New Nursery Leader Help!

[MBASS]

I dont know what to do, they called a new lady to the nursery. She doesnt want to do more than sit in there with the kids who she expects to be happy. My problem is my son who is currently trying to boycott nursery starts crying and the minute he does she brings him right out to me. Well he doesnt want me, he wants to run in the hall. He has figured out that the slightest whimper gets him freedom. The last leader permitted him to "cry it out" unless he was totally unconsolable. ANother mother has voiced her concerns to the new leader because her son like mine has learned if he hits he gets freedom. My friend went to the leader and said if my son hits please discpline him and only bring him to me if he continues because he ahs learned that if he hits he gets to come out of nursery. The leader seemed receptive, we'll see! Should I also tell her to let my son cry for a little while? I go to church by myself with a 20 month old and 6 month old and it is impossible to keep them both quiet and under control during ss and rs. If he leaves nursery I just end up going home. I dont want to go home, but I dont know what to do?! Any suggestions?

[Dr T]

How old is she?

[shanstress70]

I dont know what to do, they called a new lady to the nursery. She doesnt want to do more than sit in there with the kids who she expects to be happy. My problem is my son who is currently trying to boycott nursery starts crying and the minute he does she brings him right out to me. Well he doesnt want me, he wants to run in the hall. He has figured out that the slightest whimper gets him freedom. The last leader permitted him to "cry it out" unless he was totally unconsolable. ANother mother has voiced her concerns to the new leader because her son like mine has learned if he hits he gets freedom. My friend went to the leader and said if my son hits please discpline him and only bring him to me if he continues because he ahs learned that if he hits he gets to come out of nursery. The leader seemed receptive, we'll see! Should I also tell her to let my son cry for a little while? I go to church by myself with a 20 month old and 6 month old and it is impossible to keep them both quiet and under control during ss and rs. If he leaves nursery I just end up going home. I dont want to go home, but I dont know what to do?! Any suggestions?

Yes, I would talk to her and tell her what you want her to try. Maybe she thinks you want her to do that.

[MBASS]

In her 40's I think!

[Palerider]

I don't know if this will help or not.....they have a great program for nursery but it comes down to the person or persons in there.....if they follow it ....nursery is great....they should have 2 people or more in there....I know they don't change diapers and I believe if a child is crying and they can't get them to calm down then they are suppose to take them to a parent......I know we all joke about this.....if I ever got released from my present calling I would love to work in the nursery....

[MBASS]

This lady is a piece of work. She has demanded a helper within a week or she isnt coming to church because she has a stake calling and cant do nursery by herself. Ok, her stake calling is the area media representative. In other words she rarely does anything, because in our neck of the woods we arent ever in the media! Also our Stake Primary Pres teaches a primary class every week as well as her HUGE calling, Gimme a break! Anyway Hunter got kicked out the nursery for whimpering...went to young womens with my mom, I enjoyed relief society!

[Heather]

I don't think crying it out will be very good for your son. All it will do is make nursery seem even more traumatic to him and all of the other kids in there. He needs to know that you will be there for him and you haven't abandoned him. But he also needs to learn that he can't go run in the hall and that he is needs to stay in nursery.

The first few weeks my son went to nursery he loved it. He could care less that I wasn't there. But then we were gone for a few weeks, and I think the next week we were there, he either got hit by one of the other kids, or all the other kids were just having a bad dad and crying, so it made nursery seem scary to him. For about a month he would cry when I tried to drop him off, and so I ended up going to nursery with him. I would try and sneak out, but if he noticed and got upset, I would have them come and get me, and I would stay in nursery with him. I would just sit in the corner, and some how that reassured him, and he would play and interact with the other kids.

I guess it just depends on your child. My son rarely cries and is extremely friendly with other kids and adults, so for him to be acting like he was, was really against his nature. That's why I stayed in there, and now he has the assurance that I will be back to get him in 2 hours.

[StuggliesWife]

Former Nursery Leader here...

All I can say is we are not built in babysitters. If your child is crying and otherwise upset, it's up to the parent to stay in the nursery and help the child adapt.

[Gwen]

you could also discuss it with the primary president and let her handle it. i was in a different situation when my first started nursery. i was the primary pres, and our primary is so small that all the kids even nursery attend sharing time and then seperate for sunday school, where nursery gets snack and play time, and a short (very short due to having been in shareing time) lesson. well, before we had a nursery teacher he would just play in the back of the room while i did the sunday school lesson. so when we called a teacher and she took him out he cried and wanted to stay. lol, the teacher came to me and asked if i would stop interfearing with her and let him cry for a bit. so i steped out of it, in less than 4 sundays he stopped throwing fits and would leave me with excitement. he just had to have some time to learn the new schedule and that crying wasn't going to change it. he also is one that you can't "sneak" out on. not cause he sees you, but when he discovers it he looses it. i make sure and at least try to get all my kids attention to say bye, even if they cry for a bit i think it's better than dissapearing. sometimes when we visit a new area, he's 5 now by the way, he will ask me to stay in primary, i tell him i'll be back in 5 min to check on him. i leave and come back in five make sure he see's me to wave and then come back in 10 and usually he's not even looking for me by then and all is fine.

every child is different. you as the parent are the one who will know what is best. if it means crying it out, staying and sneaking out, waving bye and comming to check, only you will know. i would give the leader specific plan for your child, if you want them to cry it out then say don't come get me unless he is going to hurt himself or cries for more than X min. she just may not know what to do, she may need specific guidance. may also try having some (like primary pres.) or someone the child knows well to be the one called other than you. that way they learn, i have to go to class, and i don't get who i wanted, but they are still rassured and safe. i would have a plan with that person on what you want them to do so that you can feel comfortable that they are reinforceing you rather than hurting-- (like letting them run the halls). in my branch at one time we had a full time missionary (that was the oldest from a larg family) that would hold one of my son's durring sacrament meeting when my husband was taking care of responsibilities. i find this particular son responds well to the breathern, and it was a huge help.

good luck, getting little ones to go to class can be so hard sometimes, i've got my youngest preparing to go in january :)

[PentiumInside]

Man, nursery is the best calling ever. Get to kick off your shoes, sit on the floor, eat GOLDFISH crackers and play with toys while you color pics of Noah with kids. Can't beat it

[Traela]

Former Nursery Leader here...

All I can say is we are not built in babysitters. If your child is crying and otherwise upset, it's up to the parent to stay in the nursery and help the child adapt.

I think what the OP is saying is that the nursery leader doesn't even try to calm the kid down or distract him- she just immediately takes him to mom.

[mightynancy]

One of the best ways to get kids to go to Nursery happily is for the Nursery to be what it is meant to be. It isn't babysitting; it's the Primary class for the 18 month-3 years old crowd. There should be organized activities, a lesson, music time, snack time, and play (not necessarily in that order). There should be two adults.

My daughter hated Nursery at first - it was boring! We moved and she entered a well-run class and never looked back.

[Elgama]

One of the best ways to get kids to go to Nursery happily is for the Nursery to be what it is meant to be. It isn't babysitting; it's the Primary class for the 18 month-3 years old crowd. There should be organized activities, a lesson, music time, snack time, and play (not necessarily in that order). There should be two adults.

My daughter hated Nursery at first - it was boring! We moved and she entered a well-run class and never looked back.

I agree with this - I personally found as Nursery Assistant/Leader (was never called as Leader but twice ended up doing the calling), that we need to make it fun and adapt the class to our group, personally I didn't like parents coming in to calm children - I preferred it if they took the chlidren with them as I found parents the biggest disruptive influence lol but maybe a different bunch of parents would be different.

-Charley

[WillowTheWhisp]

I've been a nursery leader and I've been a Mum of young children. I've had times when the children in nursery have cried and wanted their Mum. Most of the time if the Mum came and took them out it merely prolonged the agony. The ones who were left to realise that Mum had to be somewhere else but was coming back were the ones who settled in quicker. But all children are different and only you know what your child will best relate to. When my children were very small I have spent whole Sundays in the church porch (it being the only place where my child did not disturb other people in their classes) and I often used to wonder what on earth I was getting out of being at church at all. Now I think it was to teach me that Mums need time away from their children when they come to church so that they can fulfil their own callings or participate in their own lessons.

I'm surprised that your nursery leader is alone in her class. Is this because you have a very small ward? That just is not permitted here even if it means rotating people on assignment.

Nursery is great but it's kind of difficult to even teach those simple nursery lessons if one child is crying all the time and there is only one person in there - the other children can end up being ignored.

If your new Nursery Leader has never served in that calling before maybe she is unsure of what is expected of her. Perhaps she has been told to take a crying child back to the mother. Maybe if you could sort something out with someone else in there to help so that she can either teach the lesson and someone take care of the crying child until they settle, or vice versa.