Were you bullied in school?

[Tarnished]

So it would seem that the bullying she endured as a youth, definitely caused some long-term damage to her self-esteem and self-image, regardless of how fabulous she appears to be on the outside.

Bullying does cause long-term damage. If you survive it (and don't commit suicide) you probably will be stronger because of it, but it also means that you will probably have problems with certain things as well. I have always had self-esteem issues, and it actually took a few years of my husband getting after me before I would admit to being beautiful. With me it had a lot to do with the fact that when I was going through the worst of all the bullying my brother began to say cruel things to me at home as well. It made my self worth plummet as a teen. It has taken years to get to a point where I feel good about myself and feel strong in my self image.

Besides this, I don't think my classmates knew how much damage to my opinion of them they did, but there are some of them that if I met today I would have nothing to do with them because of what they did to me back then. When I was in school I would have been delieriously happy if something awful had taken them all out. Being so awful to another human that they hope for your death is something pretty messed up in my opinion. Being so awful to another human that they take their own life to get away from you is also something that is pretty messed up in my opinion.

My greatest wish when I was a teen was this. That every person who ever had picked on me would have to go through just one day of my life at the time. I just wanted to see what it would do to them. I remember seeing one popular girl get teased by her friends for just a few minutes and she broke down into a sobbing mess.

It makes me want to make sure that none of my kids EVER pick on another child the way I was picked on, no one ever needs to go through that kind of treatment.

[talisyn]

I went to 13 schools before the 7th grade, and lived in a converted school bus with my parents and 7 brothers and sisters from 7th grade to 12th grade graduation, so yeah I was bullied a lot. I'd try to ignore it and read my books, and by the 6th grade achieved an almost Zen-like state of tranquility (not going to school for most of the 6th grade helped a lot ). When we moved to a little piece of hell called Slab City, Ca it all got so much worse. I tried to fit in with the kids around me, much to the despair of my parents, but after a few months they knew I wasn't one of the pot heads, and the town kids would have nothing to do with a dirty slabber. Then I got jumped a few times at school by a fellow slabber, much to the delight of the town kids, and decided it was all stupid and refused to 'play'. No one talked to me in during my 8th grade year. I had maybe 5 talks with teachers, but it was clear they didn't care. After taking a bunch of standardized tests during the 8th grade I ended up with a bunch of academic awards, including the 'Presidential Academic Achievement Award', one of the very few people to ever win it from that place, and adults started to treat me a little better.

High school was combined with another town and I actually had people talk to me! It was amazing. By that time I was driven to get good grades and escape to college so having friends didn't make me much different than if I didn't, but life was a lot nicer

So, people can be nice, people can be mean. I was lucky in my testimony of the Gospel and the BoM, without that I could have walked some very very dark paths.

Sidenote: after my 'stunning' achievement in the 8th grade, that teacher invited my 1 year younger sister to sit out the rounds of testing so there wasn't an upset of the town kids. What a jerk.

[Guest]

It's sad that it got to this point. I know Wisc got burned for his "self esteem" comment but I can see his point.

What is sad is the girl didn't have ANYBODY to go to, it seems. You can't stop bullying (you can't control what other people do) but you can control how you react to it. After 3 months, you would think somebody - at least the parents - would have intervened!

There's never enough reason to commit suicide unless it's an extreme "it's me or somebody else" hostage situation. This is something parents will need to teach the teen-age children - not just taken for granted as a "duh" knowledge. There are too many devout Catholic Filipino teen-age girls commit suicide in the US to just take it for granted that just because you have faith in God that you know there is always a better alternative than taking your own life.

P.S. Yes, I was bullied - physically and verbally. It hasn't touched me much. I fought back.

Edited March 31, 2010 by anatess

[ADoyle90815]

I was bullied from kindergarten to the 7th grade, when my family moved that summer, so it stopped in the 8th grade at my new middle school, and high school. It was mostly verbal bullying, and having gum in my hair on a daily basis, it seemed. I have always had a lazy left eye, so in an attempt to correct it, I had to wear glasses until I started middle school, and the fact that I had glasses made me the major target. One former bully even apologized to me in college, and I was actually able to forgive that person.

As far as parents intervening, when I was being bullied, my parents did try that after my mom witnessed it while chaperoning during a field trip, but they were told that they were "imagining" it by the teachers and principal. Of course, this was before Columbine, so people didn't take bullying that seriously when I was in school.

Edited March 31, 2010 by ADoyle90815

[talisyn]

Ah yes, Columbine. You'd think after that there would have been a lot less bullying.

[Guest mirancs8]

Yes I was bullied. Started in 2nd grade I would be called names and picked on. It got worse in 3rd grade when this particular boy came to our school and I became his main target. He had an intensity about him and he was very slick. From 3rd grade till the day I graduated high school this boy not only bullied me but sexually abused me till no end. I smartened up in 7th grade and started lifting weights with the football players in the gym. By 8th grade I started to fight back physically. I remember him once pinning me down on the back seat of the school bus and having his way with me until I could fight my way out. Everything he did to me was sexual in nature... actions... words etc.

He was really tough and I was no match. There were a few boys through the years but he was daily. He would ride my bus home though it wasn't his route. He would try to do stuff to me in class and when I jumped from my seat I was the one who ended up in the principals office.

What's more nuts is one day about 8 years ago I was flipping through the HBO channels and stopped at a boxing match... guess who was boxing... yep it was him . The guy who sexually abused me all those years was on TV as a professional boxer fighting in a boxing match on HBO!

I had a girl who came from the city to enroll in my high school for the sole reason to beat me up. I lost all my friends in the process except one. She would come everyday at lunch to threaten me. Guess what it was all over... a guy who I dated which she got to date over the summer while he and I were taking a break. One day I got so fed up I stood up the cafeteria almost seem to go silent and told her to go on ahead and hit me because with all these witnesses we know who's going to end up getting in trouble. Well she vanished after that talk. After that I turned into the person everyone went to so that I could kick the bullies rear. Not a good thing either. I didn't like being that person but didn't have much of a choice.

Thank goodness I got over it all. The sexual abuse, bullying, physical, and verbal is all a faded memory now.

[pam]

I wasn't really bullied but with my maiden name..I heard every comment under the sun.

[Elgama]

I have been bullied for a good portion of my life in various situations I was very lucky to have a Gran that taught me that bullies only won if they changed you into something you want to be, like she said to me your vaguely pretty, your kind, I love you, God loves you and as long as you are happy with yourself nothing else is important and the bully is the one with the problem. My friends and I solved the bully problem by becoming friends, we pulled together everyone else in our year being bullied (one girl at 14 was still being bullied because she wet her pants in nursery when she was 3), turned out there was more of us than there were bullies:) left us alone after that its just simply a case of pulling together and showing that actually the bullies are in the minority and that when that is realised fear goes away and they looked really stupid. I am really glad I never changed or tried to - I accepted many years ago I was odd and never going to be normal, might as well be good at odd. However find many of the traits I was bullied for make me very successful as an adult. Bullies did change my husband in someways and its tragic to me to see as I know the man he has the capability of being. But never ceases to amaze me how many people at the top of their profession or in the public eye were bullied at school

Its why we home educate - I don't want my children to have to choose between being bullied or being the bully, many people assist the bullies quite often unintentionally by helping ignore the geeky or odd child in the corner, whereas just by being friendly with them they can help stop the bullying or at least provide the person with some help. What bothers me is the amount of bullles that seem to become teachers, psychologists, policemen, nurses etc the caring professions seem to give them the meat they need in adult life.

Bullies do not go for weak people at all they attack strength they attack the people that do not want to be one of the crowd or are not willing to change, they attack those that stand for good often those that have had early experiences with God (think some of Joseph Smith's experiences) - they need power for powers sake. I fought bullies all my life its the one at church that nearly destroyed me I already had a touch of PND when she struck, I was weak vulnerable and because we had been friends she had been trusted with all sorts of information that was used against me, it happened never in front of anyone else, and always in a confined space - I understand a teen not walking away I was an adult and letting her do it was stupid after years of putting up with it, I heard a sick awful rumour she was spreading and something snapped all i said was why would I listen to you about my parenting wouldn't want my children turning out like yours. She used another bullying technique and decided to ignore me not speak to me whilst mentioning to anyone listening I was going mad. She has done a bit of a childcare course and social science degree, counselling course, NLP etc her daughter did psyhcology and now helps her Mother to bully all their study has done has improved their ability to bully

But I feel very sorry for her and any bully - ultimately they have to face Heavenly Father and my experience they often pick on people that Heavenly Father seems to have a good relationship or soft spot for, I know when our Branch bully went for one certain old lady and then my daughter she cooked her own goose, so I have been praying she repents - as Heavenly Father doesn't half seem to dote on our Ellie the only time she ever gets rained on is when she prays for rain like when she has new wellies - whjen she loses it he produces it after a prayer - wouldn't want to be the person that abused her

[Blackmarch]

Ah yes, Columbine. You'd think after that there would have been a lot less bullying.

I doubt it.. if you have any feature or habit that says "weak" or "different" to a group, youre gonna have a hard time.... and as schools gain more and more students, and as parents and teachers fail to teach moral lessons to the children, and as peer pressure rises, we are only going to see an increase of such.

One reason I think public schools ought to be done away with or majorly changed, at least from the middle grade to freshman high school.

The current structuring that easily allows these sort of groups to form with few checks in place to moderate them.

Edited April 1, 2010 by Blackmarch

[talisyn]

I agree, Blackmarch. It seems from all the bullying stories it gets worse around the middle school years. Too many hormones and not enough sense I guess.

[Blackmarch]

I agree, Blackmarch. It seems from all the bullying stories it gets worse around the middle school years. ...

Unfortunately if we do away with public chool then the education must rely on the parents and on private schools... if we decide to majorly restructure public school, the monetary cost will be huge to say the least.

...Too many hormones and not enough sense I guess.

That and its too easy to blindly follow something, or ignore something.