sleeping in the same bed before temple marriage

[beefche]

telling them to knock it off will only drive them to do more, they are both old enough to make their own decisions. if someone tells you not to do something it only makes you want to do that thing more.

If they have that attitude (doing something because someone told them not to), then they may be old enough to decide, but I question their maturity.

[pam]

How does the saying go? Avoid even the appearance of evil?

[Wingnut]

Were all of you married people on here, when you were engaged, shaking each others hands good night and kissing each other on the forehead, or did someone need to throw a bucket of ice water on your heads? I thought the latter was normal. Hee hee hee! So funny!

I think most of the married people here are telling the OP to throw the bucket of ice water on her sister's head, because they appreciate the blessings that waiting for the temple brings to their marriage.

[crazypotato]

I think most of the married people here are telling the OP to throw the bucket of ice water on her sister's head, because they appreciate the blessings that waiting for the temple brings to their marriage.

I know, Wingnut, and I agree mostly with people that they need to stop it and need to strive for a temple marriage, but as far as judging them as too immature to marry, I find that funny. I would say they are too hormonally charged so they need to get married!

I have a horrifyingly awkward memory as a young teenager, sitting in my older sister's apt watching her and her fiance wildly making out. No, I did NOT want to be there, but they made me their chastity police because they just got an apt for them to rent for after marriage. My sister was living there and my future BIL would come visit and roll her around all over the floor in front of me while I sat listeing to the radio and wishing I were anywhere else. But every time I tried to leave, they made me stay so that they wouldn't slip up.

Also, I am laughing hard because the OP has asked on the "how to" thread how can she delete a thread she has posted.:lol: She is probably so annoyed with all of us.

Why is everything so funny to me lately?

[pam]

Why is everything so funny to me lately?

Maybe because you are a crazypotato?

[ozzy]

As far as I am aware, missionaries can't even baptize someone who has an apartment mate of the opposite gender even if they don't sleep in the same room let alone bed. I would assume then that a couple who sleeps in the same bed even without the added perks would not be allowed to participate in a temple marriage. I could be wrong though.

[pam]

I've always understood the same thing Ozzy.

[crazypotato]

As far as I am aware, missionaries can't even baptize someone who has an apartment mate of the opposite gender even if they don't sleep in the same room let alone bed. I would assume then that a couple who sleeps in the same bed even without the added perks would not be allowed to participate in a temple marriage. I could be wrong though.

Don't ask, don't tell!

[browneyedgurl]

I know, Wingnut, and I agree mostly with people that they need to stop it and need to strive for a temple marriage, but as far as judging them as too immature to marry, I find that funny. I would say they are too hormonally charged so they need to get married!

I have a horrifyingly awkward memory as a young teenager, sitting in my older sister's apt watching her and her fiance wildly making out. No, I did NOT want to be there, but they made me their chastity police because they just got an apt for them to rent for after marriage. My sister was living there and my future BIL would come visit and roll her around all over the floor in front of me while I sat listeing to the radio and wishing I were anywhere else. But every time I tried to leave, they made me stay so that they wouldn't slip up.

Also, I am laughing hard because the OP has asked on the "how to" thread how can she delete a thread she has posted.:lol: She is probably so annoyed with all of us.

Why is everything so funny to me lately?

i am not at all annoyed with anyone on here i appreciate everyones thoughts on this. i dont see why its funny to ask to have it deleted? is it really that big a deal?

also does anyone know of a talk or scripture that can completely sum up exactly weather it is right or wrong? does anyone know where something concerning this was taught by the prophets or in confernce? i find it strange that ive searched all over The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and cant find one thing to completely nail it down.

[browneyedgurl]

As far as I am aware, missionaries can't even baptize someone who has an apartment mate of the opposite gender even if they don't sleep in the same room let alone bed. I would assume then that a couple who sleeps in the same bed even without the added perks would not be allowed to participate in a temple marriage. I could be wrong though.

well thats a pretty good awnser thank you that makes sense

[crazypotato]

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) once said about crossing the line on dates, “Conscience tells the individual when he is entering forbidden worlds, and it continues … until silenced by the will or by sin’s repetition” (“President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality,” New Era, Nov. 1980, 41). In other words, we know when things are getting into a dangerous or wrong area, and we must not keep ignoring these promptings until we don’t feel them anymore.

Don't know if that helps? I think it is funny that you wanted to close the thread because I think everything is funny lately. Sorry!

[pam]

The appearance of evil

The best counsel I ever received about staying away from the edge came when, as a young married man, President Harold B. Lee called me to be a member of a bishopric. He said, “From now on, you must not only avoid evil, but also the appearance of evil.” He did not interpret that counsel. That was left to my conscience.

Each of us must take the responsibility for the moral decisions we make in life about how close we live to the edge. Nephi states: “And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon” (2 Ne. 2:26). Being acted upon means somebody else is pulling the strings.

LDS.org - New Era Article - On the Edge

Our loyalty to our eternal companion should not be merely physical, but mental and spiritual as well. Since there are no harmless flirtations and there is no place for jealousy after marriage, it is best to avoid the very appearance of evil by shunning any questionable contact with another to whom we are not married.

LDS.org - Liahona Article - Enriching Your Marriage

This could be taken even for those considering marriage.

[browneyedgurl]

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) once said about crossing the line on dates, “Conscience tells the individual when he is entering forbidden worlds, and it continues … until silenced by the will or by sin’s repetition” (“President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality,” New Era, Nov. 1980, 41). In other words, we know when things are getting into a dangerous or wrong area, and we must not keep ignoring these promptings until we don’t feel them anymore.

Don't know if that helps? I think it is funny that you wanted to close the thread because I think everything is funny lately. Sorry!

thanks that helps

[lost123]

First, I take it that it is not you.

Second, I take it that it is someone you care about.

Third, I take it that you want both of them to enter the temple worthily.

Am I correct?

First, I think you are correct to be concerned. Secondly, I think you must be a good friend to watch out for someone you care about. Third, I think the answer may be quite simple....

Go to the bishop of the person of whom you are concerned. Talk in private. Let him know that what has concerned you may be of no concern at all but wanted to leave it in his hands and then tell him. Then leave it at that. He will have the discretion to call them in to ask for clarification and deem their worthiness.

It is possible that what they have done hasn't crossed the line. That I don't know. I have been tempted to do the same thing thinking that there is nothing wrong with it as long as we don't proceed down a different path. That is foolish thinking and leading temptation on. Others are correct that it is difficult to maintain integrity in the laws of chastity when putting oneself in such a situation.... particularly when tiredness causes your guard to go down. Been there and regretted it. Reading "For the Strength of Youth" also applies to adults when it comes to the Law of Chastity. That is how the bishop clarified my questions on it as well. Kisses: pecks....no passionate kissing. Hugging: short embraces. When your passions take control...that is the line that's been crossed. Some things can be repented of on one's own. Other things need to be cleared through priesthood authority. Petting, habitual passionate kissing, or anything of the like should be brought up to Bishop. It may or may not require discipline but he can offer counsel and clarification.

It may be awkward for you to go to the Bishop. You may think your friendship is in jeopardy. But...a true friend will do it....not to tattle....but to help. On my mission Elder Holland advised all the missionaries counsel that went something like this...."If your companion is at a precipice and you do nothing...you are just as responsible for his fall....be the good companion....get him help." So basically he was telling us that we have a responsibility for each other. Tell the Bishop that you have a concern that may not mean anything but that you need clarification for peace of mind because you care about this person. If it is fragile to your relationship with this person you might request some discreet way of him asking. Just a thought.

Good luck. Have courage.

[Cassiopeia]

Go to the bishop of the person of whom you are concerned. Talk in private. Let him know that what has concerned you may be of no concern at all but wanted to leave it in his hands and then tell him....But...a true friend will do it....not to tattle....but to help.

Um, yeah NO. This is not her place to do. I once told a member of a Bishopric that I had concerns about a guy in our ward, and I was severely warned against saying anything of the sort. I'll never forget just how that felt to be told that not only was it not my place that I could be disciplined for doing something like that.

We aren't here to rat others out, no matter how nicely we put it.

[lost123]

Um, yeah NO. This is not her place to do. I once told a member of a Bishopric that I had concerns about a guy in our ward, and I was severely warned against saying anything of the sort. I'll never forget just how that felt to be told that not only was it not my place that I could be disciplined for doing something like that.

We aren't here to rat others out, no matter how nicely we put it.

Thank you Cassiopeia. Perhaps that is the case. I guess I am going by what Elder Holland said which may not apply here and may not apply to outside the field. Do we let people fall of the precipice without first warning them? Their choice is their choice but shouldn't we care enough about people to at least try to warn them of the edge they are about to fall off?

[browneyedgurl]

when they have their appointment with the bishop for their temple marriage interview they will find out or ask about it. theres no way id go to the bishop and tell him it is up to them. id be ticked if someone did that to me and it could push anyone away from the church not bring them closer. thats my opinion i am not looking to stop them and make them change their choices that has to be their choice.

[Cassiopeia]

Thank you Cassiopeia. Perhaps that is the case. I guess I am going by what Elder Holland said which may not apply here and may not apply to outside the field. Do we let people fall of the precipice without first warning them? Their choice is their choice but shouldn't we care enough about people to at least try to warn them of the edge they are about to fall off?

We do care. But we must also know what's our place and what isn't. We can certainly express our concern and our love for them but to go talk to their Bishop is just not our place.

[Cassiopeia]

My home teacher came by, he's been so sweet to fix my sprinklers and while he took a break to drink some raspberry lemonaide I'd made, I slipped in this very topic and asked him if I was mistaken and he said absolutely not.

The only time you would tell any leader of a transgression that involved another, was if you were a participant and they asked for who else was involved. Other than that it is inappropriate for us to tell the Bishop about another person's transgression. The only thing we can do is to encourage them to seek the counsel of their Bishop. He's also our Young Men's President and said that there is no transgression from sleeping in the same bed if they are not engaging in sexual acts but that they might want to consider how long they are able to stay chase by tempting themselves in such a manner.

[jayanna]

For a while I was a ward missionary...Okay, so in my ward and investigator is ready to be baptized, word of wis. check, tithing, check, testimony, check water, check

ooops can't, roommate who is a woman...no relationship, he actually couldn't stand her, had to wait months to move her out and get a male roommate. We were told that it was the appearance of sin that got him on that one. If it isn't okay for baptism would it be okay for temple? Maybe it depends on the bishop, but I'm pretty sure the mission pres. made that call, I'm not positive though.

Why risk it? Okay, so I got married as a new member and got sealed in the temple later, it was really really hard though. I would not recommend (Ha! pun) it.

If they are doing something really wrong, though, it will be covered in their interview. The Lord knows.

[lost123]

My home teacher came by, he's been so sweet to fix my sprinklers and while he took a break to drink some raspberry lemonaide I'd made, I slipped in this very topic and asked him if I was mistaken and he said absolutely not.

The only time you would tell any leader of a transgression that involved another, was if you were a participant and they asked for who else was involved. Other than that it is inappropriate for us to tell the Bishop about another person's transgression. The only thing we can do is to encourage them to seek the counsel of their Bishop. He's also our Young Men's President and said that there is no transgression from sleeping in the same bed if they are not engaging in sexual acts but that they might want to consider how long they are able to stay chase by tempting themselves in such a manner.

Thanks again. I stand to be corrected.

I might, however, go to the Bishop and let him know that you and your home-teacher have been drinking...raspberry lemonade. LOL.

[Cassiopeia]

Thanks again. I stand to be corrected.

I might, however, go to the Bishop and let him know that you and your home-teacher have been drinking...raspberry lemonade. LOL.

oh he'd know right away that you are soo jealous. :) I even made it from scratch so that is definitely a sinful situation.

[Wingnut]

Maybe it depends on the bishop, but I'm pretty sure the mission pres. made that call, I'm not positive though.

Convert baptisms fall under the mission president's stewardship, not the bishop's. If the bishop has a problem or a concern, the mission president might put a hold on things out of respect for the bishop, though. Interestingly, the mission president has stewardship over the baptism, but the bishop has it over the confirmation. Church membership is not complete without the confirmation, so if the bishop really had a problem with it but the man was baptized anyway, the bishop could delay the confirmation until he saw fit.

[Suzie]

The only time you would tell any leader of a transgression that involved another, was if you were a participant and they asked for who else was involved. Other than that it is inappropriate for us to tell the Bishop about another person's transgression.

I don't think is so black and white. I believe if a member is acting inappropriately with a minor and I am AWARE of it, definetely will talk to the Bishop about it, I will not wait for the predator to do it. Also depending on the whole story the police would be involved as well.

[Tamiele]

This reminds me of an incident we experienced about 11 years ago. My boyfriend at the time was planning to rent a room temporarily with his uncle and wife. They were members of the church. I wasn't a member at that point. New very little about it. Anyhow, my boyfriend and I were having a baby. We were engaged to be married. He was paying uncle $500 for rent. We were floored the first time I was going to come for a visit, they wouldn't allow me to stay there because we weren't married. I find out years later that these two actually lived in the same house before their own temple marriage. Still bugs me!!!! Well, we are all now married and have been sealed in the Temple but I always thought that that was not right on their part. Maybe others would sympathize with them but it was definitely awkward.