My Girlfriends Father Had A "Dream"

[Wingnut]

I been in that seat several times as a JUDGE in ISRAEL. Have you?

That made you a judge over the people in your ward at that time, not a judge over everyone on this board at this time.

It's interesting that you mentioned that because I heard something similar with regards to friendships but I think it could also be applied to marriages. They say if you want to discern a good friend, just imagine if you feel comfortable with the other person to be at your side in a battle/war, fighting along with you or would you be concerned that the person may get scared, run away or even join the enemy.

I believe that marriages aren't much different than friendships. They require the same skills to maintain. Marriages are more committed and also involve a level of intimacy absent in friendships, but they really aren't much different otherwise.

[Hemidakota]

I chuckled when I read this Hemi. Perhaps you don't know my situation, but I married someone in the perfect Mormon way, and then after marriage found she had an issue that could have allowed me to have the marriage annulled. We've since managed to make our marriage work, but it was at a huge cost to me emotionally and spiritually during the decade our marriage didn't work.

I was miserable for so many years trying to make my marriage work, having brief successes, then spectacular failures. We were completely divergent on so many important matters. There were times when I left conversations COMPLETELY bewlildered at her view of the world on things that myself, my family and my friends found perfectly reasonable.

How much better it would've been if I had've had the skills to identify someone with whom I was more compatible from the get-go. Someone who shared my own beliefs with whom there was so little conflict. I have had such relationships in the past with many people in intense situations such as 7 day trips in the wilderness where you have to rely on each other. There were probably many other situations out there that would've been much easier for me, that would've been successful by all gospel and personal standards.

So, I've always chuckled a bit at the "any two people can get along if they live the gospel". The point is, it's going to be a heck of a lot easier with someone who naturally meets your needs -- and we should all strive for that situation when we are considering who to marry.

After you get married, then yes, the "any two people living the gospel" statement kicks in, but it's much better to make a good choice to begin with.

I also chuckle at a few here, through lack of using the Spirit of discernment in judging others, completely missed the mark, it is quite embarrassing and at that point, all you can do is let the Lord deal with it. I also chuckled over those who looking for a misses or mister right. Simply not going to find it. Human nature being filled physical flaws from parental upbringing, culture diversities, inherited genetic disabilities, ego character not aware of before marriage, and so forth. Though, we could use added maturity in the gospel and life itself, but at what point will wait for a companion of choice? In this case, I would side with the parent decision until as I stated earlier in this post, for each of them to make the effort to seek the Lord for an answer in prayer. A cautious statement, be prepare to live what is given as an answer. Questioned here, is he ready to accept the answer for better or worse?

I can point to my own life, where two couples of complete opposite after 29-years of marriage can work. We simply learn through trials and errors of loving each other no matter the vast indifferences. We had out ups and down, but through it all, thick and thin, when we apply love unconditionally, is when marriage works. If the other companion decides not to meet a personal expectation, does it really matter as the end goal in marriage, where there is real love for each other? No. Some of us may take another length of time beyond the veil in order to reach this level. Others may reach it in this mortality. The gospel should be the core of each of our lives. Yet, it is still a choice if we wish to succeed or not in anything we desire.

Edited June 14, 2010 by Hemidakota

[Suzie]

I also chuckle at a few here, through lack of using the Spirit of discernment in judging others, completely missed the mark, it is quite embarrassing and at that point, all you can do is let the Lord deal with it.

Wow. Just wow. Of course, you don't happen to be in this group of those who "lack using the Spirit of discernment" right? No, of course not!. Sorry, I am the one who needs a lesson in humility.

I believe that marriages aren't much different than friendships. They require the same skills to maintain. Marriages are more committed and also involve a level of intimacy absent in friendships, but they really aren't much different otherwise

That's so true, that's why I think it is so important to think very well in being compatible with the person you would marry, often times things are discovered after marriage and things can turn very sour very quickly as many examples were given in this thread.

[beefche]

As the OP question has been answered, this thread is closed for business.