What should I do with this home teaching family?

[Guest mormonmusic]

A year ago a family in our ward complained they hadn't had a home teacher in years. There were larger issues than this, but the home teaching also came up as a complaint.

So, I said I would be their home teacher in order to show them they were important and that I cared about their concerns. The father is the one who was complaining about it. My priesthood leader agreed to the assignment, and made it.

I've tried to get an appointment for 6 months, and they kept one appointment. All the others they either don't answer the door or cancel a half hour before the appointment claiming not feeling well. It's always the husband.

I spoke to the wife, who is rather submissive to her husband whether there are concerns. She said her husband sees home teaching visits as inconvenient, even though they agree to them beforehand. She says I've done nothing to offend them on my one visit so far.

I'm a bit uncomfortable talking to the husband because he's temperamental.

So, what should I do about this? Please answer via the poll, and provide any commentary or suggestions...

Edited June 7, 2010 by mormonmusic

[mightynancy]

I think I'd bag the traditional home teaching for a while and just become friends. Invite them to your barbecue, help him hook up the new dishwasher, go to a hockey game, whatever.

People hate being a list entry to be checked off - I'm sure you're not like that, but with touchy people we have to be extra careful to avoid that interpretation on their part.

[john doe]

Keep trying, be patient, and don't act like they are being a burden on you and your time. Find ways to be of service to them. Even if they cancel on you, drop off some sort of item to let them know you care, maybe a copy of the First Presidency Message for the month, or a small plate of goodies and set it on their doorstep. Send cards on birthdays, express sincere appreciation to each family member for the things you see or hear they do, letting them know how much you care about them. Remember, they don't care how much you know, or how important you are in the outside world, they need to know that they and their welfare are important to you.

[Moksha]

Mormonmusic, I don't understand this approach-avoidance thing. Sounds like they are disappointed that no home teachers are coming and yet do not want home teachers to come visiting.

This could give home teachers some sort of complex, eh?

[Elgama]

With people like this I just leave some goodies with a card on their doorstep.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Mormonmusic, I don't understand this approach-avoidance thing. Sounds like they are disappointed that no home teachers are coming and yet do not want home teachers to come visiting.

This could give home teachers some sort of complex, eh?

Good point. I thought someone would ask this. I think it's a case of "C'mere = Go Away". The personality of the husband is such that I think he wants attention, and enjoys seeing me trying to reach him. I also think he wants to see if I'll keep trying. Also, there were complaining tendencies, so I wonder if their statement "I haven't had a home teacher in 500 years" was powered by a desire to complain, rather than a valid desire to have a home teacher.

With my rabid internal locus of control, I thought it was because I'd done something wrong, so I asked the wife. But the wife assures me that's not a problem. She always goes on about how much I'm liked by the family.

So, I'll take what she said at face value.

[rameumptom]

A friend of mine used interesting techniques to get into some of this families' homes. Once he rolled a watermelon across their lawn to a family that was like the one you noted.

Find out what the husband's interests are, and see if you don't have a common interest to share. Obviously, they are not much interested in the standard lesson. So give them what will open the door for you.

[WmLee]

You might consider inviting them to Ward Activities, perhaps to join your family for a few things, on the days they cancel an appointment send them a short letter with a spiritual message and tell them you are sorry you couldn't meet with htem.

I know the letter thing is more of a Visiting Teaching things, but it tells the family you are trying, you care, and it is going the extra mile.

[Wingnut]

You might consider inviting them to Ward Activities, perhaps to join your family for a few things, on the days they cancel an appointment send them a short letter with a spiritual message and tell them you are sorry you couldn't meet with htem.

I know the letter thing is more of a Visiting Teaching things, but it tells the family you are trying, you care, and it is going the extra mile.

A strict interpretation of reporting procedures allows visiting teachers to report a visit or a contact, while home teachers can only report a visit. The letter is better than nothing, but can't be counted as a home teaching visit.

[mightynancy]

A strict interpretation of reporting procedures allows visiting teachers to report a visit or a contact, while home teachers can only report a visit. The letter is better than nothing, but can't be counted as a home teaching visit.

While this is technically true, it should not matter one bit.

[Dravin]

In all honesty I'd ask him if he really wants me stopping by and to not worry about hurting my feelings, tell him I'd love to get to know him better and everything but if he'd rather I not I'll find a way to go on living.

[Wingnut]

While this is technically true, it should not matter one bit.

But it does. It can't count as a visit if it's not actual time spent with the family.

[Hemidakota]

Using my own experience, being a prodigal son of FATHER, I am glad that my home teacher, who would make unannounced visitation on a weekend, he just be there. I will always remember those encounters and his smiling face and some helpful moments together. There was no need to be with the whole family, since visiting teacher covered the family.

How was this done? We had communality, it was on automobiles. He worked for the Nissan Corporation and my passion for the ‘need for speed’.

So, I would never give up but find his passions and worked with that agenda instead. In other words, be his friend and not his minister.

[john doe]

How was this done? We had communality, it was on automobiles. He worked for the Nissan Corporation and my passion for the ‘need for speed’.

And yet, you never became converted to the Gospel of Righteous Cars, determined to remain a Mopar guy. Too bad, he could have introduced you to the wonders of the GT-R, as near to Automotive Nirvana as an average man can become.