when someone leaves the church

[wonderwoman1115]

what do i do when this guy im with decides that he doesnt think the church is true cause of the fact that there are no facts.. and he th9inks that him feeling the spirit is just his emotions i do not know what to do and i need help from you guys i love the church with all my heart it is the best thing in my life and im so greatful to be aprat of something that is bigger than anything we could imagine.. i have prayed and prayed i read my scriptures as much as i can about 3 times a day 5 to 6 chapters and i dont feel like i have gotten an answer i have said yes and no to myself in weather or not to leave him... he always told me that what ever he finds to be true he will stick with it but hes just a mess right now and i never know what to say when he talks about it.. please any advice is very much wanted.. thank you

[FairChild]

I twice married non-members. The first ex was ok about me going to church until we got near his family. Then it got to the point where I was physically abused to force me to go to church with him and he prevented me from going to church where I belonged.

I think you need to back off and give him the space he seems to want right now. Remember, you can share your testamony, but you can't give another person their testamony.

Go do some things just for yourself. Keep busy. Take really good care of yourself. God will provide the most amazing companion for you when the time is right. Use the time you have now to prepare yourself for then.

This whole situation may hurt, but you will survive and be ok. You are amazing. Don't give up what is valuable to you for another person.

[Wingnut]

What do you mean by "this guy I'm with"? Are you just dating? Are you married? It drastically affects the answer. If you're just dating, then move on, hard as it may be. If you're married, that's a different story.

[john doe]

what do i do when this guy im with decides that he doesnt think the church is true cause of the fact that there are no facts..

What facts does he think would convince him of truth? Does he mean he needs physical evidence of the truthfulness of the gospel? What proof would he need to convince himself? Does he think there is a church out there that can provide him with facts? Would he accept video evidence of a talking donkey? How about if someone found the Ark of the Covenant, would that convince him of anything? How about an actual burning bush that was never consumed, would that be enough? At what point will he take a leap of faith, or does he need absolute scientific proof and confirmation of God's existence to believe anything?

[tubaloth]

Does he know Joseph Smith is a prophet? (Do you?)

Does he know the Book of Mormon is true? (Do you?)

Does he know the church has been restroed (preisthood and prophet)? (Do you)

How well it effect you, if he doesn't belong to the church? Well be in a Negative way? Is it "worth" it?

[wonderwoman1115]

I twice married non-members. The first ex was ok about me going to church until we got near his family. Then it got to the point where I was physically abused to force me to go to church with him and he prevented me from going to church where I belonged.

I think you need to back off and give him the space he seems to want right now. Remember, you can share your testamony, but you can't give another person their testamony.

Go do some things just for yourself. Keep busy. Take really good care of yourself. God will provide the most amazing companion for you when the time is right. Use the time you have now to prepare yourself for then.

This whole situation may hurt, but you will survive and be ok. You are amazing. Don't give up what is valuable to you for another person.

i did back off we actually broke up and he went away for the summer and hardly talked.. he was the only one always trying to talk to me.. and he came back home just for me and now wants me back we went on a couple dates and now im sceptical on what i should do hes an amazing guy.. and it always seems like i fall for the guys that i have to fix.. but i dont know if i can fix this one..

and thank you i have been working on my self reading the scripture everyday and praying every second i can to have my heavenly father as more of a friend to me.. right now my life is the church sure i have other things like work and school but im in love with the gosple..

[john doe]

i did back off we actually broke up and he went away for the summer and hardly talked.. he was the only one always trying to talk to me.. and he came back home just for me and now wants me back we went on a couple dates and now im sceptical on what i should do hes an amazing guy.. and it always seems like i fall for the guys that i have to fix.. but i dont know if i can fix this one..

and thank you i have been working on my self reading the scripture everyday and praying every second i can to have my heavenly father as more of a friend to me.. right now my life is the church sure i have other things like work and school but im in love with the gosple..

Warning! Warning! Warning! This should be your wake up call. Walk away from people who need to be 'fixed'. It rarely, if ever, works. If you want to remain strong in the church, and he doesn't, chances are greater that you will compromise before he will. And he will always dislike the fact that you thought you could change him when he is happy being just the way he is.

[pam]

i did back off we actually broke up and he went away for the summer and hardly talked.. he was the only one always trying to talk to me.. and he came back home just for me and now wants me back we went on a couple dates and now im sceptical on what i should do hes an amazing guy.. and it always seems like i fall for the guys that i have to fix.. but i dont know if i can fix this one..

Why do you feel you have to fix them. Perhaps they are the wrong people then. If these are the ones you seem to be drawn to, perhaps there is something within yourself that needs to be fixed.

[wonderwoman1115]

thanks to all those who helped i just today broke it off for good.. i deserve better.. and he cant offer me everything that i deserve and ill move on but thank you agian everyone..

[Hemidakota]

what do i do when this guy im with decides that he doesnt think the church is true cause of the fact that there are no facts.. and he th9inks that him feeling the spirit is just his emotions i do not know what to do and i need help from you guys i love the church with all my heart it is the best thing in my life and im so greatful to be aprat of something that is bigger than anything we could imagine.. i have prayed and prayed i read my scriptures as much as i can about 3 times a day 5 to 6 chapters and i dont feel like i have gotten an answer i have said yes and no to myself in weather or not to leave him... he always told me that what ever he finds to be true he will stick with it but hes just a mess right now and i never know what to say when he talks about it.. please any advice is very much wanted.. thank you

Adding to other posts....as a friend, you can only love him but it requires patience, being an exemplar before him, and allot of fasting with sincere prayers. For me, if GOD was patience with me over the meaningless things I did, I can be patience for my enemies and friends in finding a greater truth.

Edited August 20, 2010 by Hemidakota

[Hemidakota]

thanks to all those who helped i just today broke it off for good.. i deserve better.. and he cant offer me everything that i deserve and ill move on but thank you agian everyone..

True, you can move on but don't stop in being a friend.

[jayanna]

Wonderwoman, I bet you are really soft-hearted and those that need to 'be fixed' are drawn to you b/c they feel you won't judge them and will love them more than other people do. The fact that you looked past his faults on the issue of his faith and saw the great guy underneath speaks volumes of your loving character. You made the right decision. There are a lot of other great guys out there that can share your love of the gospel and can be a righteous example of the priesthood.

Hopefully, in time, he can see the example of the gospel working in your life and know that it must be true if it works.

Wait for the guy that will be a great husband for you and a great father for your children. Wait for the person that you don't have to feel sorry for.

[Moksha]

Warning! Warning! Warning! This should be your wake up call. Walk away from people who need to be 'fixed'. It rarely, if ever, works.

Sometimes it is only a leaky valve, other times when it is a blown head gasket forget about using duct tape. Best to find a working model.

[wonderwoman1115]

Adding to other posts....as a friend, you can only love him but it requires patience, being an exemplar before him, and allot of fasting with sincere prayers. For me, if GOD was patience with me over the meaningless things I did, I can be patience for my enemies and friends in finding a greater truth.

thanks but this has been going on for 6 months now and i prayed everyday every chance i could for him went to the temple and fasted.. i most deffinatly will not stop being his friend.. but nothing more unless things change..

[wonderwoman1115]

Wonderwoman, I bet you are really soft-hearted and those that need to 'be fixed' are drawn to you b/c they feel you won't judge them and will love them more than other people do. The fact that you looked past his faults on the issue of his faith and saw the great guy underneath speaks volumes of your loving character. You made the right decision. There are a lot of other great guys out there that can share your love of the gospel and can be a righteous example of the priesthood.

Hopefully, in time, he can see the example of the gospel working in your life and know that it must be true if it works.

Wait for the guy that will be a great husband for you and a great father for your children. Wait for the person that you don't have to feel sorry for.

thank you sooo much for this.. you have helpped me tromendously.. i know all i have to do is wait.. he has all of his family in high callings in the church so i wouldnt doubt hell come back.. its just exguasting waiting.. i wont stop being his friend i know that as a fact..thank you again i cant express my graditude enough for what you have said...

[Faded]

and it always seems like i fall for the guys that i have to fix.. but i dont know if i can fix this one..

Women marry men expecting them to change and they never do. Men marry women expecting them to stay the same, but they don't.

That's how it generally goes. Way back when I was doing the whole dating thing, I seemed to attract girls with a lot of problems and emotional baggage. They seemed to be attracted to me, and I suppose that my desire to help attracted me to them. But you can't "fix" people. They have to fix themselves -- and ideally they use the magic fast forward button, The Atonement of Jesus Christ and just God in general.

The best thing that ever happened in my dating "career" was hooking up with a girl who was not all messed up, was not carrying around a lot of emotional baggage and was not in need of "fixing." I did the smart thing and married her.

The guy in question is welcome to post his concerns here -- either for himself or through you -- and we'll see what helpful advice we can offer.

[Landy77]

I am a very logical thinker. During my investigation of five years I concluded that if anything in the book of Mormon was true there would be some shred of evidence in history like there is with the bible. So I went to BYU web site and listened to lectures from Hugh Nibley and other professors from F.A.R.M.S. After a LOT of listening to lectures and reading about archeology digs from around the world I came across the Neil Maxwell school of religious study main web page one day. I have been here many times before and read material. At the bottom of the page are different quotes from Neil Maxwell, aparently there are a lot of quotes by this guy, the quote I read this perticular day said "The book of Mormon will remain in the realm of faith, but we have scholars today to protect it". I wondered why a man that spent half of his life proving something existed say the book of Mormon would be based on faith. After several days of thinking about this I came to the conclusion that nothing that is pulled out of the ground will change my mind, nothing that gets translated will change my mind, I either believe it or I don't.

The prophet himself can come to him with a wood sign that was dug out of the ground in southern Mexico that says "Lehi was here" and he will still not believe. Facts can reinforce faith but will never replace faith. This is something that everyone has to realize regardless of being an investigator, convert or raised LDS. This is a path each person has to take on thier own.

[Roseslipper]

we can only fix ourselfves, we can not fix another, they have to want to fix themselves

[wonderwoman1115]

I am a very logical thinker. During my investigation of five years I concluded that if anything in the book of Mormon was true there would be some shred of evidence in history like there is with the bible. So I went to BYU web site and listened to lectures from Hugh Nibley and other professors from F.A.R.M.S. After a LOT of listening to lectures and reading about archeology digs from around the world I came across the Neil Maxwell school of religious study main web page one day. I have been here many times before and read material. At the bottom of the page are different quotes from Neil Maxwell, aparently there are a lot of quotes by this guy, the quote I read this perticular day said "The book of Mormon will remain in the realm of faith, but we have scholars today to protect it". I wondered why a man that spent half of his life proving something existed say the book of Mormon would be based on faith. After several days of thinking about this I came to the conclusion that nothing that is pulled out of the ground will change my mind, nothing that gets translated will change my mind, I either believe it or I don't.

The prophet himself can come to him with a wood sign that was dug out of the ground in southern Mexico that says "Lehi was here" and he will still not believe. Facts can reinforce faith but will never replace faith. This is something that everyone has to realize regardless of being an investigator, convert or raised LDS. This is a path each person has to take on thier own.

thank you so much for that.. i love that quote i told him about his faith and he said if its true i dont need faithh but thats the thing thats what holds it together till your proven it while you pray.. i know he will come back to the church its just a matter of time he was just talking about god to me the other day.. thank you for sharing your experience its nice to know that other strive to look for the truth to.. thank you so much.

[Faded]

I think it would be useful for the OP to read through the Lectures on Faith. No better resource that I know of explaining why God Our Heavenly Father wants to teach us to exercise faith. It's not Heavenly Father being cruel nor being incomprehensibly mysterious. He is quite simply teaching us to be like him.

Exercising faith is exercising the same "muscle" that God used to create this world and countless other worlds. It is by faith that God created everything. It is only by learning to use our faith in the same manner that we can ever hope to become as God is.

It sounds to me like this guy needs to realize that there's a very good reason that God wants us to have faith.

[wonderwoman1115]

Exercising faith is exercising the same "muscle" that God used to create this world and countless other worlds. It is by faith that God created everything. It is only by learning to use our faith in the same manner that we can ever hope to become as God is.

.

wow thanks that was sweet.. wow thank you that is an excilent point.. i never really understood faith until right now it just alll clicked.. i mean i always had it i just never knew why.. thank you so much!

[Faded]

wow thanks that was sweet.. wow thank you that is an excilent point.. i never really understood faith until right now it just alll clicked.. i mean i always had it i just never knew why.. thank you so much!

You're welcome I suppose. You can thank Joseph Smith and Parley Pratt for recording it in the Lectures on Faith.

Please do pick up a copy of Lectures on Faith if you don't already have it. It's actually a fairly short read and shouldn't cost much. I've done a fairly mediocre job of summarizing it -- and you might as well have it from text prepared by Joseph Smith for the School of the Prophets than taking my word for it.

Also, it might be more useful to this fellow you're so eager to help if he sees the original. Carries more weight that way than just coming from some guy on a forum board.

Good luck and God bless,

Faded.