank you for your help, Maya :) By the way, the quote in your signature is funny, lol

Thanks ... you are wellcome, just keep asking, you`ll find it! .... I love my signature, yes it is funny

[RanMan]

I'm not going to respond to each of your questions because I have a more one answer fits all response. Which is, it doesn't matter what the other members feel or think about any of that. My experience is they are fairly open minded about most situations. But the truth is that you are hopefully going back to Church for you - not them. That being said, visit with the Bishop and he will let you know whatever steps are necessary. Beyond that, it doesn't matter.

Of course, that is just my opinion.

:)

[WmLee]

Melissa ~ Since you really don’t have much memory of the church or the teachings I suggest you contact the bishop, and the missionaries when you get to church Sunday. There should be “mission-ets” (my pet name for female missionaries) in your Stake if not in the Ward. If not, I am sure there are female Ward Missionaries that can work with you. Ask for them to treat you as if you were a brand new investigator. Because, in a sense, you are. Learn from scratch is the best. When they have finished with those lessons you will be in a class called, “Gospel Essentials”. This is the class new converts attend.

1) Mixed relations are no problem and the church doesn’t have any “rules” or requirements between a man and woman when it comes to race. And, it’s no problem that he is Catholic. In my family only one parent joined and the other remained Catholic.

2) You can attend alone; no one will bite you or call you names. In fact, once they know your husband is not a member they will be encouraging you to invite him out to social events, like dinners and parties. No pressure on him to join. The church is all about family.

3) The bishop may want to meet your husband. He may want to visit you at home or something just so he can get to know him and assure him that there is no problem if he chooses to not join you at church. He will also want you husband to know he is always welcome.

4) You do not have to avoid the sacrament. The sacrament is a renewing of the covenants we made when we were baptized. If, for any reason you do not want to take the sacrament, you don’t have to. Confession with the bishop . . . well if you’ve done something wrong that you need to talk with him about, go. But it’s not like the Catholic faith. The Ward missionaries can explain all of that to you in your Sunday school class.

5) Tithing is something that we have been asked to pay. One tenth of our gain is the standard. There are many interpretations on this. Some believe it is after taxes, some after you have paid all of your other debts. Others pay a tithe of 10% right off the top, before anything else. So, 10% of your gain is the word, follow the spirit and what you conscious feels is right. Once you understand what is done (by the church) with the tithe that is paid you will really understand what it is all about.

6) It would be nice if the missionaries could meet with you and your husband at home. I understand he has no interest in the church but it would be nice if he understood what you are doing and your beliefs. Since you have roommates it might be best, and you can ask for them to teach you at church on Sunday. Again, it would be nice if your husband would sit and listen with you. It is a little of a strain to have two religions, or two beliefs under the same roof. It worked okay in my house as they supported each other in what they believed. And again, the Ward should have sister missionaries that can meet with you.

[phatbac]

I have some insight oin the tithing question.

My Dad is a member but my mother is not. How they have worked out the tithing part is my dad tithes the money he makes and the money my mother makes does not get tithed. Since my mother is a non member she doesnt want to tithe to a church she doenst believe in, but my Dad is a full tithe payer by tithing his increase as commanded. maybe you and your husband can work something like that out, you tithe on your increase and earnings and not on his earnings. Just a thought.

[Wingnut]

As I've mentioned before, I attended until I was 12, and am baptized. But ages 13 - 28, I didn‘t. Just recently came back. So There are tons of things about being Mormon I either don’t remember, or never knew. Answers to one of the questions, or all of them would be great, from anybody who knows, or just has an opinion.

I have a good friend who was baptized when she was 8, went inactive at 12, and then came back to church when she was 25 or 26. My answers will be based on my own opinions as well as experiences that she has shared with me.

1--How do they feel about mixed-race/religion couples? I’m caucasian, born in the USA. My husband is a non-active and open-minded Catholic from India. He might attend with me once in a while, if he can find a Sunday off. But he’s wondering about that too…

I remember reading a quote some years ago that encouraged same-race relationships, but it was based on experience showing that same-race relationships had greater success rates. There's nothing wrong with a mixed-race relationship.

2-- On that note, how do they feel about the wife attending church alone? Because 95% of the time, I will be alone.

Get used to the idea that some people might think you're single or widowed. That perception will change over time. You won't be alone in being the only spouse to attend church. You might be alone in that in your ward, but not in general.

3-- Will my husband also need to speak to the Bishop, even though he‘s not sure if he will ever join?

He won't need to, but it might be beneficial. Being that you've been gone from the Church for so long, you can't really give him a good idea of expectations or how things might change in your life. Your bishop can, and it's also a good idea for him just to get to know your spouse a little as well. In the case of part-member families, such as your situation, most bishops like to meet the whole family.

4-- Will I have to avoid sacrament and do confessions with the Bishop for a while?

Here's where I draw on my friend's experience. Like I said, she'd been baptized at the age of 8. Her parents were divorced, so she was often back and forth, and church attendance at that time was spotty. She had a very negative experience shortly after she turned 12 and moved to live with her father, and she swore never to come back to church again. She reached a point when she was 25 or 26 when she was completely floundering in life, in need of direction and fellowship, and so she returned to church. She knew no one. She knew nothing about it. A few years previous, she had lived with a boyfriend, and engaged in all sorts of worldly behaviors. When she came back to church, her bishop did not restrict her from partaking of the Sacrament. After meeting with her, he decided that she really didn't have the understanding to know that her choices were wrong. We don't get taught the Law of Chastity in Primary, or much of the Word of Wisdom. She didn't know any better. So he didn't restrict her from that.

I would meet with your bishop before refraining from the Sacrament.

5--How often do adults do confessions? Is it like the Catholic church every week? Or just once in a while, when you feel like something is really bothering you?

There isn't anything in the LDS Church that is really very akin to the Catholic confession. Repentance is a person process, between the sinner and the Lord. If we've sinned against another person, we should involve them as well, but only to the extent that we make reparations with them. If there are any serious/grievous sinned that you have committed (such as adultery, murder, etc.), then you would need to meet with your bishop, and as you say, make confession. When that happens, the bishop meets with you regularly to help you along the repentance process and at the end of it, help you to know that you have been forgiven. That is the purpose of meeting with him -- not for any punishment. Also, the LDS view repentance as a process, more than just a confession and a subsequent recital for prayers for the purpose of absolution.

6-- What about tithe? How do they collect it? What if you are pretty much broke (we are, lol)? Just wondering if its an “expected, but not required” sort of thing, or what. Also because I don’t have a job right now, and my husband is not a member at all. So I don’t know how that’s going to play out.

There is no collection plate. A tithe is a personal thing, paid privately. The bishop (or his counselors) receive your tithes. There are envelopes and forms that you can fill out and use (nothing big, I promise -- I attached a thumbnail image for you to see -- click on it to make it bigger)) to indicate what funds your money should go to. While no one puts a gun to your head to make you pay it, tithing is a required thing. If, in a year or so, you wish to enter the temple, being a full tithe-payer is a requirement. If you have no income, then you have nothing to tithe, obviously. If your husband won't allow you to pay tithing, discuss that with the bishop. For now, go and read the parable of the widow's mite.

7-- If the missionaries want to visit me, will they do it somewhere besides my house? My husband and I live with room mates, because money is tight, and our room mates don’t really like missionaries. They’ll also be watching TV, playing music and all. Also, I was hoping they would let me meet with female missionaries, because I’m not comfortable meeting alone with male ones (no offense, lol). Or maybe meet them at another member's house...

If you don't want to meet with them at your home, you don't have to. They can arrange to meet with you at another member's home. Where you live -- is it your place, or the roommate's place, primarily? Can you pull at trump card for the evening? If not, then meeting at another member's home is actually a very good alternative, as it will (1) help you get to know the members in your ward, especially if you rotate homes; (2) help you feel the Spirit more strongly, as you'll be in a setting that is ready for it as the missionaries teach you (instead of the TV on, loud music blaring, etc.); and (3) will help you learn (or re-learn) what it looks like or feels like to be LDS (not that there's a formula, but you get the idea). As for male vs. female missionaries, that all depends on your ward. If the mission president has assigned sister missionaries to your area/ward, then they can probably meet with you. If he hasn't, then they can't (obviously). However, male missionaries (elders) are not supposed to met with females one-on-one (or two-on-one, since they're in a companionship). They should either (1) wait for a time when your husband can be with you also; (2) bring a member with them to meet with you; or (3) meet with you in a member's home.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[rameumptom]

1--How do they feel about mixed-race/religion couples? I’m caucasian, born in the USA. My husband is a non-active and open-minded Catholic from India. He might attend with me once in a while, if he can find a Sunday off. But he’s wondering about that too…

Rameumptom: We have no problem with mixed race/religion couples. Many members are married to people of other nations/races, especially given our missionary culture. No problem with him being Catholic, either. We recognize that for some families, being mixed race or religion can add additional stressors to a marriage (e.g., which religion do you raise the kids in?), but we invite all into the fold and enjoy being with them.

2-- On that note, how do they feel about the wife attending church alone? Because 95% of the time, I will be alone.

Ram: God invites all, but he invites all as individuals. It is not your choosing that your husband may not be there all the time.

3-- Will my husband also need to speak to the Bishop, even though he‘s not sure if he will ever join?

Ram: Only if he wishes to do so. The Bishop will be happy to meet your husband and get to know him, as will the Elder's Quorum President and your home teachers.

4-- Will I have to avoid sacrament and do confessions with the Bishop for a while?

Ram: Only if you have been involved in a serious sin that requires confession to the bishop, will you need to abstain for a time. Other than that, if you are willing to follow Christ and the basic commandments, you are welcome to partake.

5--How often do adults do confessions? Is it like the Catholic church every week? Or just once in a while, when you feel like something is really bothering you?

Ram: We only confess to the bishop on major sins. Only Christ can forgive us for sins, but the bishop can help us in the repentance process. Also, for major sins, he will determine if a person needs Church discipline (probation, etc) for a time, as they work on their repentance. Minor sins we take directly to the Lord ourselves.

6-- What about tithe? How do they collect it? What if you are pretty much broke (we are, lol)? Just wondering if its an “expected, but not required” sort of thing, or what. Also because I don’t have a job right now, and my husband is not a member at all. So I don’t know how that’s going to play out.

Ram: Tithing is 10% of your increase. You will have to discuss with your husband and bishop the specifics. Tithing is expected of the Lord as part of our covenant with Him. Those who do not tithe are still welcome in the Church. However, those who do not pay tithes are not eligible for going to the temple or holding specific higher callings in the Church.

7-- If the missionaries want to visit me, will they do it somewhere besides my house? My husband and I live with room mates, because money is tight, and our room mates don’t really like missionaries. They’ll also be watching TV, playing music and all. Also, I was hoping they would let me meet with female missionaries, because I’m not comfortable meeting alone with male ones (no offense, lol). Or maybe meet them at another member's house...

Ram: They'll be glad to meet you in a member's home or at the Church building. Not all areas have sister missionaries, however you can have a member couple (husband/wife) also attend with them. Of course, your husband is also welcome to join in.

[talisyn]

Hi! I have a few answers for a few of your questions...

One of my very pale blonde sisters is married to a very nice African-American priesthood holder. They have 2 adorable daughters. Occasionally they'll get a few looks when they go out to stores but their ward treats them like any other member.

My fiance is Catholic too, I've had my wonderful visiting teachers ask if he's interested in coming to church (nope) but that's as far as it goes.

Tithing is between you and Heavenly Father.

Male missionaries generally don't meet with lone women, if your husband doesn't want to be there with you when you talk to them other arrangements can be made. Sister missionaries are very convenient

Melissa569, I am very happy you're making your way back. Remember, you are a daughter of God and have a right to be taught every gospel truth revealed and all that will be revealed. I hope your ward is friendly. I hope your bishop is nice. I think you'll be fine

[Melissa569]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone! Now I feel a little more relaxed about attending.

The only reason I asked about the mixed race thing, is because 10 years ago, I was traveling by train out of state. The woman sitting across from me was discussing religion-- she said that she used to be a mormon also. But she had to leave her ward, because she was a single mom with a half-African-American daughter. She said the people in her ward were very mean to her (we were traveling through Utah, and that's where she got on the train). So years later, when I married, I worried about that. Especially since when I was a child, our ward had 90% white people, so that's all I remembered.

But now, I live in a town where there are actually more minorities than white people, so I would think the local wards would be a lot more bi-cultural. Also, when I sat in on sacrament last sunday, I saw a few different races-- asian, latino, and some others. But because of what that lady told me on the train, I thought, "Ok, so other races do attend... But what about mixed couples?"

But it sounds like it just depends what area you live in. They might be more old fashioned in some areas of Utah, I don't know...

[talisyn]

going only by stereotypes I'd be more worried about being part of a mixed-race couple in parts of the South than parts of the West, but what do I know

[pam]

Melissa to say that some stereotypes or prejudices don't still exist within the membership of the Church would be incorrect. Notice I say membership and not the Church. Though I feel that we are moving so much in the right direction, I hope there is a time that we can say they don't exist at all.

You mentioned 10 years ago. 10 years really is a long time when you consider the growth of the Church around the world especially in Africa etc.

I grew up in San Diego. I was a minority in the area I lived. So I grew up with an appreciation for those of other cultures and races. I have lived in Utah for the last 15 years. One of the regrets for my own children is that they didn't grow up in a culturally diversified community as I did. Though I have tried to instill in them a love for all people and I think I have accomplished that.

Now when you talk about some of the small towns around the country (let's use Utah here since you mentioned that particular area), many of those towns and people in them have never been exposed to the kind of cultural diversity that I have been. So yes, I can see and understand (to a point) some of the misunderstandings that might be made or perceived regarding mixture of races.

As Wingnut mentioned in an earlier post, it was said at one time that it was encouraged to marry within your own race. That wasn't said out of prejudism but out of facts that more often than not, marriages within a certain culture or race last longer. That statement was made numerous years ago.

That being said...there is nothing that says that mixed couples can't exist and can't make relationships and marriages last. As long as both are trying to live the principles of the gospel..what difference does color or culture make?

I'm sorry that the person you met on the train had such a horrible experience. But please know...it's the ignorance of a small concensus of members and not the general thought of the majority of members today.

Edited January 9, 2010 by pam

[JudoMinja]

I did not read over the responses before posting myself, so I apologize if I say the same things as some others. I just wanted to give you my answers to your questions:

As a precursor to my answers, many of these depend on your individual ward. While there is the official stance of the church on some of these things, the individuals attending your ward will have their own opinions. No one is perfect. What we should remember if there is ever a problem is that the Gospel and Word is perfect, but the Church or the people attending are not. Just a thought.

1--How do they feel about mixed-race/religion couples?

Mixed-race: no issue whatsoever.

Mixed-religion: Only an issue if it pulls you away from your worship and/or is tearing apart your marriage. You should also be wary of how this split affects raising your children.

2-- How do they feel about the wife attending church alone?

I attend alone too. Another girl in my ward is a single mother. And one of my friends in another ward is another single mother. Then, I also attend a military ward, so there are many mothers who attend without their husbands because their husbands are deployed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with coming alone. Anyone who comes is welcome.

3-- Will my husband also need to speak to the Bishop, even though he‘s not sure if he will ever join?

No. He will only be expected to abide by the standards (given in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, but they apply to more than the youth). If he's to speak with anyone, it will be the missionaries, should he decide he wants to learn more.

4-- Will I have to avoid sacrament and do confessions with the Bishop for a while?

Only avoid sacrament if the Bishop has counseled you to do so. As far as confessions go, see my answer to number five.

5--How often do adults do confessions? Is it like the Catholic church every week? Or just once in a while, when you feel like something is really bothering you?

The only sins we go to the Bishop for are those that have created an offense against the church itself, as well as ourselves and the Lord. These are the serious sins for which we need help going through the repentance process. Anything else is between ourselves, the Lord, and whomever our sin has offended.

6-- What about tithe? How do they collect it? What if you are pretty much broke (we are, lol)?

Tithe is expected to be 10% of your income, no matter how small that income is. There is some debate as to whether that is your gross income or not, and whether it includes things like tips, gifts, allowance, etc. Those details are up for individual determination. You are not REQUIRED to pay tithe, but it is expected. There are also certain benefits that can only be given if you are a full-tithe payer, like financial help from your ward should you need it. There are envelopes and slips provided for you to place your tithe- check or cash- and it should be given to a member of the bishopric. Since it is your husbands job though, and he is not a member, it would be up to your husband whether or not he wants to pay the tithe.

7-- If the missionaries want to visit me, will they do it somewhere besides my house? (Female missionaries?)

The missionaries will meet with you wherever you would like to arrange it, and you can meet with female missionaries as long as they are available in your area.