Sticky housing situation...

[Backroads]

A couple of years ago, I moved into this little condo when a family friend moved out of it. At the time, I was all set up to officially buy it, do the mortgage thing, the whole 9 yards. But... about ten minutes before signing the papers, crazy market at the time created some problems. We figured, all right, we'll deal with another time, not realizing just what the future would be. Simply put, our next deal was that I took over the property while she still handled the mortgage. I've talked to various bankers, mortgage lenders, real estate workers, etc over the past couple of years as we've tried to put everything over to me. Basically... the friend is in a bad position if I ever don't feel like paying the mortgage and nothing falls on me. The thing is that luck is never on my side in order to take over the mortgage. It's not a bad situation (for me). I'm paying less than what others pay in rent for the same kind of place and I always pay on time. When I had to switch jobs and take something of a paycut, that made taking over the mortgage pretty much impossible... since my husband are moving at the end of the summer in order for him to finish school.

Still not a horrible situation. Friend's little brother is getting married also at the end of the summer and really wants the condo (it's small, cheap, cute, etc.)

Seems like we can end this thing cleanly and quietly...

Except... these friends have a very intense, micromanaging mother (this woman is actually a second mother to me and I love her dearly, but she is intense, micromanaging, and not altogether honest, which means she is not very happy about the situation, especially as my friend is in this same situation with not just the condo, but with another house altogether.)

My husband and I can be reasonably out of the condo in early August, reasonably before the wedding. The only hitch is that my husband will be spending most of July at a military training. Still, with early August available, we're confident we can have the move completed.

The mother wants us out by August 1.

Right now, all the property is in my name. I would love to sign it back over (honestly, no loss to me whatsoever), but knowing these people and now having this desired deadline, I'm a little apprehensive about signing the property back over at this time.

I would really hate to alienate this family by putting up too much of a fight on this, but I also don't want to find myself on the streets.

Any way to handle this without burning any bridges?

[Guest]

A couple of years ago, I moved into this little condo when a family friend moved out of it. At the time, I was all set up to officially buy it, do the mortgage thing, the whole 9 yards. But... about ten minutes before signing the papers, crazy market at the time created some problems. We figured, all right, we'll deal with another time, not realizing just what the future would be. Simply put, our next deal was that I took over the property while she still handled the mortgage. I've talked to various bankers, mortgage lenders, real estate workers, etc over the past couple of years as we've tried to put everything over to me. Basically... the friend is in a bad position if I ever don't feel like paying the mortgage and nothing falls on me. The thing is that luck is never on my side in order to take over the mortgage. It's not a bad situation (for me). I'm paying less than what others pay in rent for the same kind of place and I always pay on time. When I had to switch jobs and take something of a paycut, that made taking over the mortgage pretty much impossible... since my husband are moving at the end of the summer in order for him to finish school.

Still not a horrible situation. Friend's little brother is getting married also at the end of the summer and really wants the condo (it's small, cheap, cute, etc.)

Seems like we can end this thing cleanly and quietly...

Except... these friends have a very intense, micromanaging mother (this woman is actually a second mother to me and I love her dearly, but she is intense, micromanaging, and not altogether honest, which means she is not very happy about the situation, especially as my friend is in this same situation with not just the condo, but with another house altogether.)

My husband and I can be reasonably out of the condo in early August, reasonably before the wedding. The only hitch is that my husband will be spending most of July at a military training. Still, with early August available, we're confident we can have the move completed.

The mother wants us out by August 1.

Right now, all the property is in my name. I would love to sign it back over (honestly, no loss to me whatsoever), but knowing these people and now having this desired deadline, I'm a little apprehensive about signing the property back over at this time.

I would really hate to alienate this family by putting up too much of a fight on this, but I also don't want to find myself on the streets.

Any way to handle this without burning any bridges?

Have your friend and you (together) have a talk with your 2nd-mother, explain your situation and ask her if you can move out on August 15 (or whatever date you specify) instead of August 1. If your frirend and her mother says you can't, then rent a microtel (weekly-rate hotels) and a storage space for your stuff. I actually did this before - I sold my house before I got a new house. It wasn't too bad because all the stuff in storage are already in boxes... I got the ward to help us move the stuff. They are okay with it because the stuff are already boxed up nice.

[Backroads]

I guess I don't understand why I have to ask to do anything since all the property is in my name. If I wound up having to pay for a hotel, I'm going to feel bitter.

But I do see what you're saying. And we have discussed it with her.

She's pretty hell-bent on getting her way. She wants to get in there and fix up the condo for her son. She's also mad that bad luck on my part prevented me from taking over the mortgage before (never mind her daughter is in this mess twice over).

I do not joke when I see myself signing over the property, then having any major furniture/appliance I have in there sold behind my back.

Edited May 10, 2011 by Backroads

[Guest]

I guess I don't understand why I have to ask to do anything since all the property is in my name. If I wound up having to pay for a hotel, I'm going to feel bitter.

I don't understand how it got to be in your name when you said that something happened (market crashed or whatever) that prevented you from closing on the deal?

[Backroads]

I don't understand how it got to be in your name when you said that something happened (market crashed or whatever) that prevented you from closing on the deal?

Friend was so desperate to move that it was all signed over to me to convince me to stay with it.

[slamjet]

Why do you think you're the one going to alienate them? If the property is in your name, then they have to buy you out. And for them to put a deadline that is unenforceable is ridiculous. They can call the Sheriffs, start court proceedings, etc, on you to evict you, but with it being in your name, then the discussion is over.

They want you out, then they can buy you out, or wait until you feel like signing over the property.

But then I'm not nice.

[Backroads]

I guess we're trying to decide the right time frame to do everything. Like I said, it's been a nice situation for me and I would like to give the property back to my friend to transfer to her brother. And, to be honest, it'll be plenty to easy to get student housing in the college town we're moving to. I'm looking for teaching jobs in that area and if that doesn't pan out my office can transfer me to their office in that city in a snap (in fact, they're planning on it, just waiting for me to say when).

I want to make the transition easy as possible for everyone, but I also know that I could be in a bad situation if I sign over the property and the Mother doesn't want us there anymore. Which makes me wary of signing it over at this time.

Am I being selfish?

[Backroads]

Why do you think you're the one going to alienate them? If the property is in your name, then they have to buy you out. And for them to put a deadline that is unenforceable is ridiculous. They can call the Sheriffs, start court proceedings, etc, on you to evict you, but with it being in your name, then the discussion is over.

They want you out, then they can buy you out, or wait until you feel like signing over the property.

But then I'm not nice.

It really is a personal situation and me being a peacemaker is trying to keep a friendship. My mother and this second mother have been friends since childhood. My mother would take a bullet for this woman, give her a kidney, give her a lung, etc. But they sort of have had a blowup this past summer and while my other would still give her life for her friend in an instant, she has also decided it's been a somewhat abusive friendship.

I'm really thinking of talking mainly through the friend and her brother. I've been faithful at whatever Friend has needed for this to work and she trusts me. As for her brother... this kid could possibly be translated at any moment, he's that awesome a person, and I know I could definitely work with him... possibly leave a few thing in the condo as needed until moving them out is more feasible?

Now I'm thinking if I could get them to back me up, Mother might not be so much of a challenge.

maybe this thread is mostly venting...

[JudoMinja]

Am I being selfish?

No, you are being smart. You need to protect yourself and your interests in the legal sense. Since you know the mother is being pushy, you cannot trust that she will be respectful once you sign the property over. As long as it is in your name, you have the control. Don't sign it over before you are able to move out. If the mother gets upset about it, that's on her. She can't make you leave before you are ready.

[slamjet]

maybe this thread is mostly venting...

You seem like a nice, sweet person. Just don't be so nice and sweet that you get stomped on. But you also seem to have a good head on your shoulders so for what it's worth, I think you'll do fine and make all the right decisions. At least you're thinking about it and not reacting and shooting from the hip. I would have mowed everyone down by now, but then I'm still not nice.

[Guest]

Backroads, I still don't quite understand it (I've been pretty dense lately).

Your friend owns the mortgage (you said you were paying the mortage for him...) but you own the title? I don't understand how this worked out...

Okay, let me put it this way... Who owns the condo? If your name is in the title and your friend holds the deed, then technically, it is not quite your condo yet. It becomes your condo when the mortgage is paid in full.

But, he can't kick you out (the same as foreclosure) if you're paying regularly. So, this whole thing goes into - what do you feel you are willing to do. I still go by the microtel suggestion in this case.

[applepansy]

I'm a little confused about some of this too. What does the mother have to do with it all? Nothing is in her name, right? The mortgage is in your friends name and the title is in yours. right?

Make an agreement between you and your friend, and brother if necessary. Put it in writing. Include dates, who owns what, utilities, who is responsible for cleaning, etc. Hash over every period and word, so there isn't misunderstanding later. Then follow the agreement to the letter.

[Backroads]

Nothing is in the mother's name, but she micromanages her childrens' lives and everyone else's. She might not be able to do anything legal herself, but... if the title is back in her daughter's name, the mother could make her daughter do a lot... and possibly succeed, just by being her.

(Deed is still being held by a bank, actually, as no one has paid the mortgage in full yet... It's a very confusing process...(I have no interest in spelling it all out as that's not really the problem).

[Just_A_Guy]

Backroads, I'd suggest you get a property attorney to draft a real-estate purchase agreement [i know she won't actually be paying you any money for it, but that's the document you want] that a) sets a fixed closing date, and b) specifies which fixtures, appliances, etc. you get to take with you. All the stuff Applepansy has suggested, really.

That way, you have an executed contract you can show the mother saying yes, you are legally bound to be out at a particular time; but in the meantime title still lies with you until the actual closing date (so she can't get a key and start painting your bedroom or selling off your TV).

You could also try to get a form real-estate purchase contract off the internet, but I think it's really worth it to shell out a couple hundred bucks and make sure it's done right.

Also, if the friend ever gave you a quitclaim deed, and you never bothered to record it at your local county recorder's office--get it done now. If your ownership arrangement is what I think it is, and you never recorded the deed, then (depending on your state) Mother could push Friend into executing another quitclaim deed in favor of the brother--and if he gets to the county recorder before you do, you might end up with no right in the condo at all.

Edited May 10, 2011 by Just_A_Guy

[estradling75]

Smile... Be polite... Tell them what your plans are so they know what to expect, and when to expect you gone. Then do your plan, if reasonable requests are made then be reasonable, but after telling them what to expect you have done your part

[Backroads]

Backroads, I'd suggest you get a property attorney to draft a real-estate purchase agreement [i know she won't actually be paying you any money for it, but that's the document you want] that a) sets a fixed closing date, and b) specifies which fixtures, appliances, etc. you get to take with you. All the stuff Applepansy has suggested, really.

That way, you have an executed contract you can show the mother saying yes, you are legally bound to be out at a particular time; but in the meantime title still lies with you until the actual closing date (so she can't get a key and start painting your bedroom or selling off your TV).

You could also try to get a form real-estate purchase contract off the internet, but I think it's really worth it to shell out a couple hundred bucks and make sure it's done right.

Also, if the friend ever gave you a quitclaim deed, and you never bothered to record it at your local county recorder's office--get it done now. If your ownership arrangement is what I think it is, and you never recorded the deed, then (depending on your state) Mother could push Friend into executing another quitclaim deed in favor of the brother--and if he gets to the county recorder before you do, you might end up with no right in the condo at all.

Thanks, I'll look into that.

Quickclaim deed taken care of awhile ago.

It's just crazy... the woman is squabbling over a few days. Really, if worse comes to worse, we store stuff somewhere until we can get into the place in the other city (and I'm out absolutely nothing). I just refuse to pushed around when I'm going to not be in a good place to be moving things out.

Edited May 10, 2011 by Backroads

[Guest]

It's just crazy... the woman is squabbling over a few days. Really, if worse comes to worse, we store stuff somewhere until we can get into the place in the other city (and I'm out absolutely nothing). I just refuse to pushed around when I'm going to not be in a good place to be moving things out.

Have you talked to her about your situation? Maybe she's not so unreasonable she can see you really need those extra days? Unless she has valid reason for the August 1 date (I don't know, maybe she wants to repaint the house and do some spiffing before the brother moves in) she might be open to it. Or, maybe you can work out compromise. Smile, be respectful, be nice.

If you really don't want to move and you refuse to be pushed around and you don't find her reasons valid, then stay put. Continue to smile and be respectful. Worse thing she can do is take you to court. Which will take her a few days to get organized, and you're out by then anyway.

As long as you harbor no ill-will against her and that you continue to extend your hand in friendship, things should work out fine. If she takes it to heart and ruins the relationship, then you know you've done the best you can do under the circumstances.

[Blocky]

It's hard when it's ok with her being pushy about the 1st because it's how she is, but it's not ok for you to stick to the 15th because it makes your life a lot easier and it only 2 weeks difference.

Personally I'd talk to the son, let him know you're so EXCITED and HAPPY for him and what a great guy he is and how WONDERFUL it is he's getting married. Let him know you're excited about him living in the condo, and that you'll be out on the 15th because of stuff you have going on. Then, talk to the mom and just be as super nice and polite and when ever she mentions the date, stick to the 15th and then change the subject to how excited you are about how FANTASTIC her family is when ever she mentions the date. You can be just as stubborn as her, but you can be nice about it too.

Best of luck!

[Guest]

I just saw Dr. Phil today... all about busy-body Mother-In-Laws... it reminded me of this thread.

Anyway, in the Dr. Phil show, one mother was in the right, the other mother was in the wrong... So, it tells me that these kinds of things really depend on your relationship with her, her intentions, and what you are willing to put up with to keep the peace.