Diane2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 I've been counceled by the Bishop to write my letter to the First Presidency regarding the reason for our divorce ( marriage of 25 years, but I'm only 45!) I understand my ex, whom I have had NO contact with now since he met and is cohabitating when she is in town,(met online , she lives in Canada!He California! ) and he there. There was a lot of abuse, alcoholism and lying in our marriage the last 10 years. I stayed for the childrens sake and put up with all of it, until he visited a " friend" on what I believed was a Painting trip with a buddy, and it was yet another online woman he found and went to meet her for a week, this was back in 2005. He told me son last week that he was asked to state his " feelings" in his letter from my Bishop and said he wrote he wants nothing to do with the church, does not want to be sealed to me or the children anymore because these are not his beliefs and that he wants nothing more to be " rid" of me now and for eternity. He didn't mention any lies, though I sincerely have my doubts. No letter has been recieved by my Bishop yet. He had told me in the past when I remarried 2/ 1/2 years ago that he would " never" allow me to be sealed to someone else, that my current husband can have me on earth but HE will have me in Heaven. Well, ok, but we were sealed in 1996, 2 years, if that , later he began smoking again, drinking to the point of passing out, calling me all sorts of names, accusing me of affairs which NEVER happened and was not a nice father to the kids. They are mostly grown now, except my 17 year old, who hasn't really known him for the past 10 years ( we've been seperated by distance while he took care of his parents 60 miles away, but in the mean time he was online with all these women pretnending that he wasn't even married! ) What do I put down in the letter?? If he just writes " he can have her" , great, but it just doesn't sound like my ex! He will realize this the LAST thing to hold over my head and make it terrible and lie through is teethe I"m afraid, but yet told my son he JUST said yes. What would you do? I tried for MANY years to make my marriage work, counseleling through church and privatly, but it did nothing. There was no communication there and he was more in tuned with these internet woman than his family. He still is. Has not seen our son , the last one home , since Thanksgiving 2010. Honestly we had an amazing co-parenting friendship before he me this new women of 2 years from Canada, but since then he has closed joing bank account that were only used for child support, my internet service, my AAA, among other things. I don't want to bad mouth him, even though he won't see it but he wasn't always this way, and we would probably still be together if he hadn't change, but he changed so very drastically, and wouldn't hear my pleas to make things better, I had to ask him to leave. When I found out he was still seeing the Indiana woman and the Canadian woman , that was it and I filed for divorce back in 2008. I was married to a wonderful Temple worthy man in 2009 and we are so anxious to be sealed! What sorts of things should I write?? I'm not a mean person, and I know he could be ex'ed for all he's done. He has no relation with the church for nearly 11 years , really if not more. Any advise would be VERY appreciated and I need to get this done by Sunday! Thank you all, Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 I would just state the facts in the letter without emotional embellishments. If he was unfaithful and pretty much abandoned you and the children, I would just say that you tried for years to make the marriage work but because of infidelity and abandonment you could no longer stay in the marriage. The leaders of the Church have read many letters. They understand the heartache behind the divorce. They also receive many letters from ex-spouses who still try to manipulate the relationship. They can see through those people. They'll be able to see that you've moved on--that you've found a worthy man who wants to be sealed to you. As long as you and your current spouse are worthy, there shouldn't be any problems with your sealing being cancelled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 State the facts. The Lord will take care of the rest. Your ex can make all the claims he wants, but the Spirit will witness to those reading which statements are true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) I agree with everyone else. I just wrote my letter yesterday. (My old bishop lost the one I wrote two years ago.) I know how hard it is to write, but then I decided to do exactly what the people above said. I just wrote the facts. Even tho my ex said the same thing, he won't let me be sealed to anyone else, so his letter is full of lies. Keep in mind the First Presidency uses the spirit, they will know what to do. It will work out. If your ex is not following the gospel, he won't be sealed to you in the next life anyway. Edited June 21, 2011 by Jennarator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) Please note that anyone that breaks the temple/marriage vows... Also voids the promises at the same time. If they can't keep the promises they made, then they can't keep you either. The letters and the paperwork are to document the process and to make sure things are done in order. But no matter what is said and done in the paperwork, nothing there can repair the broken promises, and restore the blessings. Only true repentance that invokes the atonement has that power. Edited June 21, 2011 by estradling75 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 More or less what you told us. Just leave out the emotion, but don't feel you have to sugarcoat what happened. They don't want drama, but they want the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eltelepi Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 It makes me so sad when I hear about things like this. I'm glad you found someone else. I think you should perhaps mention the changes as they occured, and the impact on your family. It's ovious he's not only moved on, but hasn't even cared two bits about his family for a very long time, just by what you've shared with us. It's hard not to be emotional when you've been so hurt, but try to stick to the facts, as has been suggested already, the hurt will be clear to anyone reading it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WilliamK Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Just a question on this topic: Does the First presidency ever send back a response that says "after reading your letter we have decided that you should stay sealed and refuse to cancel your temple marriage? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmdesertrose Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 Just a question on this topic: Does the First presidency ever send back a response that says "after reading your letter we have decided that you should stay sealed and refuse to cancel your temple marriage?My best friend was denied a cancellation to her sealing but since then the benefits of that denial have become quite evident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garryw Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 My best friend was denied a cancellation to her sealing but since then the benefits of that denial have become quite evident.I interpret that to mean she remarried the same guy, or had a child BIC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmdesertrose Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 I interpret that to mean she remarried the same guy, or had a child BIC.Nope. She attempted to cancel the sealing so she could be sealed to another man. They had to be married civilly instead since the cancellation was denied. That marriage ended disastrously as the man she was married to wound up being convicted of some awful crimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 Nope. She attempted to cancel the sealing so she could be sealed to another man. They had to be married civilly instead since the cancellation was denied. That marriage ended disastrously as the man she was married to wound up being convicted of some awful crimes.WOW! Nobody can convince me the First Presidency is not inspired! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.