I need advice for my son

[pooter1]

I asked my son if he was going to serve a mission. He said very sadly"I HAVE to my Pahtriarticle Blessing says so"(I know thats mispelled) If he deosn't feel it and WANT to and is only going because he HAS to,isn't that wrong?

[FunkyTown]

No. I think both he and you perhaps misunderstand the Patriarchal Blessing.

Everything said in a Patriarchal Blessing is predicated on obedience. Everything.

This is why no Patriarchal Blessing begins with 'You will move out, become addicted to heroin and become a prostitute': A patriarchal blessing isn't what will be. It's what can be if you're obedient.

[Gwen]

i hope you didn't end the conversation there. are you open to his not going? is he still debating or has he already decided? if deciding help teach him how to make decisions like this. have him list the reasons he wants to and does not. go though his blessing, are there things in there he looks forward to in life? are they things that would come after a mission? as ft said, those are things of what can be. would a mission help him toward the things in his blessing he wants? is it a testimony issue? there are things he can do to help work that out too.

as a parent this is a great opportunity to be proactive. let him know it's his decision and teach him a skill he will need for every major decision in life, what major in school, what company to work for, to be self employed, etc.

in the end if he chooses to go out of trying to be faithful to his father in heaven that's not a bad thing. i would encourage him that if he goes for that reason he go with intentions to give it his all. go with the mindset of "ok lord, i don't really feel this but you asked me to so i'm giving it my all so you can teach me what it is you want me to learn out here." if he goes with resentment he will probably make life worse for himself and those he serves with.

by the way, how old is your son? lol

[pooter1]

Im totally letting this be HIS decision.I know so many people who have TOLD their sons they WOULD serve a mission.I told him it his decision and he has to go for the right reasons and I will accept whatever he chooses.

[goodfeeling_]

I dont think its wrong for him to serve a mission because he feels like he has to. We often do things because we have to, whether we feel like it or not. Especially in the church, are we not regularly faced with "have to" situations rather than "want to" situations?

[MormonMama]

Has anyone met a returned missionary who regretted going (not counting those who left their missions early because of unworthiness or lack of faith)? I haven't yet.

[NeuroTypical]

I have met a ton of RM's who regretted going. Some of them have stories about 'finally deciding they wouldn't pretend anymore', leaving the church, sometimes ruining marriages in the process.

Yeah, there are a lot of them out there. Pushing someone to serve the Lord, when they don't know if they want to, or don't even know if they believe in the Lord, is a very dangerous game.

LM

[MormonMama]

Really? I guess I figured there were some, but that's the first I've heard of anyone who actually knew any. I constantly hear, "It was the best thing I ever did," and never "I wish I'd never gone."

I've known people who left the church years later, but at the time they came back from their missions they were still active and faithful. It was later events that caused them to leave.

[Laureltree]

I asked my son if he was going to serve a mission. He said very sadly"I HAVE to my Pahtriarticle Blessing says so"(I know thats mispelled) If he deosn't feel it and WANT to and is only going because he HAS to,isn't that wrong?

Angel...You need to have faith in the lord, he's working on your son.. I can say this because a month ago I was walking in your shoe's....

My son had been through allot with my ex and our divorce, it took a tole spiritually on him. OUr last conversation was..Mom " I'm going to graduate, go in the military, then college and someday marriage." I started sending him to Seminary, We started doing prayer morning and night, plus scripture study, and said nothing to his comment but oh....ok..

A month later he gave his testimony on how his seminary teacher made a bet with him, part of that bet included reading a scripture and praying over it. My son gave his testimony that he gained from that experience on Sunday. Not only does he have a testimony now, but is very excited to serve a mission. When we live by example, and leave it into the lords hands, miracles happen. Sunday after church our conversation went like this . Mom" can you believe I graduate in two years, then a mission, then college and marriage, its going by so fast". If you noticed, he didnt mention military and he mentioned he does want to serve a mission and get married. I truly beileve teens need firesides, they need seminary, they need our example of family prayer & scriptures, and they need there church meetings to help them become who they truly are. They might say they hate it, its boring, etc.. But every heart changes when touched by the spirit

your in my thoughts and prayers

[Faded]

I asked my son if he was going to serve a mission. He said very sadly"I HAVE to my Pahtriarticle Blessing says so"(I know thats mispelled) If he deosn't feel it and WANT to and is only going because he HAS to,isn't that wrong?

It could end up being one of the many stories that I thought were so very weird: The missionaries who found a testimony for the first time in their life while they were on their mission and they just catch on fire with the Gospel. So on the one hand, it might work out if he does go because he feels he has to.

The flip-side of that is that some of the worst missionaries are the ones who go just because they feel they have to. There are some of those that I remember that it could honestly be said: The work would have been better off without them. One of them would stay in the apartment all day and refuse to leave or go and do any work. No matter how bad his companion wanted to go share the gospel, they just couldn't. The guy would go to dinner appointments -- that was okay by him. Just nothing else.

That elder was the rare exception to the rule though. Most who go out of feelings of obligation do very well and catch the spirit of it eventually.

I think we need a bit more information about your son though:

Does he have a testimony?

Has he read (and understood) the Bible and Book of Mormon all the way through?

Has he prayed about the BOM and gotten an answer?

Does he have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

Does he want to share the Gospel?

The best approach he can take is to get whichever of the above he doesn't have yet. If he already has all of the above, then it's time to rekindle them. The decision on whether to go on a mission will come pretty naturally as a result. Going on a mission because God commanded him to is noble. Going because he has a burning desire to share the gospel is vastly better.

[skippy740]

Has he read (and understood) the Bible and Book of Mormon all the way through?

Has he prayed about the BOM and gotten an answer?

That first question is a little heavy there. I don't think I've EVER read the Old Testament all the way through. Understand it all? Yeah, right. And I only went to 2 1/2 years of seminary.

Getting a testimony about The Book of Mormon is like eating a pie. You don't have to eat the WHOLE pie to find out if it's good. Just a bite or a slice will do it - and that's enough to encourage reading/eating the rest of it.

I left for my mission at 21. Let things happen on the Lord's time. Help him get involved in the ward. By the time I left for my mission, I was 2nd counselor in the Elder's Quorum Presidency!

Does he have a calling to help him exercise his faith and good works on a continuous basis?

[Faded]

Okay, fair to say he hasn't read the Bible. I think that the Four Gospels would be a good starting point. Fair enough that he may not have read the Book of Mormon all the way through. My question is, Is he actively doing something to gain and grow a testimony, love for the Savior and love for the message of the Restored Gospel? If he's not doing anything, then it's just a matter of starting.

I did read the Old and New Testament before my mission. The hardest part to understand was every prophet after Daniel. Ezekiel was also challenging. I know, I know, I'm weird.

[pooter1]

He hasn;'t read The BOM,Ive never heard his testimony.Right now he doesn't want to go and has no desire to go,but he is an obedient young man.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Really? I guess I figured there were some, but that's the first I've heard of anyone who actually knew any. I constantly hear, "It was the best thing I ever did," and never "I wish I'd never gone."

I've known people who left the church years later, but at the time they came back from their missions they were still active and faithful. It was later events that caused them to leave.

I think the reason you never hear people express mission regrets is because you can't say things like that at Church and come out "alive" to so speak. Church is a place for sharing faith-promoting experiences, etcetera, and people who make comments that are against the culture and doctrine find themselves looked at very strangely.

All you have to do is peruse some of the other LDS sites out there to learn what some people's true feelings are (active Mormons, not anti's) to recognize there are a lot of people who only accept part of what the Church teaches, or only revel in some of the experiences the Church provides. On Internet sites, they can say it, but at Church, it's a no-no.

Upon reflection recently, I believe it's good that we have that faith-promoting culture, by the way, now that there are alternative ways to interact with others and discuss our religion via the Internet - faithful and doubtful parts included. But the "speak only of faith" culture at Church is what I believe prevents you from hearing from missionaries who regretted going, or didn't find it to be a positive experience.

I've not heard a lot of regrets either, but I HAVE heard a lot of missionaries speak poorly of their mission presidents. I was fortunate to have a kind, effective and inspiring Mission president, however. I don't regret going one little bit.

Edited September 8, 2010 by mormonmusic

[Faded]

He hasn;'t read The BOM,Ive never heard his testimony.Right now he doesn't want to go and has no desire to go,but he is an obedient young man.

The starting point would be for him to do the sorts of things that will allow him to gain a testimony of the Gospel. It's not unusual for a person to grow up in the Church and never gain a testimony until after they get to college or on their mission.

My advice to the kid would be to jump in and immerse himself in scripture study and prayer. If he is feeling conflicted -- not wanting go vs feeling obligated -- then getting the fire of a testimony going can change the equation drastically.

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

It would be ideal for him to find himself and the Gospel first, then should he choose to serve willingly, that would be great. Nothing worse than serving without a testimony of the Gospel. But I have seen Missionaries find the Gospel while out serving a Mission, so who knows. I would say if he doesn't want to go tell him to read the BOM, and pray for a testimony.

[jayanna]

Well, he must have some testimony if he believes so much about his P. blessing!

A testimony in that entails testimony of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, the restoration of the church, the priesthood, the pre-existence, resurrection, and anything that P. blessing has written in it ...he has a testimony, I'm sure of it.

Let him go, the Lord knows him, too.