I don't understand why?

[sodapop]

Hi all,

I have been avoiding church for almost 3 months or so, because all things were becoming too bothering for me. I love going to church, I love the Gospel and I have faith in almost everything that is taught in church. My only problem there is the people, or the members. I don't understand why people seem to hate me. I always know that they were always talking behind my back and laughing at me when I am not around. I even overheard some from the other room calling me names. It all seems like people I know from outside the church were more kind and true compared to the members. I don't understand why the so called people of God are so different to me. If they are the Lord's flock, and they keep on rejecting me, then maybe I am NOT a part of the Lord's flock. I don't understand. I do admit that I am a little odd for some reasons. I have life issues and emotional problems. I was diagnosed with psychotic depression, but I always try my best to make things right. I also have separation anxiety and I also have symptoms of aspergers. I don't understand why I have this kind of life and church people shun away from me because I am odd. I always thought that the people of the Lord will be a lot different from the regular people, but they were even worse. It is really painful to accept that those who follow the true gospel are the ones that would fully degrade you to dust.

[pam]

Because people can be ignorant. Especially when it's something they don't understand.

[Suzie]

Sodapop, I'm touched by your post. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would like to apologize in behalf of my brothers and sisters who may intentionally or unintentionally hurt you . Sometimes people in general are just cruel (in and out of the Church). Also, people tend to shy away from people who may look or act different than them, they do it out of ignorance. I know it is not an excuse however few people have been raised understanding about people with special needs. Did you speak with your Bishop and share your concerns and health related issues?

[sodapop]

no, not yet. I just hope God will just kill me so that all of these can come to an end.

[Suzie]

Sodapop, please don't say that. I strongly suggest you to talk to your doctor and your bishop as soon as possible. There are many people with special needs in the Church who yes, struggle but who with the right help and direction can enjoy full membership in the Church. You cannot stop people from talking behind your back (they do it whether or not you have special needs). Your focus should be on Christ, improving yourself, seeing about your health and thinking in what great ways you can help the members in your ward understand and learn more about your condition. I know you can do it!

[slamjet]

I"m sorry, but this feels totally wrong. People with depression get into victim mode and all they can see is how unliked they are. They also interpret others banter as being malicious talk about them when it just may well not be. You need to get professional help, fast. You need to talk to your Bishop, fast. You have a martyrdom complex that's only going to get worse. It's going to turn into an "I'll show them" action that will be irreversible. So please, talk to someone who can help you. You need it desperately.

[sodapop]

thanks all

[captmoroniRM]

Wizards First rule: People are stupid. In the Church you aren't going to find the best of the best. Christ came not to call upon the righteous, but to call the sinners to repentance. Yes there are good people, but everyone of us is an imperfect person who does stupid things.

[Crazygamer]

Sodapop I might be out of place here but I just thought I would comment, I know when new families have moved in to my branch/ward the people have spoken behind there back and it is wrong and totally out of place and not right. Just because your different don't be put back by these are small milestones in life, any one experiencing this I always tell them the lord loves us for who we are not what we are and it's not what the other people think of us that matters it's what god thinks of us, and don't let gossip bring you down and names will never hurt us if anything we should get stronger spiritually from them. Hope this helps I've experienced stuff much the same myself sodapop please if you need any one to talk to day or night please contact me and will get back to you right away, also god be with you.

[LDSChristian]

Hi all,

I have been avoiding church for almost 3 months or so, because all things were becoming too bothering for me. I love going to church, I love the Gospel and I have faith in almost everything that is taught in church. My only problem there is the people, or the members. I don't understand why people seem to hate me. I always know that they were always talking behind my back and laughing at me when I am not around. I even overheard some from the other room calling me names. It all seems like people I know from outside the church were more kind and true compared to the members. I don't understand why the so called people of God are so different to me. If they are the Lord's flock, and they keep on rejecting me, then maybe I am NOT a part of the Lord's flock. I don't understand. I do admit that I am a little odd for some reasons. I have life issues and emotional problems. I was diagnosed with psychotic depression, but I always try my best to make things right. I also have separation anxiety and I also have symptoms of aspergers. I don't understand why I have this kind of life and church people shun away from me because I am odd. I always thought that the people of the Lord will be a lot different from the regular people, but they were even worse. It is really painful to accept that those who follow the true gospel are the ones that would fully degrade you to dust.

Don't pay attention to them. In fact tell them to their face how you feel. What's more important, how people think of you or how the Lord thinks of you? Don't let them keep you from going to His house. I know how you feel. There are people in my ward that don't like me but they know to respect me. I remember one year at youth conference there was another dude that was gonna be my roommate but stayed in a different room and he and the others kept messing with me. I pulled a prank on them to let them know I wasn't going to sit back and they've shown me respect ever since. Just because you're at church doesn't mean you have to keep your feelings to yourself. Say what's on your mind to them and call it "being honest". :)

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[sodapop]

I"m sorry, but this feels totally wrong. People with depression get into victim mode and all they can see is how unliked they are.

No, It's official..they are trying to avoid me...and never wish to talk to me.

[sodapop]

yeah..but in my ward they all flock together like a bag of beans. Which is a much bigger problem.

[sodapop]

It's just so hard to go to church and get a reality check that I'm alone, nobody wants my company, they despise me, and sneer when i'm around, don't wish to communicate with me, as i sit there alone watching the others have fun with their friendship. My mother used to tell me that the best place to make friends is in church. I've gone through primary and young women, but haven't made any close friend there. Unlike in school where i can make friends in a snap. When I started to attend seminary back then, everything went well...soon I became inactive for some months due to some reasons, and when I returned to church, all the bitter things started to erupt. For the record, it is not just me..my other family members including my grandparents also started to noticed that something wrong is going on and they feel like they are being ignored and despised as well. My grandparents used to be one of the founding members in the ward before, doing service and helping with almost anything, and they are the first people that members ask for support, advice, money, and for solutions to their problems. Now that they are both retired, with just enough money to get by(no more charitable work) the members started to ignore them and they all started to cling to the other member who have recently made a lot of fortune. When my grandfather became very ill in the hospital that even the doctors cannot diagnose his rare condition, i asked one of the bishopric to please go to the hospital and bless my grandfather. It took so long and not one soul of a church member visited us there. We've waited and got disappointed..until one Sunday, someone finally came in to check things out, him..and only his wife went there. Luckily, my grandfather's condition started to become better after the days after the blessing. I also remembered when I was sharing a talk, 2 old ladies sitting in the front row were obviously bad mouthing about me. They look at me, cover their mouths then whisper things at one another. Another thing is, all the members worship or idolized this former bishop who used to snatch amounts from tithes and have had a scandalous relationship with a younger girl outside the church. I'm not playing or trying hard to be the victim, but this is like the only place that i can share this rants...and in search for answers on why things have to be this complicated when all I want is to have a good day in church and not have a very depressing and disappointing one.

That gave me a relief....

Edited June 27, 2011 by sodapop

[Vort]

It's just so hard to go to church and get a reality check that I'm alone, nobody wants my company, they despise me, and sneer when i'm around, don't wish to communicate with me, as i sit there alone watching the others have fun with their friendship. My mother used to tell me that the best place to make friends is in church. I've gone through primary and young women, but haven't made any close friend there. Unlike in school where i can make friends in a snap. When I started to attend seminary back then, everything went well...soon I became inactive for some months due to some reasons, and when I returned to church, all the bitter things started to erupt. For the record, it is not just me..my other family members including my grandparents also started to noticed that something wrong is going on and they feel like they are being ignored and despised as well. My grandparents used to be one of the founding members in the ward before, doing service and helping with almost anything, and they are the first people that members ask for support, advice, money, and for solutions to their problems. Now that they are both retired, with just enough money to get by(no more charitable work) the members started to ignore them and they all started to cling to the other member who have recently made a lot of fortune. When my grandfather became very ill in the hospital that even the doctors cannot diagnose his rare condition, i asked one of the bishopric to please go to the hospital and bless my grandfather. It took so long and not one soul of a church member visited us there. We've waited and got disappointed..until one Sunday, someone finally came in to check things out, him..and only his wife went there. Luckily, my grandfather's condition started to become better after the days after the blessing. I also remembered when I was sharing a talk, 2 old ladies sitting in the front row were obviously bad mouthing about me. They look at me, cover their mouths then whisper things at one another. Another thing is, all the members worship or idolized this former bishop who used to snatch amounts from tithes and have had a scandalous relationship with a younger girl outside the church. I'm not playing or trying hard to be the victim, but this is like the only place that i can share this rants...and in search for answers on why things have to be this complicated when all I want is to have a good day in church and not have a very depressing and disappointing one.

sodapop, I'm going to answer your question as best I can, given the very limited information I have about your situation. I am probably about your father's age, so take my feedback as if it's coming from one of your dad's friends.

I see three possibilities to explain what you have described:

• You live in the least friendly, most paranoid, most unpleasant ward around.
• You are misinterpreting shyness or standoffishness as dislike.
• You are (perhaps unintentionally) acting in such a way as to put people out when they're interacting with you.

Let's discount #1 above immediately. It may possibly be true, though that's unlikely. But the point is, if it is true, there is nothing you can do about it. So there is no use in considering it, because it's unchangeable.

My guess is that your problem stems from some combination of #2 and #3. I suspect you are taking to heart every little thing people might do. For example, you see a couple of ladies whispering on the front row during your talk and assume they're badmouthing you. In fact, they were likely talking about how Hubert's prostectomy was coming and whether the grandkids were going to be staying all week long. I suspect that, because you feel slighted, you are giving off "bad vibes". Do you make people uncomfortable by being accusatory toward them? (E.g. "Why didn't you visit me last month, visiting teacher? Isn't my house clean enough for you?") Do you keep to yourself and not respond, or respond only minimally, when others try to converse with you? Do you assume the worst motives whenever you have a misunderstanding with someone else?

You need to concentrate your efforts on things that you can do something about, and that pretty much means your own actions toward others and your own reactions toward what others say and do. As long as you're focusing on what they're doing wrong, you are powerless to do a thing to better your situation.