Long Hair on Men

[curtishouse]

Hi,

I am thinking about attending my first church service at a local ward but something is bothering me. I have pretty long hair down to my shoulders and a goatee as well. Will I be looked down upon because of this?

[Melissa569]

You shouldn't be. People will know that you are an investigator. Its generally understood that investigators may not dress, act, or style themselves like most people in the ward. Most members have a welcoming attitude toward new people comming in.

However, I'll be honest-- if you decide to attend regularly, or even join the church officially, I have an idea that people there will "encourage" you to shorten the length. :)

And if anyone does show attitude on your first visit-- well shame on them! They shouldn't be judging you.

Edited September 26, 2010 by Melissa569

[curtishouse]

Why would they encourage me to look a certain way? Are looks really a determining factor in the LDS church?

[gabelpa]

I wore hait the same length as yours, and a founding father style beard. I only got positive comments. Got rid of it to look more professional at work. Depends on where you live, people are peope.

[curtishouse]

I'm sure everybody will be nice. Just my low self-esteem seeping through most likely. Thanks for the comments.

[Wingnut]

Be well-groomed. Make sure your hair isn't ratty. If it can be pulled into a ponytail at the nape of your neck, do that.

[Bini]

I agree ^

Ensure you're well groomed, whatever your hairstyle or length. Pretend you're going to a job interview and need to be presentable. You don't have to be a copycat mold of everyone in church. You can still be yourself, just be clean and groomed.

[curtishouse]

My hair is never "ratty." I know all about my Sunday best and I wouldn't show up in anything less than a presentable fashion.

[slamjet]

Dude, just in my ward, there are those who shave their heads (me being one of them), tattoos (me being one of them), those with long hair, those with flat tops, those who wear jeans and t-shirts, those who wear work shirts (me who used to be one of them) some with goatees (me being one of them) beards, cops, attorneys, therapists, all colors, races, etc, etc, etc. But we are all one in the Gospel and one in Christ.

Take a look at Mormon.org and you will see a whole bunch of different folks. My favorite is Harley dude (Jeff Decker).

[curtishouse]

Dude, just in my ward, there are those who shave their heads (me being one of them), tattoos (me being one of them), those with long hair, those with flat tops, those who wear jeans and t-shirts, those who wear work shirts (me who used to be one of them) some with goatees (me being one of them) beards, cops, attorneys, therapists, all colors, races, etc, etc, etc. But we are all one in the Gospel and one in Christ.

Take a look at Mormon.org and you will see a whole bunch of different folks. My favorite is Harley dude (Jeff Decker).

Sounds like you got an awesome ward there bro. I'll definitely check out Harley dude.

[jayanna]

My hubby rides a motorcycle to church. He does have short hair and a clean shaven face (yay! I find it much more kissable) It is so cute to see him in his suit with his big Marvin-the-Martian helmet riding along on his motorcycle into the church parking lot :) Tie flying over his shoulder...the occasional bug on the lapel

Really, curtis, just try to look your best and only worry about if the Lord thinks you are being respectful to Him, it will be great.

Let us know how it goes!

[Carl62]

Are looks really a determining factor in the LDS church?

Unfortunately, IMHO, there's more emphasis on looks then what there should be. I mean come on, white shirts vs. blue shirts to church? Two earrings vs. one earring?

[curtishouse]

I really don't think this was a problem in the 1800s. It just seems priorities are out of whack a bit if one puts attire above a person's heart.

[bytebear]

Your looks won't give you away as an investigator. Being an unfamiliar face will though. Wards are like families, and everyone knows everyone else, so if you are new, people will notice. and when they do, you will be greeted by about 5 or 6 people asking if you need anything, whether you want to attend Sunday School, and pretty much making you feel as welcomed as possible. Looks won't matter, and if you continue to attend, they will get to know you, and by then, you are part of the family, and long hair won't matter then either. So, don't sweat it.

[jayanna]

I do try to wear nice attire to sacrament meeting. I wore a nice dress to my wedding, my baptism, and sacrament is just as important to me. Some might wear nice clothes to impress others, but if I were the only person there, I would be wearing the same thing. In fact, I have had sacrament in my home, when I was too ill to go to church, and I washed my face and put on something nice (not stockings and heels, but a clean top and skirt, or if I can't move at all, a blanket to make sure I'm modest).

If someone that did not know me saw me at church, they might think that I was dressed to impress, while actually, I have had that dress for 5+ years, and my shoes may be very worn, but polished. I very very rarely wear any jewelry at all, I don't even have much jewelry to wear to be honest.

In fact, I don't even wear a wedding ring. I'm just too clausterphobic to wear it. I asked my hubby if it bothered him that I didn't wear it. He said, "Honey, I would much rather you act married and not wear the ring, than wear the biggest ring in the world and not act married at all."

Inward feelings can be shown outward in many ways. When I love someone I tend to hold their hand, hug them, or smile. Dressing nicely for taking the sacrament is one of the ways I show outwardly to the Lord that I care about Him, along with caring for others, and following his words. Other people may show it outwardly much differently than me.

If you do not have time to dress up, go anyway, attending is always more important than looks. Don't worry so much about what people will think of you :) Whether or not I wear a ring is between me and my husband, what you wear to church is between you and the Lord. Be at peace.

[volgadon]

Your looks won't give you away as an investigator. Being an unfamiliar face will though. Wards are like families, and everyone knows everyone else, so if you are new, people will notice. and when they do, you will be greeted by about 5 or 6 people asking if you need anything, whether you want to attend Sunday School, and pretty much making you feel as welcomed as possible. Looks won't matter, and if you continue to attend, they will get to know you, and by then, you are part of the family, and long hair won't matter then either. So, don't sweat it.

A word of caution. Don't get upset or offended if what bytebear describes doesn't happen. Some wards have a more introverted character than others. I've been in Utah for a year now. Of the 5 wards I've been too, only in one of them were me and my wife greeted per bytebear's scenario. Indeed, the members in another not only did not greet us, but blatantly ignored us and turned a cold shoulder when we greeted them ourselves or thanked them for their testimony. It seriously was among the worst experiences we have had in all our years of attending church. It is a good thing we are both returned missionaries with testimonies. Other wards were nicer than that, but still nothing approaching bytebear's ideal. We still don't feel anything like at home.

Why have I written this?

In case anyone runs into this kind of rudeness they won't be surprised. It can, and does happen. Doesn't mean the gospel of Jesus Christ or the Restoration are false. All it means is that people are people.

[Faded]

Hi,

I am thinking about attending my first church service at a local ward but something is bothering me. I have pretty long hair down to my shoulders and a goatee as well. Will I be looked down upon because of this?

I've got a Van Dyke beard -- same thing as a goatee but where the mustache and beard on my chin are connected. Had it for years. Wife likes it that way. Nobody at Church has ever suggested that I need to get rid of it. A good number of folks in my current ward have a beard.

If you serve a mission or work in the temple you may be asked to be clean shaven. Why? Because the Church wants their official representatives to give the best impression possible in their official capacity. While the clean shaven thing virtually always holds true for missionaries and usually for temple workers, it is not mandated for any local callings. You could be Elder's Quorum President, Bishop or Stake President with long hair and a beard, no problem.

If the social standard for what is "clean cut and respectable looking" were to shift to having long hair and a beard then the General Authorities would probably go back to wearing beards (like they used to) and growing their hair long. Point is, it's by no means a commandment or rule we live by. It's just based on social norms.

Here is a composite picture of every prophet of the Church from Joseph Smith till today. Those who wore beards used to outnumber those that didn't, but the beardless ones have now pulled into the lead within the last 20 years or so.

Will I guarantee that nobody will say anything at any future point about the beard and long hair? Nope, can't say that as once again, the Church is filled with flawed imperfect human beings and they don't always behave as they should. Same thing is true just about anywhere you go involving people. All I can say is that my experience has been that members don't really care if you have a beard or long hair or whatever.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Faded

[Wingnut]

Those who wore beards used to outnumber those that didn't, but the beardless ones have now pulled into the lead within the last 20 years or so.

Joseph Smith didn't have a beard, and then there were seven prophets who did, and there have been eight more since then who have not worn beards. That would seem like more than "the last 20 years or so."

[Faded]

Joseph Smith didn't have a beard, and then there were seven prophets who did, and there have been eight more since then who have not worn beards. That would seem like more than "the last 20 years or so."

Ezra Taft Benson would have evened the score at 7 bearded and 7 clean shaven. He died in 1994 and then Howard W Hunter becomes the tiebreaker. So yes "in the last 20 years" is a pretty close approximation.

[Wingnut]

Not really. Take a look at this page: Presidents of the Church

Of 16 latter-day prophets, nine have not worn beards. Seven have. Joseph Smith was clean-shaven, then the next seven wore beards. Since 1951 (David O. McKay), there has not been a bearded prophet, according to the official portraits. That's consistent with the composite you posted.

[pam]

I don't remember David O. McKay having a beard and he became prophet in 1951.

[volgadon]

Yet he sported a mustache in his youth. It is interesting that Brigham Young's prophetic ministry stretched between the years when beards weren't fashionable and when they became de-rigeur, yet DOM's spans much the same trend, but in reverse.

[Faded]

Not really. Take a look at this page: Presidents of the Church

Of 16 latter-day prophets, nine have not worn beards. Seven have. Joseph Smith was clean-shaven, then the next seven wore beards. Since 1951 (David O. McKay), there has not been a bearded prophet, according to the official portraits. That's consistent with the composite you posted.

Just realized I miscounted. The seventh President of the Church to go clean-shaven rather than bearded wasn't Benson, it was Hunter. So that means that Gordon B Hinckley's presidency was where the tie was broken and the clean shaven actually became the majority.

The fact that there was such a long stretch of bearded prophets, followed by a long stretch of clean shaven just verifies my point: There's nothing official about it, it's just based upon the social norms of the era.

Also, Brigham Young had long hair at one point when he was a prophet of God:

Maybe it's not super-long, but I think it conveys the point.

[bytebear]

A word of caution. Don't get upset or offended if what bytebear describes doesn't happen. Some wards have a more introverted character than others. I've been in Utah for a year now. Of the 5 wards I've been too, only in one of them were me and my wife greeted per bytebear's scenario. Indeed, the members in another not only did not greet us, but blatantly ignored us and turned a cold shoulder when we greeted them ourselves or thanked them for their testimony. It seriously was among the worst experiences we have had in all our years of attending church. It is a good thing we are both returned missionaries with testimonies. Other wards were nicer than that, but still nothing approaching bytebear's ideal. We still don't feel anything like at home.

Why have I written this?

In case anyone runs into this kind of rudeness they won't be surprised. It can, and does happen. Doesn't mean the gospel of Jesus Christ or the Restoration are false. All it means is that people are people.

I'm sorry you had that experience. I can't think of a time when I haven't had people come up before the service started and introduced themselves. Don't most wards have door greeters who hand out the program for Sacrament Meeting? Maybe it's because I usually get there early and find a place in the pews before the meeting starts, so there is time to say hello as the room fills up. Even in stodgy New England (where the members could be pretty cold - until you got to know them. :) ) the missionaries were there to greet new people.

[Dravin]

Even in stodgy New England (where the members could be pretty cold - until you got to know them. :) ) the missionaries were there to greet new people.

In Utah (and some other heavily LDS locations) the Missionaries can be spread across multiple stakes, so the idea of having Missionaries there to greet folks isn't always true, they may rotate but with so many wards and if investigator they are teaching getting preference for their Sundays they can be pretty scarce. I know when I lived in Brigham City (2ish years) the Missionaries never attended the ward I was in.