Just found myself in one of those awkward moments and I didn't even realize it

[Backroads]

This evening I went to the local high school to see a play. After the play, I ran into my two little 17-year-old brothers and this boy "Jim" who I have known since he was a toddler. Brothers and Jim were chatting it up, and I started chatting with them.

The Saturday before Easter, my friend's family throws a giant paintball game. It began as a family affair years before and has since exploded into crazy social warfare. Without even thinking about it, I invited Jim as I know he's very much into paintball.

As we left, my sisters were furious with me. Apparently, they don't want Jim at the paintball game and they doubt our brothers want him there either.

I was not told that Jim is currently a bad name in the family household until that moment. My parents are very unhappy with this kid. Now, he's been slightly wild the past few years, but nothing truly terrible. My two little brothers are fine, upstanding young men, and I personally think they are a great influence on Jim.

As the story of the bad taste of Jim poured out, it seemed the only concrete reason my family currently has against Jim is the fact that he can be a very negative person, has a dirty mouth, and got into a car accident during the Festival of Colors that prevented my brothers from getting home on time. The rest, from what I gleaned, were things my brothers should have handled on their own or my parents simply should have said "no" to.

Even so, the bottom line is that my parents really don't want my brothers hanging out with Jim (please understand that my parents never ground, don't give many sharp instructions outside common sense rules, and pretty much let consequences affect us, so it's not like they will deny anyone the presence of Jim.)

Well, I'm caught here. On one hand, if I had known of the bad feelings beforehand, I never would have invited this kid anywhere. I now feel like an idiot and that I have messed a lot of things up and have brought around a kid my siblings really don't want to have around. On the other hand, it's my invitation, I think my brothers should stand up for themselves and take a little more responsibility for their actions, and even that my family is being rather self-righteous.

I've already discreetly texted my brothers that I could disinvite Jim or something if they want me to. There's also a very good chance he won't have his license back in time. I hate causing bad feelings.

Or should I just let it go and expect my family to get over it?

[findingmyway]

Let Jim play. You can always kick him out (in a nice way of course). Maybe Jim needs to be around your brothers or your family to counter that bad influence he has. Maybe he will leave feeling like 'WOW.... I like what they have'. Something positive. If he starts getting out of hand, well, youre responsible. You can ask him to stop cussing, or being so negative... and you have your brothers to back you up. This could be a good experience for him, but if he shows up and cause problems in the family, and hes not respectful..... worse case scenario, you can all gang up and execute him with the paintball guns (jokes of course)

[classylady]

Let Jim play. You can always kick him out (in a nice way of course). Maybe Jim needs to be around your brothers or your family to counter that bad influence he has. Maybe he will leave feeling like 'WOW.... I like what they have'. Something positive. If he starts getting out of hand, well, youre responsible. You can ask him to stop cussing, or being so negative... and you have your brothers to back you up. This could be a good experience for him, but if he shows up and cause problems in the family, and hes not respectful..... worse case scenario, you can all gang up and execute him with the paintball guns (jokes of course)

I agree, let him play. He may not cause a problem at all. And if he does, you can quietly talk to him and explain "this sort of behavior isn't accepted here". It may be a positive experience for him. It may possibly be that you and your family are this boys' "angels". You may be the ones that are meant to help him. And it may possibly be, that this will be the last activity he does with your family, and he quietly goes off and lives his own life from now on. I think your family can handle the situation for one evening. Sounds like you have a good, strong family--they'll survive.

[Guest]

Depends on who owns the yard that the game is played in. If it's public property - like a park or something - then sure. Let Jim's invitation stand as your guest. If one of your sisters owns the yard - or if the owner of the yard is anti-Jim, then yeah, you might have to respect their wishes on the matter.

In any case, go have fun!

[JudoMinja]

Since it seems Jim hasn't done anything "really" wrong, I see no reason why your family cannot endure his presence for one paintball game. If everyone really feels that he is such bad news, your brothers would not have been speaking with him in the first place. I've had some friends that my parents didn't really "approve" of, and as long as they didn't get me into any real trouble, my family endured.

[Guest mormonmusic]

If I was you, I would sit down with your family and explain the conundrum, and get a family consensus on what to do with Jim. Utlimately, your family relationships are more important in my view. Here you can apologize for acting unilaterally and potentially, come up with a solution everyone feels good about.

[applepansy]

I agree with Mormonmusic about getting your family on board. And I agree with findingmyway about letting him play.

Do both! :)

[Backroads]

I think I just might approach the whole family and see how much it really bothers them. I could always go with the idea that my family members were also invited to this, that the game is indeed on public proberty, but that might just make things worse. I tend to absorb bad feelings, so it's pretty crucial to me that everyone feels at least okay about this. Thanks, everyone.

[Family_Man]

It seems like your brothers won't be hanging out with Jim. Rather, he will be hanging out with your brothers. The difference? When Jim is the host, his rules and social norms are more prevalent. Whereas if it is you, your brothers etc hosting, then your social norms will have center stage.

I would aproach your family with the idea that this young man needs help, and is best helped by being surrounded by good influence.

You could use a scripture like this:

10And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples.

11And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?

12But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick

[Bini]

Anatess, made a valid point. Not sure if anyone took note of it. But depending on WHOSE property you're on, if the owner prohibits certain persons and or activities on it, you don't have much say in the matter.

I fully agree, respectfully chiming in and talking about your thoughts on the issue with your family is a great move. Maybe you'll make a point they can agree with you on. Having said that, your parents make the household rules and your brothers are still minors, so whatever their final word on the matter is, should be respected too. Life isn't always fair. Sometimes we need to protect the union of our own families when facing a raged bull.

[Backroads]

Anatess, made a valid point. Not sure if anyone took note of it. But depending on WHOSE property you're on, if the owner prohibits certain persons and or activities on it, you don't have much say in the matter.

Oh, I took notice. The game is on completely public property.