What should I do?

[Backroads]

I've been dating since my freshman year of high school. I know what a real relationship is. I'm 19 so I'm not a kid. What's with people telling others to stop dating?

"Date for fun, not for a serious relationship."

Dating isn't a game. Since your advice is to not date for a serious relationship then are you suggesting people to get married for fun as well? By dating, you hope to build into a serious relationship. By dating someone you want to see if they're for you in regards to marriage and it's nearly impossible to do that by just "dating for fun". If you date to not get into a serious relationship you're defeating the purpose because it's that serious relationship that will build to marriage.

Dating just isn't for marriage. Dating is a form of courtship. Yes, eventually it should be used to find a partner, but it also exists very much as a social convention. It teaches you how to treat people, how to interact with others. That's where "Fun" dating comes in.

[slamjet]

Thank you for being one of the very few people on this entire forum to show some respect and class.

Or in other words, To whom you included in your selective hearing because they say what is closest to your version of truth within your limited understanding of relationships and life because you refuse to accept that you don't know everything about companionship although your five year old self, who barely figured out how to wipe your own butt, was more mature than those of us who've had decades of experience with relationships and, in general, life on this earth.

Just so sad.

[Backroads]

I'll say this again. I dumped her because she cheated on me. Yes we were dating exclusively.

"And if my understanding is correct, then she's one smart girl."

Wow. So you find it a smart move to cheat on someone. The junk you just said was pretty low. Then if your husband cheated on you I reckon that would be a smart move.

Me and her were dating. I was her boyfriend and she was my girlfriend. She cheated on me. I dumped her. Anatess, if you're going to comment you can at least have the decency to show an ounce of respect instead of laughing about what someone goes through.

Just to check... did you both agree to date exclusively? Were these words SAID ALOUD?

[LDSChristian]

Just to check... did you both agree to date exclusively? Were these words SAID ALOUD?

Yes!

[LDSChristian]

There you go again... letting fly with the keys without understanding what you're reading. Maybe you need to read the posts TWICE... even THRICE before you reply.

Here... let me re-post what I said...

See those bolded phrases? That means - I understood it to be that she didn't think you were dating exclusively. And, if that understanding is correct, then she's one smart girl.

GET IT?

LDSChristian, you act like a 5-year-old and thinks you're oh-so-mature.

I don't have time for that bull crap. You're not worth my time.

Yes I see the bold parts and I read it. No, your understanding is not correct. That's what makes what you said rude and disrespectful. Her and I were exclusively dating then you say it's ok for someone to cheat. By age you might be an adult but by words you're not.

Wish you the best in your life... you'll need a big dose of luck to overcome your nasty attitude. I feel bad for any girl that gets caught up in your craziness!

I'm not the one with a nasty attitude but I do have a problem with people that say cheating on someone is ok. Most people that have some kind of knowledge about relationships know cheating is wrong and there's no excuse for it. I don't feel bad for someone that dates me. Why? I'm actually pretty great. I'm going off of what others have told me so don't even try saying this is a self-centered thing. I'm pretty easy to get along with. Everyone in the ward I go to has nothing but respect for me because of who I am. I speak my mind, I tell the truth, I show others respect, I help people that need it, and other simple things. I've been made fun of all my life and have been called a lot of stuff but I've never been called a liar. People also know I'm smart when it comes to certain matters. When I say something it's for a reason and that doesn't include to be ridiculed by other "members" of the church. Many people that are older such as in their 30s think they know more simply because of their age. You don't have to be 30 to go through experiences. I also wouldn't feel bad for anyone that ends up with me because of my closeness with Christ. How many people do you know, much less at the age of 19, that would write down main points of every chapter of scripture (Old & New Testaments, Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, D&C)? See, I don't really care what others say. Yes, I will defend myself as well as the church, which is done without bashing, but I honestly don't care about the insults themselves. You people remind me of an individual in another forum I go that goes by "argenteuilrocks". He keeps saying he gives facts and isn't insulting anyone, just telling the truth. That's exactly how people here are. You say you're telling the truth while not insulting anyone yet your own words say the exact opposite.

[Wingnut]

You asked once if she was saying that cheating is okay. She clarified her comment to make sure that was not her intended feedback. I'll say it for her also: Anatess was not saying that cheating is a good thing.

By the way, your pride is showing.

[Backroads]

You don't have to be 30 to go through experiences. I also wouldn't feel bad for anyone that ends up with me because of my closeness with Christ. How many people do you know, much less at the age of 19, that would write down main points of every chapter of scripture (Old & New Testaments, Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, D&C)?

Actually, yes, you do have to have life to have life experiences.

And with all due respect, what does writing down main points of scripture have to do with being close to Christ? There's a huge difference between true spirituality and a particular study technique.

[slamjet]

*major facepalm*

Have you been married?

Have you had a job?

Have you been fired/laid off from a job?

Have you been dumped?

Have you sat there and listened to your wife's troubles and know that you need to keep your mouth SHUT because that's what she needs at that moment?

Have you had to sit there and hold your wife because she's utterly heartbroken from a miscarriage?

Have you had to be responsible for someones well being other than your own?

Have you had to deal with a friend, family member, child in jail/prison?

Have you had to deal with a friend, family member, child in the throws of an illness?

Have you felt the utter joy and the feeling of awesome responsibility on holding your first child?

Have you been called into the principles office because your child has acted up, or someone else acted up against your child?

Have you sat in a school assembly and glow for the achievement your child has been recognized for, no matter how small?

Have you sat there and helped your son or daughter work through a workbook for Scouts or some other Church award?

Have you had to explain to your child why it's not good to just take and not share?

Have you experienced the high when your child has done a selfless act for someone?

Have you been required to exercise your Priesthood for the welfare of others, other than passing the Sacrament?

Have you been called out at midnight because a friend or family was in crisis?

Have you had to financially deal with a child needing braces?

Have you had to choose between paying your electric bill or your phone bill because you're short that month and can barely pay tithing and the mortgage?

Have you had to get up at three in the morning, run out the house to an emergency room carrying your child (not a child, YOUR child) because she stopped breathing and you resuscitated her and are terrified to death for her well being?

Have you had a calling wherein you are responsible to teach by the Spirit to a group of rambunctious youth?

Have you had to kneel in prayer and beg to be given the wisdom to know how to deal with a problem with your spouse/child/family member and rejoice at having your prayer answered?

This is not even .01% of the highlights of my life, This is not even .01% of what any adult has experienced.

This is what you have not experience and what you have waiting for you. So get a bit of humility and stop making yourself wiser than you are. Otherwise you're cruising to learn the extreme hard way, let alone screw up your life.

[LDSChristian]

Actually, yes, you do have to have life to have life experiences.

And with all due respect, what does writing down main points of scripture have to do with being close to Christ? There's a huge difference between true spirituality and a particular study technique.

Which I've had.

Simple, studying. It helps to study and understand the scriptures better. When you understand the scriptures better you understand Christ better.

[Wingnut]

Put yourself through college?

Bought a car?

Paid for your own cell phone?

Paid rent?

Called off an engagement when it wasn't right?

Served a mission?

Followed the prophets' counsel on something you didn't necessarily agree with?

[LDSChristian]

*major facepalm*

Have you been married?

Have you had a job?

Have you been fired/laid off from a job?

Have you been dumped?

Have you sat there and listened to your wife's troubles and know that you need to keep your mouth SHUT because that's what she needs at that moment?

Have you had to sit there and hold your wife because she's utterly heartbroken from a miscarriage?

Have you had to be responsible for someones well being other than your own?

Have you had to deal with a friend, family member, child in jail/prison?

Have you had to deal with a friend, family member, child in the throws of an illness?

Have you felt the utter joy and the feeling of awesome responsibility on holding your first child?

Have you been called into the principles office because your child has acted up, or someone else acted up against your child?

Have you sat in a school assembly and glow for the achievement your child has been recognized for, no matter how small?

Have you sat there and helped your son or daughter work through a workbook for Scouts or some other Church award?

Have you had to explain to your child why it's not good to just take and not share?

Have you experienced the high when your child has done a selfless act for someone?

Have you been required to exercise your Priesthood for the welfare of others, other than passing the Sacrament?

Have you been called out at midnight because a friend or family was in crisis?

Have you had to financially deal with a child needing braces?

Have you had to choose between paying your electric bill or your phone bill because you're short that month and can barely pay tithing and the mortgage?

Have you had to get up at three in the morning, run out the house to an emergency room carrying your child (not a child, YOUR child) because she stopped breathing and you resuscitated her and are terrified to death for her well being?

Have you had a calling wherein you are responsible to teach by the Spirit to a group of rambunctious youth?

Have you had to kneel in prayer and beg to be given the wisdom to know how to deal with a problem with your spouse/child/family member and rejoice at having your prayer answered?

This is not even .01% of the highlights of my life, This is not even .01% of what any adult has experienced.

This is what you have not experience and what you have waiting for you. So get a bit of humility and stop making yourself wiser than you are. Otherwise you're cruising to learn the extreme hard way, let alone screw up your life.

Have you had to live knowing you were supposed to have 3 siblings but they all died, one at birth (my twin) and the other two (twins) miscarried?

Have you found out you weren't even supposed to survive birth?

Have you been shoved into a desk in kindergarten, your head getting a dent, you get taken to the hospital, and the doctor saying you're either going to die or have seizures for the rest of your life?

Have you had one grandpa to be killed over liquor?

Have you had a great grandpa to kill himself?

Have you had a great uncle to shoot himself in the head?

Did you ever find out you had pneumonia as a baby and you were close to dying?

Have you ever had the "dye" they give you at the hospital as a little child before an MRI and swelling up completely, your tongue going in and out, and were close to dying because of being allergic to it so badly?

Have you had to watch your grandmother having the plug pulled on her in the hospital?

Did you find out you were fondled as a baby by a member of the church as well as a friend of that person who was also a member?

Have you fell out of car when young, busted your head so wide open you were covered quickly from head to foot in blood and get numerous stitches at the hospital for it?

Were you bullied day after day from day one of middle school until the end of high school?

That's just a very small bit of what I've been through. I've been close to death more than 3 times in my life. I've been through suicides in the family as well as friends being killed in car accidents. All of those questions plus a lot more is what I've went through. That might be small compared to the list you gave but, besides that being just a bit of what I've been through, you see how severe those things are. Do NOT make the mistake and tell someone they haven't experienced life because of their age.

Edited February 28, 2011 by LDSChristian

[Backroads]

Children, children, this isn't a "who has the worst life" competition.

LDSChristian, you are giving off an attitude that you have suffered much more than anyone here. This does not make you more mature than anyone. Too many of your posts have demonstrated a "poor me" attitude and a lack of maturity. You are suffering from the delusion that you are more than prepared to head out into the world.

[Soulsearcher]

Have you had to live knowing you were supposed to have 3 siblings but they all died, one at birth (my twin) and the other two (twins) miscarried?

Have you found out you weren't even supposed to survive birth?

Have you been shoved into a desk in kindergarten, your head getting a dent, you get taken to the hospital, and the doctor saying you're either going to die or have seizures for the rest of your life?

Have you had one grandpa to be killed over liquor?

Have you had a great grandpa to kill himself?

Have you had a great uncle to shoot himself in the head?

Did you ever find out you had pneumonia as a baby and you were close to dying?

Have you ever had the "dye" they give you at the hospital as a little child before an MRI and swelling up completely, your tongue going in and out, and were close to dying because of being allergic to it so badly?

Have you attempted suicide twice?

Have you had to watch your grandmother having the plug pulled on her in the hospital?

Did you find out you were fondled as a baby by a member of the church as well as a friend of that person who was also a member?

Have you fell out of car when young, busted your head so wide open you were covered quickly from head to foot in blood and get numerous stitches at the hospital for it?

Were you bullied day after day from day one of middle school until the end of high school?

That's just a very small bit of what I've been through. I've been close to death more than 3 times in my life. I've been through suicides in the family as well as friends being killed in car accidents. All of those questions plus a lot more is what I've went through. That might be small compared to the list you gave but, besides that being just a bit of what I've been through, you see how severe those things are. Do NOT make the mistake and tell someone they haven't experienced life because of their age.

Sever and life effecting yes, also kinda explains a few things about you, however a very different form of experience. We've all had rough times growing up, and i actually can say yes to many of your experiences being mine as well. The point being made is those are what formed you, and you can give insight about those things, but the perspective and realms they cover are very different from that of people who are quite a bit older. In youth we tend to have many experiences that we can't fully evaluate til we are older, we've lived them, but don't always get their relevance till much past the time they happened. Time is an amazing teacher and yes i know it sounds patronizing but even at over 30 I'm still starting to just learn to understand many of my life experiences from my youth and my life to this point. Don't discount the insight that comes from age, it give a lot of extra reflections.

[Backroads]

Also, your experiences are largely personal. They have very little to do with things that happen within relationship of two or more people.

[LDSChristian]

Children, children, this isn't a "who has the worst life" competition.

LDSChristian, you are giving off an attitude that you have suffered much more than anyone here. This does not make you more mature than anyone. Too many of your posts have demonstrated a "poor me" attitude and a lack of maturity. You are suffering from the delusion that you are more than prepared to head out into the world.

It does make the "age = experience" theory null and void.

And seriously? You're going to sit there and make light of those things? I nearly died. I'm lucky to even be alive. My attitude is not that I've suffered more than others, it's the fact that I've suffered more than people here have thought possible for someone 19. What I've been through has given me experience of what life is like. So people here don't even care about others. Not like that's new though. Since all you said was "too many of your posts" then I'll respond by referencing the overall things that's happened since I've been here. Give pretty good theories and get insulted. Give evidence from the scriptures themselves about certain things and somehow people wanted to talk that down. Give opinions on sex therapy and my preferences for the kind of girl I want to marry and somehow people want to disprove an opinion and preference which is impossible to do. Although I do have people from LDSchat backing me up with what I said since I asked them for their opinion. I asked for activity advice and all I got was insults. I asked how to handle a situation with a girl I like and people say I shouldn't date at all because they claim I'm not ready yet I am. Then someone gave a list of what they went through and you people clicked "thanks" yet I did the same thing and you completely throw it out the window which is pretty hypocritical. I find many posts from many people here demonstrating a lack of maturity.

[LDSChristian]

Also, your experiences are largely personal. They have very little to do with things that happen within relationship of two or more people.

I've been there as well.

[Wingnut]

It does make the "age = experience" theory null and void.

>snip<

I find many posts from many people here demonstrating a lack of maturity.

Experience doesn't automatically = maturity, despite the conclusions you seem to have reached on the matter.

[slamjet]

Look, I'm not playing tit-for-tat. I've had things happen to me before the age of 10 that would curl a person's toes. And I'm not dismissing what you've been through. What I'm saying is all that is well and good to put all that down as experience, but in truth, none of what you just posted is a product of your decisions. Nor was any of it a matter of your personal responsibility. So go ahead and trot out all the tragedy that you've had. I can assure you, from what you have posted you have only responded by lashing out, looking for comfort in all the wrong places and not gathered it all up and placing it in it's proper context in life. That comes with life's experience, which you are short of.

You are now an adult. The decisions you will be making from here on out affects not only you, but those around you. What you have yet to do is step outside of yourself, view and understand the impact your decisions will make not only on you, but on everyone around you. In other words, you show a high level of selfishness, and a low level of empathy. You need to get those balanced if you are going to make proper, life changing, life sustaining and joyful decisions. Otherwise, you are only going to continue to reach out and desperately try to feed your need for happiness, but it will never be satisfied.

[Backroads]

It does make the "age = experience" theory null and void.

No it doesn't. It justs says that you've had lots of bad things happen to you. From what I'm reading, you seem very self-righteous that you were a martyr.

And seriously? You're going to sit there and make light of those things? I nearly died. I'm lucky to even be alive.

I never made light of them. I just don't think your "I've suffered" attitude is appropriate.

My attitude is not that I've suffered more than others, it's the fact that I've suffered more than people here have thought possible for someone 19. What I've been through has given me experience of what life is like.

Whoever said we didn't think a 19-year old suffered that much? Again, you seem to think you're the only person who has reached 19 years of age with as much as you've been through. And your experiences have not taught you what life is like: they've taught you what YOUR life is like.

So people here don't even care about others. Not like that's new though.

You have a very dismal and paranoid and bitter view of people in general, don't you? This is a sign of a maturity problem and also a red flag for anything relationships.

Since all you said was "too many of your posts" then I'll respond by referencing the overall things that's happened since I've been here. Give pretty good theories and get insulted. Give evidence from the scriptures themselves about certain things and somehow people wanted to talk that down. Give opinions on sex therapy and my preferences for the kind of girl I want to marry and somehow people want to disprove an opinion and preference which is impossible to do.

1. Your theories were not pretty good. Most of them were simplistic and unresearched. You were not interested in learning anything, just stating your thoughts as fact.

2. You gave your opinions, but never backed them. Just said they were your opinion. You never explained why you felt that way. As for those opinions, everyone else has the right to dispute your opinions, why they feel different, why they even feel your opinion is wrong.

Although I do have people from LDSchat backing me up with what I said since I asked them for their opinion.

I never saw this expressed.

Then someone gave a list of what they went through and you people clicked "thanks" yet I did the same thing and you completely throw it out the window which is pretty hypocritical. I find many posts from many people here demonstrating a lack of maturity.

That was a general list of relationship-only situations, not a list of tragedies.

I asked for activity advice and all I got was insults. I asked how to handle a situation with a girl I like and people say I shouldn't date at all because they claim I'm not ready yet I am.

[ryanh]

Do NOT make the mistake and tell someone they haven't experienced life because of their age.

I don't understand. If you feel that it is experiences (especially bad ones) that gives wisdom and understanding, then why do you so summarily dismiss the understanding of others who have extensive experience? Shouldn't your assertion mean you ought to give more weight to the advice of those that have experienced far more in the realms of relationship than you have? Esp people that have actually experienced deaths of significant relationships - including one or more marriages?

[Connie]

Speaking as a woman who met and began dating her now husband at 16 years of age (and married him in the temple 4 years later after he served a mission), I would counsel you to not reject the advice of age and experience. You have been given some very good advice because it is reiterating the advice of our prophets, or in other words of our Lord and Savior Himself.

I would advise you to make yourself excessively and zealously familiar with the basics of the gospel including the standards that apply to us all in matters of dating, marriage and sex. Those standards are very easily accessible to us. You can find them here and here.

As it seems you are planning on serving a mission I would further advise you to take a missionary prep course if there is one available in your area. If not, you could perhaps at least read through the manual. You may also like to read this special issue of the New Era on preparing to serve a mission. And, of course, you should make yourself very familiar with the Preach My Gospel manual.

Best wishes to you.

Edited February 28, 2011 by Connie

[Dravin]

Do NOT make the mistake and tell someone they haven't experienced life because of their age.

Well, as an absolute statement it would be incorrect to say someone hasn't experienced life because of their age due to the fact that unless we are talking to someone who never lived they would have experienced some amount of life. That said such comments are generally made with the implication of in relation to someone else. One could also probably tack on the implication of it being in regards to a subject. For instance the experience of say, climbing Mt. Everest, generally isn't considered to be a wisdom inducing experience for how to conduct yourself in a job interview or what have you.

Edited February 28, 2011 by Dravin

[MorningStar]

Feb. 25th - You start a thread asking about date ideas for the 16-year-old girl you love who also loves you. When others suggest you exercise caution and warn you about the possible consequences you could end up dealing with, you call people immature.

Feb. 25th - You start a thread about "dating laws" being contradictory because a 16-year-old can get parental permission to get married.

Feb. 26th - You report back about your success in being alone with this girl without giving in to temptation.

Feb. 26th - Same day. You start this thread about a girl your same age and wonder if you're meant to be together.

Feb. 26th - You start a thread about a girl you dated for about 6 months simply because she announced you were her boyfriend even though you never actually made it out on your date to the movies and didn't state that you wanted to be exclusive.

I don't know if you're yanking our chain, but if this is for real, I think it would be a good idea just to focus on your own progress and realize you do not have to be in a relationship with someone at all times. I had friends who were in "monkey bar relationships", always hanging on to one boyfriend while reaching for another. They felt like they always had to be with someone and they settled for tumultuous relationships instead of being patient and taking their time to find something healthy for them.

[LDSChristian]

Speaking as a woman who met and began dating her now husband at 16 years of age (and married him in the temple 4 years later after he served a mission), I would counsel you to not reject the advice of age and experience. You have been given some very good advice because it is reiterating the advice of our prophets, or in other words of our Lord and Savior Himself.

I would advise you to make yourself excessively and zealously familiar with the basics of the gospel including the standards that apply to us all in matters of dating, marriage and sex. Those standards are very easily accessible to us. You can find them here and here.

As it seems you are planning on serving a mission I would further advise you to take a missionary prep course if there is one available in your area. If not, you could perhaps at least read through the manual. You may also like to read this special issue of the New Era on preparing to serve a mission. And, of course, you should make yourself very familiar with the Preach My Gospel manual.

Best wishes to you.

Thanks. I do care for opposing view-points, it's how people go about it I don't care for. What you said was good because you actually gave some facts and sources which is something I've rarely seen here so thank you. And yes, I plan on serving a mission. In fact I'm meeting with the bishop either this Wednesday or Sunday about the paper work and all that. I've read the scriptures before but since the end of last year I've actually studied them such as writing things down I come across in them as well as using the internet to look up things in regards to the history the Book of Mormon gives as well as the Bible. I find it equally important to not only know the scriptures, but also the history involved as well as some of the geography. Again, thank you for being respectful in your post. I have one notebook to write all the main points of all chapters of the Old Testament. One for the New Testament. One for the Book of Mormon. One for the Pearl of Great Price and D&C. I also have another notebook I'll use to group verses together. Use a page for verses relating to baptism, one for verses relating to the restoration, things of that nature.

Edited March 1, 2011 by LDSChristian

[LDSChristian]

I don't understand. If you feel that it is experiences (especially bad ones) that gives wisdom and understanding, then why do you so summarily dismiss the understanding of others who have extensive experience? Shouldn't your assertion mean you ought to give more weight to the advice of those that have experienced far more in the realms of relationship than you have? Esp people that have actually experienced deaths of significant relationships - including one or more marriages?

No offense but I wouldn't want relationship advice from someone who's been married more than once if it's due to a divorce.