How Many Mormons Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

[prisonchaplain]

How many Catholics? ... None, they use candles.

How many Fundamentalists? ...None, they don't believe in change.

How many Pentecostals? ... Seven, one to change the bulb, and six to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Charismatics? ... Just one...and her hands are already raised.

How many Baptists? ... Fifteen: 12 to serve on four different committees, one to be the fried chicken, one to bring the potato salad, and one to do the work.

How many government employees? Twenty-seven: 12 to serve on those four different committees, 8 to complete proposals and after-action reports, four to supervise, two to stand by as relief, and one to attempt to screw the new bulb into a water faucet.

So, how many Mormons does it take? (This may sound to PC or "new age" but there may be more than one right answer)

[Fiannan]

If this is a jokes thread:

How does one get an American into a compact car?

Grease his/her hips and throw in a box of doughnuts.

And how does the American solve this problem for the long term?

Sue the maker of the compact car and use the out-of-court settlement to buy an SUV.

[Dr T]

Hello PC,

That was funny Hope you are well.

[Dror]

It takes 12,560,869 Mormons to change a light bulb (the total Church membership according to the most recent Conference Report). One prophet to propose it in General Conference, and 12,560,867 to sustain the motion and accept it as Scripture and as God's Will, and one to actually change the light bulb.

Fiannan, yours actually made me laugh out loud!

[Guest MrsS]

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

If it is the Relief Society it takes four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders.

If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb.

If it is the High Priests it takes four. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two, But you have to wait until the end of the month.

If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him.

[tngu]

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

If it is the Relief Society it takes four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders.

If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb.

If it is the High Priests it takes four. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two, But you have to wait until the end of the month.

If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him.

Those were funny!!!

[prisonchaplain]

If this is a jokes thread:

How does one get an American into a compact car?

Grease his/her hips and throw in a box of doughnuts.

And how does the American solve this problem for the long term?

Sue the maker of the compact car and use the out-of-court settlement to buy an SUV.

Hey I resemble...er, I mean...resent this joke!

[Maureen]

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

If it is the Relief Society it takes four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders.

If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb.

If it is the High Priests it takes four. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two, But you have to wait until the end of the month.

If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him.

Those were great MrsS - you know your Mormon business.

M.

[Guest MrsS]

I cheated ~ someone had emailed those to me. I really liked the High Priest one, it is so true in my Ward! They forgot the Young Women ~ in my ward, there would be a cheerleader, a soccer player and two to make a fashion statement. Oh, light bulb? Is it really out??

[begood2]

I find that this thread is very entertaining. Thanks to all for contributing!!

[boyando]

Send in the Missionary's. If they can change life's, how hard could it be to change a bulb?

Send in the Missionary's. If they can change life's, how hard could it be to change a bulb?

[Traveler]

How many G-ds does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the light bulb must have a desire to change.

The Traveler

[Fiannan]

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see just what had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the that spider?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

He replied "No dear, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain funny business in our garden!!"

[Winnie G]

I had to send that on to one of my sons, he was coned in to going it that movie by a co-worker it was in the dark of the theater that he realized he had been the brunt of the joke.

My son is not conversable with the whole gay thing. I had to bite the inside of my mouth when he called ranting and raving about how he had been tricked. I finely burst out laughing. He said “I love you too Mom”.

My sons a plumber other tradesmen are not known for being politically correct.

I’m sure he will email me back with “I love you too Mom” :)

[john doe]

That was a great one, Fiannan. I hadn't heard that one before.

[boyando]

A convert to the Church, from California, took his family to Salt Lake to visit some friends and see the sites, right before October Conferance. As the two family's piled in and out of the mini van, the Californian noticed that they didn't lock the doors. They got out at Temple Square and didn't lock the door. Not nessesary said the Salt Lake man. Every place they visited, same result.

Next day, they drove the mini van to Church and locked the door before they went in. This really puzzled the man from Califrnia. "How can you drive all over the Salt Lake Vally leaving your door unlocked, something we could never do in California, and yet you lock the doors when you go to Church. What in the world is going on? The man from SLC, whispered "shhhhhhhhhhhh, it's zuccini season"

[letsjam]

How do you like this?

How many mormons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

TWELVE!

4 Cub Scouts to do the job.

1 Den Leader to sigh their books.

3 children to hold up pictures.

1 chorister to lead everyone in a song.

2 Primary Teachers to assist

and

1 Member of the Presidency to conduct.

Or my fav one-

How many emokids does it take to change a light bulb?

Give up.

The answer is it doesn’t matter because they all will cut up in your basement.

P/S/ For those who don’t know who emo-kids are. Emokids are the category of straight edgers, well they are tend to complain about most things, usually they are very depressed - what makes them unique is their ability to put these emotions in song form. Anything from "there is a long line outside of the ice cream shop” to "K-Mart doesn't sell Vans anymore." They can be destroyed if exposed to sunlight or winds greater in force than 3 knots. “Emo” is from “emotional”. I hope you understand of what I’m talking about.

[pushka]

My son, Daniel, mentioned seeing a group of Emo kids on one of the streets in our town recently. At the time I'd never heard of straight edgers or anything like it. I believe they (the Emo kids) self-harm, cutting their arms a little? not quite deep enough to commit suicide, however. Am I on the right track here?

[letsjam]

Their main goal in life has to be to commit suicide and think they are amazing crying, well not really commit suicide, but to give off the impression that they wish to commit suicide. But actually not every emo is such a rowdy bunch. Just super depressed teens and that’s all. I can post here a picture of emo-kid, but i have to talk with admistrator. lol

[Dr T]

Straight edge is about a life style of no drugs and sex. They try and live a clean life. They're not a group that comes to mind when I think of cutters.

Dr. T

[LionHeart]

How many mormons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I suppose just two. But I must ask, how on earth did they get inside the light bulb? And why is the question restricted to just mormons? Wouldn't it apply to anyone?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[letsjam]

Well actually it depends on the category of Straight Edgers. Not everybody refused from injurants, there are also many aggressive groups among them. I would say the most of sXe groups are aggressive.

Here’s the definition:

Straight Edge (sometimes abbreviated to sXe or SxE) is a lifestyle and (counter cultural) subculture, closely associated with punk, and hardcore punk music. It advocates total, life long, abstinence in relation to tobacco, alcohol, and recreational drug use (especially psychoactive and stimulant drug use), and for some people in relation to promiscuous sexual behavior.

Some use the lifestyle as a 'stepping stone' because they believe it will allow them to be more involved with their own mental and physical health. For some, straight edge involves refraining from casual sex. Some choose to be vegetarian or vegan, though many straight edge followers do not believe straight edge and vegetarian/veganism should be considered linked. Some straight-edgers feel that having a clear mind is a better way to approach life and/or spirituality. They tend to be atheistic or agnostic, often believing in self-responsibility and rejecting the idea of a deity or any divine moral law. In many circles the lifestyle has associations with Christianity, and there were at one time significant Hare Krishna and Mormon straight edge movements. There are also Muslim straight-edgers, especially in Islamic countries, most notably Malaysia. Straight edge people of all ages began marking their hands with a black X, to distinguish themselves from the rest and as a mark of their ideals. So it looks like sXe. Or especially in chats, straight edgers surround their nick with xx – xXsamiXx, but it also can mean a hardcore person. Straight edge has now become, to some people, more than just a way of describing their lifestyle. To them, it is a label - you've either got the edge or you haven't. If you slip up, you're found drinking alcohol for example, then you run the risk of being shunned by an 'elite' group who will no longer accept you as straight edge. Others think that to be straight edge, you must also wear certain types of clothes, and like only one particular type of music. “What was once a name for individual thinking and a way to avoid hurting yourself and others has, in some places, become the very thing that the philosophy once challenged.”