Family history family fights!! HELP!!

[lizzy12]

So, my great grandmas works needed to be done for like, 15 years.

SO, i'm into family history latley-the bug caught me.

And i have her work reserved.

My mom says "Don't you dare do Grandma Maries work! My mother (my grandma) is trying to be temple worthy by the end of the year, All all my sisters want to be there when the works done."

I say it doesn't matter who does it as long as its done.

The church has said that a child is NOT to wait to be baptized by the father if the fathers not worthy.

I've done the familys work- a ton of it, and i'm ready to go to the temple.

Do I save the card, or go ahead with it.

Frankly, i'm not close with this side of the family, and in all honesty could care less.

The idea of waiting for someone to be temple worthy sickens me.

Your views on that?

[Gwen]

The church has said that a child is NOT to wait to be baptized by the father if the fathers not worthy.

this if accurate is about a living ordinance. that is different from temple work for the dead.

give the card to your mom. at the bare minimum you are to honor your parents and your mother has made her wishes clear. you don't know the relationship between these two ppl. it may be very close and the great grandmother is more than willing to wait a few more months (what's a few months when you have eternity) to have that experience with her daughter.

i suggest you try to be part of this. ask if you can go when they all go. they can go to the baptistery with you and watch you be baptized for her and then they can take the card and go do the endowment etc. could be a very spiritual and bonding experience for the women of your family. ask questions, talk to your grandmother learn all you can about your great grandmother before you go. also talking about it may help keep your grandmother motivated toward her goal. get to know the ppl you are finding and not just run a mill of names through. will mean a lot to all of you one day.

[lizzy12]

They don't live near me. Nor, have I seen them for 5 years.

My grandmother, Ida, is a very ..unique person and doesn't keep with her commitments...She's been married 9 times and calls and says she coming for a visit. She's never actually come.

[Gwen]

you can write letters. ask for copies of pictures. in the end honor your mother, don't have the work done without her permission.

[lizzy12]

Thanks for the advice Gwen. The thing is, shes going to be waiting a long time. Perhaps until my grandma dies.

And my father fine with it, kinda encourging actually.

But, i'll talk it over with my mother.

[NeuroTypical]

My mom says "Don't you dare do Grandma Maries work! My mother (my grandma) is trying to be temple worthy by the end of the year, All all my sisters want to be there when the works done."

Comprimise. Tell everyone you'll take care of whatever work is left on Jan 1, 2011.

If it's everything, then whatever - "sisters wanting" is nice, but "sisters wanting" isn't a good enough reason to deny someone temple work that's sitting there ready to do.

If they've done everything, well, no they haven't. There's always more for you to do.

LM

[Wingnut]

I really want to do my great-grandmother's work. I was eight years old when she passed away (and I'm almost 30 now). My mom has been holding on for many years, partly out of laziness, and partly other reasons. She wants to have me and my sister both there to do the work -- my sister do the baptism, me the washings and anointings, and her the endowment. On one hand, I feel as you do: just get the work done already! On the other hand, it's important to preserve family ties. Isn't that what temple work is all about anyway? That's what concerns me about this statement:

Frankly, i'm not close with this side of the family, and in all honesty could care less.

The idea of waiting for someone to be temple worthy sickens me.

The purpose of temple work is to provide saving ordinances for those who never had the opportunity on earth to receive them, but also to bind families together for eternity. What good will that do if you are causing contention and strife in the family while you're still on earth?

Talk to your mom. Tell her that it's important to you to do this work. Don't tell her that it's stupid or sickening to wait. Tell her what you feel, not what you think. The end of the year is only a few months away. Ask her if maybe the two of you (and grandma) can work out a timeline. It's really important to you to get the work done, and it would be a special experience and a great honor to do the work yourself, but tell them you're willing to wait until (insert end date here) for grandma to prepare herself to receive these ordinances on her mother's behalf. See if your mom and grandma would be amenable to a compromise on a schedule. But don't dismiss these feelings just because you aren't close with that side of the family.

[lizzy12]

I've talked about doing the baptism and confirmation and leaving the rest to them. I'm not sure how much work is involved after that.

[mnn727]

Lizzy, perhaps this is a goal your Grandmother needs to motivate her to become Temple Worthy and without this goal she may not make it. I agree with Loudmouth Mormon, give them a date (although I think Jan 1, 2011 is too soon if your Grandmother is not almost ready to get a TR - many Bishops want you living Temple Worthy for a full year) and if its not been done by them by the date you choose, then do it yourself.

Personally, were it me, if she is not already on her way towards a T.R. I would give her 13 month's - 1 month to understand she needs to get ready and 12 months to live worthy and get her T.R.

Will she make it? maybe, maybe not, but at least you have given her the chance, and made it clear in advance that you will not let it go on forever. The ball will be in her court then.

Edited August 16, 2010 by mnn727

[Gwen]

i'm sorry i have to disagree with telling a teenager to give the parents a date of when they will go against the parents wishes (if this were an adult child situation it might be different). right or wrong having names sent to the temple is supposed to be decided by the nearest living relative. that would be the grandmother. the great grandmother may have to wait till the grandmother has passed.

i do think it's appropriate for you to pray about it, find the right words to express your feelings about getting the work done. then share that with your mom ask her to pray about what the right thing to do is and then let it go. there is a lot of other work you can do without doing hers. it may be that the desire has hit you because the great grandmother wants her work done now. pray to know that answer. if you feel that is the case express that to your parents, ask them to also pray about it. then you continue to pray for your parents asking that they also receive the answer you did that your great grandmother can be taken care of.

i think what you have before you is greater than family history work. you have an opportunity to learn to pray about issues and how to receive answers, how to negotiate within a family, how to honor your parents when you don't agree, how to communicate your heart, how to respect agency. build the relationships you have before you.

[NeuroTypical]

i'm sorry i have to disagree with telling a teenager to give the parents a date of when they will go against the parents wishes (if this were an adult child situation it might be different).

Good point. My advice was for an adult - it's not really appropriate for someone dependent on parents who would like her to wait.

[Wingnut]

I agree with Gwen that it's inappropriate to just step up and give an ultimatum, but I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility for her to suggest something like it in a calm conversation with her mother.

[mnn727]

I gotta agree - I was not aware this was not an adult.

My new advice based on that - If the work has not been done by the time you have your own endowment then I say - go for it, until then just wait.

You might want to ask them if it would be ok for you to do the baptisms and ask them to attend to see it being done. Unless your Grandma is breaking her baptismal covenants she should be able to get a limited T.R. to attend the bapistry. It might even give her an incentive seeing those done and being inside the Temple

Edited August 16, 2010 by mnn727

[lizzy12]

thanks all

[Mute]

I would wait for your mother.

[rameumptom]

I would tell them that you will wait for grandma to get ready. If she does, then great. If by next summer or so she still isn't ready, then you can suggest going with the family members who are ready. This gives consideration for the living, without leaving the dead waiting forever.

Edited August 16, 2010 by rameumptom

[spamlds]

Why not pray about it and do what the Spirit directs?

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God...." (James 1:5)

It doesn't say ask your friends or Google! It says ask of God. For something that is so important to a family, don't you think that the Lord would speak to you about it? Give it a try.

[JThimm88]

I don't know if this has been shown to you yet, Lizzy, but there is a manual on family history that my husband and I used when teaching a class last semester in our ward that might help you out (maybe not with this situation necessarily, but definitely with your endeavors in genealogy).

This is the Member's Guide to Temple and Family History Work in PDF format if you want to take a look at it.

One chapter that might be helpful to look at when preparing to take names to the temple is Chapter 7, particularly on pages 30 and 31 of the manual where it mentions determining which names to submit as well as determining when ordinances do/don't need to be done in certain situations.

In regards to your original post though, especially because I would imagine it'd be important to your family members to be there when your grandmother's name is taken to the temple, my opinion is that it would be worth considering waiting until the end of the year so that your grandmother can take part in that experience. Encourage her to grow spiritually in that journey and pray that she will be able to attend the temple to do the work for her own mother like she wants to before the end of the year is up.

In the meantime, you could continue to focus on going to the temple to do work for others who need it. Regardless of if they're family or not, the work needs to be done and those you do it for will appreciate it so much!

Edited August 24, 2010 by JThimm88

[Seminarysnoozer]

So, my great grandmas works needed to be done for like, 15 years.

SO, i'm into family history latley-the bug caught me.

And i have her work reserved.

My mom says "Don't you dare do Grandma Maries work! My mother (my grandma) is trying to be temple worthy by the end of the year, All all my sisters want to be there when the works done."

I say it doesn't matter who does it as long as its done.

The church has said that a child is NOT to wait to be baptized by the father if the fathers not worthy.

I've done the familys work- a ton of it, and i'm ready to go to the temple.

Do I save the card, or go ahead with it.

Frankly, i'm not close with this side of the family, and in all honesty could care less.

The idea of waiting for someone to be temple worthy sickens me.

Your views on that?

I think it would be easy to wait a year. I think this sounds like a great motivating challenge to your family. I would probably respond with something like. "that is a great idea, we will all do this together at the end of the year." ... it's a two for one. I might also through in there, 'if you don't prepare by the end of the year I am planning on going ahead with it', just so they know you are serious about it.