Premissionary stuck in a situation

[premissionary]

Hey so I am a pre-missionary. I have a call and i am set to report to MTC in august. The problem i have is that i have a self stimulation issue and it has never been resolved. I kept telling myself i could do it along, but i have failed. I guess since i was 12, but i didn't know it was bad until 16 and then just kinda always thought that i was finished. I don't know why i didn't just get this out of the way in the interviews, i guess i had put it behind me. I feel really stupid and i know i need to get this cleared up. I guess i just want support because its going to be weird when people ask why i am not leaving when i was supposed too. I don't really care because i know i want to be the best i can be.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I think everyone on this board will tell you to come clean with your Bishop or Stake President and then let the chips fall where they may.

[prophetofdoom]

Just come clean with your Bishop NOW. Get this resolved before you go on your mission. You may not even have to postpone your mission... but worse case scenerio... you postpone for a few months... no big deal. Trust me, you do not want to go into the mission field with unresolved issues.. they will haunt you your entire mission and you will lack confidence in the Spirit.

[premissionary]

Thanks guys. I know what i need to do, just need support. Don't you think it's kinda annoying the pressure a young man feels for a mission? Don't get me wrong its both good and bad, but i feel like sometimes we are pushed on by parents, family, friends, and ourselves before we really understand the seriousness and need for worthiness before we leave and this causes people to be caught in a situation like me where you want to fulfill the call sooo bad but know that its just going to hurt you if you go out before you are completely ready.

or maybe i am the only one haha.

Will my bishop always remember this you think?

[Vort]

Thanks guys. I know what i need to do, just need support. Don't you think it's kinda annoying the pressure a young man feels for a mission?

No. It is a young man's duty to serve a mission. The "pressure" is simply the expectation that a young man will do his duty. If you think the expectation to serve a mission is pressure-filled, wait until your wife and kids expect you to bring home a paycheck every week, even when your boss is threatening to fire you.

[premissionary]

I see your your point, but I only have one shot at a mission, too give it my all, while even if i get fired i will always be able to find a new job, receive help from family, or the Church. I would say that a mission is more stressful because i have the wonderful opportunity to bring the gospel into people's lives and if i don't go or don't work 110%, i miss out on blessings that will impact others and myself way more then a job would.

I guess i do agree its the expectation that is hard sometimes. If you postpone i feel people think you are a looser and a sinner.

[coruscate]

People will respect you more knowing that you made sure you were clean and ready. All of us are sinners. Those who might judge you are making the mistake, not you. The fact that you thought so hard about this shows that you are going for the right reasons. That indicates a deep level of maturity. I admire you for it.

As for your bishop remembering forever, I have a little story to share about that. When I first went to the bishop with my mb problem, I thought the same thing. I was embarrassed and humiliated. I knew he would never look at me the same again. I got it all straightened out, then two months later I slipped and had to go back. I started by saying, "Remember that problem I talked to you about before?" He looked at me blankly. He had no idea what I was talking about. I had to start over and tell him from the beginning! I was upset about it--after all, it was so hard for me to come in and such a big deal, how could he forget?

I asked him. He shared the first part of this talk with me: The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness - Ensign Nov. 1995

When the Lord forgives us, he truly forgets. So do his servants the bishops.

Edited June 16, 2011 by coruscate
Spelling errors. Ugh.

[jayanna]

It is true, they don't remember. Other people will not remember if you do leave a bit later than you thought you would, probably not even your parents.

The important thing to consider here is not worrying about what other people will think. The important thing is to make sure everything is right between you and the Lord. When you get this issue cleared up you will be on your mission with a clear conscience, knowing with confidence that you have support from the Lord. This weight will be lifted and you can move ahead focusing on those things that you need to focus on, which is scripture knowledge, and a heart full of a desire to be of service to others.

[lost123]

Thanks guys. I know what i need to do, just need support. Don't you think it's kinda annoying the pressure a young man feels for a mission? Don't get me wrong its both good and bad, but i feel like sometimes we are pushed on by parents, family, friends, and ourselves before we really understand the seriousness and need for worthiness before we leave and this causes people to be caught in a situation like me where you want to fulfill the call sooo bad but know that its just going to hurt you if you go out before you are completely ready.

or maybe i am the only one haha.

Will my bishop always remember this you think?

I think it is more of a maturity thing than it is a pressure thing from parents. We tend to try to hide our weaknesses and sins or to cover them up because of pride and/or embarassment. That is the natural thing to do. We are sometimes not sure if what we do are small indiscretions that we can manage and handle on our own. The reality comes down to maturity and submissiveness. To take responsibility for our actions, to openly disclose to our priesthood leaders, to seek counsel from our parents....those are all signs of maturity....not because we feel obliged to...but because we want to be like Christ. We should let our Bishop know in any question with worthiness.

Your testimony has yet to grow but as you exercise humility it will grow much faster. The fact that you are seeking counsel about this self-stimulation problem shows a sense of maturity. You will be even more mature by picking up the phone and calling your Bishop to meet with him. The mature person discloses everything no matter the consequences. The mature person accepts responsibility for his actions and takes the recommended course of action.

The purpose of this life is to see if we will do whatsoever thing is commanded of us. See Abraham 3:25 & 26. By being obedient we can obtain true joy ("Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy").

You may not have to wait to go out but if you do...take it well. Don't worry about what others think. Just let them know that you felt you are excited for your mission but needed more time to prepare. In which case if you are held back then that is the truth. You don't have to give any more reason than that. If they talk about you...who cares? BUT>>> for crying out loud.....DON'T DELAY TALKING TO THE BISHOP. Waiting is not going to help your situation and could prolong your call. Clear this up now or it will haunt you as you go out to serve....and that could be a BIG problem.

You are a mature person. Go sort this out with your Bishop. He is there to help you. Disclose it all so you don't have to keep re-visiting it. You will still go out to serve (even if it means you may be delayed). And there is a possibility that you might not have to wait at all. Go sort it out with Bishop.

As for the Bishop remembering...Who cares? He cares more about your salvation, your humility, your willingness to overcome your problem than he does thinking that you are perfect. Truth of it is that he has a lot of people in his ward with lots of problems. Don't feel like yours is the only one. As embarassed as you may feel, be humble and repentant. He is more concerned about and proud of people who change than those who sit behind false facades.

Enough said. You will be a great missionary if you can rid yourself of pride. Go talk to Bishop. If, at that point, you still don't feel right about it, disclose that to your Stake President. Much better now than later.

By the way...as for being ready to go out and serve. There's definitely things we can do to prepare but I don't think anyone is truly ready for what they are about to experience in the field. It is important to be as ready as we can be. Worthiness is critical. A desire to serve qualifies you...but...sometimes that desire grows as you proceed. Your attitude and humility will help.

[Guest saintish]

No. It is a young man's duty to serve a mission. The "pressure" is simply the expectation that a young man will do his duty. If you think the expectation to serve a mission is pressure-filled, wait until your wife and kids expect you to bring home a paycheck every week, even when your boss is threatening to fire you.

How many posts do we need from young men saying that they feel pressured to serve before we stop dismissing it and recognize it as a legitimate problem.

Is pressure always bad? no but should the primary reason young men fulfill their duty be because there parents will disown them, not send them to college, take away their car, etc. if they don't serve? (those are all real examples by the way)

do we need missionaries? yes we certainly do. We dont, however, need boys who only go on missions because its what all men in there family do, their parents promised them a car, or college tuition, or they know its the only way they will marry another member. Young men should serve because they want to serve G_d, and for no other reason. IMHO the church has failed in not addressing this.

[FunkyTown]

How many posts do we need from young men saying that they feel pressured to serve before we stop dismissing it and recognize it as a legitimate problem.

Six more.

On a more serious note, there is pressure to go on a mission.

There is pressure to get married in the temple.

There is pressure to get a good job.

There is pressure to not cheat on your wife and be a good father.

Someone who is 19 will usually not be faced with the pressures that somene older will. Instead, they face pressures and social stigma for entirely different reasons. The reason serving a mission is more pressure is because there is also social pressure not to go on a mission. Much more than there is to not get a good job or the others. Because the young men are torn in multiple directions, it's hard to make a good decision.

Unfortunately, it is what it is. If there was no pressure to go on a mission, very few would: A mission is hard. It is worth it, but it is hard.

[Guest saintish]

I still think it would be better to only have a handful of missionaries who wanted to be there than thousands that only go because of the previously mentioned reasons. If your hearts not in it your wasting you time and someones money

[Vort]

How many posts do we need from young men saying that they feel pressured to serve before we stop dismissing it and recognize it as a legitimate problem.

I don't see anyone dismissing it. I see people saying it's not a bad thing per se.

Is pressure always bad? no but should the primary reason young men fulfill their duty be because there parents will disown them, not send them to college, take away their car, etc. if they don't serve? (those are all real examples by the way)

Granted that anyone serving a mission in hopes of getting a full-ride Parental Scholarship is there for the wrong reason, I still say that any kind of obedience is better than disobedience.

Young men should serve because they want to serve G_d, and for no other reason.

This is naive at best. It's tantamount to saying, "People should live virtuous lives because of their love for God and their fellow man, and for no other reason."

Again, any kind of obedience is better than disobedience. The motivation is a secondary concern (unless it is itself corrupt).

IMHO the church has failed in not addressing this.

You overstep your bounds in making such a proclamation. You would do better to quit trying to steady the ark and instead sustain your Church leaders in their efforts.

[Carl62]

How many posts do we need from young men saying that they feel pressured to serve before we stop dismissing it and recognize it as a legitimate problem.

Is pressure always bad? no but should the primary reason young men fulfill their duty be because there parents will disown them, not send them to college, take away their car, etc. if they don't serve? (those are all real examples by the way)

do we need missionaries? yes we certainly do. We dont, however, need boys who only go on missions because its what all men in there family do, their parents promised them a car, or college tuition, or they know its the only way they will marry another member. Young men should serve because they want to serve G_d, and for no other reason. IMHO the church has failed in not addressing this.

You hit the nail on the head saintish! And then the church wonders why so many people end up going inactive after their missions. A lot of the guys on my mission were just merely punching in a two year time clock (and yes a lot!). Nothing more, nothing less. The stories I could write about of mission rules being broken on my mission I could honestly fill volumes on. So what was the point of them going if they were just laying around the apartment doing nothing? Or going to the beach? Or being on the phone to their friends/girlfriends? Or going to places outside of the mission boundaries where they wouldn't be recognized (they did that by unhooking the odometer cable on their cars). Or doing any one of a number of things breaking mission rules? Trust me, I know of missionaries who had this down to a science. Missionaries should be out there because they sincerely want to be, and not just to give mommy and daddy bragging rights to their neighbors along with a new car for junior at the end of it!

Edited June 17, 2011 by Carl62

[Guest saintish]

I don't see anyone dismissing it. I see people saying it's not a bad thing per se.

I think carl62 has pointed out why it is a bad thing.

that anyone serving a mission in hopes of getting a full-ride Parental Scholarship is there for the wrong reason, I still say that any kind of obedience is better than disobedience.

At what cost? If you have missionaries breaking rules, and just knocking on doors to annoy people and not teach with the spirit what good does it do the church or anyone?

You would do better to quit trying to steady the ark and instead sustain your Church leaders in their efforts.

so basically your saying shut up and dont disagree? did i get that right? I resent that.

[Carl62]

If you think the expectation to serve a mission is pressure-filled, wait until your wife and kids expect you to bring home a paycheck every week, even when your boss is threatening to fire you.

While it's true that life can throw you "pressure-filled" curves, the big difference between this and a mission is that YOU choose who you want to marry, YOU choose on whether or not you want to have kids, and YOU choose what kind of job you want and where you want to work. For many 19 year old guys, the choice of a mission was already made for them at the ripe old age of......3. I don't ever remember hearing of little kids in primary singing "I Hope They Call Me To Be A Cashier At Wal-Mart", or "your 5 years old now son, so we're going to start saving for your daughters college fund now".

[Carl62]

At what cost? If you have missionaries breaking rules, and just knocking on doors to annoy people and not teach with the spirit what good does it do the church or anyone?

I think saintish just knocked another one out of the ballpark!

[Vort]

At what cost? If you have missionaries breaking rules, and just knocking on doors to annoy people and not teach with the spirit what good does it do the church or anyone?

I know of no missionaries who knock on doors just to annoy people. I think you are making that up.

Missionaries are imperfect. But missionary work itself can be sanctifying. Many missionaries have discovered their own testimonies and their love for the Lord while engaging in missionary work, even if they didn't want to be there at first.

so basically your saying shut up and dont disagree? did i get that right? I resent that.

I'm saying that it is not your place to say that "the Church is wrong" in some policy or procedure. You are not given the keys of leadership. Your duty is to sustain your leaders, and that means helping them be successful in their callings. Criticizing their actions and saying they're doing it wrong is not helping them to be successful.

[Vort]

While it's true that life can throw you "pressure-filled" curves, the big difference between this and a mission is that YOU choose who you want to marry, YOU choose on whether or not you want to have kids, and YOU choose what kind of job you want and where you want to work.

Just as YOU choose whether to serve a mission. No difference.

[Carl62]

Just as YOU choose whether to serve a mission. No difference.

If you think that your "choice" of serving a mission with all of its persuasions, guilt-trips, bribes, (insert family member(s) name) pressure, and coersions is the same as you desiring who you want to have as your best friend, lover, and eternal partner, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'll be more than glad to sell you. You can even name the price.

[Vort]

If you think that your "choice" of serving a mission with all of its persuasions, guilt-trips, bribes, (insert family member(s) name) pressure, and coersions is the same as you desiring who you want to have as your best friend, lover, and eternal partner, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'll be more than glad to sell you. You can even name the price.

So that's your counter-argument? "It's different"?

Okay, whatever.

[Guest saintish]

I know of no missionaries who knock on doors just to annoy people. I think you are making that up.

it might not be their intent to annoy but if they aren't teaching with the spirit the investigator will most likely not receive whitness and they are annoying them or at least wasting their time.

Missionaries are imperfect. But missionary work itself can be sanctifying. Many missionaries have discovered their own testimonies and their love for the Lord while engaging in missionary work, even if they didn't want to be there at first.

The new policy says that missionaries are to have a testimony before entering the mission field.

I'm saying that it is not your place to say that "the Church is wrong" in some policy or procedure. You are not given the keys of leadership. Your duty is to sustain your leaders, and that means helping them be successful in their callings. Criticizing their actions and saying they're doing it wrong is not helping them to be successful.

this is both wrong and convoluted. You can't sustain your leaders if they are doing something wrong and they won't know they are doing wrong if no one speaks up. Now I'm not saying the church is wrong in policy or procedure but they have failed in addressing the issue of pressuring young men to serve. The new policy was a step in the right direction but there is still work to do.

[Carl62]

So that's your counter-argument? "It's different"?

Okay, whatever.

It's different because one is a choice and the other, for a lot of 19 year olds, unfortunately isn't.

[Vort]

this is both wrong and convoluted. You can't sustain your leaders if they are doing something wrong

Of course you can.

and they won't know they are doing wrong if no one speaks up.

Baloney. If they are embezzling funds, then tell the police and the stake president. If they are not doing as good a job as you think they should in running the ward, tell them privately. Moaning in public about how "the church is wrong" is not sustaining your leaders in any possible sense. It is ark-steadying, pure and simple, and is wrong.

Now I'm not saying the church is wrong in policy or procedure but they have failed in addressing the issue of pressuring young men to serve.

When did it become your duty to make this determination and broadcast it to the world?

The new policy was a step in the right direction but there is still work to do.

So until they meet your discriminating standards, your job is to tell everyone how they have failed? Your understanding of what it means to sustain your leaders is much different from mine.

I strongly suspect that if you ever found yourself in a position of leadership, you would not find such actions as you now engage in to be "sustaining" in any real way.

[Vort]

It's different because one is a choice and the other, for a lot of 19 year olds, unfortunately isn't.

This is simply untrue. Of course it is a choice for 19-year-olds. To say otherwise is simply dishonest.