Shaken Faith and Fear

[Drey0287]

I'm a little new at this but I've had something that has been bothering me and I don't know what to do....

I've always had a very strong faith and testimony. I knew exactly what I wanted in life and did everything I could to accomplish it. I had kind of a rough childhood so I knew I wanted something more. When I was 18 I found the guy of my dreams and went away to college when I was 20 to Utah (at the University of Utah). During my 1st year there....I had it all. Everything I have always wanted in life I had. A great guy, AMAZING roommates and friends, a wonderful education. And then I went home for the summer. I came back for my second year and everything fell to pieces. The guy I loved and thought I was going to marry ended up finding someone else.....my 2 best friends that were like family to me stabbed me in the back and they turned all my friends against me. It was a horrible and lonely time. The only thing that kept me going was school. I threw myself into my schoolwork and tried not to focus on my horrible personal problems. But it seemed like everything just got worse and worse.......the friends I knew and loved were accusing me of things I never did and never ever would do. I felt attacked and just....horrible. Throughout this time, I continued going to church. I prayed, I fasted, I read scriptures, I enrolled in Institute.....trying to show the Lord that I was trying to do the right thing in spite of my problems. But......nothing ever changed. If anything, it all got worse.

I ended up graduating from college and moving back home to California last year because nothing was keeping me in Utah anymore. Sad too, because I loved Utah. But I still find myself picking up the pieces of what happened in Utah. I never wanna say that the Lord didn't hear me in my pleas.....because I know he heard me.....I just don't understand why after everything I did to try to show the Lord that I was trying to stay obedient, he didn't bless me with something good in my personal life. It seems at this point, whatever I pray for...the opposite happens.

I'm still attending Church on a regular basis, but in my home ward....not the Single's Ward. For some reason, I can't bring myself to go to the Single's Ward. Part of me wants to, but something is stopping me from doing it. It's kind of a fear I guess. I'm VERY active in my home ward. I have a calling, I've given talks, I attend all my meetings every Sunday.....but I just feel like I'm doing something wrong by being in the home ward when I'm single and 23. I wish I could get over my weird fear of the Single's Ward. Everybody in my home ward really believes that the Single's Ward would be the answer to my prayers but I just....can't bring myself to do it.

How do I get over my Shaken faith & Fear??? I've prayed soooo hard about trying to move on from everything bad that happened.....but I can't seem to heal. My boyfriend who was the guy of my dreams ended up marrying that girl he found after me, my 2 best friends that stabbed me in the back ended up marrying eachother!......everything I want to happen...the opposite happens. And I'm afraid my life is going to continue being....

....one giant unanswered prayer.

I wanna have faith. I wanna be positive......I just don't know what to do.....

if anyone has some advice or counsel, it would be appreciated.

[mightynancy]

God isn't a vending machine for the righteous. You can "do everything right" and still have crappy things happen - it's the nature of mortality.

Have you graduated? Have you begun a career? I find that working toward something helps people leave the past behind.

As for your ward, I'd go to the ward where I feel strengthened. A singles ward isn't for everyone...then again, it may be nice to get away from the people telling you what to do! Best wishes.

[MarginOfError]

If you're not comfortable going to the singles' ward, then don't go. There's no rule that you have to--it's a voluntary thing. I would just encourage you to continue to go to Institute and Young Single Adult activities. It's okay to stay in your comfort zone while you build your confidence and slowly venture out.

[Just_A_Guy]

You know, when I was 21 I worked in pest control in Southern California for a summer. One day I was on a training ride-along with a district supervisor who was probably in his mid-fifties. He was a company man, and very proudly told me of all the people who had gotten in the way of his career or otherwise wronged him, and how he'd managed to "get back" at most of them. But then he turned to me and said:

"You know what, JAG? Living well really is the best revenge."

Live well.

(Oh, and guys dig a girl who obviously loves life. Just sayin'.)

[PrinceofLight2000]

Make new friends, ones worthy of your trust.

[pam]

"You know what, JAG? Living well really is the best revenge."

I don't believe your story JAG. I don't believe he called you JAG.

[Just_A_Guy]

Rats. I'm busted.

[cathyyg]

Happiness is a decision. Happy people have bad days, and bad years, and sometimes even bad lives (think Job). It doesn't make them unhappy. The decision to be happy is not based on life circumstances. It is based on inner character. You are a child of God. You are loved. You deserve to be happy. Look for things that make you happy. Maybe it is the first snowflakes of winter. Maybe it's the sound of the neighborhood children playing. Maybe it's a half hour spent in quiet prayer - praying for other people's needs, not your own.

Do not obsess about your situation. You can accept it, or you can do something to change it. You can be happy in either circumstance.

[rameumptom]

I suggest you first spend some time reading some books on happiness. Go to your local library and read two or three of them. There are hundreds out there, and many have the same basic ideas. Start living happily in your own skin.

Next, set goals in your life. Long term and then build short term goals to get there. Some of them may cause you to struggle and strain, but you will enjoy much of the journey and be happy with outcomes.

Singles Wards are not for everyone. And they just may not be right for you at this time and place. So, just attend some of their functions. Go to a Single's Conference. Don't do it to find someone. Go to enjoy the Spirit and learning.

Make your life great. Focus on what is within your control. You cannot control ex-friends or anyone else. Don't focus on them. Leave them to God. Focus on what YOU can do to make for a decent life.

Finally, realize that life was meant for struggles. We learn to overcome and become like Christ through our trials and tribulations. The greatest Saints are those who have overcome great odds and obstacles.

So, in review:

1. Read up on happiness, and then follow what works for you.

2. Set a grand vision for your life, and then make goals to achieve it.

3. Focus on the things within your own control, and turn the rest over to God.

[carlimac]

Go on a mission!