A Cure for Porn

[TheActualLiz]

My brothers and sisters,

I feel compelled to share this testamony with you seeing that many are afflicted with temptation from the pornagraphicc industry. It is by the grace of Heavenly Father that I am alive and able to share this with you all today. The scriptures tell us that it is only when our hearts are divided that temptation can exist, but when our hearts are unified temptation has no power.

The divide that causes such suffering here is innosense among the saintts and lies from the industry. If any among you knew the suffering of the girls and boys working in the industry, you would only see them with eyes of compassion and not eyes of lust.

During my rebellion I worked in the lighter side of the industry. I was a stripper in many clubs and saw and experienced many horriblr things. I will not tell you all of them here. I will tell you about the sobbing girls ordered back on the floor to make the club money. I will tell you that some clubs offered girls commission for every drink the men bought them. I will tell you that other clubs threatened to fire girls who ever refused a drink. I will also tell you that drug use (not just pot) was verry common as girls searched for anything to kill the pain. These were the lucky ones...

A friend of mine decided to take her "career" to the next level of legal video under contract which she voluntarilly signed with a supposedly reputable company. I went with her to the audition to make sure she would be safe and not just dissapear. It was horrible.

When she came back I had a chance to see her at her appartment. She was nearly catatonic from the trauma of what happened on and off camera. She could barely move or speak. I will not tell you the few things she did tell me in her broken sentance fragments... but I will say that I was never able to watch porn again.

After seeing just a fraction of the suffering caused by even the softest levels of the industry I can tell you that I only feel pain and compassion for those who work in the industry. Nothing about it is sexy, glamerous, or erotic. In reality it is nothing more than immages of abused little girls being re-traumatized in their adult bodies.

Even though this was years ago, I still suffer from nightmares about the clubs. I still want to cry over my friend who went further... and many others I will not speak of today.

I want to remind you that these are the lucky ones and warn you about those things found on the internet. There are many who are not acting of their own free will. There are many who are killed in the process. The few who survive are disabled for life.

I say none of this to be shocking or vulgar. I am telling you about this as a warning. Please do not support this industry and the suffering it creates. Please remember that whatever you do to the least of your brothers and sisters you do to our Lord Jesus Christ.

I bear my testamony before you that what I say is true, that these words run through my mind and will not be stopped until I share them whith anybody who is suffering from pornography addiction. I pray for forgiveness for all involved because you do not know what you do when you support this industry. I beg gor forgiveness for myself and all others who have worked in this industry of their own free will. I pray that those who are being held captive right now will be set free and will be healed.

I say these things to you in the name of Jesus Christ who has saved me.

Amen

[Arminius]

My brothers and sisters,

I feel compelled to share this testamony with you seeing that many are afflicted with temptation from the pornagraphicc industry. It is by the grace of Heavenly Father that I am alive and able to share this with you all today. The scriptures tell us that it is only when our hearts are divided that temptation can exist, but when our hearts are unified temptation has no power.

The divide that causes such suffering here is innosense among the saintts and lies from the industry. If any among you knew the suffering of the girls and boys working in the industry, you would only see them with eyes of compassion and not eyes of lust.

During my rebellion I worked in the lighter side of the industry. I was a stripper in many clubs and saw and experienced many horriblr things. I will not tell you all of them here. I will tell you about the sobbing girls ordered back on the floor to make the club money. I will tell you that some clubs offered girls commission for every drink the men bought them. I will tell you that other clubs threatened to fire girls who ever refused a drink. I will also tell you that drug use (not just pot) was verry common as girls searched for anything to kill the pain. These were the lucky ones...

A friend of mine decided to take her "career" to the next level of legal video under contract which she voluntarilly signed with a supposedly reputable company. I went with her to the audition to make sure she would be safe and not just dissapear. It was horrible.

When she came back I had a chance to see her at her appartment. She was nearly catatonic from the trauma of what happened on and off camera. She could barely move or speak. I will not tell you the few things she did tell me in her broken sentance fragments... but I will say that I was never able to watch porn again.

After seeing just a fraction of the suffering caused by even the softest levels of the industry I can tell you that I only feel pain and compassion for those who work in the industry. Nothing about it is sexy, glamerous, or erotic. In reality it is nothing more than immages of abused little girls being re-traumatized in their adult bodies.

Even though this was years ago, I still suffer from nightmares about the clubs. I still want to cry over my friend who went further... and many others I will not speak of today.

I want to remind you that these are the lucky ones and warn you about those things found on the internet. There are many who are not acting of their own free will. There are many who are killed in the process. The few who survive are disabled for life.

I say none of this to be shocking or vulgar. I am telling you about this as a warning. Please do not support this industry and the suffering it creates. Please remember that whatever you do to the least of your brothers and sisters you do to our Lord Jesus Christ.

I bear my testamony before you that what I say is true, that these words run through my mind and will not be stopped until I share them whith anybody who is suffering from pornography addiction. I pray for forgiveness for all involved because you do not know what you do when you support this industry. I beg gor forgiveness for myself and all others who have worked in this industry of their own free will. I pray that those who are being held captive right now will be set free and will be healed.

I say these things to you in the name of Jesus Christ who has saved me.

Amen

What can I say? You're right.

[skippy740]

You are right!

However, one must remember that the "fantasy" is being sold all the time... and it is "alive and well" on the surface.

All the girls who appear in such venues appear to be really enjoying themselves - which is perpetuating the lie.

So, you may know the TRUTH "intellectually", but the FANTASY of the industry is all around us - and it's easier to get lost in it.

[Roseslipper]

My brothers and sisters,

I feel compelled to share this testamony with you seeing that many are afflicted with temptation from the pornagraphicc industry. It is by the grace of Heavenly Father that I am alive and able to share this with you all today. The scriptures tell us that it is only when our hearts are divided that temptation can exist, but when our hearts are unified temptation has no power.

The divide that causes such suffering here is innosense among the saintts and lies from the industry. If any among you knew the suffering of the girls and boys working in the industry, you would only see them with eyes of compassion and not eyes of lust.

During my rebellion I worked in the lighter side of the industry. I was a stripper in many clubs and saw and experienced many horriblr things. I will not tell you all of them here. I will tell you about the sobbing girls ordered back on the floor to make the club money. I will tell you that some clubs offered girls commission for every drink the men bought them. I will tell you that other clubs threatened to fire girls who ever refused a drink. I will also tell you that drug use (not just pot) was verry common as girls searched for anything to kill the pain. These were the lucky ones...

A friend of mine decided to take her "career" to the next level of legal video under contract which she voluntarilly signed with a supposedly reputable company. I went with her to the audition to make sure she would be safe and not just dissapear. It was horrible.

When she came back I had a chance to see her at her appartment. She was nearly catatonic from the trauma of what happened on and off camera. She could barely move or speak. I will not tell you the few things she did tell me in her broken sentance fragments... but I will say that I was never able to watch porn again.

After seeing just a fraction of the suffering caused by even the softest levels of the industry I can tell you that I only feel pain and compassion for those who work in the industry. Nothing about it is sexy, glamerous, or erotic. In reality it is nothing more than immages of abused little girls being re-traumatized in their adult bodies.

Even though this was years ago, I still suffer from nightmares about the clubs. I still want to cry over my friend who went further... and many others I will not speak of today.

I want to remind you that these are the lucky ones and warn you about those things found on the internet. There are many who are not acting of their own free will. There are many who are killed in the process. The few who survive are disabled for life.

I say none of this to be shocking or vulgar. I am telling you about this as a warning. Please do not support this industry and the suffering it creates. Please remember that whatever you do to the least of your brothers and sisters you do to our Lord Jesus Christ.

I bear my testamony before you that what I say is true, that these words run through my mind and will not be stopped until I share them whith anybody who is suffering from pornography addiction. I pray for forgiveness for all involved because you do not know what you do when you support this industry. I beg gor forgiveness for myself and all others who have worked in this industry of their own free will. I pray that those who are being held captive right now will be set free and will be healed.

I say these things to you in the name of Jesus Christ who has saved me.

t \Amen

Sister I am grateful for what you have shared with us, and grateful that you have been able to get out of this life style, and all that I can say is Amen to your words.

[Cameron1991]

heres a video of an ex porn star. It disgusted me to hear the things that were done to her.

[TheActualLiz]

I think I can distill the causes a little more clearly than the speaker in the video does. She is telling the truth but she is also adding a little propaganda and irrelevant information.

1. Poverty: the first time you look in the kitchen and you wish you could afford ramen noodles, the first time your child says "mommy I'm hungry" and you don't know what to do about it, the first time you loose electricity or water because you cannot pay, the first time you really are faced with becoming homeless.... you start to really question your ethical lines... which is worse a whore for a mom or a child who has no food?

2. Ignorance: lack of accurate information renders people unable to make correct decisions. Glamorizing sex is obvious to most of us on this forum so there is no further need to discuss it. Demonizing sex is also a problem and one that the religious community does not like to admit. Ignoring sex is the easy out that far to many parents and leaders take.

3. Neglect: if you have to fend for yourself at an early age then your coping strategies are likely to have a flaw or two... especially if you do not have a good role model in your life.

4. Abuse: Christ said that it would be better for a millstone to be hung around your neck and you to be drown then to hurt a child. Sadly sexual abuse is common. Physical abuse is common. Chemical abuse is more common than anybody will admit (you don't know how many children I have seen dosed with benadryl to make them easier to deal with or given caffeine in a sippy cup to make them seem "happy"). These are not the only forms but if I went over everything I would be here all night. Suffice it to say that what happens to you at an early age... when your mind and body are still developing... will have life long repercussions.

We must as a community address these cracks in our foundation before we can hope to build a better world.

[Melissa569]

I agree with you 100%.

Problem is, stories like this wil only work as a cure for porn for mostly decent people. Those who have compassion for others. But not everyone does...

The reason porn will always have a place and a market among at least some of the human race, is because there are people who think this abuse is funny. Even exciting. Or that this is the way people (especially women) are supposed to be treated.

I'm sure its not news to anybody, but they have worse than just regular porn. They have what is called "snuff"-- videos in which people are sexually abused, then tortured, and gruesomely killed (well, taken apart piece by piece while still alive, more like, until their functions break down and fade out). And some people love to watch it, they get a real kick out of it. Sure, there are films where its all just acting. But there are also films where its real, and wealthy maniacs who will accept nothing less for their entertainment. They will even watch it happen live, through a one-way mirror.

This happens to some young women in the porn industry too-- they are promised a job as a porn actress, and end up being butchered. Or young girls who are out late at night or at drunken parties with their friends will be kidnapped and sold off for this kind of entertainment. Which is why you should be willing to let a tank run over you, rather than have your teens run around at night... I would personally call the police on my own teenager as a runaway, if they walked out of the house when I told them not to. I would rather see them being brought back home in the back of a squad car, or even in juvenile hall, then end up in the clutches of a lunatic.

In the case of people who get off on that sort of thing, the abuse you speak of is soft-core. For them, I'm afraid there never will be a cure.

[Melissa569]

heres a video of an ex porn star. It disgusted me to hear the things that were done to her.

I just watched this. It was very sad, and very powerful.

[slamjet]

As much as I appreciate your experience and your candor, I can guarantee that porn-attics will not get the message. Sexual addiction is a very selfish behavior (notice I didn't say disease, because it is not, another topic for another day). Sex addicts only think of what they need RIGHT NOW! Not what the ramifications of their actions are.

[TheActualLiz]

slamjet:

Your post made me think about a couple things that I should clarify and share what little I know.

First we need to be clear about what we are discussing as the problem so let's work on some definitions. You like the term "behavior" so we can classify different permutations of the problem. There is the casual user who occasionally indulges in viewing pornographic material.

There is also the avid fan who legitimately believes porn is a form of folk art and critiques it as such.

Then there are those who use porn to escape reality much like some use a drug.

Sexual addiction is a very real problem that ruins many lives but it is a separate issue that needs specific forms of treatment. From my understanding it is a form of OCD where the patient experiences unpleasant intrusive thoughts. Patients in this case sometimes go to extreme lengths to avoid acting out on these intrusive thoughts and feel tremendous guilt and remorse when there efforts fail them. Fortunately there are medical treatments that show a great deal of potential... Progesterone injections administered every 90 days can correct the chemical imbalance that is causing the behavior. There was even a much publicized court battle where sex offenders were BEGGING for this treatment (chemical castration) but the court ruled that such methods would constitute cruel and unusual punishment. There are also many less invasive methods which are used to treat obsessions and compulsions of all kinds.

I would love to engage you and others in either a joint research project on the topic of sexual addiction or a civilized debate over the issue (your choice) in another thread.

Going back to the issue of the consumers of pornography we should look at these three groups, understand them, and gently educate them on the reality behind the product they are purchasing. For this we need factual, unbiased data (without any discussion of the benefits of chastity as that too is a separate issue, without propaganda, without the intention of changing the person's views on religion) that can be presented to the consumer so he or she can make a better informed decision. This strategy is not a theory but rather the pattern of action that has lead to many successful boycotts in the past and in the present day across a wide variety of issues. The most likely outcome is that the casual user would quietly stop voting with his or her dollar. The avid fan would probably engage in debate and look for ways to insure "cruelty free" porn... and would probably get lots of attention in the media for their efforts. The addict needs to be validated in any presentation as a human being who needs help and information included on where to find cognitive behavioral therapy to get to the root of why life seems so miserable that one would need to escape from it at all and also to learn better coping techniques for everyday problems.

That is the plan that is most likely to succeed in reaching the widest audience and creating change. To pull this off we would have to all step down from our high horses and soap boxes, roll up our sleeves, divorce ourselves from prejudice and casting judgment, and educate consumers while treating them as people.

[gabelpa]

I agree, however there is one point to bring up, and that is the advent of modern amateur porn. Self-photography, couples recording themselves, and sharing the videos online, etc. The points the OP made rarely apply to this new pornograpy. I could say more, but there are other things I would rather do than launch ino a diatride about where pornography is going, and not the mainstream media.

[TheActualLiz]

I agree with you 100%.

Problem is, stories like this wil only work as a cure for porn for mostly decent people. Those who have compassion for others. But not everyone does...

The reason porn will always have a place and a market among at least some of the human race, is because there are people who think this abuse is funny. Even exciting. Or that this is the way people (especially women) are supposed to be treated.

I'm sure its not news to anybody, but they have worse than just regular porn. They have what is called "snuff"-- videos in which people are sexually abused, then tortured, and gruesomely killed (well, taken apart piece by piece while still alive, more like, until their functions break down and fade out). And some people love to watch it, they get a real kick out of it. Sure, there are films where its all just acting. But there are also films where its real, and wealthy maniacs who will accept nothing less for their entertainment. They will even watch it happen live, through a one-way mirror.

This happens to some young women in the porn industry too-- they are promised a job as a porn actress, and end up being butchered. Or young girls who are out late at night or at drunken parties with their friends will be kidnapped and sold off for this kind of entertainment. Which is why you should be willing to let a tank run over you, rather than have your teens run around at night... I would personally call the police on my own teenager as a runaway, if they walked out of the house when I told them not to. I would rather see them being brought back home in the back of a squad car, or even in juvenile hall, then end up in the clutches of a lunatic.

In the case of people who get off on that sort of thing, the abuse you speak of is soft-core. For them, I'm afraid there never will be a cure.

1. You are correct that there are cruel and sadistic people in this world and the best we can do for them is pray. There are also people who are very kind and full of compassion and they have either intuitively learned to avoid supporting the industry or could be easily taught with just a few stories.

Then we have the people who fall somewhere in between and in my experience that would be the vast majority of the human population.... and they are my target audience on this issue. It is my firm belief that empathy is the first rule of success regardless of your objectives.... empathy (understanding the other person's perspective without condoning or disapproving) has been the defining factor in the success or failure of war, politics, business, and religion. The nice thing about empathy is that it is a relatively easy spiritual and tactical practice. Let's face it... compassion takes a long time to develop... but a basic understanding of another human being is easy to learn and fun to practice. Empathy is also the foundation on which compassion can be built so it is good to work on developing a solid and daily practice of developing empathy. The technique that I use in my own practice is talking and asking questions and trying to really listen and understand.

Since it sounds like you have done some research into the industry it is more than understandable that you would feel horrified, disgusted, and probably a little discouraged about the moral character of humanity. Please take heart in the knowledge that very good and very motivated people have had recent success in protecting women and stopping some of the worst culturally based abuses. For example female gentile mutilation is a very old tradition that was practiced in many cultures and has caused tremendous suffering. I recently heard a lecture about a woman who (herself having been cut against her will at an early age) decided to gather information and WALK house to house throughout Africa to educate families and sometimes provide relief for women who needed protection. She has been successful in providing shelter to survivors of domestic violence and has saved many girls from being cut.

We who live in the first wold have been very blessed yet we still have cultural traditions that endorse the pornography industry. In my own culture in the American South East it is generally expected that men go out to strip clubs to "celebrate the end of free life as a bachelor." similar parties are expected when men leave for war and when they return as well as when they get a divorce. I am trying to think of some sort of ritual that could replace these destructive practices while still serving the basic need of emotional closure.

I have seen one case of such a replacement ritual on television that would be very beneficial to the whole family (especially the children) when divorce is unavoidable. It was a reverse wedding where everybody got dressed up, the former couple revoked their former vows and replaced them with new vows to respect the other person's independence, to never speak ill of their former partner, and to always put the well being of the children first in their lives. They each took their rings back and had a divorce reception to meet new people. I think that if couples going through a divorce did something like this rather than going to a strip club many beneficial changes would take place.

I am sure that "clean" pre-wedding parties already take place in many sub cultures and it would take very little to switch the venue for the "normal secular" parties to high end luxury spas, 5 star restaurants, and short (separate) trips to locations that would be difficult with a family.

Unfortunately I am completely stuck on what would provide the same ramped up excitement before going to war and welcome home catharsis after seeing so much death and tragedy. I would love to hear your ideas on this!

2. Sadly you are correct that there is an illegal and immoral (from even a basic secular human right's perspective) element to the involuntary sex industry. It is easy for us in the developed world to forget that slavery is still around and in some countries quite common. While the internet has connected us to a wealth of information and communication that is beyond my comprehension to value, it has also connected cattle style sexual slavery to the main stream consumer. I have difficulty even writing about this. I have read a couple journals of women who somehow made it out technically alive. Usually the child is sold by the parent or care giver to a predator or con artist. Since the child was told by a trusted family member that the slave trader was a good person and should be obeyed normal survival instincts do not act as they are supposed to. I am sorry but this topic is just too overwhelmingly painful after reading those journals. It is exponentially worse than you think or documentaries or horror films have ever portrayed. Handlers who make films and pictures for internet sites try to blur the legal line so if something sounds just too horrible or weird.... yes whatever you are curious about exists... it does not matter if what you specifically watch is real or special effects and photo shop.... as long as there is a demand there will always be a supply.

You are absolutely correct that everything I have spoken about in previous posts is extremely soft core. I did this because I do not want to accidentally traumatize someone who reads this. My goal is to find solutions... not to create fear. Everything I have said about the industry has been highly censured and I intend to keep it that way.

Now.... what are possible solutions to the involuntary aspect of the sex industry?

A complete boycott of all live action formats comes to mind...

Joining the work that is being done on all levels of government in many countries....

The Protect Act of 2003 made US citizens liable for sex crimes against children overseas...

Deterrence messages have been sent to all levels of media so maybe more ad time....

Law enforcement could be stepped up a notch or two maybe...

Divert police resources from less serious crimes and up the penalty for trafficking...

Provide financial support for the modern underground railroad (that exists too)....

Provide assistance to high risk groups (homeless, addicts, refugees, etc)....

Join the underground railroad...

Pray... we need God's help on this one... but we need to do all we can first...

We cannot save the world.... but WE CAN SAVE ONE PERSON!!!

Refuse to give up the fight!!!

[Faded]

As much as I appreciate your experience and your candor, I can guarantee that porn-attics will not get the message. Sexual addiction is a very selfish behavior (notice I didn't say disease, because it is not, another topic for another day). Sex addicts only think of what they need RIGHT NOW! Not what the ramifications of their actions are.

Disagree with this. The one thing that all types of addicts can use to hear is that they're not just hurting themselves. Drug addicts are responsible for massacres and terrorist acts in South and Central America. Most drug addicts as oblivious to the death, pain, suffering and horror that their personal compulsion costs. Would they care if they knew in graphic detail what their personal addiction costs? Most would, but there may be a minority of them that wouldn't care -- they don't care about anything but themselves. Does it cure their addiction? No. But it offers one more reason to break their addiction, and that is a very valuable thing indeed!

The one thing that addicts of all types like to tell themselves is that "this isn't hurting anyone else but me." As somebody who has struggled with pornographic addiction, TheActualLiz's firsthand experience is invaluable to me. It tells me that if I relapse, I'm supporting horrible things. It means that I have a lot of people to apologize other than just my wife and family if I fall back into the addiction. Thinking of having to face each of porn industry's tortured souls and tell them I'm sorry for making their suffering possible -- well, that's actually pretty terrifying. Is this experience a sure-fire cure? No. Does it help? Absolutely it does!!

I would venture to say that the vast majority of addicts to porn and those addicted to other things are still good and decent people by nature. So what if you can't help 100%? Helping if a fraction of addicts is a very good thing!!

[Dravin]

I'd just want to point out that ultimately your post is based on emotional appeal which is a tricky thing to use, it tends to work best with those leaning in your direction on some level or another which limits it's ability to reach a wide audience. Of course I don't think there is any way to make a single argument that is equally effective for all audiences, but it's something to keep in mind.

Considering this audience, the board and it's LDS leanings, it is probably a decent choice but there is the preaching to the choir aspect. That said emotional stories are hardly going to cure pornography. As some people respond better to other types of arguments and as mentioned "think of the industry workers!" doesn't apply so much to all types of pornography (cartoons and literature for example).

Sorry, I've probably been doing way too much rhetorical analysis for school lately.

[TheActualLiz]

Dravin,

Its cool and thank you for your feedback. I am not sure if I have said this already but I want to state this again just to be abundantly clear.

My OP was written specifically to present facts about the ethical implications of the sex industry so that those within the Church who are struggling with this issue can make better choices in their daily lives. The facts in the OP were first hand observations that had been carefully and heavily edited for content to avoid fear mongering, propaganda, and unnecessary exposure to potentially traumatizing details.

Unfortunately those two sentences do not fit in that little space where you title your new thread so I abbreviated my intent into a short and eye catching title. I apologize if this has mislead anybody on the forum.

As far as literature, animation and some of the modern product produced by people claiming to be independent or in a loving marriage you are correct in pointing out that the that a different ethical standard applies. At this point the ethics relate more to matters of chastity of mind and body in your daily spiritual practice.

I want to make it very clear to my intended audience that there are ethical considerations in addition to the rather difficult practice of chastity. As you go further into the industry issues of psychological damage to human beings start to become an additional ethical concern. If you go even further into the involuntary market then issues of basic human rights, harming children, supporting slavery, and financing murder are all piled on top of the issues of psychological damage to workers, and pollution of one's own mind.

This is clearly not a black and white issue. Since the church speaks of different degrees of glory and restriction then perhaps this analogy would help.

Chastity of mind and body is the Celestial goal which should be striven for. Restricting the harm you do to only yourself would be a Terrestrial level of action. Indulging in product that harms those who have chosen to sell their sexuality is a Telestial (sp?) activity and will have some more serious consequences. Those who support trafficking and feel it acceptable to consume that product made in that way have turned themselves completely against the light and are on the path to destruction in this life and the next.

I would like for people to reflect on their personal goals and consider which of those four potential paths is most in line with their personal moral code.

Does this make more sense or is there still something that I am missing?

[hordak]

I'm with Dravin on the appeal to emotion not working. People want what they want .

You think hearing about the downside of the industry for those who CHOOSE to do it should make people give it up. As bad as this sounds they are "reaping the reward" of their choice.

Meanwhile

1000s of people have been kicked off their land, lost hunting rights and access to water because the government found diamonds there.

Bushmen - Survival International

Yet how many are getting rid of their diamond jewelry, telling their the spouse they don't want diamonds because of the oppression caused by the industry?

[Dravin]

My OP was written specifically to present facts about the ethical implications of the sex industry so that those within the Church who are struggling with this issue can make better choices in their daily lives.

Your OP was written specifically to cater to the emotions of your intended audience and try to shame/guilt them into behavior change. The problem is it is so obvious that such is your intent it loses effectiveness, people are either going to nod in agreement, those who already agree with you and thus your OP didn't effect any change, or those disinclined to agree with you are going to see histrionics and disregard your OP (to avoid false dichotomy other outcomes are of course possible).

The heavy appeal to emotion is extremely difficult to pull off, a lighter touch is generally more effective. I agree with you that pornography is bad but the heavy dose of emotion turns me off, let alone someone who is inclined to disagree with your basic premise and possibly emotionally and spiritual numb.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Dravin

[slamjet]

There are three things all sex addicts have in common:

1) We were all abused as children and/or teenagers.

2) It was a big secret that nobody dealt with, both in and out of the family.

3) We tried and tried to deal with all these issues ourselves and failed.

In a relationship, all sex addicts have in common:

1) We are master manipulators. We know what to say and do to get what we want.

2) No amount of sex is adequate.

3) We get into relationships thinking that it will give us a cure and relief.

4) We have no boundaries when it comes to sex and appropriate behavior.

5) We are selfish. We do only to please ourselves.

In the end we addicts:

1) Hide from emotional pain.

2) Hide from the memories of the past.

3) Act out to get what we feel we need to try to satiate this burning, all encompassing need inside us.

4) To hide from the pain, emotional torture, and burning needs, we disconnect from what is real.

Thus leads to the selfish desire for attachments, sex and all things that are attached to it. Thus leads to the abandonment of empathy and all feelings associated with it.

The first steps to deal with a sex addict is to:

1) Get the addict to connect with the acts.

2) Get the addict to accept their place within these acts.

3) Get the addict to view their acts from the victims point of view.

Of all these, #3 is the most difficult to accomplish. There is more but these three is what takes years to learn and incorporate into their being.

I am an addict. I was such an addict that it landed me in jail. I was such an addict that I lost EVERYTHING in life (wife, family, job, church membership, home, etc.) The only real thing I have left is my life and the gospel. I've also been in counseling with sex addicts, rapist, molesters, kidnappers, voyeurs, etc. And I'm not talking about the church program, I'm talking heavy duty, extreme and intense group and individual therapy, both volunteer and court ordered. I've had years and years of self analysis and analyzing others.

Currently, I'm reading the book "He Restoreth My Soul" by Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD. It's an insight into the mind of a sex addict. I just started it so I'll have more to say about it when I'm done (obviously). In the mean time, I toss this out to whom ever wants to read it. At a minimum, you may come to a better understanding of where I'm coming from and why I believe the way I do.

And BTW, I appreciate this topic being discussed because it is an issue that not only society, but also the Church (as a whole) is reluctant to approach.

[Tarnished]

In a relationship, all sex addicts have in common:

1) We are master manipulators. We know what to say and do to get what we want.

2) No amount of sex is adequate.

3) We get into relationships thinking that it will give us a cure and relief.

4) We have no boundaries when it comes to sex and appropriate behavior.

5) We are selfish. We do only to please ourselves.

For the most part I think your post is very good and points out some serious issues when it comes to sex addicts, but I don't think all of the things you list apply to all addicts. My husband for example has problems with a porn addiction (as he mentioned above) and not a single one of the relationship things you list apply to him. I think the items you list are good guidelines but I also think that they may not apply to every single addict.

I think TheActualLiz's post is a good one, mostly because it brings to light a side of the porn industry that most people probably have not realized. Is it a cure? Not really. Being aware of atrocities doesn't always stop an action, especially when that action is tied to an addiction. Addictions often address some part of a person that is either lacking or has been trained to be fed. It often feeds a chemical part of the person. And addictions are difficult to let go of. And as I have heard from many addicts, once an addict always an addict. You can let go of the behavior and be clean for years, but it doesn't take much to get you back to the addiction. There will always be some small part of the person that craves their addiction. And that is the problem.

The porn industry does not make it difficult for people to get addicted to their product, they make it easy to run into it. And if you are a recovering porn addict it may not take much to trigger a relapse. I do think this is a good discussion though, it brings up a real issue and it gives a possible but not probable solution to porn. Truthfully I think it would take something seriously drastic to stop the porn industry and short of the Second Coming I don't see something drastic enough that will make it stop.

[TheActualLiz]

Yet how many are getting rid of their diamond jewelry, telling their the spouse they don't want diamonds because of the oppression caused by the industry?

I informed my friends and family that I do not want and will not accept any newly purchased diamonds a few years ago. Several years ago my husband bought my engagement ring and I specifically asked for one without a natural diamond. I would have much rather had a synthetic but we could not find one. I admit I was weak and eventually accepted the traditional solitaire engagement ring. I do own several pieces containing diamonds that I inherited from my grandmother after she passed.

I have not taken the high road on this issue by selling what I currently own. I have also not taken the low road by continuing to purchase/ask for/accept new diamonds. I have taken the middle road by deciding to keep what I have and not ask for more. (I do however aggressively purchase high quality synthetics as well as other gemstones and costume pieces to make new jewelry out of)

Those who wish to buy diamonds that have been certified to have come from Canada and not African slave mines can go to this site to do so.

Buy Conflict Free Diamonds, Loose Canadian diamonds

Actually there are a number of sites (Google gave me over 7,000 that now specialize in products that do not use the slave trade for gemstones.) This market now exists because the consumers, upon learning of atrocities such as those in Sierra Leone, stopped buying product and started asking for alternatives. At this point enough consumers have asked enough times to make some retail stores bend to the will of the marketplace. Given the amount of force it would take large companies to change their policies I would guess that many people have at least stopped buying new diamonds from conflict areas and this trend seems to be increasing rather than decreasing as more and more people learn the truth.

Similar examples can be found in a number of other products that have caught people's attention: foi grass, veal, and fur have all taken huge hits.

Organic free range eggs, milk, cheese, and meat can now be found on the shelves of large grocery stores... also a result of consumer education changing the market.

An increasing number of fast food restaurants are starting to dabble with healthier options such as apple slices instead of french fries, wraps with grilled chicken, bottled water, and salads, and veggie burger patties.

A decade ago all this change seemed impossible. These were all fringe movements that companies predicted would have no lasting impact. Fortunately consumers were informed and they started voting with their dollars. Those consumers then informed their friends... some of whom also started voting with their dollars. As education spreads change happens and this has been proven.

[TheActualLiz]

Your OP was written specifically to cater to the emotions of your intended audience and try to shame/guilt them into behavior change. The problem is it is so obvious that such is your intent it loses effectiveness, people are either going to nod in agreement, those who already agree with you and thus your OP didn't effect any change, or those disinclined to agree with you are going to see histrionics and disregard your OP (to avoid false dichotomy other outcomes are of course possible).

The heavy appeal to emotion is extremely difficult to pull off, a lighter touch is generally more effective. I agree with you that pornography is bad but the heavy dose of emotion turns me off, let alone someone who is inclined to disagree with your basic premise and possibly emotionally and spiritual numb.

I am deeply offended at this accusation. I offered an extremely toned down account of a true story that I experienced first hand. Yes the story is tragic, but it was an experience that dramatically changed my life. All I did was share the minimum information necessary to give a truthful representation of what actually happened. You can believe me or not... that is your choice.

[slamjet]

I am deeply offended at this accusation. I offered an extremely toned down account of a true story that I experienced first hand. Yes the story is tragic, but it was an experience that dramatically changed my life. All I did was share the minimum information necessary to give a truthful representation of what actually happened. You can believe me or not... that is your choice.

Don't get offended. I recently put down to paper my life story and gave it to my Stake President, Bishop and a very good friend who has helped me tremendously. When I told then that it was maybe 30-40% of my story, they were shocked. What was on paper was hard core and they couldn't really fathom what else there could be.

The reason I didn't put it down, nor will I share is because it so so dark, so demented and so evil that it would serve no purpose to anyone except to put them into the same darkness and evil I was in. Your restraint shows maturity and compassion for those who would read your experience.

While I don't 100% agree with your premise (if I'm reading it correctly, feel free to correct me) that if they only knew they would think twice or stop supporting pornography, I could tell there is more to the story than you let on. I respect, appreciate and congratulate you on your restraint.

[Dravin]

What accusation? That your post was intended for emotional impact? There is nothing inherently wrong with it, most of us tend to blend logos, ethos and pathos into our arguments. Some applications however are more effective for various audiences.

You can believe me or not... that is your choice.

I'm not sure what exactly you think it is I don't believe about your post. Are you somehow under the impression that because I think you intentionally shared what you did how you did, to work on the emotions of the audience, that I somehow think the account is false?

Edited September 27, 2010 by Dravin

[pam]

Personally for me, when I see the emotional role played too far, it turns me off more than wants me to understand and sympathize with the poster.

I see this quite often here on lds.net.

I think the majority of posters on lds.net are not naive. Therefore, sometimes facts more than emotions with some subjects hit harder.

Okay it's 1:15 a.m. and I'm on Nyquil so no idea if I'm making sense.

Edited September 27, 2010 by pam

[gabelpa]

My main problem here is the aparrent assumption that 100% of pornography is harmful to the creators, and that 100% of those who view it are addicted. This black and white distinction is simply not the case. Yes, some are harmed, severely, and some have a harmful addiction to pornography, but as I said before, especially with the new breed, some are not.

We as LDS are supposed to stand against immorality, but biasing our arguments does little good. We have to consider all angles. Should the worst be taken care of first? Yes, but in the world of today, we will never be able to end the worst. The scale of the opponent has to be understood.