Scared, not sure why?

[blushot]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I'd like to share with you a little about me and where I've come from before I ask my question…

I was baptised 4 years ago and married a lovely woman who was born in the gospel, (her parents are converts). I am not endowed and we are not sealed together. She is endowed and doesn't attend that temple although she has an amazing testimony and is incredibly active in her calling and in the service she gives to others around her.

I have had my temple prep classes a few times and have had a recommend interview with the stake president (3years ago) which left me feeling really put off and scared of going through. Not because I had done anything wrong. I came out of the interview excited, with a recommend and shortly after I started feeling really uneasy. I don't know why.

I have been a member for 4 years now and still haven't gone through. I get nagged by some friends at church which just puts me off even more (I can be stubborn and rebellious that way). My wife very seldom lets me know that she want to be sealed to me although I know she wants that with all of her heart. I don't feel ready or prepared to go and a part of me feels really inadequate.

My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mom remarried.

I am very active at church and in my callings and don't struggle with anything. My testimony was shook last year when I tried to help a less active who had read a lot of anti-mormon literature. I thought that by understanding what he read would best help me to understand and help him get his testimony back. At the time I was serving as assistant ward mission leader. Now as 1st Councillor in Elders Quorum. I can't honestly say that my testimony of the church is solid after this experience.

I read my scriptures daily and pray daily with my wife. My prayers could probably be more sincere and more time spent praying. If we have an argument or an upset I don't want to pray or do anything spiritual, I'm guessing this is natural.

My question to you all is from the vague background I have given to you above, what advice can you give to me in order for me to progress and move forward and go through the temple which I know is the next step I need to take both for myself and my wife?

[pam]

Maybe the words of Spencer W. Kimball? "Just do it"

[coopadoo]

I'm a convert, too. Sometimes I feel that I'm inadequate because I don't have the background of some members who have been in the church since birth. I understand what you're feeling. There are so many times when I think, "Well, maybe I would be better if I had been baptized when I was eight and did all the rites of passage that others have." (I joined when I was 25.) I have read anti-Mormon literature too, and it has left me feeling shaken at times. Don't do that. The Adversary has many manipulative tricks up his sleeve, and those are just part of it. Pray. It's hard, but do it. I'm the same way. Prayer is hard for me, but it helps. You will find that you are spiritually stronger than you thought you were.

[pam]

I've been a member my entire life. Sometimes I wish I had been a convert. Only in the fact that everything is so new and so exciting for a convert as they are learning and progressing. Sometimes those of us need to see things from a converts eyes to get a spark back.

[Cuda]

I was baptized when I was 8 and was very active up until 16, and then very inactive for about 10 years before coming back.

I think my wife and I took the Temple prep class 5 or 6 times before finally doing it. (the problem was me, not my sweetie who is a convert).

Anyway, I'm not certain after all that wait that I was still ready and sure I wanted to go through with this. I'm not sure why. The thought of being sealed to my wife and 2 year old son was motivational to say the least. But finally after much prayer we committed to going and did so.

As I reflect back on that time, I still can not say why I was hesitant. But the older I am getting, and the more I go to the Temple, the more convinced I am that satan had a big hand in this. I have noticed every time we plan a Temple outing there are suddenly all kinds of things that pop up out of no where to try and keep us from going. We finally came the the conclusion this was satan using his means to try and stop us. We have finally come to expect it, and go regardless. We have always been blessed for our efforts.

I would suggest deep sincere prayer, fasting, and waiting on that still small voice to guide you. But when you get that confirmation, act on it quick. Don't let the advesary stop you from doing what the Lord would have you do.

Prayers for you to do the right thing Brother.

[Wingnut]

She is endowed and doesn't attend that temple although she has an amazing testimony and is incredibly active in her calling and in the service she gives to others around her.

My wife very seldom lets me know that she want to be sealed to me although I know she wants that with all of her heart.

Though I agree with Pam's initial response for the most part, the above two quotes give me pause. Are you just assuming that her testimony is still "amazing" and that she wants "with all of her heart" to be sealed, or has she said those things to you? Is it possible that your wife is struggling with her testimony?

[jayanna]

My hubby had a really hard time going to the temple for the first time. Every time I brought it up, we would have an argument...he was scared. He didn't know what to expect, he felt like people would stare at him (which he hates). I took it personally and assumed that he didn't want to go with me to be sealed. So...we kind of eloped to be sealed. There were only about 4 members from our ward there, and 2 of them just happened to be at the temple that day. Also, we went during the day on a weekday, so there were less people.

It was not anything like he was afraid it was going to be like. You can read a lot about the temple in the old testament, minus animal sacrifices of course, and I would suggest reading the Pearl of Great Price. Other than that, it sounds like you are ready to go.

There isn't anything to be afraid of. Some of my friends were getting ready to go through and were worried about making new covenants without knowing beforehand what they were, and I told them (like I'm telling you) if you are temple worthy, you're already living them, you are already there...going to the temple is just making it official.

As far as the sealing ordinance is concerned there is a brief description of it in the Gospel Principles manual Gospel Principles Chapter 38: Eternal Marriage

The sealing part itself is short and sweet. The temple is amazing, beautiful, peaceful, and the people that work there are so kind and caring, it is easy to imagine what the world to come will be like. It reminds me of being at my grandma's house when I was little, quiet and calm, and safe, and cared for.

It has always been my greatest desire to be a temple worker when I grow up. One time right after I was endowed, I was sitting in the celestial room, where people mostly just sit and pray, it's very quiet in there, and I sneezed, a big one, I put my hands on my face and closed my eyes, thinking "OH NO! where do they keep the tissues...?" I opened my eyes and there was the most grandmotheriest sister standing there in a white dress, smiling, and holding out a box of tissues for me to take. I have no idea what her name was, and I've never seen her since, but that is what I want to be someday.

It is true, the adversary doesn't want you to go, he wants you to be afraid, and embarrassed and generally stubborn, etc. When you make your appointment to go, be really really prepared, because he will throw everything he's got at you...you'll argue, cars break down, temple clothing forgotten, financial issues, the works. Go anyway, just take the paperwork, and the temple has extra everything, just get there. Have a back up car, another couple going in a separate car and even a back up cell phone. He is real.

I went and some time later (within the year) my hubby went. I think he kinda needed recon. Surely you have made one or two friends in your ward you can trust, ask them some descreet questions about the temple if you want, they can at least give you a general opinion. Also DON't read some weirdo stuff you can find on the internet about the ordinances...I have just for curiosity sake...and it's always way way off. There are no words on a page to describe how great it is to be there. You won't be stared at, and you will have someone right there with you to guide everything little thing and answer your questions. It's great. Go.

[blushot]

Though I agree with Pam's initial response for the most part, the above two quotes give me pause. Are you just assuming that her testimony is still "amazing" and that she wants "with all of her heart" to be sealed, or has she said those things to you? Is it possible that your wife is struggling with her testimony?

I know this because she has told me that she wants to be sealed to me and sometimes she drops the hint in a loving way. If my friends at church are talking to me about it and she is there she joins in... My stubborness or problem with going has really upset her in the past but she loves me so much and is willing to wait for that day I trample this hurdle!

I know her testimony is strong and that she has no problems with anything, she has told me so and when we do engage in spiritual conversations or discuss something after reading scriptures you just now it, she has a firm testimony.

She has only been through the temple twice and she has said that she wants to go with me the next time.

[blushot]

I've been a member my entire life. Sometimes I wish I had been a convert. Only in the fact that everything is so new and so exciting for a convert as they are learning and progressing. Sometimes those of us need to see things from a converts eyes to get a spark back.

I have sometimes thought to myself how I wish I had grown up in the church so that I could have attended seminary etc. I have an assignement in primary and listening to those little boys makes me realise how much they are learning and how the process is at a wonderful pace but then I also think it has it's disadvantages because I've seen some long time members take it for granted the blessing of the gospel.

I agree that being a convert everything is exciting and new and the spark is amazing but it too has it's disadvantages, learning too much all at once, what is the saying "too much too soon" and I think this may have overwhelmed me in the past.

There's definitly advantages and disadvantages to both sides but either way I love that I have the gospel in my life no matter where I'm at!

[Gwen]

it's kinda like having kids, no matter how "prepared" you think you are you're never ready.

you won't ever be "perfect" enough to go. something you might take comfort in.... you don't have to be. god doesn't expect you to be. i'm sure having had the prep classes you have heard of the prayer circle. ppl in attendance join together in prayer. not everyone in the room is an active participate, only those that wish to do so. right before the prayer is to begin they ask if there is anyone in the the circle that you have hard feelings for to please sit down.

that always makes me smile. they give you an opportunity to opt out if your out of sorts and it might prevent the spirit from being present. why would they do that if everyone there is perfect? perfect ppl don't have those feelings, right? they always have the spirit, don't they? it's a very open acknowledgment that you can have such feelings and be worthy to be there. that's always brought comfort to me. i've seriously thought about it, is there anyone i could realistically be at the temple with and not be able to participate in the prayer circle with them. there are a few ppl that right now i could not in good conscious be there, i guess that tells me what i need to work on. lol

the temple isn't the crowning event, that's after the judgment. the temple is a stepping stone on the path, that's all. if you don't go you can't progress. we are all ready for that step at different times. ignore those that want to think they know what is best for you. do things at the right time for you. but if that path is the one you want to go down don't let others scare you from it or refuse to go simply because they are trying to push you. you don't even have to tell anyone when you go, get your recommend and then plan it on your terms (the temple needs to know in advance of course but the ward does not). elope so to speak if ppl are being busy bodies. lol

[blushot]

you won't ever be "perfect" enough to go. something you might take comfort in....

This does give me comfort... I'm so far from it! :)

[Idora]

Right now you're thinking too much. You know the right decision.

I don't know your personal situation but sometimes people choose not to go because deep down inside they feel they are not worthy enough- whether they are or they aren't.

Right now, get everything out on the table. If you have to, write everything down; everything that's bothering you, every reason why you believe you're hesitant. If there is sin involved you feel you can't overcome, take it to your bishop. Don't be afraid to approach him either, it's not as scary as it sounds. Find those things that you believe are making you hesitant and approach them, starting with a sincere prayer.

In fact, while my husband and I were dating and becoming more serious, I knew one day I would be going to the temple with him and it terrified me. Besides Satan trying to grasp me and get me to back down, I was afraid because I knew there were things in my past I felt I hadn't been fully repentant of. I prayed out all of my fears to my heavenly father. The answer I received was to take all of my fears to my bishop so I could clear everything up. So, I mustered up the courage and went to see my bishop. I confessed everything I possibly could and poured my heart out to him, including my fears. He prayed for me over the next couple of weeks, and when I went back to see him again, he told me the Lord had forgiven me and it was time to forgive myself. I had to go through a painful repentance process because some of those sins needed it, but when the bishop told me I had been forgiven...an incredible amount of weight was lifted off my shoulders and I KNEW I was ready then. I am so grateful to this day I let out all of my fears regardless of how deep and sought Priesthood counsel.

We were sealed in the temple several weeks later, worthily, and I can't even begin to express how wonderful it was and how glad I am I chose to move forward. You will find incredible peace, joy, happiness and strength if you move forward.

Sorry this was long. Again, you know what decision needs to be made. So, do it.

[rex8499]

I've been a member for 3.5 years and just finally made it through the temple with my wife (lifelong member) about 7 months ago. As Pam said originally, "Just Do It!" If your wife is willing to go with you, that should be a big comfort.

You'll feel scared and intimidated and insecure until you just get it done and actually know what it is all about. The fear of the unknown is the worst fear of all.

[Guest Alana]

Not to diminish the sacredness of the temple or the importance of the covenants made there, but I really view receiving your endowments as just an other small step. Once you go, there won't be any radical change in how you live your life if you're already worthy for a temple recommend. There will be blessings and there will still be challenges, but really it's just an other step.

When I was getting ready to go to the temple a little over a year ago I was very hesitant. I wasn't sure it was the right time for me. I knew I wanted to go, but wasn't sure I was supposed to go at that time. I was a little confused and couldn't come to a clear answer. Finally I realize that all my thoughts of hesitancy and fear were leaving me with a sour, confused feel and were pretty much Satan trying to have his way with me. My answer from Heavenly Father that it was the right time to go wasn't a direct 'yes' after prayer or a direct confirmation from the Holy Ghost. It was more of a 'there's no reason not to other than fear, you're ready/worthy even though you feel inadequate at times and you know from talks from the prophets that Heavenly Father wants his children to go to the temple."

SO, I went. It was great. There are great blessings but the things I feared? No big deal at all.

[blushot]

ok so I asked if she wanted to set a date :)

I still feel incredibly nervous and afraid though!

[Iggy]

I have sometimes thought to myself how I wish I had grown up in the church so that I could have attended seminary etc.<<snip>>

I agree that being a convert everything is exciting and new and the spark is amazing but it too has it's disadvantages, learning too much all at once, what is the saying "too much too soon" and I think this may have overwhelmed me in the past.

It wasn't until I was in a ward in AZ- that I came to the conclusion that those members BIC (born in the church) had a distinct disadvantage. I was converted & baptized at age 14-went inactive at 18- reactivated after 30 years. For the most part, their testimonies were not their own. They were hanging onto the coat tails of their parents & grandparents testimonies.

Yes, they were 'raised' in the Church. They were baptized at age 8 or 9. But they never Converted. At some point, all of the BIC's MUST convert. They MUST learn that Jesus Christ is their Savior, that Joseph Smith was God's Prophet of the restoration. They must nurture and gain their OWN testimony.

What you, as an adult convert, feel after baptism & confirmation is far from what most BIC's feel at 8 or 9 after baptism. I barely remember my baptism at 14. I had the flu (discovered that two days later), and during my decades of inactivity, I was a heavy drinker and most of my memory is shot because of it). But I do remember being confirmed- and the elation, burning in the bosom, the still small voice, the all over the body goosebumps that I felt.

This is also what I felt when I received my endowments at the Temple. By the time I left the Temple, I was so exhausted I was grateful I had not driven myself there (3 hour drive). I feel this every time I attend the Temple- so when I go solo, I get a motel room because I am too tired for the drive home.

After reactivation, I was Primary 1st Councilor for four years in a small branch, and of course I witnessed many 8 & 9 years olds getting baptized and confirmed. Out of a dozen + only one 9 year old actually had a testimony and knew what he was doing. The rest were getting baptized to please every one else. It was a rite of passage more than anything else.

Right now you're thinking too much. You know the right decision. <<snip>>

Right now, get everything out on the table. If you have to, write everything down; everything that's bothering you, every reason why you believe you're hesitant. If there is sin involved you feel you can't overcome, take it to your bishop. Don't be afraid to approach him either, it's not as scary as it sounds. Find those things that you believe are making you hesitant and approach them, starting with a sincere prayer.

From what I have read you don't feel worthy- that is where the fear is coming from. Have you discovered where you feel unworthy? Break it down, and address each point, as Idora says where I have quoted her. But address this with Heavenly Father first.

Yep, take your written list, get behind closed doors, on your knees next to your bed. Talk with Father as though He were kneeling right next to you. Go point by point, express out loud each point, then pause for Father to talk to you and listen with your heart. Remember- Father knows your heart. He knows when you are dodging the truth - BUT you must voice it to Him, ask, out loud, for His help in strengthening you. Also banish the adversary- Say it out loud, Banish the adversary from me, in your prayers. I had to do this on a daily basis in every prayer, from the time I first started the preparedness lessons, until I stepped inside the Temple. Satan did NOT want to let go.

I pray that you find the strength and confirmation that you are worthy.

[blushot]

From what I have read you don't feel worthy- that is where the fear is coming from

From submitting this post to now I have had a lot of time to think about how I'm feeling... I am starting to agree with the above, perhaps on the most part I don't feel worthy and this is something I need to work out.

I'm going to take yours and Idora's advice and write down my feelings, and then take that to Heavenly Father...

As I said in my earlier post, I told my wife I want to set a date and she is really happy and can't wait :) I thought by making a commitment to her and by us setting a date willl help me face up to this fear.

[rex8499]

Absolutely! Git R Done!

[blushot]

First off I'm going to apologise if I'm not meant to share what I am about too! It is something that I've not mentioned as it slipped my mind... In my patriarchal blessing it says:

"I bless you with health and strength so that you can raise a righteous family and therefore you and your wife can have the joy of being saviours upon Mount Zion unto them, for the time will come when you will all be sealed together and that will be by way of a reward for you."

We have no children (yet :) ) and I have always understood this as we will be sealed when we have children rather than before we have children.

This is one thing that I don't really understand - should I? It just stands out to me...

[classylady]

First off I'm going to apologise if I'm not meant to share what I am about too! It is something that I've not mentioned as it slipped my mind... In my patriarchal blessing it says:

"I bless you with health and strength so that you can raise a righteous family and therefore you and your wife can have the joy of being saviours upon Mount Zion unto them, for the time will come when you will all be sealed together and that will be by way of a reward for you."

We have no children (yet :) ) and I have always understood this as we will be sealed when we have children rather than before we have children.

This is one thing that I don't really understand - should I? It just stands out to me...

If I understand what you're saying, you feel your Patriarchal blessing refers to you going to the Temple after you have children? Interpretation of a Patriarchal blessing can take years to understand, and sometimes, different meanings can come into play as time goes by, and as we progress spiritually. I've understood Patriarchal blessings can have meanings that reach into the eternities--forwards and backwards. My feeling is, (and these are my thoughts only) that you have children who are waiting to come into mortality--and as such, you are their parents to be. I think your blessing is speaking to you as a parent. But, it is up to you to interpret your own blessing--through prayer, and sometimes just by living life.

[blushot]

If I understand what you're saying, you feel your Patriarchal blessing refers to you going to the Temple after you have children? Interpretation of a Patriarchal blessing can take years to understand, and sometimes, different meanings can come into play as time goes by, and as we progress spiritually. I've understood Patriarchal blessings can have meanings that reach into the eternities--forwards and backwards. My feeling is, (and these are my thoughts only) that you have children who are waiting to come into mortality--and as such, you are their parents to be. I think your blessing is speaking to you as a parent. But, it is up to you to interpret your own blessing--through prayer, and sometimes just by living life.

Yes, you are right there. I will add though that this is not stopping me from going but rather something that I have yet to understand and only questioning.

I like your take on it, thank you... what you have said makes sense and yes, it is something I have included on my list to take to Heavenly Father.

[jayanna]

"I bless you with health and strength so that you can raise a righteous family and therefore you and your wife can have the joy of being saviours upon Mount Zion unto them, for the time will come when you will all be sealed together and that will be by way of a reward for you."

...

I think that you are thinking of it as 'family' is you, your wife, and kids, but really it is a long line of posterity...many generations that will be sealed together because of what you and your wife will do. Also think of your family in the past, you can't do their work and have them sealed to you until you are endowed and sealed to your wife.

Get your PB out and look at the punctuation here, I think it's important. I think 'family' is past and future generations that are depending on you to get this work done.