Do BF and I have a future?

[AmyKate88]

Hey guys!

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now, and we have been friends for about 2 years. Our relationship has been great, and I can't imagine life without him.

I've been getting a lot of comments & questions from other people (church leaders included) about whether we are planning on a future together, and that same questions has been lingering in my mind too. I really want to talk to him about it, but I am super nervous/afraid of his reaction. It doesn't help that my parents (both non-LDS) don't want me to marry him; they want me to go to law school and marry some super ambitious rich guy. Boyfriend has his sights set lower (he is getting his Associate's in Business and wants to get his bachelor's later), but I don't see anything wrong with that.

Basically, I am asking for advice on how to start talking about the future with him, because I am totally at a loss!

[Wingnut]

You don't need to talk to him about it if you're not ready to. My husband and I were married a little less than six months after we started dating, and we did it wrong. I'm not saying that we have problems or that I regret marrying him, but it's just not smart to do things that quickly. If you want to just let things be, do it. Don't let hypermormons influence your own life and your own decisions.

I would also take your parents' advice into consideration. I wouldn't dump your boyfriend because they think he isn't good enough for you, but I would listen to them. He doesn't sound like he has much ambition, and these days a Bachelors Degree is hardly enough to get a good job. So many fields nowadays require a Masters Degree, especially in the business field. That is something to consider.

[WmLee]

I wouldn't worry about what others think you need to do. It's your life and it's your time table. not theirs. I believe in four seasons and a road trip before making long term plans. It takes four seasons to see how the other reacts to and deals with what life hands you. The road trip is tough, I do not suggest you take a weekend away. But having time to focus on just each other, perhaps a day trip, will give you a nice idea.

As for the parents, I want the best for my kids but I can't control who they fall in love with. Remind them that it's easier to influence a friend than it is an enemy. I am thankful my girls will talk to me about the guys they are friends with and feel comfortable about telling me what's going on. A very of their choices have made me concerned, but it is easier to point out things, (bad moments or past problems) they tend to forget about that other person. I think I've been able to help them see what the big picture is. So far so good anyway.

[Jbs2763]

don't take the plunge under pressure...if y'all meant to be toghter..it'll happen...eternity is a long time....waitin a few more months won't matter in a few mellina

[Misshalfway]

Let it happen. Don't make it happen.

And enjoy the process. End results aren't all they are cracked up to be.

[Wingnut]

I believe in four seasons and a road trip before making long term plans. It takes four seasons to see how the other reacts to and deals with what life hands you. The road trip is tough, I do not suggest you take a weekend away. But having time to focus on just each other, perhaps a day trip, will give you a nice idea.

Interesting life philosophy. I like it.

[beefche]

Am I reading this correctly? The OP is asking if and how to bring up the future with her boyfriend and everyone is saying don't worry about it? Really?

After 6 months of dating, they can't even discuss the future? There's no committment in discussions. There's nothing wrong with thinking about the future and seeing if that is something they both agree on. There is absolutely nothing wrong in determining if their goals are complete polar opposites to know as soon as possible so that they can decide if it will be an issue or not.

AmyKate, I say, just talk to him. Let him know that you are not trying to freak him out, but you 2 are of an age that you both SHOULD be thinking about the future. Just talk to him about it. Mature adults in a relationship should be comfortable in discussing anything related to that relationship. If he can't even talk about it because it freaks him out (and initially it might do so, so be patient), then he isn't mature enough to even BE in a relationship.

[Misshalfway]

Am I reading this correctly? The OP is asking if and how to bring up the future with her boyfriend and everyone is saying don't worry about it? Really?

After 6 months of dating, they can't even discuss the future? There's no committment in discussions. There's nothing wrong with thinking about the future and seeing if that is something they both agree on. There is absolutely nothing wrong in determining if their goals are complete polar opposites to know as soon as possible so that they can decide if it will be an issue or not.

AmyKate, I say, just talk to him. Let him know that you are not trying to freak him out, but you 2 are of an age that you both SHOULD be thinking about the future. Just talk to him about it. Mature adults in a relationship should be comfortable in discussing anything related to that relationship. If he can't even talk about it because it freaks him out (and initially it might do so, so be patient), then he isn't mature enough to even BE in a relationship.

Good point, Beefche and I agree. A healthy couple should be able to talk about the future. I guess I just appreciated Wings words about jumping the gun because the mormon culture or the ladies at church put on so much pressure. I just hope this girl brings up the future because she is ready or because she has assessed that the relationship is ready.

[beefche]

I agree, Miss 1/2. Pressure from parents, leaders, etc. should not be the reason to discuss the future.

[Wingnut]

I agree, Miss 1/2. Pressure from parents, leaders, etc. should not be the reason to discuss the future.

Especially at only 21 years old. I talked about marriage with my then-boyfriend at 21 years old, and by the time I married my now-husband (different man) at 25, I was a completely different person than I had been at 21.

[AmyKate88]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your input and advice.

Just to clarify, I am not wanting to bring up the future (dum dum dum...) with BF because of external pressure. It is something I have been thinking about a lot, and want to talk about just so I know where he is coming from, because as of now, I have no idea what he is thinking about whether we have a future or not. Do you think I should wait a month or two more just to give it more time?

Also, with the parents, I understand where they are coming from... They want the best for me and don't want me to sell myself short when it comes to future partner(s). I will admit that BF's lack of motivation bothers me, but I guess talking about his goals and plans would come up in any discussion of our possible future as well.

[beefche]

What's another month or 2 going to accomplish? You've been dating 6 months and if you are wanting to know more, then waiting isn't going to magically change anything. Just talk to him when the next opportunity comes up.

[Misshalfway]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your input and advice.

Just to clarify, I am not wanting to bring up the future (dum dum dum...) with BF because of external pressure. It is something I have been thinking about a lot, and want to talk about just so I know where he is coming from, because as of now, I have no idea what he is thinking about whether we have a future or not. Do you think I should wait a month or two more just to give it more time?

It's hard to say since I know nothing about your situation but I would think that if its bubbling up inside of you, then its time to talk about it. You aren't gonna know how your BF feels until you ask him. Listen to his answers. Know yourself and what's good for you. If he avoids the subject or deflects your questions, that should tell you something. Trust yourself to know what to do and when to do it.

Good luck.

[dazed-and-confused]

i agree with both Miss Halfway and beefche....and in fact, i would have thought that SOMETHING would have been mentioned in the last 6 months.

i think it's a good idea for you to talk about it, without any knid of leading sigh, or "i want to talk", or something like that, that will possibly put him on his guard. you should feel relaxed as well.

as was stated above....when it is appropriate.

[jadams_4040]

You don't need to talk to him about it if you're not ready to. My husband and I were married a little less than six months after we started dating, and we did it wrong. I'm not saying that we have problems or that I regret marrying him, but it's just not smart to do things that quickly. If you want to just let things be, do it. Don't let hypermormons influence your own life and your own decisions.

I would also take your parents' advice into consideration. I wouldn't dump your boyfriend because they think he isn't good enough for you, but I would listen to them. He doesn't sound like he has much ambition, and these days a Bachelors Degree is hardly enough to get a good job. So many fields nowadays require a Masters Degree, especially in the business field. That is something to consider.

Love has no bounds. and especially not financial.:)

[Wingnut]

Love has no bounds. and especially not financial.:)

Love may not have bounds, but a bank account does.

[BenRaines]

I am old so my opinion on this may not count for much. Make sure that you find someone who you would consider your "best friend", someone who will be a companion with you through all the good things with life and all the challenges that come along too.

Someone to be your partner, your confidant, someone that you can tell anything and everything to.

Ben Raines

[FairChild]

You could say "Friend, I so enjoy you and value your opinion. I saw a forum at LDS.NET and have been reading it. Would you look at it and tell me what you think?" Or just tell him what you have told us. Let him know. And then, go out once again to ejoy your friend and enjoy him.